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Ilovechai

@[email protected]

Sipping my chai, keeping cozy and just here to check out what the Fediverse has to offer.

Posts auto-deleted after 2 weeks, except for highly rebooted shares.
I boost a lot.
#socialworker #CultSurvivor #therapist #exmo late self realized #audhd #parentofteens #deconstructioncommunity #humanist #CarlSagan fan, #psychology #cognitivescience #somatichealing #ifstherapy #yoga #mountains #nature #hsp #singing #mindfulness #humanrights #freepalestine #feminism

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Ilovechai , to autisticadvocacy group
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@autisticadvocacy @actuallyautistic

"In our first episode of the Autism and Intimacy podcast, Candice shares the diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum including what symptoms are often expressed but not in the DSM V. She and her husband Chris also talk about a recent communication issue they had and how they have learned to effectively tackle her issues with both sensory overload and communication mishaps. Enjoy!"

https://pca.st/episode/df74741d-9f47-4c2a-ae4a-e99363b54138

Ilovechai , to autisticadvocacy group
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy

Ilovechai , to autisticadvocacy group
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

I know this is a little a tiny stupid thing but I'm becoming increasingly agitated because my Instagram says that I have a chat message and I have scrolled and everything has been read and that notification will not go away LOL
🥲🤭🤪
@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy @actuallyadhd

AnAutieAtUni , to ActuallyAutistic group
@AnAutieAtUni@beige.party avatar

Having a “OMFG I want to be spontaneously adventurous, exploring the world like I dreamed I would be by now” kinda day.

Feeling massive frustration, coming out as boredom initially. It absolutely sucks to have a physically-limiting illness like ME/CFS. It feels like I keep crushing the light of my spirit daily to keep going. Any exertion has to be carefully contained and dosed, otherwise it costs me in: long-term health declines, anything on my calendar as it’ll need to be cancelled, relationships, etc etc etc. Even massive JOY or excitement has triggered PEM!

Feeling this way today is also GOOD because it means I’m feeling better after my recent lengthier PEM crash and mild respiratory virus. Feeling like ‘myself’ which rarely happens day-to-day… even though the respiratory virus is still there. It’s good to feel good.

Think I’m also reacting to my weekly group NHS calls with other patients about ME/CFS. Two said they also had ADHD. And also reacting to realising I’m most likely AuDHD rather than just autistic. Claiming the ADHD side feels good, yet it’s also damn painful.

Just hope this allows me to find ways to add more spontaneity and energy and exploration into my days sometimes… no idea how when ME/CFS dulls my light most of the time, but it’s important I try! I miss that complete FREEDOM. 🐎

@actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic

Ilovechai ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@AnAutieAtUni @actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic
✨️✨️ peeling these layers is so much... I'm only self realized asd... and still on the fence about adhd...I'd travel with you ..I know those frustrated dreaming days.. I'm stimming in the treadmill to move that buzzin in my head atm 😮‍💨

Ilovechai , to autisticadvocacy group
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

When the lyrics give you an appreciation for a genre outside your usual vibe.
@autisticadvocacy
Competing and comparison is a no for me though
My growth is not replicable or copy-friendly
I'm powerful beyond measure
The version of me others created in their mind
Is not my responsibility
I normalize saying no when others want too much from me
I uproot any soul ties of attachment that has held me hostage

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=hapxCXuCDeY&si=BWQNaJVFgP1zWdKu

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@autisticadvocacy pick up the pace
👟🏃‍♀️🔥
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=cSpnJjM1H24&si=mYgFF8nQYuaMqlaB

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@autisticadvocacy

Temporary post 👅felt cute will def delete later

video/mp4

Ilovechai , to ActuallyAutistic group
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I don't have the spoons to explain why I feel my neurodivergence is making this worse, but I need feedback or insight from other ND people on a unique experience. This will be a long thread (added in replies) but I'm hopeful there will be a few kind readers who either relate or have something supportive to share.
Here goes:
1/
@actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd


Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

Not sure how to describe it, but I'm feeling frustrated that despite the fact that my faith deconstruction began in 2015, and I officially left the religion in 2016; I still miss the closeness and belonging I once had. I'm Hella triggered by organized retreats or post religion gatherings... it seems to have the same flavor as church.. I get that people are wanting connection. Obviously so do I..
2/

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

but so far, online spaces seem to feel the safest. I think being in a high demand religion with insta-friends masked some of my limits in socializing or maintaining friendships. Literally 4 to 5 in person 'friend groups' I attempted to engage in over the post faith years, all imploded 1-2 yrs later. I'm starting to fear I'll never have connections that survive beyond that now
3/

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

but so far, online spaces seem to feel the safest. I think being in a high demand religion with insta-friends masked some of my limits in socializing or maintaining friendships. Literally 4 to 5 in person 'friend groups' I attempted to engage in over the post faith years, all imploded 1-2 yrs later. I'm starting to fear I'll never have connections that survive beyond that now
3/

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

(despite having 15-20 yr friendships before leaving.)
When you lose your entire support system, and you see red flags of manipulation or non-reciprocation miles away.... somedays it feels like I just have to accept that freedom of mind has to be enough, cuz trusting relationships was the price...
4/

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

but here I am, trying to have spaces to find connection and ASD or post religion spaces seems to be the safest 🤔 (every time I decide to leave exreligious spaces from deconstruction topic burnout, I find my way back because its the place I find like minded people) I guess I'm just here to vent about how f*cking terribly cruel shunning is.
5/

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

🤨 And how utterly burnt out I feel trying to rebuild a support system. Thanks to anyone who shared their energy to read this. 🥹🙏🏻

5/end

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

Thanks again for all those who have been so considerate and responded to this thread. It makes me curious if there's a discord space where you hang out? Those who offered DMs ...I'd be open to it, and it's also more comfortable for me to respond than initiate, or to chat in a more private space regularly before doing one-on-one (at least for me). So, if such a server exists, do share (either in DM or comments) 😉🙏🏻

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@filmfreak75 @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd
🤩🥰 ty 🙏🏻

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@arisummerland @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd 🙏🏻🥰 ty

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@JoBlakely @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd
I'm glad you're finding benefit and connections that way ✨️🙏🏻I'll be curious about this idea.

