Tim_McTuffty

Tim_McTuffty , 11 hours ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 236 , Thursday 20/06/2024

Geoff was subdued with a new course of colchicine yesterday then pain killers to make sur eye behaved overnight.

Was up late last night moving MAJ1 to Beige.Party, so many folks have sound him in his new home & shared timelines with him again , very chuffed !

The CDP 🧚‍♀️ kept me company, for which I am grateful 😊

My foot is a lot better today, I’m still favouring it & elevating it but it is getting there!

Spent most of the day flolloping around the Fediverse (keen Hitch-hikers will argue that only live mattresses on Squornshellous Zeta can flollop but I would argue Squirrels can too!)

Had posh fish n chips for tea, smoked salmon & salad with chippy chips ! Yummy & mostly healthy .

Final Thoughts.

My brain is trying to second guess my moving MAJ1 , wondering if it was the right thing to do, wondering if it would change the experience of the Fediverse .
I stamped hard on these thoughts & looked at the positive side, that folk have reshared my MAJ1 timeline , that peeps are engaging & that I have a second account where I can wax lyrical. 😊

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 2 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 234 , Tuesday 18/06/2024

Geoff was headed off at the pass last night & medicated into submission so I actually got some decent sleep!

Up at 6 to sort breakfast , then elevated Geoff for the rest of the day - read my book & floated around the Fediverse for a while.

There are moves afoot to get my MAJ1 a/c moved to Beige.Party , I like the freedoms of the 11k chrs , it’s very liberating !

I messed up tonight, I made salad for tea - I like to take my time so it usually takes a good 45 minutes .
Geoff does NOT like being stood on for 45 minutes ! He’s really swollen now!
It didn’t help that he got another 20 minutes being stood on after tea because herself cannot be trusted to wash greasy dishes or heavy duty stains like beetroot. There are days when single life is very appealing!

Looks like another round of the dreaded colchicine for me - I may leave it till tomorrow , see if he settles down overnight.

Got a phone appt with the cardiologist tomorrow vis a vis my dizzy spells , I’m not really holding out a lot of hope but hey…

Final Thoughts.

This is supposed to be my ASD diary, it’s turning out to cover a multitude of things !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 3 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 233 , Monday 17/06/2024

Geoff was a vicious bugger last night he had to be evicted from under the covers & subdued with paracodol !

Had a nice chat with the CDP 🧚‍♀️ until around 1am when the pain relief fully kicked in & sleep overtook me.

Up at just after 6am to get breakfast for Mrs S.

Had to spend the day elevating Geoff to new heights , which seemed to impress him to a degree. I let the pain killers wear off thru the day so that I can reduce the risk of dependance. That said will be hitting them tonight because Geoff is an unforgiving toe it seems.

So talking to a couple of peeps today & my low selfesteem / Imposter Syndrome kicked in again.
I know logically that multibillion dollar companies don’t just let anyone play with their mainframes & critical systems. I know that few folks expertise covers the full breadth of computing related areas. But still I cannot help but feel a dullard in the face of a lot of my peers.
Possibly it is because I made career critical decisions based on incomplete knowledge (ie I was autistic) that within a decade laid waste to my professional career & broke me to the point of having to retire early on health grounds.
It could also be that I am my own worst critic & still berate myself for not doing better then, & now.

I fear that all I am doing now is treading water, waiting for the inevitable alternative to taxes.

Managed to get a few hours in on NMS for the first time in a few days. Finished the first of 4(5? ) phases & got a couple achievements in a few of the others .

Final Thoughts.

How can I think about moving into social circles where I can stress about whether a whole new group of people might judge me & find me wanting?

How do I not be like this ?

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 4 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 232 , Sunday 16/06/2024

Woke to a gloriously sunny Sunday morning, with clouds lurking around the edges ready to pounce later in the day.

Got my act into gear around 8am & tumbled out of bed, made breakfast & then relaxed over my coffee until it was time to get showered & changed to cross the hills to Liverpool & visit my brother to celebrate his birthday.

