I don’t operate the world putting everything into defined folders and boxes of clear tree-like structure (like I do on my laptop).
I operate the world by slapping infinite amount of tags on everything (which do not exist independently like in some tag cloud, but are rather interconnected in their own ways), and then tag-filtering or pulling the chain of tags when I need.
Sure, from outside that looks like a totally random chaotic pile, but it has its own structure, just the structure is different to what is usually pictured as a structure.
As an #ActuallyAutistic man, I wondered whether an employer could make me take a personality test here in the UK. It could (accidentally otter deliberately) detect #neurodivergence, which is a protected characteristic here: I'm not obliged to disclose my #autism to my employer, and my employer is not allowed to discriminate against me on the basis of it.
“Don’t assume, ask” - is the approach I share. However, there are many people to whom asking seems like something rude and inappropriate. And those people would assume.
The thing is, I am one of those people that usually can’t be accurately assumed: if you’d think a person that does this and this would also do that, the one who likes this and this would hate that and so on - most probably, I’d not follow that pattern. For that very reason I’ve been called ‘eclectic’, or less politely - ‘messy’, ‘illogical’, and all sorts of weird - most of my life, and for that very reason some people are kinda afraid of me: they can’t predict because their assumptions aren’t correct.
In turn, for me it’s very frustrating/confusing to see that someone is offended by me asking directly instead of assuming because all I want is to avoid any misunderstanding and clarify things.
I feel like #AuDHD is quite an eclectic thing per se(due to some #autism aspects looking from a certain point of view as opposite to those of #ADHD), so maybe that is the key to me being so, well, contradictory in eyes of other people.
I wonder, if that asking is just #autistic desire to have things clear and precise, or assuming/asking divide does not correspond to the NT/ND one #neurodivergent @actuallyautistic
Often, I relate to ND vids but this one has me doubting. I do have autopilot for bedtime routine or shower routine etc, only if it gets interrupted I might forget a step 🤔 So is this universal? So many in the comments relate to the wife on this one, I know it's a spectrum, but can this be used to rule stuff out? Yeah, I'm still out here swinging back and forth pendulum style 🫠 #neurodivergent#autism@actuallyautistic@autisticadvocacy
@actuallyautistic
On Thursday I went and knocked on
Friday and Saturdays doors,
Borrowing some spoons for some stuff
To help out family.
Saturday knocked today and asked sweetly
If I was done l with them as
They needed them back.
But I used all the spoons,
Left them back with Thursday.
Saturdays shoulders slump,
And they scuttle off to hide.
Hopefully Sunday has some. #spoons#autism
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"in modern humans, language is a tool for communication, contrary to a prominent view that we use language for thinking.",
" language does not appear to be a prerequisite for complex thought, including symbolic thought."
"it plausibly co-evolved with our thinking and reasoning capacities, and only reflects, rather than gives rise to, the signature sophistication of human cognition"
Checked an old work notebook to see if there were any important notes to transfer somewhere else. Suddenly there was a doodle of myself with an infinity symbol on the t-shirt. The page was about a seminar on neurodiversity at the university! The seminar was two years ago so before my self-diagnosis.
As this might be of interest to others (no big insights though), here are my notes (translated from Finnish):
"- ADHD: different regulation of alertness, emotions, and attention (different way to be)
Autism: different social interaction, imagination, and communication (different way to see!)
Neuro minorities:
experience of being different
understanding of hierarchy
thinking outside the box
creativity
empathy
sensory regulation
own role
own pace
special interests
social pressure"
The page ends with a personal note that, in hindsight, I absolutely love:
"sometimes wondered whether I myself am on the spectrum, but then again not..."
Can't help thinking the trans trope "there were no signs" 😅
This one is on how hans asperger was a fascist who worked with the nazis and so the identity of "aspergers" isn't what many people think it is
alt-text: thumbnail of youtube video showing a brown wooden background with the text "aspergers" is fascist, is reactionary, or is ableist (youtube added a/b testing) with the autistic flag next to it/beneath it
"In our first episode of the Autism and Intimacy podcast, Candice shares the diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum including what symptoms are often expressed but not in the DSM V. She and her husband Chris also talk about a recent communication issue they had and how they have learned to effectively tackle her issues with both sensory overload and communication mishaps. Enjoy!"
