Zumbador

hosford42 , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

This could be the connection between Ehlers-Danlos and neurodivergence. (People with EDS, like me, are 7 times as likely to be autistic and 5 times as likely to have ADHD -- also like me.)

Cartilage-Like Structures Key to Brain Plasticity - Neuroscience News
https://neurosciencenews.com/brain-plasticity-memory-cs6-26042/

#EDS
#EhlersDanlos
#autism
#ADHD
#AuDHD
#neurodivergence
#neurodiversity
@autistic[email protected]
@neurodivergence
@actuallyautistic
@eds

Zumbador , 19 days ago

@miaoue

Miaoue I see that "psychosomatic" can be defined as "a psychological condition that leads to physical symptoms with no other medical explanation"

So there's no acknowledgement of the physiological causes of anxiety (and depression)? Like hormones, or differences in brain chemistry (eg dopamine) and differences in sympathetic nervous system response?

@hosford42 @cykonot @autistic[email protected] @neurodivergence @actuallyautistic @eds

Zumbador , 19 days ago

@ScottSoCal

"We don't know why" seems a lot better than a term can be understood to mean "You're making it up"

@androcat @miaoue @hosford42 @cykonot @autistic[email protected] @neurodivergence @actuallyautistic @eds

Zumbador , 20 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic

I'm trying to figure out something about dealing with /avoiding conflict.

When I'm in conflict with someone, I'll often avoid confronting them, because I don't trust them. I might like them, but I don't trust their ability to respond appropriately.

I find that honest conversations mean making myself vulnerable to some extent, and if someone has hurt me, or is annoyed with me, it doesn't feel safe to be that vulnerable.

I reserve conversations like that for people who are very close to me, that I trust, like my husband and my father.

I usually hide my anger and annoyance, because it feels like they don't deserve to see my honest emotions.

But I don't think this is a healthy strategy.

#ActuallyAutistic

Zumbador OP , 20 days ago

@toolsontech
Oh absolutely, this is an important insight that I'm still learning to put into practice.

Interrupting rumination when I notice I doing it, and going into difficult conversations with an open mind rather than trying to control how the other person reacts / feels

@actuallyautistic

Zumbador OP , 20 days ago

@pathfinder

This is something I definitely lack, the skill to speak up for myself without making things worse.

The only person I can regularly get this right with is my husband, and even with him I often blunder clumsily.

@actuallyautistic

Zumbador OP , 20 days ago

@dyani

Yes this goes to the heart of it. This is a very useful framing.

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic

Zumbador , 21 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic
I'm visiting family, and wow am I deep in autistic denial territory.

Some of my younger relatives have approached me, asking about neurodivergence because I've been so open about my experience as a late realised autistic person. They're wondering about themselves and their parents.

The older people though, are unable to have that conversation. There are jokey, sidelong half acknowledgements that "there might be something going on" with them, but otherwise it's High Masking At All Times.

What I find difficult to deal with is the rather toxic judgemental attitudes.

So-and-so relative is "so picky about his food, he thinks it makes him important" or "how ridiculous, he doesn't like the too bright light in the bathroom" and all the while I can see them struggling to deal with the exact same difficulties they're judging in others.

It's so ingrained, I don't know if there's a way for them to find self acceptance.

#ActuallyAutistic

Zumbador OP , 21 days ago

@mwl @actuallyautistic

Seems like it. Really sad. So unnecessary.

Zumbador OP , 21 days ago

@wakame @mwl @actuallyautistic

Totally have had that bright light thing done to me. Today, in fact! 😅

Zumbador OP , 21 days ago

@mwl @actuallyautistic
... and coffee. "Hmm, drinking coffee makes me sleepy, and I get so cranky when I don't have caffeine"

Ding! goes my A-dar

Zumbador OP , 21 days ago

@punishmenthurts

Hmm. That's an interesting idea.

@actuallyautistic

Zumbador OP , 21 days ago

@dpnash @actuallyautistic

Absolutely. Autism is still heavily stigmatised and pathologised. Especially for people who have experienced the 80s and 90s

Zumbador OP , 21 days ago

@stahldame @actuallyautistic

That's very true.

Although that makes me think of the Anaïs Nin quote:

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ”

Zumbador OP , 21 days ago

@actuallyautistic

To add, this is a pattern I've seen more than once:

You have a family member who, for whatever reason, is more "obviously" autistic than you are.

The relationship between you isn't great, maybe directly related to them being visibly autistic and triggering your self judgement, maybe for unrelated reasons.

This makes it much more difficult to accept that you might also be autistic. Because you don't want to have anything in common with them.

This is especially true if you have a lot of internalised abelism and struggle to be compassionate towards yourself, and also if you've been judgemental towards that person.

Now you not only have to acknowledge that you may, in fact, have something in common, but that you've been as unkind to them, as you're being to yourself.

And that's a hard thing to face.

#ActuallyAutistic

Zumbador OP , 21 days ago

@soundconjurer

That's a very good analogy.

@stahldame @actuallyautistic

Zumbador OP , 21 days ago

@woozle @stahldame @actuallyautistic

😂 I love the surprised flower's body language!

catswhocode , 24 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic I'm curious, has anyone ever interpreted your infodumping as bragging? That happened to me on here a while ago - I was just talking about some trips I had taken or something, and the other person thought I was showing off 🙄 I think they were neurotypical.

Zumbador , 23 days ago

@miaoue @catswhocode @actuallyautistic

That happens to me and it can really hurt. When I'm thinking "yay I've finally found someone that I can help or entertain with this amazing information" and they accuse me of patronising them, I feel so embarrassed and betrayed.