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Let’s share the experience, and the journey.♾️❤️ (Import from Planet Noob) AuDHD since my memory starts. Just discovered in year 418.53 ppm. Turns out I wasn’t a true alien 👽. Survivor of entry into the friendly strange planet in the year 336.84 ppm

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LehtoriTuomo , to ActuallyAutistic group avatar

Yay, got some new books!


everyday_human , avatar
everyday_human , to ActuallyAutistic group avatar


Ok so what are some signals and reasons for signals that’s your partner wants you to do something?

Perhaps it’s the way they hold their coffee or change thier tone or give you looks to let them know what you want or what they are trying to signal to your brain to essentials observe and understand what’s going to happen next

It can be anything I’m curious if any couples made any cognitive life hacks 😵‍💫😒

everyday_human OP , avatar

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd
Anyhow let me be clearer.

What Inspired the question was because sometimes I see others do neat hacks to help each other.

Ultimately explicit clear communication works well. We have a neurodiverse family as well.

Sometimes however in the world it’s helpful to have some mutual signals or cues to let each other know how we feel without talking out in public.

f1337 , to ActuallyAutistic group avatar

Thing I learned at camp:


cc @actuallyautistic

everyday_human , avatar

@f1337 @actuallyautistic
There’s a mental health camp?

dyani , to ActuallyAutistic group avatar

Yesterday was my 1 year AuDHD anniversary!

1 year since the most life-changing realization ever. My resting heart rate dropped by ~10 points after I figured it out.

Knowing this about myself has given me so much peace & confidence. It's given me even more compassion for myself and others. I advocate for my needs now, and I have better boundaries.

Every day I marvel at how amazing we ND folks are, and how much we bring to the world.

I so appreciate this community!


everyday_human , avatar

@dyani @actuallyautistic
the community is pretty diverse and supportive.

I was schocked to find it that way,
I wouldn’t say innate, but it appeared very organic.I mean it’s not like it’s an echo chamber, we have many differences, but I think it helps us all to understand those perspectives if it doesn’t overwhelm us.

Happy anniversary. ☺️

It seems like such a short time ago but so much has happened for all of us.
Thanks for everything you do! 🥳☺️😉

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group avatar

What does “unmasking” mean to my comrades?


everyday_human , avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic
Unmasking to me, is the process by which you explore through the journey of life, circumstances, and choices, interwoven with the fabric of nature perhaps with yourself in the most genuine way you can express with agency and energy; a discovery of self if you will as well as unmasking. A work in progress.

everyday_human , to bookstodon group avatar

Looking for this book by one of my favorite authors… I just saw a book release it seems available but also not available oh my…
Camilla is an author in the UK lol 😆 unfortunately I have been running into annoyances 😆 I’m in the US

aspiedan , to ActuallyAutistic group avatar

Feeling like a walking black hole today :octo_sad: Things are just too much and going wrong. I can't see past all the negative and want to curl in a ball and hide, but can't as at work and then home to the kids. Feeling out of touch and depth rn :ir: :blobcatverysad: @actuallyautistic

everyday_human , avatar
everyday_human , to ActuallyAutistic group avatar

I totally forgot it was Monday but also. I just remembered it was Monday. So it’s been Monday twice not Monday once 2/3. Not bad


pathfinder , to ActuallyAutistic group avatar


Much to my shock I realised that I could be autistic when I was 53, roughly 7 years ago. And it was a shock, even though I suspect a very small, well hidden and very much ignored part of me, might have suspected. No one told me about it, or suggested that it might be the case. I did not see myself in relatives, the way so many of us do. I just happened to come across an autism test online and for no particular reason, took it.

It was that, that started me on my path to realising and finally accepting the truth that I was autistic. But, looking back, I sometimes find it hard to understand how I didn't know earlier. So much of my life now, just screams autism at me. But even ignoring the horribly ableist and medieval view I had of what autism was, the main reason why I didn't was probably because I could mask, both from myself and others, so well.

