@Uair@actuallyautistic Dude, that was a hard read. And even if it's all true, writing like that is so self-absorbed you're not going to connect with anyone. If you can't reach out to people where they're at, you're going to keep banging your head against a wall. Maybe for now you forget the NSA and just build a life with genuine connections using the thought-language those people need.
@Uair@actuallyautistic I’m not an expert (and the NSA hacking scandal turned out to be real, plus any profit motive incentivises awful behaviour) but generally, there are simpler explanations for things.
Even if all of it (altho frankly, I cannot follow your writing) is literally, precisely, and inarguably true (which won’t apply to what I write either, or anyone else),
You can effect changes for the better more easily with help than on your own.
Like, I can’t diagnose and force fossil fuel CEOs to go to therapy, but I can network with other people who see climate chaos brewing and support protest actions. Maybe even systemic change if we’re lucky.
I can’t force you to do anything, but I can say I’m better able to move my body around the house on antidepressants.
Whatever’s causing your adrenal spikes, it sounds like trauma or at least panic. Regardless of external factors, there are trauma-informed mindfulness and other therapies to reduce the strain on your body.
Long-term exposure to cortisol might increase inflammation as it dampens your immune system response, leaving you vulnerable to infection, chronic illness, or autoimmune disease.
Like, burnout is seriously detrimental, dude.
A stranger on the internet is asking you to look after your physical and mental health, please.
@MxVerda@Uair@actuallyautistic
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I have this theory that everybody feels forever and unfairly put upon and that the world is full of delusional people who blame trans people for it, and queer people for it, and brown people for it and Obama for it and China for it and people of various religions for it and that's like half the country, most of which are not in treatment for this 😇
@MxVerda@Uair@actuallyautistic
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I had my theory about childrearing that led me there, I wasn't thinking about paranoia when I saw that every spanked person likely feels this way, but that train of thought, Antisocialization Theory, just keeps giving and giving.
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It doesn't mean some folks couldn't use some help, of course. But I suspect uair is way ahead of us about all that.
@MxVerda@Uair@actuallyautistic
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if anyone is able to follow this, for me, the big point, the Big Autistic Point, is that for all those "normal" bigots and for people with wild stories like this, IT IS THE SAME FUNCTION, the same function that pretty much everyone goes through - but if you don't know about it, one looks, "normal," and one looks classic mad.
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We haven't even looked at values yet, which one is harmful, or more harmful, and that's not a slam dunk for the normal version.
@MxVerda@Uair@actuallyautistic
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my own biography, which I think is real, isn't all that much easier to believe, and despite that I do, I still find it . . . ridiculous, like can it really be true, and even if it's "true," is it really part of reality? Do I really have to deal with it?
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I'll try to lay it out:
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My mother lied to me and maybe to a lot of people about my origins, about my being a Thalidomide baby - there's some low odds right there, there are supposed to be some one hundred Thalidomide victims in Canada, of a population of thirty-some million. It wasn't even approved here, so the first thing has long odds.
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Dad was odd man out in the family, Mom and her sisters and my sisters all hated him, and poisoned me against him and I have since come to believe that I have his Autism, so they separated my Autistic Dad from his kids, separated me from my Autistic Dad and kept me for themselves, like a pet, like a little Autistic Thalidomide baby R-word, alone among the Neurotypicals.
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Autistics aren't allowed families, we don't deserve our own children, this is how it has been for my Dad, and also for me, the same thing happened to me, the ex hated me and the kids grew up hating me and blaming me, same same.
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And then the kids showed up Autistic, so it's happened to them too, Autistic kids aren't allowed access to their Autistic Dad, so somebody or something for some reason has done to me what uair says, dogged my steps, always been there to make sure I don't make any human contacts.
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I totally relate. 💔 ❤️
. #ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic
@Uair@actuallyautistic I don’t think you’re fully delusional. I worry you might be, but more than any of that, I’m sad you can’t access healthcare.
Whether or not assassins are after you, your body will be responding to that as if they are.
That’s a lot of stress to live through.
I realise this probably sounds condescending, but that’s not my intent.
