andrewhinton

olena , 4 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Just realized that spending time with people I know, including - no, especially! - family, drains me out so much not because of all the activities, noise, planning and plans being neglected and all those things, but because of masking. Like, 95% of my energy goes to masking, to staying within acceptable range. Internalizing the meltdown that happened because of being overwhelmed takes more energy than actually dealing with being overwhelmed. Having plans established when I offered going without a plan, than changed, than cancelled, than uncancelled, than changed again and the day ruined is hard, but being smily and kind and attentive, and fun and creative after that is much more draining.
I know why most of us hate being observed: because if observed, we have to mask harder - so instead of doing the task itself and dedicating all of us to it, we have to use a lot of energy to constantly control the way we’re perceived to make sure the mask didn’t slip.

#AuDHD
#neurodivergent
#autistic
@actuallyautistic

olena , 4 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

“Don’t assume, ask” - is the approach I share. However, there are many people to whom asking seems like something rude and inappropriate. And those people would assume.
The thing is, I am one of those people that usually can’t be accurately assumed: if you’d think a person that does this and this would also do that, the one who likes this and this would hate that and so on - most probably, I’d not follow that pattern. For that very reason I’ve been called ‘eclectic’, or less politely - ‘messy’, ‘illogical’, and all sorts of weird - most of my life, and for that very reason some people are kinda afraid of me: they can’t predict because their assumptions aren’t correct.
In turn, for me it’s very frustrating/confusing to see that someone is offended by me asking directly instead of assuming because all I want is to avoid any misunderstanding and clarify things.
I feel like #AuDHD is quite an eclectic thing per se(due to some #autism aspects looking from a certain point of view as opposite to those of #ADHD), so maybe that is the key to me being so, well, contradictory in eyes of other people.
I wonder, if that asking is just #autistic desire to have things clear and precise, or assuming/asking divide does not correspond to the NT/ND one
#neurodivergent
@actuallyautistic

chevalier26 , 8 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic Do any of y'all have EXTREME heat intolerance? It's like the older I get the more I can't put up with hot weather. I've always been very "hot-natured," prefer winter over summer, etc. but this year I think my intolerance has been the worst yet. Friends are telling me how it's peak summer weather (90 degrees is comfortable?!?) meanwhile I start sweating when it's 70+ degrees Fahrenheit outside. What gives?

snoopy_jay , 16 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group German

@actuallyautistic To those who do not (!) have children: Is family important to you? I can not say that my family has mistreated me in any way or not accepted me the way I am, and yet I am drifting away further and further every year. I think I haven't seen any of them in, like, 7 years? I think I just don't like spending time with humans, related or not? 🫥

foo , 17 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

I'm compelled to attend a mandatory workshop being run by a business psychologist. Is there any evidence to show that popular psychology is invalid when applied to workers on the autistic spectrum? Because it really seems totally irrelevant and nonsensical , not to mention uncomfortable levels of sharing personal thoughts with other workers who haven't earned my respect @actuallyautistic

spika , 19 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

How do you guys handle friends who have the sort of sense of humor where they "play fight" over trivial things for fun?

I find this sooooo triggering because I can't tell when good fun turns into abuse and controlling behavior so any hint of it even in good fun is really upsetting.

#actuallyautistic @actuallyautistic

Dr_Obvious , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group German

@actuallyautistic
I don't know if it's related to the hypo-/hypersensitivity topic, stimulation or whatsoever. But I really like strong tasting stuff. Spicy, salty, hot, sour, complex, whatsoever.

After just now taking a sip from a pickle glass it came to my mind that I even took shots of vinegar in the past, because I liked the taste. I considder it so odd that I wondered if anybody out there did it too.

Did you ever fancied a shot of vinegar?

yourautisticlife , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic

I think the evidence is mounting that in some circumstances I can be rather slow to process emotions.

Sometimes it is not until the day after something happened that I get angry. During this "something" I keep a placid demeanor. This demeanor is not a strategy or a conscious decision.

Then, the next day, I realize how this very thing gives rise to emotions, often anger.

I'm wondering if it relates to alexithymia. I'm not confused about what I feel, but the feeling may get delayed.

Or maybe it is a combination of:

• people pleasing,
• autistic inertia,
• alexithymia

Just thinking out lout about one of my characteristics here.

#ActuallyAutistic

Richard_Littler , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

If you've ever wondered what it's like being autistic with ADHD, it's a bit like this for me. (I always assumed everybody thought like this).

#ASD #ADHD #AuDHD #Autism
@actuallyautistic

andrewhinton , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic
FYI The Neurodivergent Conversations podcast has been doing a series on “what is autism” that I’m finding very helpful and validating. First of the series here: https://pca.st/episode/b601654c-72cc-48da-b7ab-875d30077d21

pathfinder , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic
@actuallyadhd

After joining a post by Niamh Garvey (hopefully a successful link to it below) about whether she had adhd as well as autism, I have spent the last couple of days contemplating this idea for myself as well.

I am still not entirely convinced, but I am beginning to suspect that I might well be in this situation as well. After watching a number of YouTube videos from those with both autism and adhd and reading up on adhd, I can see a number of things that point on that direction certainly, although I'm not entirely convinced.

I have always been aware of the near overwhelming urge to either interrupt people, because there is something I want to say and if I don't then, then I know there is a more than a reasonable chance that I will forget what it was. I also have a tendency to want to finish people's sentences. Both of these things though I have taught myself to resist. Even though I feel a great deal of discomfort doing so. I am also more than aware that I can forget what I was saying, or thinking, halfway through a sentence. That digging through the trash to find the package with the instructions on, that I only just threw away after reading, is not uncommon. As is failing completely to understand or remember the instructions someone just gave me.

