@Uair@autistics.life avatar

Uair

@[email protected]

I have no hole into which you can pigeon me. I'm unique. Just like everyone else.

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Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

The pen is mightier than the sword.
The gun is mightier than the pen.
The printing press is mightier than the gun.
The nuclear bomb is mightier than the printing press.
The internet is mightier than the nuclear bomb.

What's next?

olena , to ActuallyAutistic group
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

“Don’t assume, ask” - is the approach I share. However, there are many people to whom asking seems like something rude and inappropriate. And those people would assume.
The thing is, I am one of those people that usually can’t be accurately assumed: if you’d think a person that does this and this would also do that, the one who likes this and this would hate that and so on - most probably, I’d not follow that pattern. For that very reason I’ve been called ‘eclectic’, or less politely - ‘messy’, ‘illogical’, and all sorts of weird - most of my life, and for that very reason some people are kinda afraid of me: they can’t predict because their assumptions aren’t correct.
In turn, for me it’s very frustrating/confusing to see that someone is offended by me asking directly instead of assuming because all I want is to avoid any misunderstanding and clarify things.
I feel like is quite an eclectic thing per se(due to some aspects looking from a certain point of view as opposite to those of ), so maybe that is the key to me being so, well, contradictory in eyes of other people.
I wonder, if that asking is just desire to have things clear and precise, or assuming/asking divide does not correspond to the NT/ND one

@actuallyautistic

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@olena @actuallyautistic

I pretty much only communicate verbally. Nonverbal communication is learned young, and the only communication I got for too many years was "fuck off and die", and it wasn't delivered gently. I now have what I call "hint blindness". I think hint blindness is common in the bullied, and all autistic people got bullied.

This is one of those things I can't sort the chicken from the egg as far as how I ended up this way. Autism, ADHD, and cPTSD all walk the same path.

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic @books

Pretty cool essay on art and artistry. Medium-long.

https://poeticoutlaws.substack.com/p/the-candle-in-the-rib-cage-an-open

NickEast , to reading group
@NickEast@geekdom.social avatar

jPod
I would recommend this book to anyone who has ever worked in IT. Especially, executives and managers.
Also, to anyone who has parents that are incompetent mosters (Incompemonsters TM) and need YOU to fix THEIR problems 😂

@reading @bookstodon @bookreviews




https://ramblingreaders.org/book/266333/s/jpod

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@NickEast @reading @bookstodon @bookreviews

One of my favorites. Coupeland's best, IMO.

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

I just checked the origin of an old joke about heaven and hell and found what turned out to be a really interesting time capsule of a 1989 newspaper. Totally worth a few minutes of your time.

https://www.newspapers.com/image/655978352/?clipping_id=69794931&fcfToken=eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJmcmVlLXZpZXctaWQiOjY1NTk3ODM1MiwiaWF0IjoxNzE4MTgwMjY5LCJleHAiOjE3MTgyNjY2Njl9.V4lAS58Zd-WQdg-sfK4qGs9S_OJ7vVywGLSOiaxT3Dg

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

Well, I've gotten maybe eight hours of broken crappy sleep in the past three days. I was just drifting off when my computer chimed. I said aloud, to an empty room, "I thought of that before I started dropping off, but I figured I'd give you guys the benefit of the doubt". Then i silenced my speakers and lay back down. Heart pounding and ears gonging, of course.

When I'm this tired I drift pretty quick and about five minutes later I was dropping off again when I got a knock on my door. 12:45 AM. It's some creepy biker dude from downstairs. Loves jesus and has a flyer about how any equal rights legislation for women is an attack on his manhood. Heavy drug user. He asked for a puff of my joint once, but I don't share devices. I don't want herpes. So I smoked half of it and gave him the second half. He took one puff, choked really bad, and threw it away. Much later, I was having a rough day and tried to buy a little weed off him. I offered him five bucks for half a gram, he tried to sell me a quarter gram or less, and when he insisted I sniff it it smelled like a cigarette butt. I wanted to hold it to see how dry but he clenched it in his fist and insisted I give him five bucks first. Dude's a fuckhead and knows I don't like him.

