@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me cover
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

punishmenthurts

@[email protected]

late hatched Autist invader on the Wet Coast of Canada, child of the 60s and believed it all. The Hatching is sprinkled through both blogs, and the theory starts with spanking in 2014 and evolves to what, I guess The Antisocialization Theory of Neurodiversity or something by now - but don't try to read it all, it's a mess. Just ask me.

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olena , to ActuallyAutistic group
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

Speaking of joking.
When I was young, pretty often when I wanted to make a joke, I was too embarrassed to do that personally, so instead of joking directly, I’d add “as one of my friends says…”, or “as I’ve read recently…”(obviously, there were no friend and no book, it was just some snarky comment I came up with and desperately wanted to drop). I didn’t do that with serious things, it was just a way to slip in a joke - because doing it openly felt too daring for some reason.
When I got older, I used to do it less and less often, and now (almost?) don’t do that (probably?), but I still don’t quite understand why I was: what it was actually for, why did I need, what it was supposed to solve.
Is this also some thing? Something related to RSD? Part of autistic masking? Or just my own weird thing?
@actuallyautistic

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@olena @actuallyautistic
manufacturing support and consensus, I like it 😘
you invented bots before anybody 😀
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(seriously, if that's what it takes, do it ❤️ )

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@olena @actuallyautistic
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there's gotta be some upside to this divergence. TY.

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

Does anyone else have surging electric?

I thought somebody had changed a light bulb in my bathroom, but it was just stronger electric. It explains why my air conditioner and refrigerator intermittently grind and chug up and down.

I'm in a residential hotel, and chalking it up to extra draw from somebody earlier in the circuit. Like when the people downstairs take a shower, mine gets colder.

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@Uair @actuallyautistic
on anything but a great feed, an inductive load, fans, will cause a dearth, it’s common for the lights to dull as the A/C comes on.
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Extrapolating from that. a building with one in every room might just see those effects spread out and happening with nothing coming on in your room?

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@Uair @dweebish @actuallyautistic
gawd, the cheap new fridge in here is noisy as Hell, and it’s s motors and strain and fluids - it seems to be straining with digestion, sounds like the “something,” from the Pepto commercial . 😈🤣

melindrea , to ActuallyAutistic group
@melindrea@beige.party avatar

Speaking of visiting family ... I had a slightly amusing experience when I friday visited with family due to graduation.

I'm quite openly @actuallyautistic (as I'm sure none of you are aware <.<), and while I'm the only one that's diagnosed, we're pretty sure at least one of my niblings are, that my dad was and that maybe my mom was (she had traits, so could be with lots of masking, or could not be).

We were discussing food habits and I mentioned that I didn't use to like mushrooms when I was younger until my mom misread a recipe and minced the mushrooms finely so that I couldn't pick up on the texture. I loved the flavour of it (but didn't have words for the texture aversion). My oldest nibling looks at me, chuckles softly and goes "how did no one realise earlier that you were autistic?!?"

Which, I explained a bit on what was going on. And that I'm torn on whether I would've wanted to be know earlier. On one hand, it would've saved me a lot of pain ... but on the other, it would've added a whole new type of complications.

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@melindrea @sunguramy @actuallyautistic
I discovered that once, put the mushrooms in the food processor for a cream pasta sauce, no chunks, just flavour, and yes, excellent 👍

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@melindrea @sunguramy @actuallyautistic
but I don’t mind the texture, I can eat them any way at all.

Zumbador , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Zumbador@mefi.social avatar

@actuallyautistic
I'm visiting family, and wow am I deep in autistic denial territory.

Some of my younger relatives have approached me, asking about neurodivergence because I've been so open about my experience as a late realised autistic person. They're wondering about themselves and their parents.

The older people though, are unable to have that conversation. There are jokey, sidelong half acknowledgements that "there might be something going on" with them, but otherwise it's High Masking At All Times.

What I find difficult to deal with is the rather toxic judgemental attitudes.