But then, my short term (working) memory is basically non-existent. But, I'm also aware that this is a fairly common problem for autistics and even before I realised I was autistic, I built up systems to help myself deal with this. As well as with my general forgetfulness. Lists, memory aids, even making the route out of my flat a trip hazard to make sure I don't forget to take something with me. Also, I live alone and essentially there is a place for everything and everything has its place. Not foolproof and I have lost things in a very small flat that I still haven't found. But generally speaking effective.

I struggle to start tasks, especially tasks that I have no real interest, or desire to do. Being interested in something has always been my main motivator. But eventually, I can normally force myself and work my way through things, especially if I know they are necessary. Knowing I have this problem is also why I hate leaving things to the last moment. I know that I am more than capable of doing that if I allow myself, but also that the stress from doing so is nearly overwhelming, even if it can be motivational. As is the stress of clutter. Not the organised clutter that is my flat, where I know where everything is, as in somewhere in that pile over there, but the clutter that builds up eventually and begins to feel as if it is out of control.

Novelty is a factor in my life. Or, boredom, rather. Because sooner, although far more likely later, I will grow bored with routines, or things like safe foods, and need to change them. Many of my interests also seem to suffer from a similar threshold. A certain point where I lose interest and no longer feel any need to maintain them, even though this might make me feel guilty about giving up on them. In fact, I hate boredom and I have always needed a certain amount of new things to watch, or discover and to be actively doing stuff, if only in my head. And whilst I have never thought of myself as being particularly spontaneous or impulsive. I am, within certain limits of self-control. There is a rationality that often has to be appeased that gives me a sense of control. I have also taken stupid risks and great risks. But rarely beyond what I knew was necessary, or to my mind, at least, controlled to a point.

I can be easily distracted, by random thoughts or by, (well obviously not squirrels, I mean who would be? but, oh, oh, there's a butterfly) things. But not always to the point that I'm not at least marginally still aware of what I should be paying attention to. Letting myself wander whilst maintaining at least a marginal awareness is an old trick of mine. I have always been a fidgeter, but that's also how I maintained concentration. Feeling the overwhelming need to move, has always seemed to me to be anxiety driven, or is the way I focus and think. In fact, movement for me has always been as much about settling and regulating myself, as it has been compulsive.

As I said, there are certain things that seem to fit, even if they also seem to have been effected and possibly modified by my autism. I would love to hear your thoughts.

https://beige.party/@[email protected]/112390279791932822#

pathfinder , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic

Much to my shock I realised that I could be autistic when I was 53, roughly 7 years ago. And it was a shock, even though I suspect a very small, well hidden and very much ignored part of me, might have suspected. No one told me about it, or suggested that it might be the case. I did not see myself in relatives, the way so many of us do. I just happened to come across an autism test online and for no particular reason, took it.

It was that, that started me on my path to realising and finally accepting the truth that I was autistic. But, looking back, I sometimes find it hard to understand how I didn't know earlier. So much of my life now, just screams autism at me. But even ignoring the horribly ableist and medieval view I had of what autism was, the main reason why I didn't was probably because I could mask, both from myself and others, so well.

It was, I realise now, a life lived in denial. A denial of how much things bothered me, how much effort I had to put into things. Even a denial of the things I knew I couldn't do. Because this is the thing about appearing to mask so well, for so long. It is, in a sense, a lie. I couldn't mask well, if at all. Not all the time. Not in all situations or circumstances. There were things I just couldn't cope with, or even begin to deal with. But the trick was, that I either knew about them, or learnt the hard way about them and then I could manage my life to avoid them. Because they were things I could live without, without affecting how I appeared to be coping. Things that didn't affect the way I lived, even if they did affect my sense of worth. Because, how broken did you have to be, not to be able to go to crowded events, like a sports match, or a concert? Or to be able to deal with the socialising of a large gathering, or a family event, without having to hide in the kitchen, or forever outside, or break down in a toilet?

It was all part of how I masked myself from myself. The internal masking, as I like to call it. If I couldn't cope, then I was broken. If I couldn't stand something, then I was too picky, or sensitive, or I simply needed to learn to ignore it. And somehow I did learn. I learnt how to cope with noise and smell and visual overwhelm. I learnt to not let things bother me. To a point at least. There was always a step too far, when I couldn't, or didn't have the energy any more to maintain it. And this did take energy, a lot of it. Something I've only realising now that I don't have the energy to spare to even try it. Or the ability to, in many respects now that I know what I was trying so desperately to hide from.

Because when the truth is known, it's far harder to deny it. It's far harder to live the life where appearing to cope, is as good as coping. Where blaming yourself, is easier than seeing others faults. Where ignoring the pain, makes the pain go away. It's hard to see the mask as a benefit and always a good thing, rather than the shield and tool it always was.

#Autism
#ActuallyAutistic

niamhgarvey , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Doctor suggested I have #ADHD but I don't think I do because:
I am able to force myself to do things even if I'm not interested in it.
I do not like spontaneity.
When I have a deadline, I cannot leave it to the last minute or anxiety would cripple me.
But I do struggle to pay attention unless am hyperfocused. And I do have executive function challenges. And I have to have a project. And I crave dopamine hits.

Anyone else similar to that?
@actuallyautistic
@actuallyadhd