Now he's standing at my door shifting from foot to foot. I ask him what's up, he says nothing. Shifts around again. I ask what he needs. He asks to use my bathroom. I let him come in and piss. When he comes out I ask him what's up and he just repeats, "I don't know, I don't know" and walks out the door.

I'm sooo tired of this shit. I hope there are real people out there in my feed who are learning this shit goes on. The cops/ feds/ spook agencies run everyone in my building. The guy next door knocks on my wall as I drift off to sleep, too.

Please. Just fucking shoot me. I deserve an honorable bullet. Not this garbage death.

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

I just wrote my first and last tweet. CC:

Y'all know trump is implanted, right? Obama's feds did it to him. It's pretty crude shit. They put something on his vagus nerve and in his adrenal glands, and probably a mic and monitor in a capped tooth.

I know because they practiced on me.

Now fuck off.

I'm thinking the only thing I can do to get out of this nightmare is precipitate his idiots attacking.I know the secret service are eager for a rematch.They've got some cool shit they showed me when I was in DC trying to get some civil rights.

Seriously--I saw a post today about how it's not going to be a big showdown and go back to normal, but america will become an asymmetric warzone like we used to do to dozens of countries a year.I didn't chime in then, but that poster doesn't have a grasp of the power of Big Data.I guaranfuckingteee the Biden admin knows to several decimal places who's actually dangerous and who isn't.Hell, I bet they've got half their firing pins filed down by now.

It's gonna be a short war.

I need to get it over with.

This life is impossible.

Can I come down off my cross now?Give me a drone, I'll happily fight on our side.I've been optimized for combat all my life.It's everything else at which I suck.Thanks, nixon/ kissinger/ reagan/ bush1&2. Clinton authorized taking me out. Trump tried to have me paralyzed. Obama had my fiancee raped in a parking lot. Fuck all of 'em.

It still remains to be seen whether being decent is worth it. It may be right that if you don't hate and rape and cause harm, you will be driven out of society, silenced, and tortured to death. We're at the FO stage of people who crime, but not criming doesn't seem to be an improvement. I was supposed to be a useful monster for the right wing like the rest of my family, but chose not to. Free will, baby.

I deserve an honorable bullet if you can't let a decent person model free will in public.

Don't make me do it some horrible way.

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

Update:

Well, it looks like I have confirmation they really do want me alive. There are three big trucks including a cherry picker outside my window just in case I slash my wrists.

Of course, they could always come knock on my door and talk to me, but I'm a public works project as well. They use me to practice on. What the hell. I hope they brought something to read.

I'm really tired of this.

Come knock up if you guys get hungry. I have good teevee in here. And books.

autism101 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@autism101@mstdn.social avatar

Do you have any clothing routines? I own eight gray plain t-shirts with no tags which I love. I often will just wear them over and over again.

@actuallyautistic

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@AutisticDoctorStruggles @autism101 @actuallyautistic

Is a "black band shirt" a tube top? My autistic ass can't think the words "tube top" without this popping up.

https://invidious.drgns.space/watch?v=krTlpVw4xGk

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@VulcanTourist @everythingalsocan @autism101 @actuallyautistic

Kinda random, but:

Boring people talk about events.

Average people talk about each other.

interesting people talk about ideas.

dramypsyd , to ActuallyAutistic group
@dramypsyd@ohai.social avatar

Dating while autistic problems 🤣

@actuallyautistic

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@arcadetoken @dramypsyd @actuallyautistic

I'm guessing it means "screw"?

I, too, have been known to get all frustrated. "Just watch the damn movie! It's one of my favorites. Not junk. It deserves your respect!"