Pride, is both a celebration and an affirmation of our existence. It is the latter for me that is all important. As someone who very late in life realised I was autistic, I had spent a lifetime knowing only that I was different, but not how. It was a hole in me that I couldn't fill, a sense of something missing, a lack that always felt more about how broken I was than anything. As a consequence it became something to hide, to mask and to be ashamed of. It was my dirty, dark secret and the core of my existence. The knowledge that no matter what, I was wrong and always would be.
Realising I was autistic, filled that hole. It taught me to see the difference as, if not always positive, at least natural and normal. I was never broken, I was just trying to function in the world in the way that was right for me. A world, that in so many ways, was hostile to that, unforgiving about difference and those who stood out too far. I had, in fact, been simply trying my best with the tools that I had, the tools that came naturally to me, even if no one else ever saw that.
Having a day to remember this. To remember the past and the pain and the blind struggle. To remember how far I've come and how much I've learnt and have yet to learn (because finally I can). To be able to stand out and say "yes, I am", is important not just for us, but others walking this path. For too long being autistic was a dark and terrible secret. For too long its truth has been hidden behind ignorance and misinformation. That is what days like this are for and why they are so important. To show the world that autism and being autistic, is nothing to hide and nothing to fear. Happy pride day everyone.
@pathfinder@actuallyautistic as usual, the right words. I'm not ready yet for a coming out but realizing who I am has been an important step to more serenity. ( written by the guy who feels his stress going higher and higher as he's about to go to work to do something he loved ans is very good ar, how ironic!)
I don’t have nostalgia. I don’t miss places. I may remember them vividly, and love something about them, and hold it dear in my heart, but when I leave - I don’t want to come back.
Actually, I feel rather bad if for some reason I have to. Because the place has already changed. Because I have already changed. Because we’re out of sync now(if we ever were). Because I don’t belong. And seeing that hurts actually way more than just not returning.
Maybe it has something to do with the lack of object permanence. Maybe it is more about that autistic refusal to accept the reality which differs from expectations. Inside, I feel like a kid having a meltdown in the middle of the shopping mall because the toy they got was not 100% what they imagined it was going to be. No place is what you remember when you return after leaving. Maybe that’s the reason.
Is it something other #neurodivergent people also experience often? Do you feel nostalgic often or refuse to get back?
‘I would strongly recommend going through the ADHD testing, but I am not licensed to do the test myself, so I can’t give you the official diagnosis of it as it can only be provided after the test by a licensed specialist, and there are very few ones with this narrow license. However, if you manage to get the test done, come to me with the diagnosis, I would accept it from any licensed provider, and then I would be able to provide you the treatment and the medication: though your insurance doesn’t cover the evaluation, it covers treatment.
As for the autism testing, do it if you have extra money as anyway there’s no treatment against it, and if you struggle with any particular issue - we can work on each of them on the therapy without an official autism diagnosis’ - the second psychiatrist after actually talking to me.
For the reference: depending on the provider, the testing is around 400 euro for either(I haven’t found any combined option, btw, so if I want to do both, it’d double)
Yes, there’s general free healthcare. When I asked in my health center about the psychiatrist appointment(without even specifying the goal), I was told the waiting list currently is more than an year, so they won’t even book one for me.
And people still would go “If yOu rEalLy hAd AuDHD, yoU’D hAvE aN ofFiciAl diAgnoSis”…
Recently my daughter (14) opened up about how she feels and is. Long story short, I have reached out to UK mental health services (CAMHS) and the school, and am now likely on a waiting list for ages. She has anxiety, panic, hearing voices, and also presents many spectrum signs. Does anyone have any resources to help give her reasurance / advice, or help narrow down possibile diagnosees to help me signpost her to relevant resources? I and my son (her brother) are also ASD, but she does not find the same strategies helpful. Sorry for so many words, but thanks for reading @actuallyautistic#asd#autism#mentalhealth
I often describe myself as a minimal speaker. It's because whilst I can speak, unless seriously overwhelmed, I vastly prefer not to. In large part, this is because the effort of speaking, and it is, more often than not, a real effort for me, rarely seems worth it. Since realising I am autistic, I have come to realise why this could be and also why communicating on here is so much easier and not just because it's text, because I struggle with that elsewhere too.
