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Sci_Fi_FanGirl

@[email protected]

Lehrkraft mit Sprachen und Gedöns / Teaches languages and stuff

Liebe Sprachen. Schätze gutes Essen. Genieße Kunst. Interessiere mich für fast alles. Freue mich über Wissenschaft. Arbeite gerne mit Kindern. Mag Filme. Folge Jesus. Bin autistisch.

Love languages. Appreciate good food. Enjoy art. Am interested in nearly everything. Thankful for science. Like working with children. Watch movies. Follow Jesus. Am autistic.

#actuallyautistic

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Sci_Fi_FanGirl , to ActuallyAutistic group German
@Sci_Fi_FanGirl@hessen.social avatar

Feeling quite energized today 🤩

I was told some much needed compliments yesterday for a thing I felt insecure about (concerning a performance). Felt very good and rewarding.

Today, I got another compliment from a person at work appreciating how I do a certain task. I wouldn't have expected that from her.

I also had many talks with students about their final grades for the semester and it went very smoothly.

Felt so good, I even had enough spoons to run some errands 😃

@actuallyautistic

Sci_Fi_FanGirl OP ,
@Sci_Fi_FanGirl@hessen.social avatar

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic ☺️

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@chevalier26@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic In the process of completing my online faculty training course to be a GSA next year...literally EVERYTHING is so vague and confusing.

Emailed the faculty coordinator about it and he told me that I was so ahead in the course that I was outpacing the course administrators. So basically, I'm working ahead so quickly that IT and my course instructor haven't had a chance to update my course info, so that's why everything is confusing.

massive eyeroll

Sci_Fi_FanGirl ,
@Sci_Fi_FanGirl@hessen.social avatar

@chevalier26 @actuallyautistic I totally get that. In my experience, there 3 types of people:

1 they don't have a clue, but don't care; they do as they see fit
2 they are just as confused as you are, but don't dare to ask and hope nobody will notice
3 they are confused and ask or research

But many things aren't self-explanatory and they don't usually know.

pathfinder , to ActuallyAutistic group
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@actuallyautistic

I often describe myself as a minimal speaker. It's because whilst I can speak, unless seriously overwhelmed, I vastly prefer not to. In large part, this is because the effort of speaking, and it is, more often than not, a real effort for me, rarely seems worth it. Since realising I am autistic, I have come to realise why this could be and also why communicating on here is so much easier and not just because it's text, because I struggle with that elsewhere too.

Language, whether text or verbal, is communication. Whether that be communicating thoughts, or feelings. Expressing emotions, or ideas. It is the medium and not the source. The source is where these things are coming from and it is what shapes our use of the medium and therefore in large part the assumptions we make about how others are using it and therefore the likely success of any communication.

Enter the double-empathy theory and the general acknowledgement that autism is a fundamental difference in the ways in which our brains work, often exampled by describing it as a different operating system. It means that whilst I am using the same language to talk with allistics, how we're both using it, the ends and purpose, even the nature of the information being transmitted, can often be fundamentally different.

An example I have used, is to compare it to a foreign language speaker with a reasonable understanding of the local language, but having to work incredibly hard to keep up with a conversation and having to constantly check their translations and whether or not they were making the right replies and not offending anyone. But to be truly accurate, you would also have to add in a cultural divide, a root level difference in the expectation and assumptions they are making about life and how this was also shaping their communication.

This, I think, is why speaking has always been so hard for me. Why it's always been so much of an effort and often without point. It's not that I am speaking a foreign language, or that my words themselves can't be understood. But that the information I am attempting to convey and the intended purpose of that information, is so far out of phase with the expectations of those around me, that miscommunication, confusion and the all too familiar fallout becomes almost inevitable. It's also why speaking here is so much easier.

Effective communication is more than just using the right words, it's about realising the intent and purpose behind those words. About understanding where someone is coming from as much as what they are trying to say. And that, as the saying goes, takes two to tango.


Sci_Fi_FanGirl ,
@Sci_Fi_FanGirl@hessen.social avatar

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic That makes a lot of sense. It's exhausting to have most conversations each day in a foreign language.

Interestingly, I've thought about ND vs NT communication as well today. In my blog post, I'm talking about empathy and how our expression of empathy is more like an unfamiliar alien species communication system than a mere human foreign language.

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

What effect has bullying had on my comrades?

You’re not alone.

@actuallyautistic

Sci_Fi_FanGirl ,
@Sci_Fi_FanGirl@hessen.social avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic

Anxiety, insecurity, and in the long run heavy masking.

