I think the evidence is mounting that in some circumstances I can be rather slow to process emotions.
Sometimes it is not until the day after something happened that I get angry. During this "something" I keep a placid demeanor. This demeanor is not a strategy or a conscious decision.
Then, the next day, I realize how this very thing gives rise to emotions, often anger.
I'm wondering if it relates to alexithymia. I'm not confused about what I feel, but the feeling may get delayed.
Or maybe it is a combination of:
people pleasing,
autistic inertia,
alexithymia
Just thinking out lout about one of my characteristics here.
Sometimes I think that delayed effect (affect?) has been helpful. It’s allowed me to do what needs to be done before dealing with how I feel. The problem has been when the “doing” has taken so long that I haven’t got around to the feeling, but the feelings are still there, burbling away, leading to unexpected meltdown &/or burnout.
@yourautisticlife@actuallyautistic I have delayed processing (I believe it's common in Autism) so I can't and don't process things until I have a period of time alone where it finally sinks in.
I also have a tendency (due to trauma) to internalise anger or turn it into sadness. My therapist pointed this out on several occasions where I was saying how sad I was about how I'd been treated - ways that anger would be a totally normal, healthy response.
@yourautisticlife@actuallyautistic Just chiming in to say “same” … especially in situations where I didn’t pick up on the social cues and later realize I was being bullied or manipulated
@yourautisticlife@actuallyautistic
Unfortunately many of us probably had our inappropriate emotional reactions corrected, almost as often as our inappropriate actions.
I know it's made me somewhat emotionally stifled. (even beyond standard Britishness 😊)
@pathfinder@yourautisticlife@actuallyautistic
One wonders whether our "freakish" autistic reactions are actually the healthy, natural ones.
I'm completely inhibited also, from having my nose hit by a newspaper one too many times, even by British standards
@pathfinder@yourautisticlife@actuallyautistic
I don't understand why other people aren't as angry as I am at the state of things.
As I understand it, inequality in the US and UK today is worse than it was during the Guilded Age
I've also become more aware of my feelings and emotions. It's a bit weird.
How I "deal" with it though is best described by Terry Pratchett (as most things are).
In the book Lords and Ladies, Granny Esmeralda Weatherwax catches an iron blade in her hand without taking any damage. Knowing, in this reality, that "you can't magick iron", it's a big mystery for a few days while they make their way back home.
Nanny Ogg asks, "How'd you do it, Esme, you can't magick iron."
Granny mutters something about, "Not having time for nonsense." and finishes her trip home.
She calmly prepares bandages and water, and, with the full knowledge that her chores will be all the more difficult for it, sits down with her palm up and says, "I reckon I've got time now."
That's more or less how my emotions are...managed. I can bite them down until I have time for them, but you'd better believe me that interrupting me while I'm processing will almost always trigger the worst kind of meltdown.
Apologies to Terry Pratchett for bastardizing and summarizing his words. I really haven't done them justice, but if you've read the book you got the point.
@roknrol@yourautisticlife@actuallyautistic just in case anyone goes looking, I'm pretty sure that is from Masquerade.
Lords and Ladies was Granny being awesome by "borrowing" a whole swarm of bees.
It's a good metaphor. I wish I could say that's how it works for me but sadly I just get emotions rising from the dark occasionally and have to deal with them whether I have time or not.
I’m at a stage now where I can sometimes recognize my emotions more quickly. My body is responding sooner, too. What I’ve noticed is that the calm demeanor stays but bc I’m now thinking about the emotion, I can see that my thoughts are stuck in overlapping wheels of confusion. I can’t focus on one body sensation or thought long enough to do anything w it. If I can stay 🧘 then I’m ok. If not, I spiral…
@yourautisticlife@actuallyautistic …other times, though, I notice that I don’t have a sensory or emotional response to something that it seems like I “should” or that “most” other people would have. That includes responses to stress at work or “out there” so it’s not “lack of empathy”. But I’ll register the event and very often I’ll start to feel a connecting emotional response a few days later. Might/might not be connected to more traumatic triggers
@yourautisticlife i'm similar to you in this way. it can take a fairly long time for my emotions to appear in response to some provoking event, and also a long time for the emotion to recede once i am feeling it. a brief moment when someone made a hurtful remark to me might take me a day to process before i start to feel hurt and angry about it, and several more days to feel better again.
i'm not sure whether my experience would fall under alexithymia, because i feel my emotions very strongly and can label them in words, when i eventually feel them. i just process very differently than most. i wish i had a better term to explain that, because i think it makes a big difference in how i experience my life.
@yourautisticlife@actuallyautistic I have that too, and in my case, overstimulation plays a role. Emotions overwhelm me, causing me to be less verbal, while often a verbal response is expected of me in the situation. Or needed, e.g. to tell someone off.
I need complete calm and alone time to process what has happened.
@yourautisticlife@actuallyautistic Same. I can be so calm and rational when the thing (whatever it is) is happening only to realize later how angry it really made me. Sadness, though, doesn't seem to go that way for me. Only anger. So for me, I think it's tied up with the freeze/fawn response that I can't seem to kick. Also socialization -- not "nice" to be angry. Sad is seen as "weak", so that's okay. It's complicated and messy and not fun!