It was, I realise now, a life lived in denial. A denial of how much things bothered me, how much effort I had to put into things. Even a denial of the things I knew I couldn't do. Because this is the thing about appearing to mask so well, for so long. It is, in a sense, a lie. I couldn't mask well, if at all. Not all the time. Not in all situations or circumstances. There were things I just couldn't cope with, or even begin to deal with. But the trick was, that I either knew about them, or learnt the hard way about them and then I could manage my life to avoid them. Because they were things I could live without, without affecting how I appeared to be coping. Things that didn't affect the way I lived, even if they did affect my sense of worth. Because, how broken did you have to be, not to be able to go to crowded events, like a sports match, or a concert? Or to be able to deal with the socialising of a large gathering, or a family event, without having to hide in the kitchen, or forever outside, or break down in a toilet?

It was all part of how I masked myself from myself. The internal masking, as I like to call it. If I couldn't cope, then I was broken. If I couldn't stand something, then I was too picky, or sensitive, or I simply needed to learn to ignore it. And somehow I did learn. I learnt how to cope with noise and smell and visual overwhelm. I learnt to not let things bother me. To a point at least. There was always a step too far, when I couldn't, or didn't have the energy any more to maintain it. And this did take energy, a lot of it. Something I've only realising now that I don't have the energy to spare to even try it. Or the ability to, in many respects now that I know what I was trying so desperately to hide from.

Because when the truth is known, it's far harder to deny it. It's far harder to live the life where appearing to cope, is as good as coping. Where blaming yourself, is easier than seeing others faults. Where ignoring the pain, makes the pain go away. It's hard to see the mask as a benefit and always a good thing, rather than the shield and tool it always was.

everyday_human , avatar

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic
When did you start connecting the official dots. By official, you realize your everyday life starts to look like your own version of autism? I mean it must take an infinite amount of courage to step out on the ledge.

I was fortunate.

I don’t think my partner would have figured it out so early, I mean they didn’t know know, they knew but because they didn’t read they couldn’t align.
I knew but I also knew I could be wrong.

Their own psychiatrist told them they weren’t 😆. Keep in mind and then told them they were. Then finally decided well yes once you unmask ok. Yes but we will put down adhd since you have that anyhow….

everyday_human , avatar

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic
I thought most of the world was hypocrites and liars 😂. It made no sense. No wonder I had trust issues. Being a human seemed to have sociopathic tendencies with the whole masking thing. I didn’t know regular people did it. Now that I understand it both clinically and socially I much prefer it.

everyday_human , avatar

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic
To everything there’s a season this seems like the season of many things including autism.

niamhgarvey , to ActuallyAutistic group avatar

Doctor suggested I have but I don't think I do because:
I am able to force myself to do things even if I'm not interested in it.
I do not like spontaneity.
When I have a deadline, I cannot leave it to the last minute or anxiety would cripple me.
But I do struggle to pay attention unless am hyperfocused. And I do have executive function challenges. And I have to have a project. And I crave dopamine hits.

Anyone else similar to that?

everyday_human , avatar
everyday_human , avatar

@pathfinder @niamhgarvey @Havoc_online @Zumbador @miffyhelen @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd have you ever taken an level 1 self test they are maddening till you figure out the just want the most accurate answer so if you answer is closest to b then mark b even though it remotely resembles d. That’s what I was told

everyday_human , avatar

@niamhgarvey @pathfinder @Havoc_online @Zumbador @miffyhelen @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd
Ohh 😮 yeah pretty moderately confidently I suspect adhd it’s just a question of how it impacts your life enough for you to bother with getting that validation etc medication.

everyday_human , avatar

@pathfinder @niamhgarvey @Havoc_online @Zumbador @miffyhelen @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd yeah I had to take the test at least 5-6 times first to realize ok so if it’s closer to this pick this

everyday_human , avatar

@pathfinder @niamhgarvey @Havoc_online @Zumbador @miffyhelen @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd
There’s also the logic if you can figure out the test naturally I think you get a free autistic snail figure

gri , to ActuallyAutistic group avatar

Hi! I'm hoping for help with an art project exploring autism and 'barriers' (sensory, social, structural) that lead to overwhelm, shutdown, meltdown, exclusion... (Either via masking or directly). I'm starting by compiling a list of things - my own include stuff like being interrupted whilst focussed on a thing, crisp bag rustling, body spray, unnecessary 'chit chat' group emails, arbitrary changes... Any more that any of you would like to share would be much appreciated. Each 'barrier' will be written out within the artwork @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

everyday_human , avatar

@gri @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd
Group empathy can be overwhelming sometimes.

