I don't have the spoons to explain why I feel my neurodivergence is making this worse, but I need feedback or insight from other ND people on a unique experience. This will be a long thread (added in replies) but I'm hopeful there will be a few kind readers who either relate or have something supportive to share.
Here goes:
1/ @actuallyautistic@actuallyaudhd #recoveringfromreligion #LateDiagnosedAutism #actuallyautistic#neurodivergent
Not sure how to describe it, but I'm feeling frustrated that despite the fact that my faith deconstruction began in 2015, and I officially left the religion in 2016; I still miss the closeness and belonging I once had. I'm Hella triggered by organized retreats or post religion gatherings... it seems to have the same flavor as church.. I get that people are wanting connection. Obviously so do I..
2/
but so far, online spaces seem to feel the safest. I think being in a high demand religion with insta-friends masked some of my limits in socializing or maintaining friendships. Literally 4 to 5 in person 'friend groups' I attempted to engage in over the post faith years, all imploded 1-2 yrs later. I'm starting to fear I'll never have connections that survive beyond that now
3/
but so far, online spaces seem to feel the safest. I think being in a high demand religion with insta-friends masked some of my limits in socializing or maintaining friendships. Literally 4 to 5 in person 'friend groups' I attempted to engage in over the post faith years, all imploded 1-2 yrs later. I'm starting to fear I'll never have connections that survive beyond that now
3/
(despite having 15-20 yr friendships before leaving.)
When you lose your entire support system, and you see red flags of manipulation or non-reciprocation miles away.... somedays it feels like I just have to accept that freedom of mind has to be enough, cuz trusting relationships was the price...
4/
Hi! I'm hoping for help with an art project exploring autism and 'barriers' (sensory, social, structural) that lead to overwhelm, shutdown, meltdown, exclusion... (Either via masking or directly). I'm starting by compiling a list of things - my own include stuff like being interrupted whilst focussed on a thing, crisp bag rustling, body spray, unnecessary 'chit chat' group emails, arbitrary changes... Any more that any of you would like to share would be much appreciated. Each 'barrier' will be written out within the artwork #actuallyautistic#actuallyaudhd@actuallyautistic@actuallyaudhd
@actuallyaudhd@actuallyautistic@gri Noisy crowds in enclosed spaces, places with layers of sound (like electronic shops with all the TVs, fans, computers, lights switched on), concerts or venues with the volume up too loud, shouting, loud unexpected booms, crying babies (to a point), argumentative people.
@gri@actuallyautistic@actuallyaudhd
Overwhelming sounds of man. Leaf blowers, construction, too many people talking, too many competing sound sources,traffic, crowds.
Being told how I'm feeling, when I'm not. Just from the way I look, seem. And then being disbelieved and contradicted and denied my own awareness.
@actuallyautistic@actuallyaudhd thankyou so much for all of your responses so far. I'll respond to you all later once I've read everything. I just wanted to add that my plan is to credit the actuallyautistic and actuallyaudhd communities for the words, does that sound okay? Also any thoughts as to whether 'barriers' is the right word? Ta, all, you're brilliant!
High pitched performative conversations in public places, such as a queue at an airport where you don’t have an option to walk away.
Visual overload such as stickers, sale labels etc. A particular pharmacy chain uses 100s of fluoro labels in its shelves. It’s like the shelves are screaming at me.
@gri@actuallyautistic@actuallyaudhd
Lights that are too bright.
Hot and stuffy rooms.
Itchy tags in clothing.
Too much going on at once.
Loud people that I can't drown out with headphones.
Too much traffic.
Someone behind me is tailgating me, especially if they have bright lights.
Too many people are around.
It clouds all the information for me vs smaller groups of people.
Sometimes familiar people, unless it’s the perfect spoon day.
For me it’s all relative.
Also what most don’t understand outside and even sometimes even in our community many of these things are regarded fluid in nature, including many things but some are to needs and support a meeting those needs as well. So not having music or something to focus on can make everything feel like it’s on volume 150% and my headphones if I max them out only go to 100, so it’s has to be some measure of neuro- relativity and tipping points being crossed in my embodied system. I guess perhaps.
@krafty@gri@actuallyautistic@actuallyaudhd Some of that's sensory processing disorder (lights, hot/stuffy rooms, itchy tags, loudness and very #autistic...however, some's traffic, and I bet that's a universal PITA to everybody ND or NT.