So-and-so relative is "so picky about his food, he thinks it makes him important" or "how ridiculous, he doesn't like the too bright light in the bathroom" and all the while I can see them struggling to deal with the exact same difficulties they're judging in others.

It's so ingrained, I don't know if there's a way for them to find self acceptance.

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@Zumbador @mwl @actuallyautistic
try talking about normal people
instead, ask ‘em what’s wrong with the world what sort
of thinking they blame for everything, find a common enemy, sorta deal?

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@Zumbador @actuallyautistic
I might be the only one who thinks neurotype means what thoughts you have or something.
I feel like folks talk about how we think differently but never WHAT we think differently, like all the types have different methods but we’re all supposed to arrive at the same conclusions

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@axnxcamr @Zumbador @actuallyautistic
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❤️ TY.
I don’t think there’s one Autistic philosophy, but maybe there’s some NT ones we mostly don’t have or something

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@dpnash @Zumbador @actuallyautistic
I’m in my mid-sixties and I had mostly simply never heard of it. People were just R-worded back then, and as the term came to more common use, it just missed me, never came up.
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Should have, if my family had dealt with me, I guess.

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@ScottSoCal @dpnash @Zumbador @actuallyautistic
I’m good with letters too, less so with numbers. I never heard the R-word about myself.
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I’m actually looking at my report cards now, it was half about speech and numbers trouble early, then became what you say, a lot of, “if only he’d apply himself.”

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@ScottSoCal @dpnash @Zumbador @actuallyautistic
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I didn’t hear it and I think I bloody should have. Honestly, I’m claiming it now. 😈

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@JoBlakely @axnxcamr @Zumbador @actuallyautistic
my deal is, get the ideas in your head, especially masking and do the tests again - that settled it for me, that the less I worry about what are the “right,” answers, the higher my scores get. I don’t remember my numbers, and it doesn’t matter, they’re sort of just my masking numbers. But if they tend to rise by unmasking, then you’re masking, and you’re Autistic.
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Make any sense?

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@JoBlakely @axnxcamr @Zumbador @actuallyautistic
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also, when I told them to my spokeskid, they one-upped me, they had higher numbers - and I still think they’re not Autistic, I mean they’re my current main hater.
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So I suspect the tests can be fooled in less educational ways also. They’re soft tests, I guess is the point, so the process was the point for me, not the result.

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@JoBlakely @axnxcamr @Zumbador @actuallyautistic
This is me also. The people I was born among did not make me think I should be like them. ❤️

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@nellie_m @JoBlakely @axnxcamr @Zumbador @actuallyautistic
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and I suppose there are many things we think differently about, but I've boiled it all down to, well, everything I'm always saying, the main thing that convinced me was some, let's say, "extreme spanking (not of me)," where they talked about teaching the kid right from wrong and I just knew in my bones as a young'un that that does not make people "better." Same shit I'm still raving about always and right now in two other conversations. LOL.

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@Uair @nellie_m @JoBlakely @axnxcamr @Zumbador @actuallyautistic
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not sure if it's better or worse, both I guess, but I have for myself moved the get-go from three million or three hundred thousand years ago ahead to maybe fifteen thousand years ago, and also moved it onto "normal people," and off of us.
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I mean what is philosophy for if not to exempt oneself 😈

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@Uair @nellie_m @JoBlakely @axnxcamr @Zumbador @actuallyautistic
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I mean, three million years, that's maybe not blatantly non-viable, the planet was perhaps surviving some sorts of humans?

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@JoBlakely @Uair @nellie_m @axnxcamr @Zumbador @actuallyautistic
my point is if it's in the environment, it changes you.
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If your environment has say, lions, those you will want to avoid, but your life of avoiding them will change you, the gazelles get fast and the elephants get big and the buffalo try to stay together, they "avoid," but you can't avoid evolving.