Language, whether text or verbal, is communication. Whether that be communicating thoughts, or feelings. Expressing emotions, or ideas. It is the medium and not the source. The source is where these things are coming from and it is what shapes our use of the medium and therefore in large part the assumptions we make about how others are using it and therefore the likely success of any communication.
Enter the double-empathy theory and the general acknowledgement that autism is a fundamental difference in the ways in which our brains work, often exampled by describing it as a different operating system. It means that whilst I am using the same language to talk with allistics, how we're both using it, the ends and purpose, even the nature of the information being transmitted, can often be fundamentally different.
An example I have used, is to compare it to a foreign language speaker with a reasonable understanding of the local language, but having to work incredibly hard to keep up with a conversation and having to constantly check their translations and whether or not they were making the right replies and not offending anyone. But to be truly accurate, you would also have to add in a cultural divide, a root level difference in the expectation and assumptions they are making about life and how this was also shaping their communication.
This, I think, is why speaking has always been so hard for me. Why it's always been so much of an effort and often without point. It's not that I am speaking a foreign language, or that my words themselves can't be understood. But that the information I am attempting to convey and the intended purpose of that information, is so far out of phase with the expectations of those around me, that miscommunication, confusion and the all too familiar fallout becomes almost inevitable. It's also why speaking here is so much easier.
Effective communication is more than just using the right words, it's about realising the intent and purpose behind those words. About understanding where someone is coming from as much as what they are trying to say. And that, as the saying goes, takes two to tango.
Of all the avatars I’ve ever used, my favourite was made of a bit of MRI of my own brain.
Part of the satisfaction was to have long discussions with moderators saying the avatar is supposed to show the person - and arguing that the brain is actually what I am as a person, not my face.
I pretty often enjoy finding different ‘well, technically…’ loopholes, though mostly not for exploiting them, but for the sheer joy of pointing them to someone and chucking together over such a joke.
This, together with puns, together with all “imagine this and this, wouldn’t it technically be that?” type of jokes is basically my favourite genre of humor.
And my relationship with humor is kinda complicated: I love funny things, but I often don’t find pure comedies funny(while can have a good chuckle in some straight-face side jokes in some procedurals or adventures), and the main reason is I don’t find it funny when someone struggles, someone is getting hurt, someone is ridiculed or put in an awkward/cringy situation. Someone falling isn’t funny, someone failing isn’t funny, someone put in a situation when they are clearly experiencing fear, shame or disgust isn’t funny for me.
Maybe I just empathize too much: imagining myself in their place makes me want to run away, hide, stop existing, so I just can’t feel any fun there.
But give me a good chuckle with an unexpected pun, give me those “technically..” jokes, give me clever side remarks - that may be soo funny!
Basically, for me, in all the movies, books, shows:
Chuckle > laugh
Maybe it has something to so with RSD and fear to be laughed at(based on previous experiences)
Is it something common among #neurodivergent folks? I imagine it may have something to do with #autism and affective empathy?
What is your relationships with different kinds of humor?
Just was ‘diagnosed’ with anxiety today after talking to a psychiatrist for five minutes (I’m using quotes because it seems a bit too preliminary to me to diagnose whoever with whatever after about 5 minutes of general talk).
Came asking for #ADHD and #autism evaluation. Was totally ignored on that regard) Of course, didn’t have courage to ask again.
Was it so obvious? Was I just a walking stereotype: middle-aged woman from a war-thorn country living alone who voluntarily came to a psychiatrist(doesn’t matter what else she has, she can’t NOT be anxious)?
Or is it just a general experience of most of #AuDHD female-passing folks: to be seen as anxious, to have most of their symptoms attributed to #anxiety (not like I was asked about any symptoms, but maybe have demonstrated some?)?
It's summertime and, as is the tradition, all my neighbours' kids are outside screaming/shrieking relentlessly in a pitch that only dogs (and, as it turns out, autistics) can hear.
'Tis the season of the almighty noise-cancelling headphone.
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Some hobbies haven't fully materialized because small things will get me dysregulated. Frustration builds/#monitropic mind/ identifying flaws, etc. I'm able to be kind, gentle & patient w/ clients who struggle w/ #perfectionism because it's something I've been slowly trying to overcome my entire life; partially because of my high demand religion, & also now I'm recognizing not only my parents' parenting style, but #autism too. 😮💨 I'm learning to laugh now.