@miaoue@neurodifferent.me cover
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miaoue

@[email protected]

was a techie in a previous life. now a professional medical mystery and a cat from outer space. also @miaoue

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chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@chevalier26@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Do y'all know if it's an autistic trait to be super skeptical of stuff? Like, for example, my parents watch some questionable "health" people on YouTube, and when they show me a video from said people, I can tell IMMEDIATELY that they are grifters in it for money. Idk what gives it away but it's like a flashing warning sign in my brain.

I wonder if it has to do with social influence and the effects of charisma/agreeableness that NDs might not fall for.

miaoue ,
@miaoue@neurodifferent.me avatar

@chevalier26 maybe it's that people transmit information in various modes: on one channel the actual content of their words, and then also the nonverbal communication channel. sometimes it's the nonverbal mode that's supposed to do the persuading, by communicating a sense of authority, trustworthiness, or charm. but if you generally don't pick up that communication channel, and mainly pick up the words themselves, you can see through the persuasion layer to the literal content (which in this sort of situation is rather unconvincing).

@actuallyautistic

miaoue ,
@miaoue@neurodifferent.me avatar

@pathfinder @chevalier26 i agree with you, and i think both tendencies connect to how we are drawn to the factual content of what people say and may not pick up on nonverbal content, including people's perspectives and intentions. i have trusted people who gave plenty of nonverbal indications that they were untrustworthy, but i didn't understand those signals, so i could only process the words they said, which didn't give me the full picture. it's a similar process when i'm not intimidated by someone signaling that they are an authority, but in that case, it works in my favor.

@actuallyautistic

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@chevalier26@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Do any of y'all have EXTREME heat intolerance? It's like the older I get the more I can't put up with hot weather. I've always been very "hot-natured," prefer winter over summer, etc. but this year I think my intolerance has been the worst yet. Friends are telling me how it's peak summer weather (90 degrees is comfortable?!?) meanwhile I start sweating when it's 70+ degrees Fahrenheit outside. What gives?

miaoue ,
@miaoue@neurodifferent.me avatar

@chevalier26 i'm both heat and cold intolerant , with a pretty narrow range where i don't need some sort of accommodation for the temperature.

thanks for giving me the opportunity to raise awareness yet again for air conditioning as a basic need for people with heat intolerance. during the day i can place cool packs on my body and drink cold water, but when i'm asleep at night i can't do so, and rely on air conditioning in my bedroom.

@actuallyautistic

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@chevalier26@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Maybe y’all can help me with this question:

Over the past few months I have really been ruminating on what “masculinity” and “femininity” even are, and those terms are mostly defined by stereotypes. Like, I know I’m a woman but I’ve always felt like “just some guy.” I’ve never had dysphoria or anything, and I have a biblical understanding of sexuality, but cultural ideas about gender make no sense to me. All of this is so confusing. Any ideas?

miaoue ,
@miaoue@neurodifferent.me avatar

@chevalier26 in my opinion/experience, gender is something internal and hard to define, and thus best to explore within yourself. most people address it from a few common frameworks, but if their paradigm doesn't make intuitive sense to you, i don't think it will give you answers about yourself. for me, i started exploring what gender means to me with lists of open ended questions like these: https://mindfulstl.com/questions-to-consider-when-exploring-your-gender-identity/

@actuallyautistic

tine_schreibt , to ActuallyAutistic group German
@tine_schreibt@literatur.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

So, the last few meals my husband cooked were super good, and I when I told him yesterday that he's on a streak of very above average cooking... He started to laugh and said that he changed his seasoning, and that the last meals that I loved so much only had granulated garlic and lovage salt in them.
I guess I should feel kind of insulted but I'm autistic and it makes sense that I prefer food that mostly just tastes like what's in it plus some umami?

miaoue ,
@miaoue@neurodifferent.me avatar

@tine_schreibt i totally understand this... i eventually grew out of my beige foods only phase (like, after 18 years) and started to enjoy a wide variety of food. but i like to be able to taste the original flavor of things, and find it a bit overwhelming to have too many competing flavors.

