@wakame@tech.lgbt cover
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

wakame

@[email protected]

I put bugs in software. Master of half-finished projects.
Irony is my default setting.
Hate factories, but love conveyor belts.
Buzzword-Driven Development.

Edible.
Totally not a robot.
Definitely not a mouse.

Pan-Demi-Sexual, not Pandemic-Sexual.

// Your Plastic Pal Who's Fun to Be With
#YesBots

// Cats of all sizes also welcome
#YesKittens #YesCats #YesTigers

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olena , to ActuallyAutistic group
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

I don’t operate the world putting everything into defined folders and boxes of clear tree-like structure (like I do on my laptop).
I operate the world by slapping infinite amount of tags on everything (which do not exist independently like in some tag cloud, but are rather interconnected in their own ways), and then tag-filtering or pulling the chain of tags when I need.
Sure, from outside that looks like a totally random chaotic pile, but it has its own structure, just the structure is different to what is usually pictured as a structure.

I know, autists are usually pictured as the ones requiring the boxes, but is it necessarily the boxes autists crave, or other forms of structure also work?





@actuallyautistic

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@olena @actuallyautistic

"If it works, it's good."

Personally, I hate boxes because of object permanence. The best way to hide stuff is to put it in a box or a wardrobe: Everything is instantly gone.

When working on an idea, I often have little notes lying around on a table: The position, rotation and even if a note touches others contains relevant information.

Sure, looks like chaos for another person. They can keep their linear lists and little excel sheets, if they want. :blobcatgiggle:

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@loops @olena @actuallyautistic

What helped me a lot was: Having radically different systems for different purposes.

Boxes and wardrobes are totally fine for clothes, for example. I know where my clothes are and where I can put clothes that I find lying around.

When I am working on a "project" (which can be anything from programming over electronics to building a tiny trebuchet out of chopsticks), it helps to have a box or similar for just that purpose.
(But only if the visual stimulation of that project overwhelms me. Otherwise, it makes more sense to have it laid out.)

And: You can have different granularities. If you mostly collect e.g. paperwork but once a year require some of it, then putting it into a large "inbox" can make sense, because it is simply not worth the effort to divide it up in subcategories.

In the end, most systems are tradeoffs: Insertion time vs. search time, required space, annoyance-when-using-it (measured in frowns per second), etc.

dyani , to ActuallyAutistic group
@dyani@social.coop avatar

How would you explain to someone who is neurotypical (a nice one who wants to understand) what body doubling is and why it's helpful and sometimes even necessary for overwhelming tasks?

I've had to describe this to my very lovely NT friend and my explanation sucked lol. Pls help.

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@emmaaum @dyani @Zumbador @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

Oh, interesting!
Body doubling doesn't work for me at all, so I have been wondering "how and why" it could work.

This context makes we wonder if e.g. a cat could work as the "second body".
Or maybe even a kind of mechanical toy (with enough autonomous behavior to be intuitively classified as "alive".)

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@chevalier26@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic In the process of completing my online faculty training course to be a GSA next year...literally EVERYTHING is so vague and confusing.

Emailed the faculty coordinator about it and he told me that I was so ahead in the course that I was outpacing the course administrators. So basically, I'm working ahead so quickly that IT and my course instructor haven't had a chance to update my course info, so that's why everything is confusing.

massive eyeroll

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@chevalier26 @actuallyautistic

In my experience, the problem is this:
Asking questions is often seen as bad. As if the asking person was incompetent, not knowledgable, etc.

So there are often cases where there is a certain level of confusion in the room, because there are questions, but nobody dares asking.

Ideally, at some point one person asks, and you can see how everyone else begins to relax because they just heard an important piece of information.

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@chevalier26@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic It really bothers me when I tell my friends or family about something that upset me, or an incident that made me feel embarrassed/humiliated and they respond in a way that makes me feel even more upset, embarrassed, and humiliated. Things like “how did you even do that? 😂” or “that’s not even a big deal” don’t help and make me feel even worse. It feels a bit like clapping at a waiter/waitress when they drop a plate.

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@lexx3000 @pa @chevalier26 @actuallyautistic

I would also assume that the clapping is meant mockingly (Germany).

melindrea , to ActuallyAutistic group
@melindrea@beige.party avatar

One of my least favourite bits about "allistic people/researchers discussing autistic people" in this weird pathological way that's just ... incorrect!

