@actuallyautistic I'm curious, has anyone ever interpreted your infodumping as bragging? That happened to me on here a while ago - I was just talking about some trips I had taken or something, and the other person thought I was showing off 🙄 I think they were neurotypical.
@catswhocode@actuallyautistic yes, it’s how I figured out, I was autistic, at least one of the reasons, my voice and intentions didn’t match apparently…which I’ve got to tell you it’s confusing as shit, when people take you wrong when they are close people or coworkers. I had one of my oldest friends tell me my speech was off who I knew since a teenager, one day all the thoughts aligned. Three months later I was dx, well because I already was dx and didn’t know.
@catswhocode i'm told i come across as lecturing, or talking down to people because i know more than them. i really feel bad about that because i absolutely don't mean it that way. i'm trying to share something that brings me great joy, thinking maybe it will bring other people joy too.
That happens to me and it can really hurt. When I'm thinking "yay I've finally found someone that I can help or entertain with this amazing information" and they accuse me of patronising them, I feel so embarrassed and betrayed.
@nellie_m I've noticed that too!! I was telling someone about how I sometimes watch music videos from the '60s and '70s, and on YouTube, all the comments are like "This was back when music was good," etc., and my first thought is "No, you're just stuck in that decade." I like current music as well. @Zumbador@miaoue@actuallyautistic
@catswhocode@nellie_m@Zumbador@miaoue@actuallyautistic Yup, I've sometimes thought "I don't feel old when I play 70s music on Youtube that I still enjoy. But I do feel old when I see the comments on the videos saying "no one makes good music any more".
That said, I also don't feel like I have to keep up with new music, if I've shifted my time priorities to other things and enjoy what I do listen to. But I also appreciate that there's still good new music for those who do follow it.
When I was younger, yes, but it was okay because I was a kid. As I got older, I had friends who appreciated it. Adults did not appreciate it and wanted me to shut up.
In college, I got the depression really bad so I shut up on my own.
I've continued to shut up even 30 years later.
I assume nobody cares about my niche (/neesh/ for sure) interests.
The really saddest part is that I have actively prevented myself from falling down into the hyperfocus rabbit hole for years because I'm afraid it will alienate people. It's kind of miserable but I short circuit myself almost as a reflex when I feel the heat starting to grow. When the eyes get wide and the smile comes, I stop and take a step back and tell myself that I can't do that.
I really, really need to unlearn this.
@jrdepriest Aww, yeah, as an adult I know it can be difficult to unlearn that, but ultimately, if it's something you love, then good for you. If other people don't get it, that's their loss. I've had friends who infodump about subjects that aren't my interest, but I appreciate their passion for it. For example, my wife was obsessed with the show "Tiny House" and I loved how into it she was! @actuallyautistic
My wife loves genealogy and like to tell me about interesting discoveries and how she sleuthed them out. I don't care, but I love hearing her talk about it.
She also has a couple thousand romance novels which she like to tell me about. I do not read romance novels, but I enjoy our conversations about the stories, especially the historical ones, because she's so enthralled.
Being swept up into someone else's hyperfocus is refreshing. It builds the bonds of friendship. It shows a great deal of trust.
It's like reading stream of consciousness literature: you feel like you are part of something happening in real time.
Edit: I said "I don't care" about genealogy which is kind of dismissive. I am not super excited about where I came from or from whom I am descended. It's interesting, but not something I would spend any amount of time figuring out. She can spend hours scouring through old newspapers and cemetery records online. She loves it. That's what I mean. I don't care to do all that. I do actually care that my wife really enjoys it. I love that she enjoys it and is able to do it. She had to stop for a couple of years due her chronic migraine and is only slowly getting back into it.
@jrdepriest I'm happy that she's gradually being able to do what she loves again!
Along those same lines, one of my wife's passions that isn't necessarily one of mine is sewing, but like you said, I love hearing her talk about it. I was starting to learn it a little too, but it doesn't come naturally to me, let's say! :blobfoxlaughsweat: @actuallyautistic
@foolishowl it makes me a little sad hearing so many people who have experienced this :abunhdcry: it doesn't happen so much in ND friend circles! @actuallyautistic
@catswhocode@actuallyautistic Also, the complaints aren't usually that I'm boasting, but that I'm being aggressive and domineering, which I very much do not want to be.
Gender roles come into it; it's certainly a valid complaint that men frequently talk over women.