@actuallyautistic

autism101 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@autism101@mstdn.social avatar

Do you have any clothing routines? I own eight gray plain t-shirts with no tags which I love. I often will just wear them over and over again.

@actuallyautistic

miaoue ,
@miaoue@neurodifferent.me avatar

@octonion my sympathies for the unfortunate demise of your clothing to the stinky washer!

i need unscented soap and laundry detergent too, not only because i can't bear the odor, but also most fragrance irritates my skin awfully. sometimes a medicated product that i need is scented... then i don't have much choice but to use it. that shouldn't be a thing!

@autism101 @actuallyautistic

olena , to ActuallyAutistic group
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

Just was ‘diagnosed’ with anxiety today after talking to a psychiatrist for five minutes (I’m using quotes because it seems a bit too preliminary to me to diagnose whoever with whatever after about 5 minutes of general talk).
Came asking for and evaluation. Was totally ignored on that regard) Of course, didn’t have courage to ask again.

Was it so obvious? Was I just a walking stereotype: middle-aged woman from a war-thorn country living alone who voluntarily came to a psychiatrist(doesn’t matter what else she has, she can’t NOT be anxious)?
Or is it just a general experience of most of female-passing folks: to be seen as anxious, to have most of their symptoms attributed to (not like I was asked about any symptoms, but maybe have demonstrated some?)?

@actuallyautistic

miaoue ,
@miaoue@neurodifferent.me avatar

@olena i'm sorry to hear you had such cursory and dismissive treatment. five minutes is not enough to understand a person and come up with a psychiatric diagnosis. it has also happened to me that a doctor, not even a psychologist necessarily, spontaneously assesses me as having anxiety or depression based on their impression of me rather than a structured evaluation. it's not an appropriate way to diagnose people in my opinion.

@actuallyautistic

catswhocode , to ActuallyAutistic group
@catswhocode@mastodon.art avatar

@actuallyautistic I'm curious, has anyone ever interpreted your infodumping as bragging? That happened to me on here a while ago - I was just talking about some trips I had taken or something, and the other person thought I was showing off 🙄 I think they were neurotypical.

miaoue ,
@miaoue@neurodifferent.me avatar

@catswhocode i'm told i come across as lecturing, or talking down to people because i know more than them. i really feel bad about that because i absolutely don't mean it that way. i'm trying to share something that brings me great joy, thinking maybe it will bring other people joy too.

@actuallyautistic

Zumbador , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Zumbador@mefi.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

Here's something that causes friction between me and my family.

Someone asks me to make a decision about something I don't have a strong preference, but they want me to have a preference.

"do you want x or y? "

Saying "I don't care" comes across as rude, and even softening it as "I don't really have a preference" or turning it back to them by saying "what do you think?" isn't appreciated. They want me to care.

I understand that they want me to choose so they don't have to do that emotional labour. That's fair. But often when I do choose (at random), they try to change my mind, and then I'm back to square one because I don't really care, and I don't want to lie!

A honest answer would be "I'm depressed, I don't want to exist. Putting on a polite face is taking up all my effort, expecting me to actually care is beyond my capacity"

But that's too heavy for most interactions.

I'm not sure what I'm asking for here, just writing it out.

miaoue ,
@miaoue@neurodifferent.me avatar

@Zumbador that sequence of behaviors makes me wonder if they aren't looking for your opinion per se but your participation in a discussion about it. some people seem to believe that a joint/group preference ought to be reached by discussion, with each participant arguing for their preferred option and persuading each other. saying you don't care or choosing arbitrarily is not cooperating with this process, so the person might find it frustrating.

@actuallyautistic

LehtoriTuomo , to ActuallyAutistic group
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

"It might not feel like it's an active step toward self-acceptance or authenticity, but coming to understand yourself as disabled is a pretty dramatic reframing of your life."