Like "autistic people have restricted interests". Uh-huh. You're telling me that if I talk to an allistic person, no matter what we talk about they will have an interest in it? Oh, they don't? huh. But that's not them having restricted interests? Gotcha.

Or "pathological need for fairness" ... why is it a bad thing to want things to be fair and acting the same whether or not someone is watching?

*grumbles in @actuallyautistic *

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@dyani @melindrea @actuallyautistic

"Neurotypical people don't trust in their own judgement and reasoning, so they need to be in constant exchange with other people to update their worldview. Neurotypical reality is more a 'consensus' than the result of applying logic to facts." :blobcatgiggle:

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@melindrea @dyani @actuallyautistic

I totally agree.

This was more in the spirit of "the same way that autism or ADHD is often described by invoking a stereotype", I wanted to "single out" the group of people that don't meet any "condition" described e.g. the DSM.

catswhocode , to ActuallyAutistic group
@catswhocode@mastodon.art avatar

@actuallyautistic Do you ever question whether or not you're autistic? I do in part because some of the traits I have can also be attributed to my brain injury, so I don't know if it's one or both

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@DoctorDisco @catswhocode @playinprogress @AnAutieAtUni @actuallyautistic

"Keep your 40, I'll just have an Earl Grey tea."

AnAutieAtUni , to ActuallyAutistic group
@AnAutieAtUni@beige.party avatar

I am so HAPPY I have a virus! And I know most of you won’t understand why straight away…

I thought my chronic illness was showing a new longer-term pattern of decline. But it isn’t! It was a virus that is only now showing up and being obvious. It means my chronic illness “decline” was actually it just flaring up alongside the virus, like it usually does when I get a virus.

I’m so “happy”!! Haha!! I mean… technically, I’m just relieved, but the relief is MASSIVE so I’m actually happy. Which is weird! I guess my happiness-ometer works differently to most?!

@mecfs @actuallyautistic

——-

I shared the above because I want to share some ‘positive’ news. If you’re cool with that - thank you! If you’re still confused, here is more context that a few people will benefit from:

[Someone will feel compelled to educate me about how viruses are not harmless. If they do, here’s what you’ve got to know: and all this is said in a light-hearted jest-ful tone, but also with seriousness. I have ME/CFS which is very likely a post-viral syndrome just like long covid, except there’s no way of knowing which virus did it. I do not WANT viruses; that is not the point of the above statement. It’s that I used to be literally housebound for years but have maintained ‘mild’ ME/CFS for years since and was terrified of going BACK to that. Yes, I’ve had covid and vaccines and thankfully I’ve recovered from them all and know not everyone does… catching viruses is NOT a sport I took up 😜 I don’t go out mingling trying to attract viruses like swiping right on a dating app… I’m careful, in my own way, and in all honesty I barely go out, especially compared to people who commute to work daily. No, masks aren’t 100% effective but they’re damn good! No, I won’t be going out mingling to pass on this virus. Hoping I have covered everything that an internet “educator” might say.]

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@AnAutieAtUni @mecfs @actuallyautistic

It's like when the pain goes down from an 8 to a 3:
People for whom a pain level of 0 is normal would say: "But you are still in pain, right?"
Yes, but for the moment, that pain feels like heaven compared to ten minutes before.

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@chevalier26@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Somehow got into an argument earlier about fractions with my parents, especially the fraction 15/16. I said that 7.5/8 is the same thing as 15/16, because they can be converted to each other by multiplying or dividing the numerator and denominator by 2.

My mom basically said, no, that's not right because it's not a "proper fraction" which doesn't make sense to me. The math checks out, and numerators can have decimal integers. Is there something I'm missing?

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@ndvirons @Uair @servelan @chevalier26 @actuallyautistic

And there is so much implicit meaning and context in a lot of sentences that it feels more like the shorthand notes of a longer, more explicit conversation.

It almost feels to me as if grammar and structure mostly contribute to make text sound better, while adding little meaning.

Zumbador , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Zumbador@mefi.social avatar

@actuallyautistic
I'm visiting family, and wow am I deep in autistic denial territory.

Some of my younger relatives have approached me, asking about neurodivergence because I've been so open about my experience as a late realised autistic person. They're wondering about themselves and their parents.

The older people though, are unable to have that conversation. There are jokey, sidelong half acknowledgements that "there might be something going on" with them, but otherwise it's High Masking At All Times.

