wakame

olena , 1 day ago to ActuallyAutistic group

We got free lunches at work: on the weekend, they send the menu, people choose between three options for each of two meals for each workday, and the food is delivered every day fresh from a restaurant nearby(not a fancy one, typical “homemade” food). If you need, they provide options for vegans or food restricting diets.

I am the only person in the office not doing that. I cannot explain to my coworkers why.
No, I don’t think the food is bad. No, I am not dieting, I am not looking for ‘something healthy’, I am not counting calories.

I am eating at work my fruit and yogurt every day, not being restricted to the time when their food arrives, and I am happy.

I can’t explain to them that I can’t carry such a commitment as decide on a weekend what to eat each day, and have to follow that. What if I don’t feel like that food? What if it’s not what I pictured in my head when ordering? What if I am not hungry? What if I get hungry earlier? And I just can’t do a full meal in the middle of a day and work after that. The meal should be at home, with some rest after it, or in the restaurant, with a good walk before and after, and good conversation during it. And I don’t want to eat a salad if it wasn’t done this very second right here because of frivolous microbiology thoughts. And anyway I prefer to cook myself, when I know perfectly well what it is, how it is done, and I balance the tastes and flavors to my own liking(I like to go to gourmet places somewhere, but it’s not an everyday experience, I doubt I’d be able to eat out every day anyway)

So, I’ve been asked again and again why wouldn’t I order something for myself, and every time I have to say ‘no, thanks’ and can’t tell why.

Apparently I am a picky eater.
#AuDHD
#autism
#neurodivergent
@actuallyautistic

wakame , 1 day ago

@olena @actuallyautistic

Sounds like a typical "but hey, it's free, it's a great way to share something" etc.

So "of course" you are the "weird one" for not participating in this thing. And acting different than the others is a typical warning sign for allistic people that something "is wrong".

After all, if you don't eat the same food/the same way as the others, what is next? You stabbing them in the back?

Btw: I very likely also wouldn't order there, simply because I have my samefoods. Which I can properly digest most of the time, which I am not allergic to, which don't result in a lot of pain.

wakame , 1 day ago

@sapphireangel @cordova5029 @actuallyautistic @olena

At a former job they ordered always from the same caterer (in events with external guests).
Thankfully, the caterer always produced the same 14-ish items, so I knew what I could eat.

Same reason why I am very thankful for the existence of McDonalds: Not because the food is so great, but because I can be reasonably sure that I can buy 2-3 items I can eat almost everywhere.

AnAutieAtUni , 2 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Question for ADHD’ers:

(Trying to be smart and ask this question now, not after struggling for months like I did after my autism assessment.)

What helped support you most to process everything after you received a diagnosis of ADHD?

I’m talking about after having had an assessment with a clinician and receiving an official diagnosis of ADHD. (Self diagnosis is valid, etc etc. See my quoted post below. My experience of self-dx has been generally easier, so I’m asking specifically about after an assessment, which is more like an event in itself.)

Obviously, there’s nothing available for me from the place I got assessed, damnit. So I’m needing to figure out what to do myself. Realising I have many questions, doing a lot of questioning, too. Feeling the same as after the autism assessment a few years ago: my life has been assessed with all its challenges, I’ve been given a label and now I’m expected to just carry on. I’m massively grateful, but it’s a lot to take in. How do I begin to process it…

@actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic

From: @AnAutieAtUni
https://beige.party/@AnAutieAtUni/112684117363810968

wakame , 2 days ago

@AnAutieAtUni @actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic

I don't think I was in the mental space back then to know that there was something to process.

I more or less stumbled over the diagnosis because my best friend had just received theirs and I listened and thought "This all sounds similar to my experiences, and it would explain a lot."

At that time I had just finished my diploma, but the circumstances were... not good. I had struggled a lot at the university, because there I actually had to learn something, which I had never done before.
(So I typically set there for weeks trying to work through materials that were sometimes interesting, sometimes not, but in most cases simply overwhelming. As in: "I can stare at these pages, but there is no knowledge transfer into my head.")

I knew little about ADHD so I began reading a lot about it. I took the medication in the prescribed dosage for a while, then began experimenting with it.

1/2

wakame , 2 days ago

@AnAutieAtUni @actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic

"Experimenting" in this case meaning:
Instead of just taking the same amount every morning and noon as prescribed, I didn't take it for a day, watched how I felt, what I was able to do etc. Or I took a higher dosage, looked at the effects, etc.