  • Devon Price in Unmasking Autism

This sentence hits me hard. Haven't thought it using that wording. My internalized ableism screams. "I'm not disabled!" But I am. I need to digest this.

@actuallyautistic

miaoue ,
@miaoue@neurodifferent.me avatar

@wilbr @bananamangodog "disabled" is not a bad word! no it doesn't need to change, and definitely not to the uncomfortable euphemism "differently abled". disabled advocates consistently argue in favor of the term "disabled", not only because it's unflinchingly truthful, but because it's become a term of identity. rather than divert to euphemisms because of the stigma against disability, advocates argue for using the existing term with pride. see some of their thoughts here:

https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/disabled-is-not-a-bad-word-stop-telling-people-with-disabilities-it-is-1.4857377
https://www.thevaluable500.com/spotlight/opinion-disabled-is-not-a-bad-word
https://disabilityrightsflorida.org/blog/entry/disability_is_not_a_bad_word
https://news.vanderbilt.edu/2019/04/23/disability-is-not-a-dirty-word-handi-capable-should-be-retired/

@LehtoriTuomo
@faithisleaping @actuallyautistic

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

How do my comrades react to their things being misplaced or moved?

@actuallyautistic

miaoue ,
@miaoue@neurodifferent.me avatar

@theautisticcoach my brain doesn't seem to encode where things are unless i place them there myself. (sometimes not even then....) so if someone else moves something of mine, even with permission and explanation, it doesn't work for me and that item may seem to be lost. because the item's real world location won't match where i have placed it in my mental model. it's such a struggle because i'll even ask someone to help me tidy, but can't find anything they've arranged and get frustrated with them for helping.

@actuallyautistic

yourautisticlife , to ActuallyAutistic group
@yourautisticlife@mast.yourautisticlife.com avatar

@actuallyautistic

I think the evidence is mounting that in some circumstances I can be rather slow to process emotions.

Sometimes it is not until the day after something happened that I get angry. During this "something" I keep a placid demeanor. This demeanor is not a strategy or a conscious decision.

Then, the next day, I realize how this very thing gives rise to emotions, often anger.

I'm wondering if it relates to alexithymia. I'm not confused about what I feel, but the feeling may get delayed.

Or maybe it is a combination of:

  • people pleasing,
  • autistic inertia,
  • alexithymia

Just thinking out lout about one of my characteristics here.

miaoue ,
@miaoue@neurodifferent.me avatar

@yourautisticlife i'm similar to you in this way. it can take a fairly long time for my emotions to appear in response to some provoking event, and also a long time for the emotion to recede once i am feeling it. a brief moment when someone made a hurtful remark to me might take me a day to process before i start to feel hurt and angry about it, and several more days to feel better again.

i'm not sure whether my experience would fall under alexithymia, because i feel my emotions very strongly and can label them in words, when i eventually feel them. i just process very differently than most. i wish i had a better term to explain that, because i think it makes a big difference in how i experience my life.

@actuallyautistic

yourautisticlife , to ActuallyAutistic group
@yourautisticlife@mast.yourautisticlife.com avatar

@actuallyautistic

"It’s past time to stop using the Reading the Mind in the Eyes Test"

I did part of the test a while back, mostly as a joke. I was watching a YouTube video in which an autistic person was showing pictures from the test.

This article makes a convincing argument as to why the test is complete bullshit.

Any "professional" who uses it to decide if someone is autistic is a fraud. Same if they use it to prove that autistic people lack of theory of mind.

https://www.thetransmitter.org/spectrum/its-past-time-to-stop-using-the-reading-the-mind-in-the-eyes-test/

miaoue ,
@miaoue@neurodifferent.me avatar

@yourautisticlife i have never understood what is meant by "theory of mind" and suspect that the term is used to mean too many things. in particular, i don't see how the eyes test represents an analogous task to simpler theory of mind tests like the Sally-Anne task for small children. they seem like entirely different concepts to me.

it's not just me, this paper also argues that "theory of mind" is not well defined and that most tests for it are testing different things. https://sci-hub.se/https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691619896607 seems prudent to first figure out what we actually mean by "theory of mind" before we go around claiming some people don't have it.