The trip across was thru torrential rain that did not really ease up until we approached the NW coast. The the clouds broke & the sun came out.

We had a great day, I enjoyed it more than I expected to.

My sister was the only fly in the ointment, she is mother to my 2 autistic nephews, she herself is NT , however she started lecturing me on what I was & wasn’t capable of, saying how much more she understood about being autistic than I did …. I was good & kept my peace.

There was lots off lovely food, my Bro is a bit of a BBQ fanatic, not as enthusiastic as @kaybee335 (who is a BBQing god IMHO) but does throw together a mean spread!

I was fairly good, Geoff behaved himself most of the day & I didn’t want to aggravate him too much so just had a little bit of everything & didn’t go mad.

Had the first piece of cake since Easter! It was heaven!

Herself decided that 6:30pm was late enough & that we should go home, to be fair we did have a 2 hour drive home & tomorrow is a work day!

The drive home was ,in stark contrast to this morning’ a lovely drive, fine weather & only got stuck in traffic once. Some nutter in a white transit gave us a scare by overtaking us (me doing the speed limit was just too slow for him! ) in an extremely dubious location & nearly ploughed into the bonnet of the oncoming car for his trouble. I am not too proud to say that I was thinking my time was done for a few seconds there because we would have been intimately involved. His reward, because it was only a 2 lane highway with very few passing places , was that he stayed in the same place in front of us for the next 5 miles until our paths parted ways.

Got home & texted my Bro we had got home safe, he was a little upset to learn that we had had sunny weather all the way home & that we are enjoying a sunny evening as I write. Apparently it started raining ½ an hour after we left. 😆

Final Thoughts.

I enjoyed today a lot more than I thought I would, it does the soul good to have a laugh & joke in the company of those we love.

Why do some NT folk think that they can know more about ND folk than ND folk themselves ???
I am blessed that pretty much all the NT folk I know in the Fediverse do not do this, realising perhaps that while some experiences are very much shared , some really aren’t!

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 5 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 231 , Saturday 15/06/2024

So Geoff (you remember Geoff, the Gouty Great Left Toe ) was an asshole last night, ended up with him going commando stuck out the end of the bed!
Thankfully being evicted from the bed was enough to calm him & sleep ensued.

Up around 7am, breakfast, chores & knocking around the Fediverse for most of the day.

Out of the blue my Dad rang - he very rarely calls, but like me he is polite to fault & was calling to say thank you for his Father’s Day card.

I’ll catch up with him tomorrow when we go over to Liverpool for my Bro’s birthday.
Geoff is almost certainly gonna disapprove come Monday morning!

Watching Roadhouse (the new version) this evening, a surprisingly good , turn yer brain off movie, lovin the soundtrack too, I hope it’s on one of the streaming services !

Ohhhh on Apple Music! Cool !

Final Thoughts.

I’m a bit worried that I’m missing something - not felt the urge to hit the PlayStation in like 3 days …
Hey ho.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 6 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 230 , Friday 14/06/2024

I am going to shamelessly nick an idea of a dear friend & my left big toe will henceforth be known as ‘Geoff the Gouty Great Toe! (Big toes used to be called Great toes back in the olden days seemingly)

An awful night last night I ate something that Geoff really disapproved of & he was not shy in putting forth his view ! I took his disapproval for an hour then medicated his ass with some codeine & paracetamol.

Up early this morning despite the disturbed night & Mrs S. being on holiday. Pavlov’s Squirrel !

Had a fairly easy morning & rested my poor,sore tootsies.

It struck me this morning in the light of the last couple of days entries that there is one major problem with yon Social Prescriber getting me to go to this Social Cafe …. They are not providing me with the tools to cope with this first!

One of my NT guides pointed out ,& I’m paraphrasing here, that just because I can do the whole socialising thing doesn’t mean I should. There is such a concept as ‘too much of a good thing’.

I remember the last time I was in a prescribed ‘social’ situation - attending the Cardio rehab course after my MI. Long story short , it was a disaster , I ended up storming out on the penultimate session because the social pressures were too much!

