@actuallyautistic A while back someone posted a list of like 10'ish autistic traits which could be used for an explainer. I could use that list for an awareness training at work. Can the collective memory help me out? #actuallyautistic
@KoosPol@actuallyautistic One that I've found is particularly helpful, but may not have been on that list, is: context-heavy communication. It's not necessarily "heavy," and it's not just communication, but it's a sticking point with non-autistic people. It gets to the meat of one characteristic quite effectively, that "no, no, it all matters!" way of thinking, of being, that autistic folks find so hard to get across.
Just was ‘diagnosed’ with anxiety today after talking to a psychiatrist for five minutes (I’m using quotes because it seems a bit too preliminary to me to diagnose whoever with whatever after about 5 minutes of general talk).
Came asking for #ADHD and #autism evaluation. Was totally ignored on that regard) Of course, didn’t have courage to ask again.
Was it so obvious? Was I just a walking stereotype: middle-aged woman from a war-thorn country living alone who voluntarily came to a psychiatrist(doesn’t matter what else she has, she can’t NOT be anxious)?
Or is it just a general experience of most of #AuDHD female-passing folks: to be seen as anxious, to have most of their symptoms attributed to #anxiety (not like I was asked about any symptoms, but maybe have demonstrated some?)?
@heartofcoyote@olena@actuallyautistic It probably is anxiety, maybe plus the ADHD, or what you deal with in trying to navigate a neurotypical world that won't recognize you.
If you have medical coverage, & haven't already, call your insurer for a list of ADHD therapists. schedule one (use the phone, say why you only need one appointment atm) they can either run the test/s, or refer you. That's how I got my autism diagnosis (which I'm not 100% sure is accurate, but...).
That's just really cool that you have a coworker who can do that with you! I struggle with phone calls, too, but I can't imagine adding language on top of that--wow.
@Uair@actuallyautistic Dude, that was a hard read. And even if it's all true, writing like that is so self-absorbed you're not going to connect with anyone. If you can't reach out to people where they're at, you're going to keep banging your head against a wall. Maybe for now you forget the NSA and just build a life with genuine connections using the thought-language those people need.
For what sort of toots could I use hashtags like #ActuallyAutistic or the previous two I just used?
I Toot quite a bit about me and my quirky way life. But I never really know if I "should" add any ND hashtags as the "silly" things I Toot about are quite normal to me. If that makes sense 🤔...
I'm proud enough, these days, of who I am. But I wonder if and when it would be good to add some of these tags... Maybe it could help connect with other peeps like me 😇.
@Zumbador@pathfinder@PixysJourney@actuallyautistic Love this. Just because two colors are good doesn't mean they won't clash. And backward, too. If they clash, it doesn't mean they don't have other colors to harmoniously be next to.
@btaroli@actuallyautistic I'm not sure our society encourages that, specifically, so much as it's been propagated that hard work is how you move up the hierarchy (earn money, be competitive), while not tuning into the gratis labor that parents have to do.
Back in the day, the economic model of traditional family labelled parenting a FT job, and good jobs paid for a whole family, or so the story went. It's now an antiquated model, but you can still see it on your tax forms.
@btaroli@actuallyautistic Set your boundaries ahead of time if at all possible. There are also some really great tips and stories on r/SingleParents.
It's hard. Take care of your health, though, because this moment of life will pass more quickly than you can imagine, and one notable thing you'll have to show for it is the state of your body.
I don't have the spoons to explain why I feel my neurodivergence is making this worse, but I need feedback or insight from other ND people on a unique experience. This will be a long thread (added in replies) but I'm hopeful there will be a few kind readers who either relate or have something supportive to share.
Here goes:
1/ @actuallyautistic@actuallyaudhd #recoveringfromreligion #LateDiagnosedAutism #actuallyautistic#neurodivergent
There are a couple of autism-supportive groups who get table/tent spaces at our local pride. Although there are some church booths there, too, it's not exactly what you'd call a sacred space. The whole religion thing is rendered irrelevant. Super friendly, and the people are there to do nothing but connect people to other people, and organizations.
If you want to get really friendly, and have the chutzpa to be pro-active, volunteer at one.
@Uair@pathfinder@actuallyautistic With a relatively tiny brain. We can work together, though, and all get smarter. We just have to be nicer to each other, and to other folks, to get that going.
@Uair@actuallyautistic I haven't had a member of another species really dislike me except twice, a neighbors small mutt who was terrifying, and an orange tabby at a camp I really wanted to be friends with who taught me, in no uncertain terms, how cats operate.