@actuallyautistic

hosford42 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@hosford42@techhub.social avatar

This could be the connection between Ehlers-Danlos and neurodivergence. (People with EDS, like me, are 7 times as likely to be autistic and 5 times as likely to have ADHD -- also like me.)

Cartilage-Like Structures Key to Brain Plasticity - Neuroscience News
https://neurosciencenews.com/brain-plasticity-memory-cs6-26042/








@autistic[email protected]
@neurodivergence
@actuallyautistic
@eds

miaoue ,
@miaoue@neurodifferent.me avatar

@hosford42 @cykonot i can't help but notice that if you have EDS, POTS, and MCAS you can easily score in the highest category on the "Beck Anxiety Inventory" even if you feel no anxiety on the emotional level. honestly i think there is some statistical invalidity lurking there - of course the group with more of the symptoms listed on the anxiety inventory will come out with a higher likelihood of anxiety. research into conditions that overlap with the physical "anxiety symptoms" should come up with a different way to assess anxiety, imo.

(next, if we want to get radical, we can discuss not categorizing all the conditions that share the physical symptoms of anxiety as "psychosomatic"....)

@autistic[email protected] @neurodivergence @actuallyautistic @eds

miaoue ,
@miaoue@neurodifferent.me avatar

@androcat @Zumbador there are various definitions of psychosomatic. it could refer to

  • physical manifestation of an illness that has a purely psychological cause
  • physical illness that is strongly affected by psychological factors (i.e. provoked by stress)
  • more broadly, an illness that involves the interactions of body and mind

personally i think that's too many definitions, to the point where any usage is at best unclear, at other times intellectually dishonest. it doesn't merit having a separate category for psychosomatic illnesses. arguably, by the latter definition, all illnesses would be in such a category.

@hosford42 @cykonot @autistic[email protected] @neurodivergence @actuallyautistic @eds

Susan60 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

I nearly didn’t listen to this episode, because I’ve never had an eating disorder, but it’s almost more about identity & addiction & autonomy than eating disorders, and is fascinating as a result.
@actuallyautistic

https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/divergent-conversations/id1662009631?i=1000655158496

miaoue ,
@miaoue@neurodifferent.me avatar

@Susan60 as someone who has had an eating disorder, i see that as very much what eating disorders are "about"! at least for me personally. and i want to thank you for linking this episode, because it meant a lot to me to hear from someone with similar experiences, who was misunderstood and mistreated in similar ways. it's one of those things i wish we talked about a lot more in ND communities.

@actuallyautistic

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

What does “unmasking” mean to my comrades?

@actuallyautistic

miaoue ,
@miaoue@neurodifferent.me avatar

@Jobob i would also guess it's nothing to do with how you look. i'm also told i am scary, and i'm an extremely tiny and not at all imposing, colorful, expressive and generally silly person, absolutely nothing scary about me appearance-wise. i think i'm getting the "scary" label because that i obviously don't conform to societal norms and some people take that as inherently threatening. unfortunately there's not much i can do to put them at ease. if they've decided people are either normal or scary, well, i can't convince them i'm normal, therefore, i'm scary.

@roknrol @calofost @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic

pathfinder , to ActuallyAutistic group
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@actuallyautistic
@actuallyadhd

After joining a post by Niamh Garvey (hopefully a successful link to it below) about whether she had adhd as well as autism, I have spent the last couple of days contemplating this idea for myself as well.

I am still not entirely convinced, but I am beginning to suspect that I might well be in this situation as well. After watching a number of YouTube videos from those with both autism and adhd and reading up on adhd, I can see a number of things that point on that direction certainly, although I'm not entirely convinced.