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@JoBlakely @Uair @nellie_m @axnxcamr @Zumbador @actuallyautistic
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Ah, OK, no worries.
But same with spanking and cops, punishment schemes: you can often avoid the penalty (the lion), but the act of dealing with it still changes people, it is a real part of a real environment and despite what NT science seems to think regarding humans, evolution hasn't suddenly stopped just because we learned to read.
😀 ❤️

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@JoBlakely @Uair @nellie_m @axnxcamr @Zumbador @actuallyautistic
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I don't think I've yet made sense of the "landscape of fear," thing they discovered in Yellowstone as regards people, but there's something in there.
Teacher fantasy: make it somebody's homework assignment, LOL

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@JoBlakely @Uair @nellie_m @axnxcamr @Zumbador @actuallyautistic
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I have got an old one about it, reading that now. The basic idea is about how the presence of predators protects the prey's prey, the prey species' food, which in turn is something else's whole habitat . . . yeah, I only posed the question then, so I remembered that part right. Still an un-sounded rabbit hole.

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@woozle @Uair @nellie_m @JoBlakely @axnxcamr @Zumbador @actuallyautistic
it's the worst combination, the herd humans are the wolves, while the sheep are scattered about in small groups or alone 😘

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@JoBlakely @Uair @nellie_m @axnxcamr @Zumbador @actuallyautistic
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So, what's the metaphor, I'm saying the Police state is the predator, and we are the prey species, what does our fear protect, what is it we would theoretically over-control, over-consume if we didn't fear the police about it?
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/3
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I mean besides fun, amirite 😘

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@JoBlakely @Uair @nellie_m @axnxcamr @Zumbador @actuallyautistic
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I suppose nothing fucking good, is the point, there is a landscape of fear alright, but not a functional one, no wonder there's no figuring out what that function might be.
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The answer is just anarchism, all this landscape of fear protects is a caste of human parasites?
.
/4

punishmenthurts , to ActuallyAutistic group
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

how to tell my sisters that the Chalice and the Blade does not lay the fault of the world on men like me but on Neurotypicals like them?
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I’m trying to create a re-popularization of that book. There’s almost no sense in writing my own about it, I can just write a new introduction and conclusion to that and we’re pretty much done. ❤️
.

@actuallyautistic

punishmenthurts , to ActuallyAutistic group
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

one thing about hatching, about the ‘tism, is that I no longer have any hope that anything I think about the world matters, that just because it makes sense to me doesn’t mean it does to anyone else, in fact it’s the reverse, if I think it, I can be assured it’s not going anywhere.
.
Good luck with the multiple existential disasters, folks, let me know how it went. It’s clear nothing I say or do is going to matter.
.

@actuallyautistic

punishmenthurts OP ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@woozle @actuallyautistic ❤️

punishmenthurts , to ActuallyAutistic group
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

That argument I’ve had three times now, the experience of that has convinced me. I mean it’s a thing I’ve said many times, and I “believed,” it, but having hit that brick wall three times so quickly and so similarly, I guess I’ve proven it, as close to beyond a doubt as I ever get about anything - and I’m as arrogant an aspie prick as you’d care to meet, I’m pretty sure of myself in these matters generally, so that is saying something.
.
I think I’m at Zero Doubt, like the guy said on the UFO pod this week.
.
The majority mind really does have evolution in the myth section, as an origin story, something that happened in the Before Time.
.
They really carry on as though basic causality doesn’t exist in the present, as though we are not changing today, indeed as though we cannot change anymore.
.
So rather than stop grinding, they say, “Don’t let the (grinder) grind you down.”
“Fight the evolution,” they say. “Don’t let the environment shape you.”
.
The world isn’t the boss of you, is it?
.

@actuallyautistic

Richard_Littler , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Richard_Littler@mastodon.social avatar

It's summertime and, as is the tradition, all my neighbours' kids are outside screaming/shrieking relentlessly in a pitch that only dogs (and, as it turns out, autistics) can hear.
'Tis the season of the almighty noise-cancelling headphone.