It clouds all the information for me vs smaller groups of people.

Sometimes familiar people, unless it’s the perfect spoon day.

For me it’s all relative.

Also what most don’t understand outside and even sometimes even in our community many of these things are regarded fluid in nature, including many things but some are to needs and support a meeting those needs as well. So not having music or something to focus on can make everything feel like it’s on volume 150% and my headphones if I max them out only go to 100, so it’s has to be some measure of neuro- relativity and tipping points being crossed in my embodied system. I guess perhaps.

pathfinder , to ActuallyAutistic group avatar


Autistic brains be stupid. Well, obviously not stupid, they just seem to work, or not work, in mysterious ways.

The main one that has always got me, about mine, is that I have no memory for sound, absolutely none. I can't remember a song, or a sound. I can't remember what my parents sounded like and none of my memories carry, for want of a better word, a soundtrack. I can remember what I was thinking and what others were saying, but not hearing them say it, nor any other sound. I also don't dream in sound, at least as far as I know. All my dreams are silent.

And yet, and it's a big yet. I have an excellent memory for voices and sounds. Like many autistics I have near perfect pitch, at least when I'm hearing others sing, or music playing. Just don't ask me to reproduce it, because I can't. If I meet someone I haven't met for a while, then I will almost certainly not recognise their face, or remember their name, but there is a very good chance that I will recognise them from their voice. I am also very good at detecting accents. Even the slightest hint of one in, say, an actor pretending to be an american, will get me searching Wikipedian to see if I am right about their actual nationality.

So, if I can tell the sound of a Honda CBR engine two blocks away, or a voice, or an accent buried deep, I must have the memories to compare against. And yet... nope.

So, as I said, autistic brains be stupid.

everyday_human , avatar

@pathfinder @bhawthorne @olena @actuallyautistic @devxvda

asking such a vexing question contemplative philosophical question haha
It surely must be a trick.
I’ll try and admit defeat before I start:

the self perhaps could be described by some:

a phenomena of the embodied system model of what we call “mind and body”,of which in itself is a complex system of complex systems, among other organisms and life forms and within other complex systems and other forms of existence.

This phenomena could be represented by the momentary culmination of which said systems are constantly emergent, and by which those systems new moments emerge at various stages and scale.🧐

😆 😂yeah all I can gather..

everyday_human , avatar

@pathfinder @bhawthorne @olena @actuallyautistic @devxvda
🤔 I did leave room for that lol I didn’t want to touch the physics or math of that 😆 you go ahead…I’m not versed well enough in either 🤣🤣

everyday_human , avatar

@olena @pathfinder @bhawthorne @actuallyautistic @devxvda
🧐 a relatively new branch of neuroscience , apparently there is an link between the guts biome connected physiologically via our nervous system I think.

I’ve read a couple of papers on it now for 5-6 year.

There’s papers out there on it I’m not positive of the sampling size or who the best minds are in on it because of sub-specialty medically/biologically.

It indeed can affect the whole embodied system and also with Interoception epistemically 🤔

everyday_human , avatar

@pathfinder @olena @bhawthorne @actuallyautistic @devxvda
So why do we use predicative inference, and iterative inference combined with life’s experience within the mind enveloped by our embodied systems to explain the biological and philosophical of the human experience existentially as a concept?

everyday_human , avatar

@angiebaby @pathfinder @hellomiakoda @actuallyautistic
Well that’s a compliment right ? Not everyone has a radio voice. I’m not even sure what mine sounds like outside of my brain.

everyday_human , avatar

@clacke @pathfinder @actuallyautistic
perhaps familiar with it. I just learned this year soooo much, what has it taught me,
the more I learn the less I know .

QI’ve done metacog work since small. Metacognition is basically teaching yourself how to think. Think of them as altralight inference as why things happen they way they do. Most embodied systems l learn watching others or experience.

