GreenRoc

theautisticcoach , 9 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

I have spent my adult life stressing the need for autistics not to block out allistics from our life - promoting the idea that we don't need to live a life apart - that this world, with everyone in it, has what to offer for us.

This is becoming increasingly harder to defend.

@actuallyautistic

Autistrain , 9 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

I received a message with a link to a local newspaper speaking about autism.

1. As always they need education on the topic

2. I had to kindly explain the article about the promotion of aspie supremacy. What bring us to point 1.

We need to better educate journalists on the topic. I see all the time bad and pathologising articles on the subject of autism. It's like autistics aren't human or we have to be cured. It's not fine at all.

On aspie supremacy:

Elon Musk’s Autistic Anti-Patterns
https://oolong.medium.com/elon-musks-autistic-anti-patterns-5a96111ef28f

Mad supremacy:
https://criticalneurodiversity.com/2024/02/19/mad-supremacy/

#actuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic @neurodiversity

theautisticcoach , 22 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

What is "Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria", really?

What does it mean in the context of #ActuallyAutistic lives?

https://www.theautisticcoach.com/autism-blog/what-is-rsd-rejection-sensitivity-dysphoria-autism

@actuallyautistic

theautisticcoach , 24 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

What effect has bullying had on my #ActuallyAutistic comrades?

You’re not alone.

@actuallyautistic

haui , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic controversial thought:

calling an autistic person naive is an ableist slur as it is negatively connotated and targets a persons unchangeable traits.

Feel free to disagree and explain if you think another definition would make mote sense.

As always please refrain from ad hominem attacks.

punishmenthurts , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

#ActuallyAutistc
@actuallyautistic
.
"Autism runs in families."
.
It's true, it's not untrue. But what do you think Allism does? Direct hotline from God, or what?
.
It's part of the pathologizing, part of speaking in the language of the oppressor that you see, "Autism runs in families," a hundred times more than that Allism does - or that in biology and life, EVERYTHING "runs in families."
.
Out of all the things that do - everything does - how many times and to what end must we say "Autism runs in families?"
.
Why does it matter that we problem children "run in families," but not that cops "run in families?"
.
Or that soldiers "run in families?
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They are cherry-picking evolution and genetics to speak this way, as though evolution and genetics are not what makes everything and everyone, but just drops into life once in a while to cause trouble. Damned genetics!
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I mean, try this: my siblings and cousins tormented me terribly keeping me in meltdown for most of my childhood - what, because "I" "run in families?"
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Or because Mom's family was Allistic, clever and abusive and hyper?
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It's at least really both, right?
.
But let's back out, way out, to the edge of the solar system, take a long view. Who is running increasingly in families, who is taking over families?
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Who perhaps was not in the majority before twelve to fifteen thousand years ago, but is now, and so must be taking over families? Modern Man, yes, with his aggressive nature and superpowers to dominate the world?
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In this sense it's not just the language of pathology, not just a bias but a reversal, one of those conservative accusations that is really a confession, projection, who, "runs in families."
.
😈

theautisticcoach , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Autistic masking leads to significant harm to an #ActuallyAutistic human's sense of identity & mental health

It is a survival strategy that forces us to prioritize NT expectations over authentic self-expression, often leading to profound self-alienation & diminished self-worth.

@actuallyautistic

theautisticcoach , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

What’s the biggest myth about autism that my #ActuallyAutistic comrades have come across in the course of their self-advocacy?

#AskingAutistics @actuallyautistic

punishmenthurts , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

#ActuallyAutistc
@actuallyautistic
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I don’t know about you, but my self diagnosis was anything but fast or easy. It was sixty year goddam treasure hunt where anyone who knew or could have known anything made a point of keeping it a secret.
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No matter the troubles I was having, the messaging from family (who absolutely all knew) and doctors and psychologists was all NT conformism:You are Normal. We are All the Same.
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Self diagnosis is about as easy as a salmon finding its breeding spot after a thousand miles of white water. It’s an against all odds kind of deal, at least for us olds.
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Neurotypes are the biggest secret in the world, because We are All the Same, they say. They don’t like self diagnosis because it’s when we win the game of Hide and Seek, we are Kicking the Can when we self discover, winning the game.
.
😈❤️

Tim_McTuffty , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 186 , Thursday 02/05/2024

So I’ve been feeling ruff as a bears bum for a few days now (again , you would think more regular exercise would take me the other way 🙄) so I planned to try and sleep thru to 8ish. I put in my ear plugs & set the alarm accordingly.