@actuallyautistic

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@Emmacox @Richard_Littler @actuallyautistic
been there. the people upstairs with full time jobs decide they should have a puppy, poor thing alone and barking all day 💔

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@Emmacox @Richard_Littler @actuallyautistic
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like, dogs are bred not to be alone, bred for the bonding properties, and then that. People. 😈

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

all autistic people are different

what works for one (or many) of us won't necessarily work for you

what works for you won't necessarily work for others

telling people to shut their mouths and stop speaking because YOU don't relate to it isn't helpful

also - pretending that your way is the only way increases imposter syndrome in others

what happened to "you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person"?

@actuallyautistic

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic
it’s not a very solid framing, because the real causality in human life mostly resides in Allistics and their traits and abilities/disabilities.
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I get it, we can’t really go on offence, but it leaves us on shaky foundations, logically.

filmfreak75 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@filmfreak75@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic i do a lot of meeting requests and receive a lot of emails that start like this:

"Good morning!

I hope you all had excellent weekends.”

I start mine like this, and because of this, am considered an asshole:

“[Name] would like to set up a one hour call on this topic. Please let me know if any of the following times work:”

…because heaven forbid we be efficient and clear in our communication

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@filmfreak75 @actuallyautistic
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you don't want me trying to conform to that.
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"Hope you all had great weekends! Well, except Brad. I hope Brad spent it in an ER waiting room. Anyway -"

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@filmfreak75 @actuallyautistic .
I get it. Just saying, if I tried to do it their way, I would surely find a way to screw it up, go too far or something. ❤️

Zumbador , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Zumbador@mefi.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

Here's something that causes friction between me and my family.

Someone asks me to make a decision about something I don't have a strong preference, but they want me to have a preference.

"do you want x or y? "

Saying "I don't care" comes across as rude, and even softening it as "I don't really have a preference" or turning it back to them by saying "what do you think?" isn't appreciated. They want me to care.

I understand that they want me to choose so they don't have to do that emotional labour. That's fair. But often when I do choose (at random), they try to change my mind, and then I'm back to square one because I don't really care, and I don't want to lie!

A honest answer would be "I'm depressed, I don't want to exist. Putting on a polite face is taking up all my effort, expecting me to actually care is beyond my capacity"

But that's too heavy for most interactions.

I'm not sure what I'm asking for here, just writing it out.

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@Zumbador @ScottSoCal @actuallyautistic
LOOOOVE that

punishmenthurts , to ActuallyAutistic group
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

I thought I wanted to be a writer and write fiction and I’ve had all sorts of theories about why I couldn’t and didn’t, but I suppose neurotyoe settles it, what fiction is, the purpose of it, the formats and the rules, what a story is, is all Allistic.
I mean, they have their idea of conflict and conflict resolution, don’t they.
.
I’d be trying to “change the game,” or some shit and wondering why nobody bought it. 🙄😀
.

@actuallyautistic

punishmenthurts OP ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@voxofgod @actuallyautistic
I want to argue but I'm tired.
Both these things are true in different conversations

AlexSanterne , to AcademicChatter group
@AlexSanterne@astrodon.social avatar

Modern is perversed.

@academicchatter

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@AlexSanterne @academicchatter
evolution, Baby 😀

punishmenthurts , to ActuallyAutistic group
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

I think when that guy said, "He who has ears to hear, let him hear," (I say "they," when I say it), that he was talking about the pesher, like Theiring said, but it sure would be nice if I could think it was about neurotype.
It works for it, like really well. 😇
.
But no, I mean, why would it have been, what possible context. Oh well, ya can't win 'em all.
.

@actuallyautistic

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

I finally figured it out!

https://open.substack.com/pub/poloniousmonk/p/finally-my-life-makes-some-kind-of?r=1xr9v7&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@MxVerda @Uair @actuallyautistic
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I have this theory that everybody feels forever and unfairly put upon and that the world is full of delusional people who blame trans people for it, and queer people for it, and brown people for it and Obama for it and China for it and people of various religions for it and that's like half the country, most of which are not in treatment for this 😇

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@MxVerda @Uair @actuallyautistic
.
I had my theory about childrearing that led me there, I wasn't thinking about paranoia when I saw that every spanked person likely feels this way, but that train of thought, Antisocialization Theory, just keeps giving and giving.
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It doesn't mean some folks couldn't use some help, of course. But I suspect uair is way ahead of us about all that.

