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aspiedan

@[email protected]

Messy brained medicated ASD person, older outside than in.
Parenting & working whilst attempting to survive the world and my own brain.
Interests: music, history, reading, narrow boat vlogs (niche but addictive)
Also, really believe in people's rights to be themselves and safe being so, and no time/respect for those you don't agree (most of the world right now)

Avatar: white line drawing on black of torso and body in a long sleeved shirt, with a head of messed up scribbles and no features

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Tim_McTuffty , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Tim_McTuffty@beige.party avatar

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 238 , Saturday 22/06/2024

I was up at just gone 6:30am far too early for a Saturday but it’s less hassle to make breakfast for both of us than it is to do it any other way.

My feet seem to be improving , walking around barefoot (well in socks but same difference) with not too much pain.

Today has been quiet, mostly floating around the Fediverse , a little reading. Some chores so the house is vaguely habitable.

Tried some alcohol free cider tonight , let’s see if Geoff complains later!

Final Thoughts.

Just enjoying the moment.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic

aspiedan ,
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@Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic always good to hear happy stories! :ablobcatbouncefast:

aspiedan , to ActuallyAutistic group
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@actuallyautistic
On Thursday I went and knocked on
Friday and Saturdays doors,
Borrowing some spoons for some stuff
To help out family.
Saturday knocked today and asked sweetly
If I was done l with them as
They needed them back.
But I used all the spoons,
Left them back with Thursday.
Saturdays shoulders slump,
And they scuttle off to hide.
Hopefully Sunday has some.

aspiedan , to ActuallyAutistic group
@aspiedan@neurodifferent.me avatar

Recently my daughter (14) opened up about how she feels and is. Long story short, I have reached out to UK mental health services (CAMHS) and the school, and am now likely on a waiting list for ages. She has anxiety, panic, hearing voices, and also presents many spectrum signs. Does anyone have any resources to help give her reasurance / advice, or help narrow down possibile diagnosees to help me signpost her to relevant resources? I and my son (her brother) are also ASD, but she does not find the same strategies helpful. Sorry for so many words, but thanks for reading @actuallyautistic

aspiedan OP ,
@aspiedan@neurodifferent.me avatar

@Zumbador @actuallyautistic thank you 🫶

Sci_Fi_FanGirl , to ActuallyAutistic group German
@Sci_Fi_FanGirl@hessen.social avatar

Too many upcoming social events. Although most of it is rather positive, I already feel overwhelmed.

I fear not being able to accomplish everything I feel I need to do.

There will be huge gatherings and I dread sensory overload and meltdown.

I don't know when/how to clean the house the day (before) some friends are coming over.

I feel I haven't worked enough this weekend and don't know how to complete everything work-related on time.

Please: no advice, just sympathy.

@actuallyautistic

aspiedan ,
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@Sci_Fi_FanGirl @actuallyautistic :blobcathuggiessad: :autistic_lurker:

aspiedan ,
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@Sci_Fi_FanGirl @actuallyautistic anytime :octo_happy:

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
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How do my comrades KNOW when they’re dysregulated?

@actuallyautistic

aspiedan ,
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@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic my wife tells me I am pacing around (when I am not waiting for someone, as I do that then too) or clenching my hands really right

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

What’s the biggest myth about autism that my comrades have come across in the course of their self-advocacy?

@actuallyautistic

aspiedan ,
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@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic that we like trains, can do incredible maths in our heads and can play anything on a piano without practising

aspiedan ,
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@roknrol @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic gets me angry every time

aspiedan ,
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@KoosPol @melindrea @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic yep! 'You just need to try' usually follows this, which I hate. Autism does not mean unable to speak for yourself

aspiedan ,
@aspiedan@neurodifferent.me avatar

@arcadetoken @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic the savant perception is so prevelant! And it is also made prevelant on TV which doesn't help. There are never any tv characters who are pretty much like everyone else but have meltdowns, or tap annoyingly, or who dont understand that logic may be right just not always appropriate (using personal examples)

aspiedan ,
@aspiedan@neurodifferent.me avatar

@roknrol @n69n @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic at my diagnosis, i took my wife as the team who run it here want someome who knows you well. Half way through she said 'omg, its not you being annoying'. It changed both our worlds, and she is my rock / friend / therapist / teacher ...