Today ,online, one of my prominent traits showed up - I can be very blunt at times, I fail to ease my point into a conversation - my NT brain proffering to ‘hammer home’ the point rather than be more subtle & gentle.
My ASD diagnosis report picks up on this & makes the point that it can ,& indeed has, trip me up in social situations!

If I decide that I really do want to move out of my current comfort zone into a more physically social one then I need to work with the various health professionals to get the sequence right & get the tool kit first!

Tonight I felt that I struck a decent compromise for tea. I did have pizza , but Ham n mushroom not a meat feast - I felt the latter might be taunting the gout gods just a little too much.

At this point Geoff is quite happy so long as I don’t try anything too athletic. Hopefully that will continue thru tonight!

Final Thoughts.

Geoff has made his views very clear on the whole diet thing, namely that he is in charge!

Is it a good thing or a bad thing I have anthropomorphised my big toe ? Is this an indicator that I should resist mixing directly with the rest of the human race?

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 7 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 229 , Thursday 13/06/2024

A better nights sleep last nigh, although I did wake up early, had a nice chat with CDP 🧚‍♀️.

Mrs S. was in the office today & I really wasn’t feeling it this morning ,so after breakfast I went back to bed for a couple of hours.

My brain drove me out of bed just after 9am, unless I’m really quite poorly I cannot stay in bed for too long.

So I was reflecting on the meeting with the Social Prescriber yesterday & subsequent conversations with friends on here.
I wonder if I NEED to be more social than I am now. I wonder if the benefits outweigh the stress / anxiety etc. of being in a group of people.

Also the fact that any decent support is a decent distance away. (thanks UK Gov - so much for the promised improvement in MH services NOT !)

I am social to an extent, I regularly chat , laugh ,cry etc with so many lovely folk on here. Yes it is a relationship in a digital environment, but does that make it any less valid an experience?
The Fediverse is unlike any other Social Platform, it is possible to develop real friendships here & the lack of an algorithm makes for a more interactive experience!

Honestly I don’t know, when actually confronted with the help available, if it is worth pursuing.

On a more positive note I had a great banter session with several of the Peeps on here this afternoon / evening , thanks to all who participated, I enjoyed it enormously! 😊

Final Thoughts.

I never expect that I was fighting for so little, it is quite the anti-climax.
I am glad I got my diagnosis, that has helped me understand myself in ways I did not expect, & almost every day I learn something new.
Apart from anything else I found a whole group of Peeps who relate to & share experiences & challenges unique to ND folk!

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty , 8 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 228 , Wednesday 12/06/2024

Had a somewhat disturbed night, I experimented with having a full glass of water with my bedtime tablets to help hydrate me , what actually happened was rather than sleeping thru I was woken by the old call of nature around 3am & utterly failed to fall back into a deep sleep, tossing & turning for the rest of the night.
We won’t be making that mistake again unless there is conclusive proof it’s required (i.e. another gout flare up that can’t be traced to anything else!)

Finally got up around 6am , breakfast t etc ensued.

My feet are both sore , not cripplingly so, just enough to make walking unpleasant.

Spent a chunk of time on here today, honest I’m not addicted to Social Media 😆

Went to see a Social Prescriber this afternoon.
There are no services in local area that will be able to help me 🙄🤦‍♂️
The best she could off was a social cafe , with crafts & board games & coffee !
Is it me or does this smack of old peoples home ?
I have not said no , but we are going to review the situation in a month.

By chance Mrs S. in her official role received news of an Autism Hub that has opened this year about a hours drive away. So this maybe an avenue of opportunity.

Back on here again this afternoon / evening , currently expecting a spirited discussion on the state of UK politics on my other a/c.

Final Thoughts.

2 steps staggered forward , 1 step slipped back. Hey ho, it’s still progress!

