@actuallyautistic#actuallyautistic Any tips on how to deal with imposter syndrome? 😅 It's really been affecting me lately, and I'm not sure why.
I feel like I can never quite be certain that the things I KNOW are true about myself are actually true, like my brain is willingly playing tricks on itself.
I have used a technique, saying this to myself: I have a body – but I am more than my body. I am the one who is observes. I am aware of my body – but I am more than my body. I have emotions – but I am more than my emotions. However I feel, I recognize that I am not changing. I have emotions – but I am more than my emotions. I have a mind – but I am more than my mind. Regardless of my thoughts, I remain the one who is aware. I have a mind – but I am more than that
@chevalier26@actuallyautistic
Only to realise that you are far from alone. Hardly surprising when you think how long some of us masked. Also when you consider how many years we spent having no way of explaining or understanding our reality and having that reality constantly denied.
@chevalier26@actuallyautistic personally, it tends to come and go for me, and it tends to come on strong when I have a disconnect between my identity and who I feel I might be. Usually reconnecting with that identity in some fashion has helped me, for instance with my autism, I would watch more videos about autistic life and behavior and experiences, and that would usually help. I see myself in the content, and that helps to remind me as to who I am.
@arcadetoken@actuallyautistic See that's the thing, I try to connect with those parts of my identity but sometimes I still feel like a fraud because I tell myself those parts are "not a big deal" and other people have better examples of autistic traits.
And it further frustrates me that NOBODY noticed anything when I was growing up, at least that I know of, even though my entire childhood screamed "autism" since I can remember and knowing what I know now about autistic traits. 1/2
"Nobody noticed" IMHO mainly comes from two things:
a) At least part of ones relatives are autistic themselves. So a lot of stuff might be classified as "normal" because "I did the same thing when I was a child".
b) Neurotypical people hiding/ignoring/forgetting any clues because "it is mean to tell someone that they are not 'normal'". Because NT humans love being average so much. I wonder why this isn't used more often as a compliment...
For me, the most effective way to deal with autistic imposter syndrome is to spend time in online autistic groups like this one, and to see for myself just how different people's experiences are.
And to do some work uncovering where the pain is coming from. Is it fear of appropriating an identity I might not have the right to? What does that mean, exactly? Who would I harm? Who would judge me?
Am I worried that I'm somehow "faking" being autistic because I'm too lazy or weak to face up to my flaws? Where is this judgemental voice coming from, in my life? Who taught me to be so cruel to myself?
And I find it helps to say "I'm autistic" as though I believe that I am. After a while, it starts feeling true as well as being true.
@arcadetoken@actuallyautistic When I was in preschool, I remember getting permission from my teacher to sit alone in class in low lighting, practicing my spelling while all the other kids were in chapel. I hated how all the other kids would scream and yell.
I also vividly remember needing earplugs for my preschool graduation, because I didn't like the singing, clapping, yelling, etc. I also would hold my ears shut when flushing a toilet, something I still do today. 2/2
@Zumbador@actuallyautistic Mostly about autism, but also more generally in my abilities as a writer/other skills since I started grad school last year.
It tends to flare up every now and then, and I think it really has recently because I was accepted as a graduate assistant. Conflicting feelings of "I'm not worthy of this at all" and "If I wasn't capable they would've picked someone else."
Imposter syndrome is often a totally rational response to living in a world that constantly lets us know we're not allowed to decide what our own needs are, and we're not allowed to decide who we are.
We're supposed to stay where we're put, shut up and be grateful.
So when you step out of line, your inner child, that fierce and loyal guardian, speaks up to protect you. "be careful! People are going to judge you! Maybe it's safer to hide!"
When those feelings come up, give your inner guardian a compassionate hug, and boot those thoughts right out with the trash. Tell your guardian "it's OK, we're an adult now, it might not feel like it, but
we can cope with this stuff. We're allowed to make other people uncomfortable sometimes, we're allowed to show people who we really are."
@chevalier26@Zumbador it's also completely normal and healthy to doubt your abilities when you start a new job.
You don't have any routines yet. You don't know what your way of doing things is.
And that is completely okay. Part of that security will just come over time.
Depending on your environment, if there's a healthy culture you could also ask for feedback from colleagues or superiors, ideally as concrete as possible. @actuallyautistic
@chevalier26@Zumbador
Impostor syndrome is also a problem that gets worse when combined with autistic masking.
Because the idea of masking is to blend in with a group and do what everybody / the popular people do. That makes it really hard to find you own way of doing anything.
If you haven't already, I recommend reading "unmasking autism" for some insight into effects of masking, so you can be aware of the forces at work. @actuallyautistic