What I find difficult to deal with is the rather toxic judgemental attitudes.

So-and-so relative is "so picky about his food, he thinks it makes him important" or "how ridiculous, he doesn't like the too bright light in the bathroom" and all the while I can see them struggling to deal with the exact same difficulties they're judging in others.

It's so ingrained, I don't know if there's a way for them to find self acceptance.

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@Zumbador @mwl @actuallyautistic

About the part with the bright light:
I knew annoying people who liked to turn on a light in a room I was sitting in "because I am going to ruin my eyes reading in the dark".

It has always been my perspective that certain people are just... fanatics for a weird religion that is based on "common knowledge" (that was never questioned).

I can understand how this might break a lot of people's resistance over time.

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@Zumbador @mwl @actuallyautistic

I normally use a tit-for-tat strategy the first three times, after that I escalate.

Which means: I will turn off the light again and turn off their light the next time I am near.

After three times, I will simply pull out the fuse :neocat_angel:

Thankfully, NT people can be trained :blobcatgiggle:

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@chevalier26@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Any tips on how to deal with imposter syndrome? 😅 It's really been affecting me lately, and I'm not sure why.

I feel like I can never quite be certain that the things I KNOW are true about myself are actually true, like my brain is willingly playing tricks on itself.

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@chevalier26 @arcadetoken @actuallyautistic

"Nobody noticed" IMHO mainly comes from two things:
a) At least part of ones relatives are autistic themselves. So a lot of stuff might be classified as "normal" because "I did the same thing when I was a child".
b) Neurotypical people hiding/ignoring/forgetting any clues because "it is mean to tell someone that they are not 'normal'". Because NT humans love being average so much. I wonder why this isn't used more often as a compliment...

FantasticalEconomics , to AcademicChatter group
@FantasticalEconomics@geekdom.social avatar

Good news everyone!

"ChatGPT Edu, powered by GPT-4o, is designed for universities to responsibly integrate AI into academic and campus operations. This advanced AI tool supports text and vision reasoning, data analysis, and offers enterprise-level security."

Based on everything we know about AI, I am sure nothing could possibly go wrong with this new tool to integrate it into our and campus operations more broadly.
/Obvious sarcasm

https://neurosciencenews.com/openai-chatgpt-edu-ai-26206/

@academicchatter

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@FantasticalEconomics @academicchatter

"is designed for"
Already the first lie.
LLMs aren't designed. 1
They grow.
Like cancer.

1 : Yes, okay. The inital structure is often/likely defined by a human and training only changes the values. Which in this case also wouldn't apply, since they use GPT-4o, so the same "design" as for other cases. But thank you, nitpicky person. :blobcatgiggle:

masukomi , to ActuallyAutistic group
@masukomi@connectified.com avatar

Reason 42,343,648 why allistic people shouldn't be allowed to create forms.

"Name of person whose certificate you're requesting"

So um, if the person is filling out a name change form, do they put the current LEGAL name of the person OR the old name that's being changed?

I assume old name, but that's ALSO a false statement on something I'm about to sign, & have notarized as being a TRUE statement, because it's NOT that person's name.

@actuallyautistic

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@masukomi @actuallyautistic

Better: Every form that is created has to pass the Council of Autistic & ADHD People.
And of course it only passes after the form makes sense.

AnAutieAtUni , to ActuallyAutistic group
@AnAutieAtUni@neurodifferent.me avatar

5 more revision days left. It feels like doing the same work over and over, and needing to be motivated and care the same way as the first time… the first time is easy because it’s all new and exciting! But with revision, you need to go over and over the same stuff at regular intervals. To make it work I NEED to care!

Aaarrghhhhh!!!

Side note: I still haven’t watched Groundhog Day. 😲

@actuallyautistic

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@petelittle1970 @AnAutieAtUni @actuallyautistic

I have very, very specific (and random) eidetic memory. So not the cool kind. :blobcatgiggle:

That info box on the right side on same page of a school biology book? I could recite that from memory. Including line breaks. Not that it was important or anything.

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@petelittle1970 @AnAutieAtUni @actuallyautistic

Now that you mention it... I assumed that photographic/eidetic thing was always about text.

Because of course I can describe how my first school room looked.