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@CynAq @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd
100% relatable.
I'm truly hoping to land in a place of more contentment and acceptance as you have... I'm a strange mix of needing a lot of downtime and deep connections.. it's a complex balance I am still navigating and working to identify for myself.

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@Tooden @CynAq @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

Nod. My partner seems to be the only reciprocal source so far and I'm so grateful 🙏🏻 I also know I'm my best when there's at least one other social anchor in my life since I have more need to connect.

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@seanwithwords @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

That's a healthy approach. One step at a time.

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@janisf @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

🤩👏🏻🌈💓

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@Zeronior @actuallyaudhd @actuallyautistic

😎🏍👏🏻🤩 that's awesome

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@androcat @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

It's true. I've done a lot of grief work to accept the reality of the limits of these past connections. And it seems they did fill some needs I'm now working to find healthier, more fitting ways to meet. Ty for sharing your thoughts.

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@arisummerland @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd
Thx. I looked and funnily enough I joined it in April, but didn't remember till check. I guess I'll try doing more than reacting to posts. 🫢

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@JoBlakely @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd
Wonderful experiment. I think the years of the high demand religion had me socializing far beyond my limits quiet, thoughtful, sincere spaces are what I'm prioritizing. I used to be in a book club and loved it.. haven't found a replacement after a move. Are you journaling your journey? I am all for no dimming ✨️✨️✨️

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@JoBlakely @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd
no shoulds. I would just be interested in hearing what you're finding. I think it's lovely what is lifting your spirits and feeling comfortable for you. I'm coming off a recent disappointment and know what you mean by some people are awful. Diamonds in the rough are definitely rare.

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@JoBlakely @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd Gorgeous! I'm coming to similar spaces but from the opposite end of things. I overextended myself, masked in a very extroverted way & have learned how to check inward before extending myself; instead of the codependent, people pleasing, happy face coping I did for so long. It's still uncomfortable, but in a new way. Before, I got a lot of attention but was never known. Now it's a little lonelier, special few know me well & I'm at home in my own skin.

Ilovechai , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar


@autisticadvocacy @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

"Sometimes an autistic person may behave in a way that you wouldn't immediately link to sensory differences. A person who finds it difficult to process everyday sensory information can experience sensory overload, or information overload. Too much information can cause stress, anxiety, and possibly physical pain. This can result in withdrawal, distressed behaviour or meltdowns."
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/sensory-differences/sensory-differences/all-audiences#:~:text=Sometimes%20an%20autistic%20person%20may,anxiety%2C%20and%20possibly%20physical%20pain

Ilovechai , to autisticadvocacy group
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

Singing helps regulate my nervous system.



@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy
Late Friday night shenanigans
Singing helps regulate my nervous system.



@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy
Singing helps regulate my nervous system.



@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

Singing helps regulate my nervous system.



@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy

A song for the goodbye we didn't say.

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

Singing helps regulate my nervous system.



I need to come back to polish this one when I have more time 🎵
@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy

Sent this voice clip to my daughter in college tonight after she texted sharing she was having bad , nausea, overwhelm (and I'm guessing probably . )

Sometimes we just need a .
(Also sent this meditation) ✨️
https://insighttimer.com/chelseapottenger/guided-meditations/meditation-for-anxiety-relief

Sharing both if anyone else needed comfort.

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy

Singing helps regulate my nervous system.



Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy

Some hobbies haven't fully materialized because small things will get me dysregulated. Frustration builds/ mind/ identifying flaws, etc. I'm able to be kind, gentle & patient w/ clients who struggle w/ because it's something I've been slowly trying to overcome my entire life; partially because of my high demand religion, & also now I'm recognizing not only my parents' parenting style, but too. 😮‍💨 I'm learning to laugh now.

video/mp4

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy

see previous vid to understand some of the fine motor skills issues
Practicing unperfecting my



Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@punishmenthurts @actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy

😁
Thank you. I don't know whether to glad or sorry that you understand in your own way. 😆

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy

Allowing my imperfect uke playing. If anyone plays uke or guitar well and wants to be my karaoke track, I'll use it for future recording 🎶😊 we can find songs both of us know.
Singing helps regulate my nervous system.



Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy

Novice uke

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy

be ok with being bad at something you're learning how to do

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy
Last for the day. Vocals only. Revisiting my days.

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@woozle @actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy

May make those uninterested happy for me to go elsewhere.
I don't know enough about the fediverse though. I've tried to find the hashtags that make sense to me. I also have mixed feelings because I shared it with the autistic groups since this is my stim/special interest & that's the space that supposedly is welcoming & compassionate. But it's sure awkward not deleting those groups every time I reply because I want it as a thread for my own profile 🤷‍♀️

f1337 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@f1337@hachyderm.io avatar

🤔 Is pathological demand avoidance a form, or derivative, of the freeze response to trauma?

@actuallyautistic

Ilovechai ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@f1337 @actuallyautistic

100%
"PDA is characterized by a heightened fight/flight/freeze response to demands, leading individuals to actively avoid or resist requests, even if they are enjoyable activities."
https://rb.gy/0cs8as

Ilovechai ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@f1337 @actuallyautistic

I prefer: "Persistent Drive for Autonomy" to describe PDA. 😌

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