I have always been aware of the near overwhelming urge to either interrupt people, because there is something I want to say and if I don't then, then I know there is a more than a reasonable chance that I will forget what it was. I also have a tendency to want to finish people's sentences. Both of these things though I have taught myself to resist. Even though I feel a great deal of discomfort doing so. I am also more than aware that I can forget what I was saying, or thinking, halfway through a sentence. That digging through the trash to find the package with the instructions on, that I only just threw away after reading, is not uncommon. As is failing completely to understand or remember the instructions someone just gave me.

But then, my short term (working) memory is basically non-existent. But, I'm also aware that this is a fairly common problem for autistics and even before I realised I was autistic, I built up systems to help myself deal with this. As well as with my general forgetfulness. Lists, memory aids, even making the route out of my flat a trip hazard to make sure I don't forget to take something with me. Also, I live alone and essentially there is a place for everything and everything has its place. Not foolproof and I have lost things in a very small flat that I still haven't found. But generally speaking effective.

I struggle to start tasks, especially tasks that I have no real interest, or desire to do. Being interested in something has always been my main motivator. But eventually, I can normally force myself and work my way through things, especially if I know they are necessary. Knowing I have this problem is also why I hate leaving things to the last moment. I know that I am more than capable of doing that if I allow myself, but also that the stress from doing so is nearly overwhelming, even if it can be motivational. As is the stress of clutter. Not the organised clutter that is my flat, where I know where everything is, as in somewhere in that pile over there, but the clutter that builds up eventually and begins to feel as if it is out of control.

Novelty is a factor in my life. Or, boredom, rather. Because sooner, although far more likely later, I will grow bored with routines, or things like safe foods, and need to change them. Many of my interests also seem to suffer from a similar threshold. A certain point where I lose interest and no longer feel any need to maintain them, even though this might make me feel guilty about giving up on them. In fact, I hate boredom and I have always needed a certain amount of new things to watch, or discover and to be actively doing stuff, if only in my head. And whilst I have never thought of myself as being particularly spontaneous or impulsive. I am, within certain limits of self-control. There is a rationality that often has to be appeased that gives me a sense of control. I have also taken stupid risks and great risks. But rarely beyond what I knew was necessary, or to my mind, at least, controlled to a point.

I can be easily distracted, by random thoughts or by, (well obviously not squirrels, I mean who would be? but, oh, oh, there's a butterfly) things. But not always to the point that I'm not at least marginally still aware of what I should be paying attention to. Letting myself wander whilst maintaining at least a marginal awareness is an old trick of mine. I have always been a fidgeter, but that's also how I maintained concentration. Feeling the overwhelming need to move, has always seemed to me to be anxiety driven, or is the way I focus and think. In fact, movement for me has always been as much about settling and regulating myself, as it has been compulsive.

As I said, there are certain things that seem to fit, even if they also seem to have been effected and possibly modified by my autism. I would love to hear your thoughts.

https://beige.party/@[email protected]/112390279791932822#

miaoue ,
@miaoue@neurodifferent.me avatar

@Zumbador i very much agree. the previous diagnostic categories, where a person could have either autism or ADHD but not both, were holding back our understanding of how they are connected. now we have some studies even suggesting that the majority have some traits of each, and exclusive autism or exclusive ADHD are in the minority. Neurodivergent Insights wrote about this on "Misdiagnosis Monday" which was mentioned earlier in these groups: https://neurodivergentinsights.com/misdiagnosis-monday/adhd-vs-autism

as for what categories we should have instead, i think of it as a many-dimensional space with all sorts of traits measured on its dimensions/axes, and what we now call "autism" and "adhd" designate overlapping regions of that space. so, one united spectrum in a sense, but a brand new one, since i don't believe one condition should be considered a subcategory of the other. maybe in the future, we will look more at individual traits and their intensities, rather than package a bunch of loosely related traits into one condition and say you either have all of it (100%) or you don't have any of it (0%).