So when I learned about autism it was like 😮 this is why after dx it expanded my worldview, it’s so vast it can cause paradigm shifts by some . It’s a tough time.
If you have specific questions just lmk im happy to share any experiences :)

everyday_human , avatar

@clacke @pathfinder @actuallyautistic
Plus when you look at the health problems you can get as you get older sux. It makes it harder to function in society basically. All the wears upon you then you add generational a trauma it’s a lot for many of us to navigate without assistance. We obviously think differently. Extreme hyperphantasia in adults hyper phantasia, more vivid recall. Cited by nih I can get the paper :)

everyday_human , to ActuallyAutistic group avatar

Mental Health

Reflective moment.
Im going to try to explain something I never have said entirely.

I am a self learner, autodidact.

I try extremely hard not to assume things about people.

Why they do the things they do?
I personally know I’m not all that special.

Unique maybe.

I do have a desire for accuracy.

My version of extreme sports is learning the basics of difficult sciences that explains how the world works.

I’m not good at standard formulas.
I Frankensteined my own that get me by to survive.
Probabilistic math.

I don’t have a love for proving people wrong.

However I do enjoy getting constructive criticism that’s meaninful and helpful.

I’m an observer and a listener at a whole different level.

I don’t enjoy being right or about things.

It’s actually painful!

Well because in most situations I drill into my head not to assume things not to infer things.

So when I am right, it means I could have maybe helped someone when I didn’t but I wasn’t confident about my ability.

It also maybe means I wasted precious moments of my life figuring something out only to doubt myself. Humility

Alas I was born like this.

I have a very vivid lucid memory. Apparently it’s immersive eidetic. Which is even more of a burden. Nearly completely lucid recall even if I don’t want it.

I hear this often:

“Wow I wish I could remember verbatim like you do”

For me it’s like never being able to forget things, never to be free of pain, never be simply oblivious, sure I can act that way.

Guess what my brain still remembers!!!😭

I have had to struggle, to know the whys of everything, to every thought I’ve ever had. I’ve had alot of thoughts.

I fight with myself, to find and break l my walls and keep my mind open , all my sensory, all my icks, all my ews I’ve had to learn how to deal with them

I’ve conditioned myself over a lifetime
How to accept it and normalize it.

Laughing can be a coping mechanism I think in most humans.

Pretty sad when you have to learn microbiology to learn how we are basically mostly living in clean dirt and dirty dirt.

Life within life.


Every fear I’ve had to face alone, like we all do, all fears in mind

I can sit it a cemetery on Halloween and have no fear of ghosts or demons, I can fall 😴
I have my own ghosts that are far scarier. 👻
My memories of my own life.

The longer I live the longer I battle it doesn’t get any easier for me. Although
I am still Alive! 🫣

I’ve delved(not A bot or written by ai) into every facet of science to learn how to normalize everything.

I did this even before I realized I was autistic, I knew I was different.

Quite honestly for awhile my imposter syndrome I semi I questioned my own sanity. Was I delusional?

I guess in some ways that protected me as well.

It causes me to triple rethink every thought I think.

I stayed grounded. Conserve energy know when to use it. Timing
Action or lack of action will change the outcome.

Oh and that memory that everyone wants that recall, makes you feel like you’re crazy btw.

When everyone else remembers through thier world view.

I remember through every lens I can see it at the time and every lens I acquire as I expand my world view constantly adding to my updated schema.

Often time people use me as translator to what people mean.
More then once I’ve been asked to read people for people.

I don’t like it.

I reply I’m confident with x amount of accuracy but I could be wrong.

Do most people think in Confidence Intervals?

I am likely biased. I know
I tell people this even though i can pretty accurate about other people in my life I see.
I remain situationally aware.

I’m choose mostly to say silent and mind my own business.

I’ve grown to know myself fairly well, a work in progress I guess.

I dislike being me.

I do love life though with every ounce of my being despite the pain.

I try with what time I have left to advocate for education and acceptance of those who are marginalized and suffer because of ignorance and stigma.

I wish I could wish away my ability, I dislike the highly functional part. I dislike being viewed as better off when I’m truly not. I feel fucking cursed.

The stress and pressure and anxiety is killing me.

