As I've gotten older my patience for putting on an obvious mask has worn thin. I've gotten grumpy.
Some of that is more directly mental health related, I'm sure, and while that's certainly a mask being dropped, I kind of feel like there are a lot of them, insidiously buried in my psyche.
I liked the post from @E_Briannica but even then, I'm not even sure what "alone" means anymore.
@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic Behaving how I would in a room with no one watching. Wearing whatever, sitting in whatever position, enjoying whatever activity without fear of possibility of judgment. Doing things at my own pace, from hyperspeed switching focus to being nearly motionless for an hour. Singing loud even though I don’t know all the words and my voice doesn’t sound like I thought it would out loud, which would feel bad if someone else was around.
@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic
Unmasking means prioritizing my own comfort to target typical expectations of comfort.
Unmasking means redirecting my sense that others value my normative behavior to an expectation that others value my wellbeing.
@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic not everyone likes my (even partly) unmasked self. I think it's (I am) scary because my behaviour is not as predictable as what they're used to in the NT world? Interestingly, kids usually do react positively to my authentic unmasked goofy self.
@calofost@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic do you get called scary too? I have been half wondering if that's an autism thing or just a me thing. It doesn't seem to matter how much effort I put into being gentle and considerate, people always read me as judgemental and aggressive.
@Jobob@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic yes, intimidating and agressive. I feel passionate, but it comes across differently. Think Greta thundberg maybe? This is definitely gendered too.
I wear a beard because my wife says my cheekbones make me look too harsh. I wear glasses because my eyes suck, but I don't wear contacts because I rarely blink which I'm told is off-puting.
I carry myself as a "bigger" person, and I know that that's a mask. It keeps NT bro-dudes from fucking with me most of the time just because I'm a borderline unknown quantity.
@roknrol@calofost@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic I am actually starting to believe that it isn't anything to do with how I look at all. Maybe resting expression reinforces it a little. But I really just think NTs see me as uncompromising, and are therefore intimidated.
@Jobob i would also guess it's nothing to do with how you look. i'm also told i am scary, and i'm an extremely tiny and not at all imposing, colorful, expressive and generally silly person, absolutely nothing scary about me appearance-wise. i think i'm getting the "scary" label because that i obviously don't conform to societal norms and some people take that as inherently threatening. unfortunately there's not much i can do to put them at ease. if they've decided people are either normal or scary, well, i can't convince them i'm normal, therefore, i'm scary.
@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic no idea if I'm doing it right... but as a semi-freshly DX'd, I'm actively looking for stress-inducing behaviours I'm doing for NTs (rather than for myself), and unlearn them. Repressed a stim for 30 yrs? ✅ Fixed. Stressed to remember what to do in which order, when I could simply make more lists? ✅ Fixed.
Seems it helps finding those when I know it's autism, and have an idea of what other autistics can look like.
@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic Do I ever even unmask? At this point in my life (44) I don't know. Maybe I just unmask inadvertently when I think nobody's there.
This must be why I'm always so tired.
@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic I'm still learning what masking means. To me, masking feels like a set of learned skills that I consciously exercise. I'm not so much hiding as doing things the hard way. But since I know the easy way doesn't actually achieve the desired results, choosing to apply less effort doesn't feel like an option. Or rather, I lose either way.
@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic
Unmasking to me, is the process by which you explore through the journey of life, circumstances, and choices, interwoven with the fabric of nature perhaps with yourself in the most genuine way you can express with agency and energy; a discovery of self if you will as well as unmasking. A work in progress.