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@MxVerda @Uair @actuallyautistic
.
if anyone is able to follow this, for me, the big point, the Big Autistic Point, is that for all those "normal" bigots and for people with wild stories like this, IT IS THE SAME FUNCTION, the same function that pretty much everyone goes through - but if you don't know about it, one looks, "normal," and one looks classic mad.
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We haven't even looked at values yet, which one is harmful, or more harmful, and that's not a slam dunk for the normal version.

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@MxVerda @Uair @actuallyautistic
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my own biography, which I think is real, isn't all that much easier to believe, and despite that I do, I still find it . . . ridiculous, like can it really be true, and even if it's "true," is it really part of reality? Do I really have to deal with it?
.
I'll try to lay it out:
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My mother lied to me and maybe to a lot of people about my origins, about my being a Thalidomide baby - there's some low odds right there, there are supposed to be some one hundred Thalidomide victims in Canada, of a population of thirty-some million. It wasn't even approved here, so the first thing has long odds.
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Dad was odd man out in the family, Mom and her sisters and my sisters all hated him, and poisoned me against him and I have since come to believe that I have his Autism, so they separated my Autistic Dad from his kids, separated me from my Autistic Dad and kept me for themselves, like a pet, like a little Autistic Thalidomide baby R-word, alone among the Neurotypicals.
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Autistics aren't allowed families, we don't deserve our own children, this is how it has been for my Dad, and also for me, the same thing happened to me, the ex hated me and the kids grew up hating me and blaming me, same same.
.
And then the kids showed up Autistic, so it's happened to them too, Autistic kids aren't allowed access to their Autistic Dad, so somebody or something for some reason has done to me what uair says, dogged my steps, always been there to make sure I don't make any human contacts.
.
I totally relate. 💔 ❤️
.

@actuallyautistic

kkffoo , to ActuallyAutistic group
@kkffoo@mastodon.social avatar

I found this way of looking at autistic and allistic communication preferences quite clear and interesting. https://youtu.be/H6Wf8Q3e6lg?si=acKu3fQaGPyEy9bf
@actuallyautistic

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@callunavulgaris @joshourisman @kkffoo @actuallyautistic
nothing personal or anything, but that reality is the majority's third priority means we're all completely buggered.
.
That anyone has to apologize to them for anything is just so totally wrong.

Dr_Obvious , to ActuallyAutistic group German

@actuallyautistic
I don't know if it's related to the hypo-/hypersensitivity topic, stimulation or whatsoever. But I really like strong tasting stuff. Spicy, salty, hot, sour, complex, whatsoever.

After just now taking a sip from a pickle glass it came to my mind that I even took shots of vinegar in the past, because I liked the taste. I considder it so odd that I wondered if anybody out there did it too.

Did you ever fancied a shot of vinegar?

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@sillyCoelophysis @Dr_Obvious @Konstantin @actuallyautistic
It’s a test for acid problems, if the vinegar feels good, you’re OK, maybe alkaline, if it hurts, you got maybe too much acid, right?

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@Dr_Obvious @sillyCoelophysis @Konstantin @actuallyautistic
that, but also, I read it somewhere and it makes some sense that if you’re hurting, it’s just a simple
test, more acid, more hurt might tell you acid was the problem. I never bought into the alkaline body idea much, but I have acid problems.

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

What do my comrades do to practice self-care when there is no way whatsoever to have your needs met or triggers removed?

@actuallyautistic

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic
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self medication. Sorry, sort of.

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

What’s the biggest myth about autism that my comrades have come across in the course of their self-advocacy?

@actuallyautistic

punishmenthurts ,
@punishmenthurts@neurodifferent.me avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic
that any sort of brain damage by any sort of agent should be called, "Autism," by whoever is testing whatever bloody drug and who can't bloody know their mice are "Autistic," and they probably don't know what Autism is themselves - it just SOUNDS smarter that "brain damage."
.
This cheap editor's trick is very bad news. 😈

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