Later I switched from MPH to amphetamines, becuase MPH mainly increased stress and tunnel vision for me, but didn't help lower those obstacles all around me that prevented me from having a grip on my thoughts and getting where I wanted to go.

I read a book (in german) that contained "collected wisdom" from a self-help group, which was very enlightening (especially stuff like hyperfocus or fixation on a topic for weeks being explained properly, or why my plates keep stacking up even when washing dishes is a clearly defined and rather uncomplicated task).

And I think this is what helped me the most: Understanding some of my "typical problems" and properly analyzing the medication and its effects.

2/2

wakame , 1 day ago

@AnAutieAtUni @actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic

I think medication is largely still "unchartered territory".

I know people for whom MPH works great and others (like me) who hate it.
And then there is the whole delayed-release group of medication which seems to be good for some and bad for others.

Depending on the country you are in, the doctors might have varying opinions about which one is "best".

What I mainly want to say with this: Trust your guts and your practical experience with this stuff. 🐾

chevalier26 , 2 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic Just found out that NT people have REAL habits that happen basically on autopilot. This is news to me.

What most NT people think of as a "habit" I think of as a "task," even if it is a part of my routine. For example, brushing and flossing my teeth is a part of my daily routine, but I have to make myself think about each action separately. I wouldn't call them habits because I literally remind myself to do them every night. It isn't automatic.

wakame , 2 days ago

@Uair @joshsusser @chevalier26 @actuallyautistic

Well, if I take the word "ritual" literally, then it means mostly religious practices, which are, if you are not religious, by definition meaningless and useless.

In the wider meaning, things like regular maintenance tasks could fall under "rituals". Maybe playing games together, which is a group activity that could be performed on a regular basis.

olena , 3 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

I don’t operate the world putting everything into defined folders and boxes of clear tree-like structure (like I do on my laptop).
I operate the world by slapping infinite amount of tags on everything (which do not exist independently like in some tag cloud, but are rather interconnected in their own ways), and then tag-filtering or pulling the chain of tags when I need.
Sure, from outside that looks like a totally random chaotic pile, but it has its own structure, just the structure is different to what is usually pictured as a structure.

I know, autists are usually pictured as the ones requiring the boxes, but is it necessarily the boxes autists crave, or other forms of structure also work?
#autistic
#autism
#AuDHD
#ADHD
#neurodivergent
@actuallyautistic

wakame , 3 days ago

@olena @actuallyautistic

"If it works, it's good."

Personally, I hate boxes because of object permanence. The best way to hide stuff is to put it in a box or a wardrobe: Everything is instantly gone.

When working on an idea, I often have little notes lying around on a table: The position, rotation and even if a note touches others contains relevant information.

Sure, looks like chaos for another person. They can keep their linear lists and little excel sheets, if they want. :blobcatgiggle:

wakame , 3 days ago

@loops @olena @actuallyautistic

What helped me a lot was: Having radically different systems for different purposes.

Boxes and wardrobes are totally fine for clothes, for example. I know where my clothes are and where I can put clothes that I find lying around.

When I am working on a "project" (which can be anything from programming over electronics to building a tiny trebuchet out of chopsticks), it helps to have a box or similar for just that purpose.
(But only if the visual stimulation of that project overwhelms me. Otherwise, it makes more sense to have it laid out.)

And: You can have different granularities. If you mostly collect e.g. paperwork but once a year require some of it, then putting it into a large "inbox" can make sense, because it is simply not worth the effort to divide it up in subcategories.

In the end, most systems are tradeoffs: Insertion time vs. search time, required space, annoyance-when-using-it (measured in frowns per second), etc.

dyani , 4 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

How would you explain to someone who is neurotypical (a nice one who wants to understand) what body doubling is and why it's helpful and sometimes even necessary for overwhelming tasks?

I've had to describe this to my very lovely NT friend and my explanation sucked lol. Pls help.

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

wakame , 3 days ago

@emmaaum @dyani @Zumbador @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

Oh, interesting!
Body doubling doesn't work for me at all, so I have been wondering "how and why" it could work.

This context makes we wonder if e.g. a cat could work as the "second body".
Or maybe even a kind of mechanical toy (with enough autonomous behavior to be intuitively classified as "alive".)

chevalier26 , 11 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic In the process of completing my online faculty training course to be a GSA next year...literally EVERYTHING is so vague and confusing.