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@arcadetoken @dramypsyd @actuallyautistic

My fiancee broke my balls over the "it deserves your respect" line for years.

The movie was Homegrown, 1998, an awesome one that I found on the shelf at Blockbuster. It's a lighthearted film noir about a field of pot with an ensemble cast that went straight to video. Best movie nobody saw.

full film:
https://invidious.drgns.space/watch?v=yG2cLf4EcIM

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@chevalier26@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Somehow got into an argument earlier about fractions with my parents, especially the fraction 15/16. I said that 7.5/8 is the same thing as 15/16, because they can be converted to each other by multiplying or dividing the numerator and denominator by 2.

My mom basically said, no, that's not right because it's not a "proper fraction" which doesn't make sense to me. The math checks out, and numerators can have decimal integers. Is there something I'm missing?

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@servelan @chevalier26 @actuallyautistic

I'm pretty sure language is math. The rules of grammar are a logical, mathematical construct.

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@katrinakatrinka @chevalier26 @uss_oatmeal @actuallyautistic

0.A?

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@wakame @ndvirons @chevalier26 @actuallyautistic

I say that only autistic people actually communicate in language. Normal people hear something akin to the bleating of livestock, and modulate their words whether they want to antagonize or soothe. I find this absurdly frustrating, especially since they never even tell me that's what they're doing. I call it, "throwing my words in the garbage".

Kurt Vonnegut said the content of almost all human conversation is, "I'm alive and so are you."

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@Havoc_online @punishmenthurts @servelan @ndvirons @chevalier26 @actuallyautistic

I think you just proved the whole point of the thread :)

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

Well, I've been awake long enough I can doze despite having a racing heart and pounding blood pressure from the adrenaline and cortisol. I silenced everything in my "home" and was dropping off for minutes at a time for a couple hours.

My building manager just pounded on my door to alert me that the city had to emergency shut off the water, and promised to return and cop knock again when it was back on. She didn't knock on any of my neighbor's doors. The water is fine. It was a lie to wake me up. Hell--the liquor store just opened, but I'm too fucked up to walk that far. They took all the weed out of the weed stores as well. I'll bleed instead.

When I met her, she made a big deal about honorable behavior. She's a good christian, and has about the same relationship to honorable behavior as The Donald.

I loaned her my flash drive because I have about the only copy of a netflix documentary they took out of the American catalog about five years ago. Maybe it's back now, but we weren't allowed to know what happens to our drone pilots for a while. I tried to do something nice for her since she was a drone pilot. Of course, she stole my flash drive.

So she kisses up and kicks down. Totally enjoying the cruelty she gets to inflict.

I'm so tired. I'm tired of this kind of crazy shit happening all the goddamn time. I'm tired of staying awake for five+ days on end. And I'm tired of being a universal scapegoat. I'm tired of being a dumping ground for everyone's cruelty. I need one ally.

I popped a blood vessel in my brain two weeks ago. My vision went all wonkey for a half hour.

I just want to die.

I'll tell ya--trumpers like this cunt are right. If you/don't/ rape, if you /don't/ hate, if you /don't/ cheerfully and arrogantly murder strangers, the state will simply torture you to death for setting a bad example.

Can I get off my cross now?

National Bird is worth watching if you are allowed:

https://invidious.drgns.space/watch?v=uuh09YDgIFE

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

Video game recommendation?

The original Deus Ex, which I never beat, or System Shock, which I never played?

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

I got Deus Ex. 1/3 the price.

Steam says it works with my controller, but I can't get it off keyboard/mouse controls.

Any thoughts?

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@xarvh @actuallyautistic

I clicked on the "console" tab and got a black screen. I saw no way to do anything from that tab.

I looked up something, but it wanted me to overwrite the firmware on my paddle. I'm not attempting that.

My L stick is my audio control, up/down only. I'm baffled. The screen's unplayably dark anyway. I can't see the ground.