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

pathfinder , 9 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic

I often describe myself as a minimal speaker. It's because whilst I can speak, unless seriously overwhelmed, I vastly prefer not to. In large part, this is because the effort of speaking, and it is, more often than not, a real effort for me, rarely seems worth it. Since realising I am autistic, I have come to realise why this could be and also why communicating on here is so much easier and not just because it's text, because I struggle with that elsewhere too.

Language, whether text or verbal, is communication. Whether that be communicating thoughts, or feelings. Expressing emotions, or ideas. It is the medium and not the source. The source is where these things are coming from and it is what shapes our use of the medium and therefore in large part the assumptions we make about how others are using it and therefore the likely success of any communication.

Enter the double-empathy theory and the general acknowledgement that autism is a fundamental difference in the ways in which our brains work, often exampled by describing it as a different operating system. It means that whilst I am using the same language to talk with allistics, how we're both using it, the ends and purpose, even the nature of the information being transmitted, can often be fundamentally different.

An example I have used, is to compare it to a foreign language speaker with a reasonable understanding of the local language, but having to work incredibly hard to keep up with a conversation and having to constantly check their translations and whether or not they were making the right replies and not offending anyone. But to be truly accurate, you would also have to add in a cultural divide, a root level difference in the expectation and assumptions they are making about life and how this was also shaping their communication.

This, I think, is why speaking has always been so hard for me. Why it's always been so much of an effort and often without point. It's not that I am speaking a foreign language, or that my words themselves can't be understood. But that the information I am attempting to convey and the intended purpose of that information, is so far out of phase with the expectations of those around me, that miscommunication, confusion and the all too familiar fallout becomes almost inevitable. It's also why speaking here is so much easier.

Effective communication is more than just using the right words, it's about realising the intent and purpose behind those words. About understanding where someone is coming from as much as what they are trying to say. And that, as the saying goes, takes two to tango.

#Autism
#ActuallyAutistic

Tim_McTuffty , 9 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 227 , Tuesday 11/06/2024

Up around 5:30, breakfast & chores ensued.

Had to play taxi for Mrs S. so that I could have the car to go to the GPs appointment, I would normally walk, but given the gout flare up last week I chickened out!

This morning I went to see the Doctor who sorted my ASD assessment out for me, that man is a Saint!
So different to his colleague who was - ‘Nope cannot do anything for anyone at any time , certainly not if it costs money! ‘

Today was the first time in a very long time that I have come out of Drs appointment smiling!
We are on with sorting out the ADHD assessment, there are a couple of forms I have to fill out & a couple of forms he has to fill out then it’s a case of sending them off & waiting.

I am seeing a Social Prescriber tomorrow afternoon (I’m telling you Dr S (I know !! But hey that’s his initial 😆 ) is a freakin magician when he puts his mind to it! ) to set up a care plan .. dunno owt about that but I’m sure that I will know a lot more tomorrow !

Dr S. is also referring me to the Primary MH Practitioner - Beth - who I saw before the whole ASD journey started & indeed was the one that set my feet upon this path. I misjudged her last time when I thought she had just bundled me off to 3rd parties. I will approach our next appointment with more knowledge & I hope that she doesn’t hold a grudge.

Dr S. has also forwarded my diagnosis letter to the Community MH team , he’s not sure if this will help but at this point he is reaching out for me to all those who might be able to help!

And out of the blue my journey moves into top gear again!

14:00 - forms for ADHD referral are done, just need to drop them off.

Played NMS this afternoon, ticked off a few achievements then had to go & pick up Mrs S.

I dropped off the forms for the ADHD referral en-route - I’d like to say I jogged from the car to the receptionists desk & back, but the truth was much, much more ungainly!

Made a ham salad for tea with some new potatoes , it was a bit of a challenge because herself does not believe in buying anything more than she absolutely has to to feed herself. Hey ho, for all that it wasn’t too bad.

Finished the evening off with a bit of TV & catching up on here.

Final Thoughts.

A dear friend lost a close family member today, I won’t tag them , but they & those that share TLs with us both know who I mean. Lots of love my friend , know you are in my thoughts. 🫂 🫶

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

EDIT: fixed a typo.