Zumbador

chevalier26 , 27 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic Any tips on how to deal with imposter syndrome? 😅 It's really been affecting me lately, and I'm not sure why.

I feel like I can never quite be certain that the things I KNOW are true about myself are actually true, like my brain is willingly playing tricks on itself.

Zumbador , 27 days ago

@chevalier26 @actuallyautistic

Imposter syndrome specifically about autism, or more generally?

Zumbador , 27 days ago

@chevalier26 @actuallyautistic

Imposter syndrome is often a totally rational response to living in a world that constantly lets us know we're not allowed to decide what our own needs are, and we're not allowed to decide who we are.

We're supposed to stay where we're put, shut up and be grateful.

So when you step out of line, your inner child, that fierce and loyal guardian, speaks up to protect you. "be careful! People are going to judge you! Maybe it's safer to hide!"

When those feelings come up, give your inner guardian a compassionate hug, and boot those thoughts right out with the trash. Tell your guardian "it's OK, we're an adult now, it might not feel like it, but
we can cope with this stuff. We're allowed to make other people uncomfortable sometimes, we're allowed to show people who we really are."

Zumbador , 26 days ago

@chevalier26 @arcadetoken @actuallyautistic

For me, the most effective way to deal with autistic imposter syndrome is to spend time in online autistic groups like this one, and to see for myself just how different people's experiences are.

And to do some work uncovering where the pain is coming from. Is it fear of appropriating an identity I might not have the right to? What does that mean, exactly? Who would I harm? Who would judge me?

Am I worried that I'm somehow "faking" being autistic because I'm too lazy or weak to face up to my flaws? Where is this judgemental voice coming from, in my life? Who taught me to be so cruel to myself?

And I find it helps to say "I'm autistic" as though I believe that I am. After a while, it starts feeling true as well as being true.

chevalier26 , 26 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic Someone mentioned "odd" sleep schedules the other day; I think I finally experienced a good dose of the "odd."

Went to bed Sunday night around 1:30 AM, slept until 2:00 PM somehow. Tried to go to bed Monday night at 1:30 AM but was wide awake. Decided to stay up until sunrise because why not, there was no point in trying to get sleep. Still wide awake, I thought taking a shower at 5:30 AM would be productive.

I am still wide awake and it is now 6:24 AM 😂

Zumbador , 26 days ago

@jacquiharper @chevalier26 @actuallyautistic

Yes! This matches what I heard on a recent podcast about sleep drive. Apparently we have certain moments when we start falling asleep, and if we don't let that happen, then it's usually 2 hours before the brain goes back into that sleep mode again.

Like, if you start nodding off on the sofa, then wake up to brush your teeth, go to bed... And you're wide awake again.

Zumbador , 27 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic

Here's something that causes friction between me and my family.

Someone asks me to make a decision about something I don't have a strong preference, but they want me to have a preference.

"do you want x or y? "

Saying "I don't care" comes across as rude, and even softening it as "I don't really have a preference" or turning it back to them by saying "what do you think?" isn't appreciated. They want me to care.

I understand that they want me to choose so they don't have to do that emotional labour. That's fair. But often when I do choose (at random), they try to change my mind, and then I'm back to square one because I don't really care, and I don't want to lie!

A honest answer would be "I'm depressed, I don't want to exist. Putting on a polite face is taking up all my effort, expecting me to actually care is beyond my capacity"

But that's too heavy for most interactions.

I'm not sure what I'm asking for here, just writing it out.

#ActuallyAutistic

18+ Zumbador OP , 27 days ago

@artemis @actuallyautistic

That's actually a good point. I hadn't considered that dynamic. That could work.

Zumbador OP , 27 days ago

@DrMcStrange @actuallyautistic

Yes with my husband I've started saying something similar, "how about x but I'm open to y"

And I just have to trust that he'll speak up if he secretly wanted something else.

Zumbador OP , 27 days ago

@roknrol @actuallyautistic

That sounds like a good strategy. And it's true that sometimes I'll discover that I do care about some aspect of whatever it is...

Zumbador OP , 27 days ago

@SQLAllFather @actuallyautistic

That makes a lot of sense

Zumbador OP , 27 days ago

@ScottSoCal @actuallyautistic

My therapist taught me that "I don't want to" is a complete sentence. But that's not always a popular opinion with everyone else.

Zumbador OP , 27 days ago

@miaoue @actuallyautistic

Yes I think this is exactly what often happens. I'm not sure how to deal with it as I often don't understand what there is to be discussed.

Zumbador OP , 27 days ago

@alicemcalicepants @roknrol @actuallyautistic

Yes that's definitely a thing. It can happen on both sides of the conversation, with no one wanting to commit in case the other person is just being polite, and/or actually would prefer you to guess what they want.

Zumbador OP , 27 days ago

@dl2jml @actuallyautistic

I think this is accurate.

And now that I consider it, I think some of my frustration is from the sense that they don't just want a discussion, they want a conversation that seems to be a discussion but is actually reassurance about their choice.

And now that I've reframed "agreement" as "reassurance" that helps me decide how to respond. In some cases, reassurance is appropriate and needed, but sometimes it's counterproductive and a sign that there's anxiety that needs to be addressed in some other way

Zumbador OP , 27 days ago

@dl2jml @actuallyautistic

I didn't mean to imply any difference between conversation and discussion, that's just me being sloppy in my writing 🙂

mondoweiss , 1 month ago to palestine group

Indiana University's "Liberation Commencement" was a celebration of the students' brave commitment to fighting powerful institutions and their involvement in challenging Zionism and the Palestinian genocide.

https://mondoweiss.net/2024/05/a-tale-of-two-commencements-how-gaza-solidarity-encampments-are-changing-the-way-we-see-university-education/

#Palestine #Israel #Gaza
@palestine @israel

Zumbador , 1 month ago

@ScriptFanix @nicholas_saunders @KathyLK @skippy442 @somekindahate3 @mondoweiss @palestine @actuallyautistic Hey there. Could you please remove the @ actuallyautistic tag from your responses in this conversation? Since this doesn't seem to be relevant to our group. Thanks!

LehtoriTuomo , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

"It might not feel like it's an active step toward self-acceptance or authenticity, but coming to understand yourself as disabled is a pretty dramatic reframing of your life."

• Devon Price in Unmasking Autism

This sentence hits me hard. Haven't thought it using that wording. My internalized ableism screams. "I'm not disabled!" But I am. I need to digest this.

#ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic

Zumbador , 1 month ago

@miaoue

Miaoue thank you for articulating this so clearly. I absolutely agree. At some point we need to stop the euphemism creep of making up a new term with positive associations ("Special Needs", for example) that inevitably becomes contaminated with abelist associations.

Dig our heels in and reclaim "disabled" as a term, and directly challenge what needs to be changed: not the word, but the abelist prejudice.

@wilbr @bananamangodog @LehtoriTuomo @faithisleaping @actuallyautistic