My machine is weird. Win10, but it won't run Fallout 3 or 4. It runs new vegas and skyrim. I got scammed by a walmart seller.

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@xarvh @actuallyautistic

No worries.

I think I've already been down this road and returned the game.

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

Does anyone else have surging electric?

I thought somebody had changed a light bulb in my bathroom, but it was just stronger electric. It explains why my air conditioner and refrigerator intermittently grind and chug up and down.

I'm in a residential hotel, and chalking it up to extra draw from somebody earlier in the circuit. Like when the people downstairs take a shower, mine gets colder.

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@skippy442 @actuallyautistic

Ahhh, they're like step trolls.

You know, the little critters with the tunnel network that grab your shoe when you're not paying attention and cause you to apparently trip over nothing.

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@dweebish @actuallyautistic

I've started doing that. I flip the kitchen circuit breaker at night just 'cuz it's noisy.

Now that I've identified the problem, I'll start unplugging the A/C as best I can. Without a window that opens, I kinda need it.

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic @microfiction

I collected my Masto microfiction if anybody's interested in a blog post with 10 lil' stories, most under 500 chars:

https://open.substack.com/pub/poloniousmonk/p/some-microfiction?r=1xr9v7&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

Zumbador , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Zumbador@mefi.social avatar

@actuallyautistic
I'm visiting family, and wow am I deep in autistic denial territory.

Some of my younger relatives have approached me, asking about neurodivergence because I've been so open about my experience as a late realised autistic person. They're wondering about themselves and their parents.

The older people though, are unable to have that conversation. There are jokey, sidelong half acknowledgements that "there might be something going on" with them, but otherwise it's High Masking At All Times.

What I find difficult to deal with is the rather toxic judgemental attitudes.

So-and-so relative is "so picky about his food, he thinks it makes him important" or "how ridiculous, he doesn't like the too bright light in the bathroom" and all the while I can see them struggling to deal with the exact same difficulties they're judging in others.

It's so ingrained, I don't know if there's a way for them to find self acceptance.

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@nellie_m @JoBlakely @punishmenthurts @axnxcamr @Zumbador @actuallyautistic

You can't give a pack animal a mind. Humanity was a busted plan from the get-go.

olena , to ActuallyAutistic group
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

Of all the avatars I’ve ever used, my favourite was made of a bit of MRI of my own brain.
Part of the satisfaction was to have long discussions with moderators saying the avatar is supposed to show the person - and arguing that the brain is actually what I am as a person, not my face.
I pretty often enjoy finding different ‘well, technically…’ loopholes, though mostly not for exploiting them, but for the sheer joy of pointing them to someone and chucking together over such a joke.
This, together with puns, together with all “imagine this and this, wouldn’t it technically be that?” type of jokes is basically my favourite genre of humor.
And my relationship with humor is kinda complicated: I love funny things, but I often don’t find pure comedies funny(while can have a good chuckle in some straight-face side jokes in some procedurals or adventures), and the main reason is I don’t find it funny when someone struggles, someone is getting hurt, someone is ridiculed or put in an awkward/cringy situation. Someone falling isn’t funny, someone failing isn’t funny, someone put in a situation when they are clearly experiencing fear, shame or disgust isn’t funny for me.
Maybe I just empathize too much: imagining myself in their place makes me want to run away, hide, stop existing, so I just can’t feel any fun there.
But give me a good chuckle with an unexpected pun, give me those “technically..” jokes, give me clever side remarks - that may be soo funny!
Basically, for me, in all the movies, books, shows:
Chuckle > laugh
Maybe it has something to so with RSD and fear to be laughed at(based on previous experiences)
Is it something common among folks? I imagine it may have something to do with and affective empathy?
What is your relationships with different kinds of humor?

@actuallyautistic

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@olena @actuallyautistic

Thank you for asking!

I can't do slapstick. I'm far too cerebral, but I adore intelligent black humor. Life may be a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel, but it's a dark comedy for those of us who do both.