When people fight, grow learn and change you notice. You wonder why they didn’t get the version update.

“I didn’t change they will say”.

Debating whether they did or not is usually not worth the effort.

That isn’t the only curse, this savantish type of ability makes me feel alone in a world of billions of people.
I know I am not.
You can talk and explain until your dead yet others may fully get you.

I thought when I was younger. I wonder if I could train my brain like a computer!

I would challenge myself on accuracy of rough off the cuff calculations.

I thought if I remained situationally adaptive and objective and humble and just learned a little more, listened a little more, worked a lot more I could actually manage my own mind.
That was wishful magical thinking 🤔

Turns out I think I did become more accurate.

Again this is impossible right?

To what scale exactly?
I don’t know
To have a basic mechanistic understanding of everything I learn and how it maybe connected to every other cog through different frames.

A liquid pretending to be a solid

Then there’s the devils advocate.

There’s people who have it worse. Some people don’t have these gifts yet have the same deficits or worse than me.

Unless you live in my head you don’t know how much I suffer 😭Do you?
I know that as well and that is even more painful as I know many have it worse.

Does it make my pain less?

No, it doesn’t bring me comfort or feel better, for they seems is too many.

It brings to me compassion and humility.

I swear some people find people find comfort in knowing some have it worse.

News is classed as entertainment blown out of context for engagement.

Social media polarization? Engagement.

Did you get the update we became the product for AI training?
We are the product in a capitalistic merit based economy.
Did you get that update?

Framing is important. Don’t understand change your lens.

How does it make you feel better that there are people out there starving or being violent or mean to one another?

Does it distract you from your own life?
Not me, it compounds mine, ediditic memory.

Everytime I hear someone say , eww this isn’t good enough or too this or too that, it saddens me. I picture people dying of starvation.

Water is yucky?
I have images in my video memory of people in countries not so lucky without clean water and getting diseases and lead or shit in their drinks.

Do you still want my memory or awareness. I’m biased and flawed.
It’s far from perfect, I am human like everyone else. I don’t know much. With every fiber of my being I try to remain objective.

I realize autism adhd ptsd rsd pda hits everyone differently.

I know we have all our preferences and routines and they bring us comfort.

Nature= You and me.
a part of everything even if minuscule.

I see you out in the wild, not intentionally. I swear most of the time I don’t want to know but my brain seems to save it. Unless it’s occupied with something.

However I try to enjoy the simple things like acorns birds,cats,plants, clouds, stars art, and most importantly MUSIC.

I’ve never felt more connected to everything yet so alone. It’s so incredibly lonely.

I just want anyone to know who read this. I am not what I appear. I’m just like you.

Perhaps it will bring some soul comfort and understanding.

It’s pretty much my only hope in writing this.
Perhaps it makes it more real for me.

The funny part is I can’t force myself to memorize.

Even with this recall, I cannot seem to remember my own shit, I guess my mind is trained on the world most of the time while also trying to be present in the moment.

I will admit a knat has more of l attention span than me.

I have far too many faults to judge others.
I’ve made far far far too many mistakes.
When I was younger I thought I was invincible and had shit figured out.
I understood survival, people were a mystery.

I’m a childhood trauma survivor

I am sorry if I seemed a like an asshole.

I didn’t healthily express my displeasure at times when I was overwhelmed.

I didn’t know how and I didn’t know if anyone actually could understand. I still don’t.

I’m sorry for seeming like I don’t care about your problems. I do!

I’m sorry.
I truly am.

As bad as my luck may seem to me. For some reason I’m alive at the moment.
I also have tachycardia most likely from hypervigelence and my anxiety which is tough.

I don’t know how to solve all my own problems. I try always

helps. Medicine helps. Less stress is the best.

,self care.

I’m not being critical, judgemental of anyone else I’m genuinely asking, is this easy/difficult to read?

I’m explaining how my mind works.

Often people use me to remember accurately and fight their battles for them.
I can see through most masks.
I can see something even if I don’t know what it is then my mind uses some inference to give me possibilities.
Too many far too many!
Sort function sure.

Then with all this, can I even be truly loved if I can never be understood?

In the right frame.