Emailed the faculty coordinator about it and he told me that I was so ahead in the course that I was outpacing the course administrators. So basically, I'm working ahead so quickly that IT and my course instructor haven't had a chance to update my course info, so that's why everything is confusing.

massive eyeroll

wakame , 11 days ago

@chevalier26 @actuallyautistic

In my experience, the problem is this:
Asking questions is often seen as bad. As if the asking person was incompetent, not knowledgable, etc.

So there are often cases where there is a certain level of confusion in the room, because there are questions, but nobody dares asking.

Ideally, at some point one person asks, and you can see how everyone else begins to relax because they just heard an important piece of information.

chevalier26 , 13 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic It really bothers me when I tell my friends or family about something that upset me, or an incident that made me feel embarrassed/humiliated and they respond in a way that makes me feel even more upset, embarrassed, and humiliated. Things like “how did you even do that? 😂” or “that’s not even a big deal” don’t help and make me feel even worse. It feels a bit like clapping at a waiter/waitress when they drop a plate.

wakame , 12 days ago

@lexx3000 @pa @chevalier26 @actuallyautistic

I would also assume that the clapping is meant mockingly (Germany).

melindrea , 15 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

One of my least favourite bits about "allistic people/researchers discussing autistic people" in this weird pathological way that's just ... incorrect!

Like "autistic people have restricted interests". Uh-huh. You're telling me that if I talk to an allistic person, no matter what we talk about they will have an interest in it? Oh, they don't? huh. But that's not them having restricted interests? Gotcha.

Or "pathological need for fairness" ... why is it a bad thing to want things to be fair and acting the same whether or not someone is watching?

*grumbles in @actuallyautistic *

wakame , 15 days ago

@dyani @melindrea @actuallyautistic

"Neurotypical people don't trust in their own judgement and reasoning, so they need to be in constant exchange with other people to update their worldview. Neurotypical reality is more a 'consensus' than the result of applying logic to facts." :blobcatgiggle:

wakame , 15 days ago

@melindrea @dyani @actuallyautistic

I totally agree.

This was more in the spirit of "the same way that autism or ADHD is often described by invoking a stereotype", I wanted to "single out" the group of people that don't meet any "condition" described e.g. the DSM.

catswhocode , 15 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic Do you ever question whether or not you're autistic? I do in part because some of the traits I have can also be attributed to my brain injury, so I don't know if it's one or both

wakame , 15 days ago

@DoctorDisco @catswhocode @playinprogress @AnAutieAtUni @actuallyautistic

"Keep your 40, I'll just have an Earl Grey tea."

AnAutieAtUni , 16 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

I am so HAPPY I have a virus! And I know most of you won’t understand why straight away…

I thought my chronic illness was showing a new longer-term pattern of decline. But it isn’t! It was a virus that is only now showing up and being obvious. It means my chronic illness “decline” was actually it just flaring up alongside the virus, like it usually does when I get a virus.

I’m so “happy”!! Haha!! I mean… technically, I’m just relieved, but the relief is MASSIVE so I’m actually happy. Which is weird! I guess my happiness-ometer works differently to most?!

@mecfs @actuallyautistic

——-

I shared the above because I want to share some ‘positive’ news. If you’re cool with that - thank you! If you’re still confused, here is more context that a few people will benefit from:

[Someone will feel compelled to educate me about how viruses are not harmless. If they do, here’s what you’ve got to know: and all this is said in a light-hearted jest-ful tone, but also with seriousness. I have ME/CFS which is very likely a post-viral syndrome just like long covid, except there’s no way of knowing which virus did it. I do not WANT viruses; that is not the point of the above statement. It’s that I used to be literally housebound for years but have maintained ‘mild’ ME/CFS for years since and was terrified of going BACK to that. Yes, I’ve had covid and vaccines and thankfully I’ve recovered from them all and know not everyone does… catching viruses is NOT a sport I took up 😜 I don’t go out mingling trying to attract viruses like swiping right on a dating app… I’m careful, in my own way, and in all honesty I barely go out, especially compared to people who commute to work daily. No, masks aren’t 100% effective but they’re damn good! No, I won’t be going out mingling to pass on this virus. Hoping I have covered everything that an internet “educator” might say.]

wakame , 16 days ago

@AnAutieAtUni @mecfs @actuallyautistic

It's like when the pain goes down from an 8 to a 3:
People for whom a pain level of 0 is normal would say: "But you are still in pain, right?"
Yes, but for the moment, that pain feels like heaven compared to ten minutes before.