I was amazed nobody else could see the The Sopranos was funny. Or Fight Club. Go (1999) was freaking hilarious. Best car chase ever. Hardcore Henry and Nobody kept me laughing.

I also love good stand up. Jim Jefferies, old Sara Silverman, Carlin and Pryor and Bill Hicks.

Also books. Youth in Revolt by CD Payne is the funniest book you'll ever read. I've given it away over a hundred times and only got back glowing, LOL reviews. Terry Pratchett has a gentle, knowing humor. Douglas Adams is ever timely:

https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/162557-it-comes-from-a-very-ancient-democracy-you-see-you

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@olena @actuallyautistic

Yup, Cryptonomicon was awesome.

I loved Diamond Age as well. Couldn't finish Snow Crash, then he bloated too badly for me.

I'll check Reamde someday.

Oh yeah--jPod by Douglas Coupeland is truly hilarious.

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@IanThistlethwaite @olena @actuallyautistic

And Rick and Morty, first season only.

Family Guy and Simpsons had their day, but the bar kept getting raised.

Let me check what I have in storage...

Amelie, Delicatessen, BigBug...

Men in Black, mostly number three.

Zombieland: Double Tap.

The Toxic Avenger, although that's not for everyone. 80's outcast gays with a genuine rage at mainstream culture.

Suicide Kings.

Clerks1.

Homegrown (1998)

True Romance

American Vandal

Northern Exposure

Joan is Awful

Pushing Daisies

The Brink (HBO, 2015)

Anybody want to come watch video with me?

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@IanThistlethwaite @olena @actuallyautistic

Yeah, Catch-22 is awesome. I never read Godot. A Confederacy of Dunces is worth the time.

Heller's last book, A Portrait of the Artist as an Old Man is worth a minute. It's about a comic writer who'd peaked fifty years ago trying to recapture his elan by writing a sex farce.

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@IanThistlethwaite @olena @actuallyautistic

Cat's Cradle.

https://catscradle.neocities.org/

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@IanThistlethwaite @olena @actuallyautistic

Yeah, Tom Robbins! Skinny Legs and All.

John Irving as well, when he's on. I loved Garp.

I just discovered an old show called Arrested Development. Supposed to be pretty good.

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@IanThistlethwaite @olena @actuallyautistic

I'm getting Fallen Angels now :)

olena , to ActuallyAutistic group
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

Just was ‘diagnosed’ with anxiety today after talking to a psychiatrist for five minutes (I’m using quotes because it seems a bit too preliminary to me to diagnose whoever with whatever after about 5 minutes of general talk).
Came asking for and evaluation. Was totally ignored on that regard) Of course, didn’t have courage to ask again.

Was it so obvious? Was I just a walking stereotype: middle-aged woman from a war-thorn country living alone who voluntarily came to a psychiatrist(doesn’t matter what else she has, she can’t NOT be anxious)?
Or is it just a general experience of most of female-passing folks: to be seen as anxious, to have most of their symptoms attributed to (not like I was asked about any symptoms, but maybe have demonstrated some?)?

@actuallyautistic

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@cy @heartofcoyote @olena @actuallyautistic

What's your beef with benzos? I don't like them, but I'm curious about your take.

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@cy @heartofcoyote @olena @actuallyautistic

You sound pretty misinformed about them. I've taken my share, and know about pretty much all the recreational drugs. I don't like benzos because they last too long.

Addiction-wise, they're on the low end. Nicotine is the most addictive drug people do, the three powder drugs are all significantly more addictive than benzos...hell, I'd honestly say weed is more addictive.

They're pretty harmless, health wise. Alcohol is far, far worse than benzos. Really, the only thing I know that's wrong with them is the duration. They linger about 36 hours, but you forget you're on them. This can cause problems, especially if you're drinking the next day.

Oh--it's barbiturates that have the potentially lethal withdraw, but barbiturates were supplanted by benzos a long time ago.

