Well, I've gotten maybe eight hours of broken crappy sleep in the past three days. I was just drifting off when my computer chimed. I said aloud, to an empty room, "I thought of that before I started dropping off, but I figured I'd give you guys the benefit of the doubt". Then i silenced my speakers and lay back down. Heart pounding and ears gonging, of course.
When I'm this tired I drift pretty quick and about five minutes later I was dropping off again when I got a knock on my door. 12:45 AM. It's some creepy biker dude from downstairs. Loves jesus and has a flyer about how any equal rights legislation for women is an attack on his manhood. Heavy drug user. He asked for a puff of my joint once, but I don't share devices. I don't want herpes. So I smoked half of it and gave him the second half. He took one puff, choked really bad, and threw it away. Much later, I was having a rough day and tried to buy a little weed off him. I offered him five bucks for half a gram, he tried to sell me a quarter gram or less, and when he insisted I sniff it it smelled like a cigarette butt. I wanted to hold it to see how dry but he clenched it in his fist and insisted I give him five bucks first. Dude's a fuckhead and knows I don't like him.
Now he's standing at my door shifting from foot to foot. I ask him what's up, he says nothing. Shifts around again. I ask what he needs. He asks to use my bathroom. I let him come in and piss. When he comes out I ask him what's up and he just repeats, "I don't know, I don't know" and walks out the door.
I'm sooo tired of this shit. I hope there are real people out there in my feed who are learning this shit goes on. The cops/ feds/ spook agencies run everyone in my building. The guy next door knocks on my wall as I drift off to sleep, too.
Please. Just fucking shoot me. I deserve an honorable bullet. Not this garbage death.
Y'all know trump is implanted, right? Obama's feds did it to him. It's pretty crude shit. They put something on his vagus nerve and in his adrenal glands, and probably a mic and monitor in a capped tooth.
I know because they practiced on me.
Now fuck off.
I'm thinking the only thing I can do to get out of this nightmare is precipitate his idiots attacking.I know the secret service are eager for a rematch.They've got some cool shit they showed me when I was in DC trying to get some civil rights.
Seriously--I saw a post today about how it's not going to be a big showdown and go back to normal, but america will become an asymmetric warzone like we used to do to dozens of countries a year.I didn't chime in then, but that poster doesn't have a grasp of the power of Big Data.I guaranfuckingteee the Biden admin knows to several decimal places who's actually dangerous and who isn't.Hell, I bet they've got half their firing pins filed down by now.
It's gonna be a short war.
I need to get it over with.
This life is impossible.
Can I come down off my cross now?Give me a drone, I'll happily fight on our side.I've been optimized for combat all my life.It's everything else at which I suck.Thanks, nixon/ kissinger/ reagan/ bush1&2. Clinton authorized taking me out. Trump tried to have me paralyzed. Obama had my fiancee raped in a parking lot. Fuck all of 'em.
It still remains to be seen whether being decent is worth it. It may be right that if you don't hate and rape and cause harm, you will be driven out of society, silenced, and tortured to death. We're at the FO stage of people who crime, but not criming doesn't seem to be an improvement. I was supposed to be a useful monster for the right wing like the rest of my family, but chose not to. Free will, baby.
I deserve an honorable bullet if you can't let a decent person model free will in public.
Well, it looks like I have confirmation they really do want me alive. There are three big trucks including a cherry picker outside my window just in case I slash my wrists.
Of course, they could always come knock on my door and talk to me, but I'm a public works project as well. They use me to practice on. What the hell. I hope they brought something to read.
I'm really tired of this.
Come knock up if you guys get hungry. I have good teevee in here. And books.