@actuallyautistic#actuallyautistic It really bothers me when I tell my friends or family about something that upset me, or an incident that made me feel embarrassed/humiliated and they respond in a way that makes me feel even more upset, embarrassed, and humiliated. Things like “how did you even do that? 😂” or “that’s not even a big deal” don’t help and make me feel even worse. It feels a bit like clapping at a waiter/waitress when they drop a plate.
@chevalier26@actuallyautistic wait, applauding a dropped plate is not just genuine cheering for good luck but something else? all this time I thought it’s like “yay we all get good luck here”
@lexx3000@actuallyautistic I’ve heard conflicting things about this. For some people, they clap to alleviate the embarrassment of dropping a plate, but for others the clapping is for further embarrassment, like “we’re clapping to show that we noticed how much of an idiot you are, great job”. Idk it just rubs me the wrong way.
@pa@chevalier26@actuallyautistic i think in my developing country we completely mistook this tradition from the movies. also my autism.
so disappointing
@lexx3000@pa@actuallyautistic I’ve had this happen to me too, where I learn something from a movie and expect it to happen in real life. Learned the hard way over and over that movies aren’t the best way to predict human behavior 😭
@pa@lexx3000@chevalier26@actuallyautistic I heard the other day. Perhaps if we want to study evolutionary psychology, cultures in general,and behaviors epigenetic expressions even in species or subspecies of animal, you have got to have a decent understanding of prior enviornmentals and evolutionary biology or ethology environmental ecology, to find the correlational dots which appear differently if you don’t, meaning worldview or perspective and understanding shapes your reality.
Along with society if you follow that conglomerate of a snowball rolling down an extremely varied hill terrain, shaping us as well at a macro meso micro, nano scale plays a role.
So that’s what makes causation such a tricky moving object at least to me. Almost like threads. Cheers.
All I have followed so far I could be extremely off. I’m still learning.
@everyday_human@pa@chevalier26@actuallyautistic the problem with studying all the correlations is, first: the knowledge we have now, the methodology of the knowledge itself is rooted in bias and you are left with no choice but to follow it as well, second: if presume question everything from geopolitical context to multispecies behavioural patterns and still continue the research individually it will take millennia and still would not be right
That would upset me too.
You're being vulnerable and they poke at you for some reason. Some people can't help themselves, it's almost as its an automatic reaction.
@Zumbador@chevalier26@actuallyautistic
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I mean, I know it's not likely something they are going to grok intuitively, I know it's not how they would think about that situation or feel about it, so I try to create the context for them, like, "See, I'm weird, I worry about X (unknown thing), so when Y happens, it means Z to me" - and . . . nuthin'. Like I never said any of it.
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Record scratch.
"ANYway," somebody says and they carry on. 😈
@punishmenthurts@Zumbador@actuallyautistic Yep! As soon as I explain myself and answer their questions, suddenly nobody feels like responding back to me or even apologizing if it was an especially jabby comment.
@chevalier26@Zumbador@actuallyautistic
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I had lost it all before I realized that when normal people say, "I don't understand you," that is not beginning a conversation, it is ending one. They're telling us they've already given it all the effort they are going to.
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Never mind that it's the first thing after, "Hello," practically. 💔
@Zumbador@chevalier26@actuallyautistic it's true that some people can't help but pick at these things. But if the thing we've discussed here before about NTs using others as their yardstick for acceptable morals more than nds, then this might also be a "helpful" tactic gone wrong.
After all, if a social peer doesn't think it's a big deal or can make light of it, an NT person could presumably use that to reduce their actual experience.
Another double empathy crossover in other words.
@Zumbador@chevalier26@actuallyautistic oh yes, absolutely. And being well intentioned doesn't change the harm, although I personally prefer to believe that people aren't intentionally trying to hurt me...