I don’t operate the world putting everything into defined folders and boxes of clear tree-like structure (like I do on my laptop).
I operate the world by slapping infinite amount of tags on everything (which do not exist independently like in some tag cloud, but are rather interconnected in their own ways), and then tag-filtering or pulling the chain of tags when I need.
Sure, from outside that looks like a totally random chaotic pile, but it has its own structure, just the structure is different to what is usually pictured as a structure.
Just realized that spending time with people I know, including - no, especially! - family, drains me out so much not because of all the activities, noise, planning and plans being neglected and all those things, but because of masking. Like, 95% of my energy goes to masking, to staying within acceptable range. Internalizing the meltdown that happened because of being overwhelmed takes more energy than actually dealing with being overwhelmed. Having plans established when I offered going without a plan, than changed, than cancelled, than uncancelled, than changed again and the day ruined is hard, but being smily and kind and attentive, and fun and creative after that is much more draining.
I know why most of us hate being observed: because if observed, we have to mask harder - so instead of doing the task itself and dedicating all of us to it, we have to use a lot of energy to constantly control the way we’re perceived to make sure the mask didn’t slip.
“Don’t assume, ask” - is the approach I share. However, there are many people to whom asking seems like something rude and inappropriate. And those people would assume.
The thing is, I am one of those people that usually can’t be accurately assumed: if you’d think a person that does this and this would also do that, the one who likes this and this would hate that and so on - most probably, I’d not follow that pattern. For that very reason I’ve been called ‘eclectic’, or less politely - ‘messy’, ‘illogical’, and all sorts of weird - most of my life, and for that very reason some people are kinda afraid of me: they can’t predict because their assumptions aren’t correct.
In turn, for me it’s very frustrating/confusing to see that someone is offended by me asking directly instead of assuming because all I want is to avoid any misunderstanding and clarify things.
I feel like #AuDHD is quite an eclectic thing per se(due to some #autism aspects looking from a certain point of view as opposite to those of #ADHD), so maybe that is the key to me being so, well, contradictory in eyes of other people.
I wonder, if that asking is just #autistic desire to have things clear and precise, or assuming/asking divide does not correspond to the NT/ND one #neurodivergent @actuallyautistic
Often, I relate to ND vids but this one has me doubting. I do have autopilot for bedtime routine or shower routine etc, only if it gets interrupted I might forget a step 🤔 So is this universal? So many in the comments relate to the wife on this one, I know it's a spectrum, but can this be used to rule stuff out? Yeah, I'm still out here swinging back and forth pendulum style 🫠 #neurodivergent#autism@actuallyautistic@autisticadvocacy
Literally said this thing to my partner today when explaining how I never enjoyed the non-conseual sexual banter out of the blue from 'dude friends'..I still wonder, are autistics also more likely to be #demisexual ? As this feels definitely connected for me. I was welcomed and included socially, #highmasking but it did often feel like others were having more fun than me. This vid satisfied my wondering why. #neurodivergent @actuallyautistic@autisticadvocacy
"In our first episode of the Autism and Intimacy podcast, Candice shares the diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum including what symptoms are often expressed but not in the DSM V. She and her husband Chris also talk about a recent communication issue they had and how they have learned to effectively tackle her issues with both sensory overload and communication mishaps. Enjoy!"
I don’t have nostalgia. I don’t miss places. I may remember them vividly, and love something about them, and hold it dear in my heart, but when I leave - I don’t want to come back.
Actually, I feel rather bad if for some reason I have to. Because the place has already changed. Because I have already changed. Because we’re out of sync now(if we ever were). Because I don’t belong. And seeing that hurts actually way more than just not returning.
Maybe it has something to do with the lack of object permanence. Maybe it is more about that autistic refusal to accept the reality which differs from expectations. Inside, I feel like a kid having a meltdown in the middle of the shopping mall because the toy they got was not 100% what they imagined it was going to be. No place is what you remember when you return after leaving. Maybe that’s the reason.
Is it something other #neurodivergent people also experience often? Do you feel nostalgic often or refuse to get back?
Speaking of joking.
When I was young, pretty often when I wanted to make a joke, I was too embarrassed to do that personally, so instead of joking directly, I’d add “as one of my friends says…”, or “as I’ve read recently…”(obviously, there were no friend and no book, it was just some snarky comment I came up with and desperately wanted to drop). I didn’t do that with serious things, it was just a way to slip in a joke - because doing it openly felt too daring for some reason.
When I got older, I used to do it less and less often, and now (almost?) don’t do that (probably?), but I still don’t quite understand why I was: what it was actually for, why did I need, what it was supposed to solve.
Is this also some #neurodivergent thing? Something related to RSD? Part of autistic masking? Or just my own weird thing? @actuallyautistic
Of all the avatars I’ve ever used, my favourite was made of a bit of MRI of my own brain.
Part of the satisfaction was to have long discussions with moderators saying the avatar is supposed to show the person - and arguing that the brain is actually what I am as a person, not my face.
I pretty often enjoy finding different ‘well, technically…’ loopholes, though mostly not for exploiting them, but for the sheer joy of pointing them to someone and chucking together over such a joke.