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

Somebody broke into my home today.

They changed a light bulb I couldn't get at.

My life is bizarre.

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

Just bitchin'.

Man, I feel awful. My ears are always ringing these days, from moderately loud to gonging to the point I'm functionally deaf like now. I wake up in night sweats, and have a racing heart any time I lay down. Lying prone feels like sprinting to me. My throat is so swollen I need to use muscles to keep it open, and my face and other parts are swole up to serious puffiness. Plus, my skin is covered with lesions where I picked pellets of yuck out.

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

Man, I feel awful. My ears are always ringing these days, from moderately loud to gonging to the point I'm functionally deaf. I wake up in night sweats, and have a racing heart any time I lay down. Lying prone feels like sprinting to me. My throat is so swollen I need to use muscles to keep it open, and my face and other parts are swole up to serious puffiness. Plus, my skin is covered with lesions where I picked pellets of yuck out.

I need a doctor.

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

Random. Just a cool animal. I knew people who would catch and eat them; they'll take off a finger if you don't know how to handle one.

https://theoatmeal.com/comics/mantis_shrimp

filmfreak75 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@filmfreak75@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic looking for non-rabid fans for discussions of both the classic and revival series

and by non-rabid, i mean people not on the “it’s gone woke”, “Jodi Whittaker destroyed the series”, etc. bandwagon

Uair ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@Susan60 @filmfreak75 @actuallyautistic

You might like Terry Gilliam movies. He was the animator for Monty Python and sticks to low-budget f/x.

Also John Waters if that's your thing.

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

Fell 6.31 miles without a parachute and survived.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vesna_Vulovi%C4%87

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

I finally figured it out!

https://open.substack.com/pub/poloniousmonk/p/finally-my-life-makes-some-kind-of?r=1xr9v7&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@MxVerda @actuallyautistic

Naaah, I know how crazy it sounds. It's just not. It's my life. It's real. I'm real.

Thanks for the head check, though. Much appreciated.

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@MxVerda @actuallyautistic

I'd love to, but I'm in quarantine. The literally close clinics in front of me.

Whatever. You think I'm delusional. That's cool. I know it sounds delusional.

I guarantee if you engaged me and let me tell you what I've seen and experienced over the past two years, you'd believe me.

Everyone always ends up on my side if I talk to them. Even the assassin they sent after me. That's why I'm not allowed any human contact.

I wish I could get medicine.

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@MxVerda @actuallyautistic

Naah, it was just one assassin. She said she worked with an NGO taking out the worst of the sexual predators. Had a purse full of bullets but kept her gun elsewhere.

As for the trauma response, yes. Saturday I had a big bleary spot occlude about 1/3 of my vision. I'm pretty sure that was a burst blood vessel in the brain. This is taking years off my life, but at least I'm allowed blood pressure meds now. I wasn't for years. Or covid boosters.

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@MxVerda @actuallyautistic

Yeah, I know this is killing me. Thank you for looking out for me. I'm american, so none of your supports are available.

I know my writing is inchoate. I've been alone waaay too long, and can't do linear thinking any more. I'm AuDHD, if you know what that is. Linear thinking was always tough. Plus, I'm emotionally redlined most of the time.

I do try to take care of myself. I quit smoking and even cut out caffeine. I eat healthily. Everything but sleep.

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@MxVerda @actuallyautistic

I very much want to sleep. I'm allowed to sleep from 12:30 to 4:30 am. I wake up with a jolt within a few minutes of 4:30 every day. Throughout the day I lie down and struggle to sleep, but the moment I drop off my heart starts racing.

My dad's a self-hating autist. He scapegoats me for everything he denies in himself. It's impenetrable. This trait explains the persistence of the vaccines-cause-autism conspiracy. Autistic people will believe anything rather

Uair OP ,
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@MxVerda @actuallyautistic

than that their kid inherited it from them.

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