Including the annoying "we have only six letters but we try to build sentences" posters on the wall. :blobcatsweat:

pa , to ActuallyAutistic group
@pa@hachyderm.io avatar

Half-asleep humpday morning thought! My assessing psysician, in his report, described me as "grandiose"... which stung quite a bit, since I try hard to remain modest but truthful.
Now... thinking back about another part of the report, he also assesses me as (to paraphrase) "at no point trying to manage perceptions".
So... doesn't that make me just "grand", not "grandiose"? 🤣
[sorry about the self-aggrandizing bit this morning... I'm a bit low on everything today. 😓]
@actuallyautistic

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@pa @actuallyautistic

"Sorry if me stating facts offends you."

Your doc sounds a bit neurotypical. :blobcatgiggle:

Dr_Obvious , to ActuallyAutistic group German

@actuallyautistic
I don't know if it's related to the hypo-/hypersensitivity topic, stimulation or whatsoever. But I really like strong tasting stuff. Spicy, salty, hot, sour, complex, whatsoever.

After just now taking a sip from a pickle glass it came to my mind that I even took shots of vinegar in the past, because I liked the taste. I considder it so odd that I wondered if anybody out there did it too.

Did you ever fancied a shot of vinegar?

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@Dr_Obvious @actuallyautistic

Well, there is vinegar explicitly intended for drinking, so... yes. :blobcatgiggle:

secretmousealias , to ActuallyAutistic group
@secretmousealias@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

A situation I run into frequently when trying to make small talk is this:

Me: So what are your interests?
Them: Gaming
Me: Cool, me too. What games?
Them: Call of Duty, what about you?
Me: Dwarf Fortress
Them: Never heard of it. What's type of game is it?

At this point I'm basically deadlocked because explaining the game would take longer than their attention span. I feel I probably made a mistake earlier which led to this situation. How to do better?

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@secretmousealias @actuallyautistic

Small talk is a bit like roleplaying for me (well, it's part of "masking"...).

Imagine you are playing the role of a fantasy world medieval peasant.

"Good day to you, sir. I am a humble cabbage farmer. I can tell you a lot about cabbage."

Of course you wouldn't use any actual knowledge you might possess about cabbage, more like... faking knowledge on an obviously level.

"Did you know that cabbage grows better in wet soil?"

I mean, the Wikipedia definition of "Smalltalk" more or less states that it is "talking about nothing": No politics, no controversal topics, only stuff that is boring.

Like that time you found a snail near your cabbage.

lifewithtrees , to ActuallyAutistic group
@lifewithtrees@mstdn.social avatar

A job post that explicitly requires someone with "high executive functioning"

Is this ?

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@lifewithtrees @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

It certainly is very weird and tone-deaf.

yourautisticlife , to ActuallyAutistic group
@yourautisticlife@mast.yourautisticlife.com avatar

@actuallyautistic

I had a strange experience last night.

Usually, when I fall asleep there are gaps in my consciousness. It goes: awake, gap, dream, gap, awake.

In other words, there is no continuity of consciousness between the wakeful state and the dream state.

However, last night there was a continuity. I was able to have conscience of myself falling asleep, entering dreamland, dreaming, coming out of dreamland, and being awake again. This cycle repeated itself three times.

Previously, the closest I came to this was that sometimes I'd be conscious of pulling back at the last minute. In this case, I wouldn't actually fall asleep, I'd progressively go towards sleep, but pull back at the last minute.

I wondering if it has anything to do with autism.

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@stevenray @yourautisticlife @actuallyautistic @pathfinder

And "consciously" falling asleep is basically the main topic of "WILD" lucid dreaming: Letting the body fall asleep while the mind stays kind-of awake.

calofost , to ActuallyAutistic group
@calofost@neurodifferent.me avatar

I love sharing my struggles here and getting support. This community is so wholesome. I am in the mood for some positivity! What are good things my @actuallyautistic neuropeers are thankful for today?

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@pathfinder @calofost @actuallyautistic

Sorry for going totally off-topic... but I think I just discovered what makes Star Trek both weird and wholesome:

Every star ship bridge is basically a shared office, yet they manage to communicate effectively (and not more than required).

Likely they also have proper sound design so that one has not to listen to the ensign slowly typing into their console all day.

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@pathfinder @calofost @actuallyautistic

"We need to have an actual discussion. Let's go to the meeting room." :blobcataww:

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@roknrol @pathfinder @calofost @actuallyautistic

On the other hand, the upper management in Star Trek is actually pretty capable.
But then, it's a fantasy.