aspiedan ,
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@theendismeh @arcadetoken @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic so my example would be telling one of my kids that their foot clearly isnt broken, and not swelling or bruising so everything is fine, when they have hurt themselves. What they need is a more supportive answer (im not so good at that bit but have learned through them growing up) that comforts them. Does that make sense?

aspiedan ,
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@n69n @roknrol @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic very!!

aspiedan , to ActuallyAutistic group
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Feeling burnt out today . Helping everyone else, but not getting the recipe of what I need. Fully masking all joy now and going through the motions. Sad ss the weeekend has done the opposite of what I needed and back to work tomorrow. Need a rock to go hide under :octo_sad: :ir: @actuallyautistic

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
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We need to talk more about mental health in the community.

What topics specifically should be addressed more openly?

@actuallyautistic

aspiedan ,
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@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic suicide and depression are big topics, with suicide rates higher in ASD people across the age range. Also, the issues associated with the clash between logical ASD and illogical feelings, as the normal therapies do not have the same effect due to this clash. Also, many of the things that cause the depression (in my case) stem from perception of interactions with others, meaning successful solutions almost always involve isolating, which is not great :ir:

aspiedan , to ActuallyAutistic group
@aspiedan@neurodifferent.me avatar

Feeling like a walking black hole today :octo_sad: Things are just too much and going wrong. I can't see past all the negative and want to curl in a ball and hide, but can't as at work and then home to the kids. Feeling out of touch and depth rn :ir: :blobcatverysad: @actuallyautistic

pathfinder , to ActuallyAutistic group
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@actuallyautistic

Much to my shock I realised that I could be autistic when I was 53, roughly 7 years ago. And it was a shock, even though I suspect a very small, well hidden and very much ignored part of me, might have suspected. No one told me about it, or suggested that it might be the case. I did not see myself in relatives, the way so many of us do. I just happened to come across an autism test online and for no particular reason, took it.

It was that, that started me on my path to realising and finally accepting the truth that I was autistic. But, looking back, I sometimes find it hard to understand how I didn't know earlier. So much of my life now, just screams autism at me. But even ignoring the horribly ableist and medieval view I had of what autism was, the main reason why I didn't was probably because I could mask, both from myself and others, so well.

It was, I realise now, a life lived in denial. A denial of how much things bothered me, how much effort I had to put into things. Even a denial of the things I knew I couldn't do. Because this is the thing about appearing to mask so well, for so long. It is, in a sense, a lie. I couldn't mask well, if at all. Not all the time. Not in all situations or circumstances. There were things I just couldn't cope with, or even begin to deal with. But the trick was, that I either knew about them, or learnt the hard way about them and then I could manage my life to avoid them. Because they were things I could live without, without affecting how I appeared to be coping. Things that didn't affect the way I lived, even if they did affect my sense of worth. Because, how broken did you have to be, not to be able to go to crowded events, like a sports match, or a concert? Or to be able to deal with the socialising of a large gathering, or a family event, without having to hide in the kitchen, or forever outside, or break down in a toilet?

It was all part of how I masked myself from myself. The internal masking, as I like to call it. If I couldn't cope, then I was broken. If I couldn't stand something, then I was too picky, or sensitive, or I simply needed to learn to ignore it. And somehow I did learn. I learnt how to cope with noise and smell and visual overwhelm. I learnt to not let things bother me. To a point at least. There was always a step too far, when I couldn't, or didn't have the energy any more to maintain it. And this did take energy, a lot of it. Something I've only realising now that I don't have the energy to spare to even try it. Or the ability to, in many respects now that I know what I was trying so desperately to hide from.