It’s just the adrenal thing you mentioned: it reminds me of how people with (icr if it’s ptsd or what) whichever thingy end up crashing and sometimes with permanent damage because their organs didn’t have a chance to rest.
Naah, it was just one assassin. She said she worked with an NGO taking out the worst of the sexual predators. Had a purse full of bullets but kept her gun elsewhere.
As for the trauma response, yes. Saturday I had a big bleary spot occlude about 1/3 of my vision. I'm pretty sure that was a burst blood vessel in the brain. This is taking years off my life, but at least I'm allowed blood pressure meds now. I wasn't for years. Or covid boosters.
@Uair@actuallyautistic any single part of that sounds incredibly stressful, much less all of it.
I need to go to bed (and I’m not a therapist anyway, but even if I were, it’d be ridiculously unethical to do sessions in public, without informed consent etc etc).
To reiterate: I can’t make you do anything (and frankly, I don’t think sectioning is a pleasant experience or helps people more than it makes everyone else feel happy they’re institutionalised)
But I will remind you that Samaritans exists.
idk your country but Mind, Rethink Mental Illness, CALM, and Scope are all UK options, along with NHS 111.
It’s entirely possible you are correct about most or everything. Like I said, world’s big and rich people suck. I’m more coming at this from the “whoa, your body does NOT sound healthy rn” perspective.
I’m not qualified (or even mentally sound, if I’m entirely honest) to gauge anything other than “you are heading for autoimmune diseases if you don’t take breaks and figure out how to relax.”
I’m speaking from frustrated, exhausted experience.
Assassin (singular) or not, Idk and I don’t claim to.
I just want people to be happy and healthy, and if you are serious about wanting to change the world, any sustainable effort MUST start with looking after your health.
Yeah, I know this is killing me. Thank you for looking out for me. I'm american, so none of your supports are available.
I know my writing is inchoate. I've been alone waaay too long, and can't do linear thinking any more. I'm AuDHD, if you know what that is. Linear thinking was always tough. Plus, I'm emotionally redlined most of the time.
I do try to take care of myself. I quit smoking and even cut out caffeine. I eat healthily. Everything but sleep.
@Uair@actuallyautistic same, altho I always see audhhd (argh) spelled a new way each time. And that’s really good! I haven’t cut out caffeine and my kidneys are griping at me for it.
I’ll look up inchoate tomorrow.
Uhhhh, fuck idk what US people have.
If you struggle to get restful or any sleep, it could be insomnia or panic / hormonal imbalance (again, regardless of cause. We all know about the umbrella-radiation thing).
But if you don’t feel a need to sleep, that could be a sign of bipolar?
Can’t stress enough I’m not a clinician. I’ve just spent many, many hours trying to figure out what’s “wrong” / different about my brain.
I disagree with their categorisation of PTSD or OCD as personality disorders (altho PDs have their own galaxy of stigma attached, unfortunately), but a good starting point is https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/ ?
If you’ve correctly recognised a pattern in how you’re being treated, it can’t hurt to know how other people might categorise you, right?
Again, from experience, even something like depression can be wielded as an insult to discredit allegations of abuse (yay, my mom is a traumatised person stuck as a toddler-adult, projecting her issues onto me as a strawperson for my siblings to assume the worst of!)
But I still think diagnosis and seeking help (and eveeeennnnntually getting any - lol) was the best choice for me.
Aaaaugh this is so wordy.
TL;DR: Che Guevara good. Not advocating for your rights (not “bad”, but not ideal either).
No condescension or cruelty intended, but impact is more important than intent.
I very much want to sleep. I'm allowed to sleep from 12:30 to 4:30 am. I wake up with a jolt within a few minutes of 4:30 every day. Throughout the day I lie down and struggle to sleep, but the moment I drop off my heart starts racing.
My dad's a self-hating autist. He scapegoats me for everything he denies in himself. It's impenetrable. This trait explains the persistence of the vaccines-cause-autism conspiracy. Autistic people will believe anything rather
If you can’t sleep, lying down and resting in a dark room at a comfortable temperature is the next best thing. It’s important not to clock-watch, if you can avoid it?
I’m going to take my own advice and go lie down with an hour or two of podcasts queued up to play.
(PBS Spacetime playlists on youtube are the next best thing, I find.)