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@calofost @roknrol @pathfinder @actuallyautistic

Oh, it has a transcript. I can't listen to people without thinking about everything else, so that is normally a showstopper for me. :blobcatgiggle:

wakame ,
@wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

@calofost @pathfinder @actuallyautistic

I regularly pause a movie or series if I watch it together with someone to talk about aspects or add side notes.
Thankfully, the people I watch stuff with also do this. :blobcatgiggle:

Richard_Littler , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Richard_Littler@mastodon.social avatar

If you've ever wondered what it's like being autistic with ADHD, it's a bit like this for me. (I always assumed everybody thought like this).


@actuallyautistic

Them Talking (and what I hear): "Hello, Richard, I'd like you to make a note of the following very important things. Firstly, and probably the most crucial of all, is that you... (the rest of the text blurs out) MY ASD/ADHD BRAIN WHILE THEY'RE TALKING Ok, someone's talking to me now. Get ready because this is important. Here comes the first point... Point Blank. Point Break. Break Point. Point of view (point of you?) Pointillism: Developed by Seurat & Signac in 1886 and... Loud piercing door slam! Purple-blue flash! Where's my wallet? Focus! Ok, secondly. Secondhand. First hand. Short hand. "Nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands". E E Cummings. "If the rain comes, they run and hide their heads, they might as well be dead." Deadheads. Grateful Dead. Woodstock. Snoopy. Charlie Brown's teacher speaking: "wah wah wa wah wa [is that my allergy kicking off] wah wa." Ugh! The sound of that child shrieking outside is torturous! I just recalled my old sofa. "Erm. Yes. Absolutely."
ALT
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    • wakame ,
    @wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

    @Richard_Littler @actuallyautistic

    Yep. "Get to the point already."

    If what people say is "insufficiently dense", my mind will think about something else instead.

    wakame ,
    @wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

    @Richard_Littler @actuallyautistic

    On the other hand: When my meds work, I tend to insert many, many subclauses everywhere.

    Which shows again: Writing text is easy. Writing "digestible" text is hard.

    tine_schreibt , to ActuallyAutistic group German
    @tine_schreibt@literatur.social avatar

    @actuallyautistic

    Can someone please explain why in the assessment of the level of support needs, it's all about social and routines/repetitive behaviours, and there's nothing about how sensory overwhelm is a Very Big Problem for many autistics?
    I can deal with the social stuff (avoid) and the routines/rb (don't do them in public), but the sensory storm of going to the store is A Real Problem for me.

    wakame ,
    @wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

    @tine_schreibt @v_d_richards @actuallyautistic

    Ich rate mal: Das DSM dient der Diagnose und "es stellt durch explizite Kriterien sicher, dass derselbe Patient möglichst überall dieselbe Diagnose bekommt" (1)

    Und da ein Arzt sensorische Überlastung nicht sehen und anfassen kann, ist es aus Sicht des DSM vermutlich "unwichtig".

    (1) https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diagnostic_and_Statistical_Manual_of_Mental_Disorders

    LehtoriTuomo , to ActuallyAutistic group
    @LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

    I've been trying to understand what it means that an autistic brain is bombarded with so much information. We spent some time at our summer cottage and I think I got some insight in this.

    Instead of seeing the lake in front of my eyes, everywhere I looked I saw a detail. Its size would vary but it would still be a detail. A swan there, its partner there, no leaves on that tree yet, what a cool pattern on the small waves, what does it look like when I move my eyes this way, or that way, a car on the opposite shore, the shadow of the tree, I wonder what seagulls those are etc. A new detail with every single glance.

    At the same time my attention tried to keep track of the dog and listened to birds singing and bumblebees flying around.

    Now I wonder what it feels like just to see the lake.

    @actuallyautistic

    wakame ,
    @wakame@tech.lgbt avatar

    @jacquiharper @alexisbushnell @roknrol @Zumbador @melindrea @LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic

    I would argue that it's a back-and-forth anyway. Especially with more technical stuff, I write a kind-of outline first, (actually bullet points with sub-points, where each bullet point is a short sentence). That way, I have short, simple sentences that I can move around until it "fits", then turn everything into text.

    But in any case, the important thing is "figuring out what to say". And that is a process, not a single step. So "writing a first draft, then iterating until it fits" is IMHO the "normal" way to do it anyway.

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