Because when the truth is known, it's far harder to deny it. It's far harder to live the life where appearing to cope, is as good as coping. Where blaming yourself, is easier than seeing others faults. Where ignoring the pain, makes the pain go away. It's hard to see the mask as a benefit and always a good thing, rather than the shield and tool it always was.


aspiedan ,
@aspiedan@neurodifferent.me avatar

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic really nice and powerful write! I relate to loads of this! Sometimes, when time is short and I want to shut things down, I mask so as to end a conversation etc. quickly. One day I might get past it, but not yet

niamhgarvey , to ActuallyAutistic group
@niamhgarvey@mastodon.ie avatar

Doctor suggested I have but I don't think I do because:
I am able to force myself to do things even if I'm not interested in it.
I do not like spontaneity.
When I have a deadline, I cannot leave it to the last minute or anxiety would cripple me.
But I do struggle to pay attention unless am hyperfocused. And I do have executive function challenges. And I have to have a project. And I crave dopamine hits.

Anyone else similar to that?
@actuallyautistic
@actuallyadhd

aspiedan ,
@aspiedan@neurodifferent.me avatar

@niamhgarvey @Dr_Obvious @pathfinder @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd I find Eik Octobre us also beautuful and good for this. Also the soundtrack to the game Gris (I heard whilst my daughter was playing it) is haunting and mesmorising too. I downloaded it immediately and it is my to to studying music https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=I6rufOlNyYM

aspiedan , to ActuallyAutistic group
@aspiedan@neurodifferent.me avatar

I entered a piece for a zine but was unsuccessful, so thought I would publish anyway online. It's the first long (500) words i've written on depression etc.
It is very personal, but I wrote it to share and get it out of my head, tbough no need for feedback. Features themes of depression, suicidal thoughts and hopelessness.
@actuallyautistic

https://thebitbetweenblog.wordpress.com/2024/05/05/the-door-at-the-end-of-the-hall/

aspiedan , to ActuallyAutistic group
@aspiedan@neurodifferent.me avatar

@actuallyautistic Today I read the following article on the BBC news site regarding the death of Caitlyn Scott-Lee, 16 (link 1). It is a saddening story, and highlights the enhanced level of suicide among the neurodivergent population, with Autistica UK capturing the darker side if the statistics (link 2). It highlights the need for open and safe communities such as this where people can share and discyss, and lead to more open discussion, and a reduction of stigma.
Stay connected,
Stay safe,
Share stories and experiences,
And virtual hugs

:ir: :blobcatsadhuggies: :audhd:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cnke2y8l9g2o

https://www.autistica.org.uk/what-is-autism/suicide-and-autism

catswhocode , to ActuallyAutistic group
@catswhocode@mastodon.art avatar

@actuallyautistic I tend to overanalyze everything - it can be useful but it also gets overwhelming some days :blobfoxlaughsweat:

aspiedan ,
@aspiedan@neurodifferent.me avatar

@catswhocode @actuallyautistic not sure if anyone has read any Shakespeare, but Hamlet resonates with me for the same reason. He overanalyses everything. It is referred to as his 'melancholic disposition' which for me is ASD/mental health

aspiedan ,
@aspiedan@neurodifferent.me avatar

@catswhocode @actuallyautistic i agree. It is a sad story, and it rang a bit to close for me in many ways. I've had struggles with mental health and intrusive thoughts most of my life, and to see it from something written before ASD existed, that seems to look similar to what goes on in my head is amazing, and terrifying :ir: :blobcatgoogly:

loops , to ActuallyAutistic group
@loops@neurodifferent.me avatar

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd @neurodiversity @autisticadvocacy

Can you help me out? I’m looking for some sources to share about workplace accommodations for neurodivergent folks, and I’d like to be able to recommend more than the typical big-magazine articles. I’d prefer to share resources that have actually been made by / with ND folks 😅

I know they’re out there. I’ve read them. I trusted my ability to search them back up again too much 😅. Do you have any links you can push my way?

aspiedan ,
@aspiedan@neurodifferent.me avatar

@loops @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd @neurodiversity @autisticadvocacy Maybe connect the company with an organisation who can help with visibility and understanding (and training). This helps raise awareness (not just of neurodiversity) and build a more inclusive culture
https://hdsunflower.com/

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