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

pathfinder , to ActuallyAutistic group
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@actuallyautistic

Autistic brains be stupid. Well, obviously not stupid, they just seem to work, or not work, in mysterious ways.

The main one that has always got me, about mine, is that I have no memory for sound, absolutely none. I can't remember a song, or a sound. I can't remember what my parents sounded like and none of my memories carry, for want of a better word, a soundtrack. I can remember what I was thinking and what others were saying, but not hearing them say it, nor any other sound. I also don't dream in sound, at least as far as I know. All my dreams are silent.

And yet, and it's a big yet. I have an excellent memory for voices and sounds. Like many autistics I have near perfect pitch, at least when I'm hearing others sing, or music playing. Just don't ask me to reproduce it, because I can't. If I meet someone I haven't met for a while, then I will almost certainly not recognise their face, or remember their name, but there is a very good chance that I will recognise them from their voice. I am also very good at detecting accents. Even the slightest hint of one in, say, an actor pretending to be an american, will get me searching Wikipedian to see if I am right about their actual nationality.

So, if I can tell the sound of a Honda CBR engine two blocks away, or a voice, or an accent buried deep, I must have the memories to compare against. And yet... nope.

So, as I said, autistic brains be stupid.


miaoue ,
@miaoue@neurodifferent.me avatar

@clacke i am not sure whether this question can be usefully addressed based on current research about memory in autism, because it is all so unclear still and points in conflicting directions. impaired episodic memory is a common finding, but regarding the rest, i don't think we have concrete findings yet.

Wikipedia has a decent summary that links to many studies. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism_and_memory

@actuallyautistic @pathfinder

catswhocode , to ActuallyAutistic group
@catswhocode@mastodon.art avatar

@actuallyautistic I tend to overanalyze everything - it can be useful but it also gets overwhelming some days :blobfoxlaughsweat:

miaoue ,
@miaoue@neurodifferent.me avatar

@housepanther @GreenRoc @catswhocode not me, i think the right amount and other people are underthinking /hj

@actuallyautistic

AnAutieAtUni , to ActuallyAutistic group
@AnAutieAtUni@neurodifferent.me avatar

Just got back from visiting an event at my uni that was held in a building’s atrium.

It was hot, bright, crowded, full of anxious students and just Too Much. I’ve been back an hour and I still haven’t calmed down and got the overload out of my system.

It was just a fraction of the size that my traditional graduation ceremony will be in July. It will be held in a similar but much larger building with many, many more people, masses more sound and noises and movement and chaos.

I’ve never been so relieved to wait 25 years to REJECT a dream: since my teens I dreamed of graduating by walking across a stage… and I’m so fcking relieved to have opted to Graduate In Abstentia. I am a genius. Thank f** for that.

Side note: my university were going to try to hold a quieter version of the traditional graduation event just like the one that made the UK news: Relaxed Graduations at Nottingham Trent University. There was a lot of positive movement in the second half of last year. I heard they’d definitely do it for the winter graduations (just gone), and someone else said they’re definitely doing it this summer. But now, I think they actually haven’t done anything more. So glad I wasn’t waiting and depending on that. I’d be devastated. Many staff also wanted this - many also have disabilities and/or are neurodivergent. So it’s a let-down for everyone.

@actuallyautistic

miaoue ,
@miaoue@neurodifferent.me avatar

@AnAutieAtUni i didn't go to my graduation either. i had a convenient excuse though: the uni i graduated from (not my original one) was all online and i had already moved far away before my graduation, so it would have been terribly inconvenient. i'm sure i could have made it there if i really wanted some fancy so and so to shake my hand on stage in front of a noisy crowd but that sounds like hell to me. i had my diploma shipped instead 😂

it's your hard work and your achievement, so you should celebrate your graduation in any way you like. including not at all!

@actuallyautistic

miaoue ,
@miaoue@neurodifferent.me avatar

@AnAutieAtUni hah... i suppose they have been to enough graduations for a lifetime!

@actuallyautistic

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