Sci_Fi_FanGirl , to ActuallyAutistic group German
@Sci_Fi_FanGirl@hessen.social avatar

Too many upcoming social events. Although most of it is rather positive, I already feel overwhelmed.

I fear not being able to accomplish everything I feel I need to do.

There will be huge gatherings and I dread sensory overload and meltdown.

I don't know when/how to clean the house the day (before) some friends are coming over.

I feel I haven't worked enough this weekend and don't know how to complete everything work-related on time.

Please: no advice, just sympathy.

@actuallyautistic

Sci_Fi_FanGirl OP ,
@Sci_Fi_FanGirl@hessen.social avatar

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic Thank you 🥲

Sci_Fi_FanGirl OP ,
@Sci_Fi_FanGirl@hessen.social avatar

@aspiedan @actuallyautistic Thank you

Sci_Fi_FanGirl OP ,
@Sci_Fi_FanGirl@hessen.social avatar

@DoomsdaysCW @actuallyautistic Thank you

Sci_Fi_FanGirl OP ,
@Sci_Fi_FanGirl@hessen.social avatar

@seanwithwords @actuallyautistic Thank you 🥲

SaySimonSay , to ActuallyAutistic group
@SaySimonSay@tech.lgbt avatar

Sometimes I find myself imagining that someone calls me out on my weirdness in a small-talk context and I don't know how to respond. Does this sound familiar?

Here is an example: This morning, while I was in the shower, the thought crossed my mind that one of our neighbours might ask me out of the blue: 'When will you start dressing your child gender-appropriately?'

I'd be blindsided by such a question. In a small-talk context, it wouldn't be acceptable to say that this is an impolite question (if you don't want to risk souring the relationship). But it's not the right context either to give the real explanation by saying that we try to select beautiful and comfortable clothes for our child irrespective of gender norms. The correct response would probably be some kind of jocular remark.

Let me be clear: Nobody has asked me this, so I don't need advice on how to handle this. I'm just sharing this as an example of my anxiety of being 'found out' after years of masking.

@actuallyautistic

Sci_Fi_FanGirl ,
@Sci_Fi_FanGirl@hessen.social avatar

@SaySimonSay @actuallyautistic Sounds very familiar. I often think about actual and possible conversations and what I could/should say. I try to think of ways to be polite, but honest and ideally witty. In reality of course, it rarely ever goes like this.

Dr_Obvious , to ActuallyAutistic group German

@actuallyautistic
I don't know if it's related to the hypo-/hypersensitivity topic, stimulation or whatsoever. But I really like strong tasting stuff. Spicy, salty, hot, sour, complex, whatsoever.

After just now taking a sip from a pickle glass it came to my mind that I even took shots of vinegar in the past, because I liked the taste. I considder it so odd that I wondered if anybody out there did it too.

Did you ever fancied a shot of vinegar?

Sci_Fi_FanGirl ,
@Sci_Fi_FanGirl@hessen.social avatar

@Dr_Obvious @actuallyautistic Strong tasting stuff - yes. One of the very very few areas where I'm rather sensory-seeking.

But drinking vinegar - no. Lemon juice sometimes.

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

What’s the biggest myth about autism that my comrades have come across in the course of their self-advocacy?

@actuallyautistic

Sci_Fi_FanGirl ,
@Sci_Fi_FanGirl@hessen.social avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic

That we don't have empathy.

mariyadelano , to ActuallyAutistic group
@mariyadelano@hachyderm.io avatar

Question for fellow @actuallyautistic and @actuallyadhd neurodivergent folks:

How do you explain your ideas to neurotypicals?

I constantly struggle because my brain has made connections that are not obvious to others, and when I try to guide them through my thinking I confuse them with details or by skipping explanations that seem obvious to me but completely surprising to anyone else.

Frameworks, links, anything is appreciated!

Sci_Fi_FanGirl ,
@Sci_Fi_FanGirl@hessen.social avatar

@mariyadelano @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd It's hard. I process bottom-up as well but I know that many people don't usually. So I try to see it from their perspective and start with what I think they know or can refer to. While walking them through "the process", I ask them questions to see if I need to explain anything.

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

How do my comrades know when they’ve “peopled” too much ?

@actuallyautistic

Sci_Fi_FanGirl ,
@Sci_Fi_FanGirl@hessen.social avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic I zone out, go numb, talk less. The closer to shutdown, the weaker the ability to talk.

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