I could be wrong. There’s too much to know. That I know for sure.
Are other people like me?

Do they not understand how it affects them?

Do they feel like they didn’t have a voice which diminished their emotional capacity or was a voice for others? Or is it Alexithima? Likely

I spent a lifetime trying to interpret human behavior. My own included.

Most of my life I was so confused litterally. I somehow emerged from the other end of the tunnel since childhood wondering why

I was audhd dx 2022.

Mostly I found out why.

Perhaps they can’t remember. . They are battling for thier life the best they can.😔 I wrote this to maybe see if anyone else knows what this is like.Maybe someone else will find this helpful. You aren’t alone!

everyday_human OP , avatar

@juliasnz @actuallyautistic
Thank you so much for the kind and thoughtful response. My goal is to be as comfortable but also pushing my boundaries a bit and be transparent as possible.

😆 Yes I do have pet ants 😆 not like my fellow enthusiasts. Mine are wall ants who just come out for some snacks I leave them.

More like things that just happen to be in my life.

So are you a late dx?

Thanks for reading that ultra long post. I’ve been on mastodon since EM fired the whole accessibility staff at xitter, I was a fact checker, birdwatcher,I quit. I most was there to connect with science and other people who shared similar passions.

I love love love nature. I’m a both a believer in fate and serendipity somewhat.

What im struggling most with is unifying myself sort of. Finding balance. Within everything. I can cognitively Que fairly well when I’m synced or in what some call a flow state.

However I’ve learned I can’t force anything.

I’m also in a community of autistics, my whole building,
Mostly that either know they are but have no idea why they feel they do because they don’t see how it would help.
Been marginalized too long and it’s systemic.

I’m disabled by the state due to what stress does to my whole system.
Just trying to find my path while embracing myself and others as they are.

everyday_human OP , avatar

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic

Finally got a chance to write back. I thought about what you said a lot.

I would say this familiar to me as well I realized since philosophy and logic seems second nature to you.

Which is super cool to me.
Also we seemed to have gone through alot of the same conversations.
Just different times. Prob some generational differences maybe

See I used to be so horrible to myself I conditioned myself as you read, I didn’t have a lot of empathy for inner me, I was hard on myself, so hard for years. I told myself “Adapt or Die”. Embarrassingly.

Also heads up each of these things you come to realize if you really accept yourself.
going to lighten your load a bit. .

Bottom line, you have put in the effort to get this far.
May as well have fun on that adventure.

See my new life rule was to schedule more healthy habits, like watching out for our health within reason, exercising, relationship activities. Why I was bad at it!! 😆

One of these priorities was food.
I thought I should be grateful about food,part of being grateful is relaxing to eat your food chew taste when I eat, I produce more salivation, more salivation plus more chewing equals easier digestion, which equals less work for your body. And all I had to do was chew and taste and be thankful for what l had.

More energy and it humbled me.

So that’s why I got started so looking at how it could impact my thoughts or ways of seeing the world.

I read books as a category that would expand my world view to try see the world in a basic light. In some of its most basic forms of life .

Oh I wrote the same thing like two weeks ago about being alone

I mean yes we are alone.

In the sense there’s no clone of us out there. However disappointing that is 😅.

That kind of alone can cause loneliness if you ruminate on it and go down a dark path of misery but eventually you would hopefully feel better because there’s only one you on this earth no clone and you shouldn’t base that sadness on the impossible

Especially if you ever want to experience life.

I think perhaps what we feel is under-valued to ourselves at times misunderstood and confused.

I could see perhaps it’s under appreciation of ourselves and each other and our life itself which in turn can cause disallusionment and Impacts a possible sizeable amount loneliness.

I not implying causality.
I do think perhaps we are more connected to everything than we can sense easily.
I could be wrong though. Night

catswhocode , to ActuallyAutistic group avatar

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd I know this isn't specifically an autistic/ADHD trait, but I have a lot of trouble remembering people's names. Usually I have to write down the name, take a picture of it, or make an association that sticks. Does this happen to any of you too?

everyday_human , avatar

@catswhocode @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd
Haha yeah I have to do mental association manually unless I meet a person a couple times. Which sucks because I sometimes forget.

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