The ants in my house and I are enemies. Trespassing is a captal offense. I will also kill-on-sight centepedes (d* video games corrupting my mind....)
Much to my shock I realised that I could be autistic when I was 53, roughly 7 years ago. And it was a shock, even though I suspect a very small, well hidden and very much ignored part of me, might have suspected. No one told me about it, or suggested that it might be the case. I did not see myself in relatives, the way so many of us do. I just happened to come across an autism test online and for no particular reason, took it.
It was that, that started me on my path to realising and finally accepting the truth that I was autistic. But, looking back, I sometimes find it hard to understand how I didn't know earlier. So much of my life now, just screams autism at me. But even ignoring the horribly ableist and medieval view I had of what autism was, the main reason why I didn't was probably because I could mask, both from myself and others, so well.
It was, I realise now, a life lived in denial. A denial of how much things bothered me, how much effort I had to put into things. Even a denial of the things I knew I couldn't do. Because this is the thing about appearing to mask so well, for so long. It is, in a sense, a lie. I couldn't mask well, if at all. Not all the time. Not in all situations or circumstances. There were things I just couldn't cope with, or even begin to deal with. But the trick was, that I either knew about them, or learnt the hard way about them and then I could manage my life to avoid them. Because they were things I could live without, without affecting how I appeared to be coping. Things that didn't affect the way I lived, even if they did affect my sense of worth. Because, how broken did you have to be, not to be able to go to crowded events, like a sports match, or a concert? Or to be able to deal with the socialising of a large gathering, or a family event, without having to hide in the kitchen, or forever outside, or break down in a toilet?
It was all part of how I masked myself from myself. The internal masking, as I like to call it. If I couldn't cope, then I was broken. If I couldn't stand something, then I was too picky, or sensitive, or I simply needed to learn to ignore it. And somehow I did learn. I learnt how to cope with noise and smell and visual overwhelm. I learnt to not let things bother me. To a point at least. There was always a step too far, when I couldn't, or didn't have the energy any more to maintain it. And this did take energy, a lot of it. Something I've only realising now that I don't have the energy to spare to even try it. Or the ability to, in many respects now that I know what I was trying so desperately to hide from.
Because when the truth is known, it's far harder to deny it. It's far harder to live the life where appearing to cope, is as good as coping. Where blaming yourself, is easier than seeing others faults. Where ignoring the pain, makes the pain go away. It's hard to see the mask as a benefit and always a good thing, rather than the shield and tool it always was.
It sounds to me like you've been struggling with yourself as if you've believed you're, as you put it, fundamentally broken. One thing the community has shown me is that in so many cases I was just trying to use the machine I've got for the wrong job, so to speak. My router is a terrible wood chipper.
Stay curious! There may not be an answer, but you can still make some beautiful things.
Doctor suggested I have #ADHD but I don't think I do because:
I am able to force myself to do things even if I'm not interested in it.
I do not like spontaneity.
When I have a deadline, I cannot leave it to the last minute or anxiety would cripple me.
But I do struggle to pay attention unless am hyperfocused. And I do have executive function challenges. And I have to have a project. And I crave dopamine hits.
On your second point, my kiddo's now in college about 6 hours from home-home, 9 in my Chevy Bolt with charging time. I now believe hitting up my library for a couple of audiobooks (they fully download on thier digital platform--no streaming, but there are other formats, too,) is now more important than packing my toothbrush.
I have a thumb drive fulla music, but if I pick the right book, it's not one I would likely have read in print. The readers are fabulous performers. I love picking up subtle speech mannerisms or phrases that I wouldn't think to remember if it doesn't artfully come into my ears. it just feels productive for me. (Worng book, forget it.)
Jacqueline Woodson was my last. Really amazing work.
I keep going back to this situation in a previous job where the boss said that he'd invite us for a drink at the local funfair and give us the afternoon off if we joined him.
Everybody joined, so I did as well.
It was a hot summer day. The funfair was empty, but huge, noisy and overwhelming. Also, I hated the boss who egged us on to go on one of the rides. I would now say that I quickly reached my sensory threshold.
At some point, me and a coworker wandered off. We walked on until we reached the exit, then made the split-second decision to leave without saying goodbye.
The next day I was summoned by the boss and interrogated why I had left early without saying goodbye. Ashamed of myself, I mumbled some vague excuses.
I would try to handle the whole situation differently now, but back then I didn't know what was going on and I didn't have the right words. Am I still ashamed? Yeah, maybe a bit, but I'm trying to let myself off the hook. I just didn't know any better.