This, together with puns, together with all “imagine this and this, wouldn’t it technically be that?” type of jokes is basically my favourite genre of humor.
And my relationship with humor is kinda complicated: I love funny things, but I often don’t find pure comedies funny(while can have a good chuckle in some straight-face side jokes in some procedurals or adventures), and the main reason is I don’t find it funny when someone struggles, someone is getting hurt, someone is ridiculed or put in an awkward/cringy situation. Someone falling isn’t funny, someone failing isn’t funny, someone put in a situation when they are clearly experiencing fear, shame or disgust isn’t funny for me.
Maybe I just empathize too much: imagining myself in their place makes me want to run away, hide, stop existing, so I just can’t feel any fun there.
But give me a good chuckle with an unexpected pun, give me those “technically..” jokes, give me clever side remarks - that may be soo funny!
Basically, for me, in all the movies, books, shows:
Chuckle > laugh
Maybe it has something to so with RSD and fear to be laughed at(based on previous experiences)
Is it something common among #neurodivergent folks? I imagine it may have something to do with #autism and affective empathy?
What is your relationships with different kinds of humor?
I'm not surprised by the result they discuss in the following article. I think self-awareness of our conditions is critical for neurodivergent folks to have a chance at flourishing.
Here's the Scientific American article making this argument:
I think self-awareness is important, but I sure hope that people don't get from this that once a neurodivergent kid knows about their own condition, everything is solved.
I'm autistic, yes. I know my limitations, yes. I still need to nap a few times a day, I suffer from insomnia, and I don't aim to return to an office. This does not change from the fact that I know about my conditions.
In it I talk about the healing powers of creativity and provide practical tips, based on my own experience, for using the creative process for the upkeep of mental wellness and therapy for mental illness.
@actuallyautistic
Do not complain. If you never lived on the street for a while, if you weren't admitted to a psychiatric hospital for a while. If you didn't spend some years living in boarding houses, eating little and badly. If you didn't have a year of your life that you barely remember what happened or what you did and you ate every 3 or 4 days. If you didn't spend 6 or 7 long hours suffering from extreme anxiety attacks before going to the hospital to get an injection. If you didn't spend years of your life without sleeping more than 3 hours a day. If you did not experience dangerous situations because you got involved in affairs and jobs without thinking about the risks. If you didn't travel to other countries in a precarious way because you didn't realize it was dangerous.
That's all part of being bipolar, autistic, and gifted without knowing it, without having a diagnosis for many years of your life. It is part of having tried to be what one cannot be and not being what by nature one cannot help being.
All of these things and many more that I don't like to tell are part of this neurodivergent inner world that gave me a deep major depression when I couldn't take it anymore and from which it took me almost 10 years to recover. Although I can't really talk about recovery because the person I was before that has already died and what I can be now remains.
It's not fun to live like this, it's not funny, cool or an adventure. It's a complete shit life. The only thing that sustained me was that as compensation, nature granted me a high intellectual capacity and great resilience, without which I would not have survived even early childhood.
The wisdom that one accumulates by learning from suffering goes hand in hand with the need for solitude and silence and is the mother of low sociability and a strong awareness of the absurdity of life in general and human life in particular.
Don't get caught up in the alienation that rages in the world. My plans for my future years are to move further and further away from social life. And once I can retire, dedicate myself to what I like for the rest of the trip.
If the world and its herds run in one direction, go the opposite way.
Please stop with the euphemisms. We know what we are, we don't need it explained to us. It is patronising when people try and define our identity for us.
Newest episode of #InTheKaleidoscope went up on Monday. A podcast wherein ND parent (me) and NT adult child (her) discover stuff about each other.
We got to a really interesting place. I'm fascinating with what I'm learning about her. And she says she always wanted to be autistic. Well, we didn't have that word back then. But she wanted to be like me. To have a brain like mine. Which I guess is a usual thing for a kid to want? To be like their parent? But how much she wanted it surprised me. That she even noticed what my brain was like surprised me. Anyway, give it a listen.
I don't have the spoons to explain why I feel my neurodivergence is making this worse, but I need feedback or insight from other ND people on a unique experience. This will be a long thread (added in replies) but I'm hopeful there will be a few kind readers who either relate or have something supportive to share.
Here goes:
1/ @actuallyautistic@actuallyaudhd #recoveringfromreligion #LateDiagnosedAutism #actuallyautistic#neurodivergent
but so far, online spaces seem to feel the safest. I think being in a high demand religion with insta-friends masked some of my limits in socializing or maintaining friendships. Literally 4 to 5 in person 'friend groups' I attempted to engage in over the post faith years, all imploded 1-2 yrs later. I'm starting to fear I'll never have connections that survive beyond that now
3/
(despite having 15-20 yr friendships before leaving.)
When you lose your entire support system, and you see red flags of manipulation or non-reciprocation miles away.... somedays it feels like I just have to accept that freedom of mind has to be enough, cuz trusting relationships was the price...
4/
but here I am, trying to have spaces to find connection and ASD or post religion spaces seems to be the safest 🤔 (every time I decide to leave exreligious spaces from deconstruction topic burnout, I find my way back because its the place I find like minded people) I guess I'm just here to vent about how f*cking terribly cruel shunning is.
5/