I was awake at 05:50 … a mix of my traitorous body responding to its Pavlovian training & the noise of herself romping round the house like baby elephant , in that considerate way she has.

So here I sit, my brain is moving at glacial speeds & my body feels like a train hit it.
At least she’s in the office today, so a day of peace & quiet!

I hate how little I am able to do at the moment , either thru illness or depression stealing my motivation.
Sometimes I wish I had a child , or a dog - they seem to be highly motivational from what I can see from the lives of others who have them.
I would be a terrible father or dog owner though , so probably best all round that I avoid both .

Oh while I’m on a roll I WISH my tinnitus would give me a break! It’s been screaming so loud in my ears for days now!

Where to go next on my ASD journey has been on my mind for a few days, the GPs completely negative reaction last time I went to see him has ripped me asunder. Where I had a set path now I flounder in indecision. I guess I have to decide if I need to be able to function better in society , or whether I just stick 2 fingers up at society & return to being a hermit.

Had a really epic FO4 session today after I finished my chores & then when Mrs S. got home we went & did our civic duty & voted - me being plagued by dizzy spells, nausea & exhaustion on the walk there and back & her being plagued by her dodgy knee ! We made a right pair, I think the thing that holds our marriage together at the moment is the need for mutual physical support , together we make a whole working person !

Caved & watched the first episode of Fallout - I’ve missed a couple of the games so I don’t know just how true it is to the earlier games, but I (& surprisingly Mrs S.) enjoyed it , so yeah, roll on ep 2 !

Final Thoughts.

Others write of monumental achievements , of beating challenges , or of coping with pain or personal circumstances that would reduce a normal person to jelly. I wish I were that strong.

I defo have EDFitis again , & it seems as though it’s gonna take its own sweet time to pass. Bummer !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

everyday_human , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Mental Health #actuallyautistic
@actuallyautistic

Reflective moment.
POV
Im going to try to explain something I never have said entirely.

I am a self learner, autodidact.

I try extremely hard not to assume things about people.

Why they do the things they do?
I personally know I’m not all that special.

Unique maybe.

I do have a desire for accuracy.

My version of extreme sports is learning the basics of difficult sciences that explains how the world works.

I’m not good at standard formulas.
I Frankensteined my own that get me by to survive.
Probabilistic math.

I don’t have a love for proving people wrong.

However I do enjoy getting constructive criticism that’s meaninful and helpful.

I’m an observer and a listener at a whole different level.

I don’t enjoy being right or about things.

It’s actually painful!
Why?

Well because in most situations I drill into my head not to assume things not to infer things.

So when I am right, it means I could have maybe helped someone when I didn’t but I wasn’t confident about my ability.

It also maybe means I wasted precious moments of my life figuring something out only to doubt myself. Humility

Alas I was born like this.

I have a very vivid lucid memory. Apparently it’s immersive eidetic. Which is even more of a burden. Nearly completely lucid recall even if I don’t want it.

I hear this often:

“Wow I wish I could remember verbatim like you do”

For me it’s like never being able to forget things, never to be free of pain, never be simply oblivious, sure I can act that way.

Guess what my brain still remembers!!!😭

I have had to struggle, to know the whys of everything, to every thought I’ve ever had. I’ve had alot of thoughts.

I fight with myself, to find and break l my walls and keep my mind open , all my sensory, all my icks, all my ews I’ve had to learn how to deal with them

I’ve conditioned myself over a lifetime
.
How to accept it and normalize it.

Laughing can be a coping mechanism I think in most humans.

Pretty sad when you have to learn microbiology to learn how we are basically mostly living in clean dirt and dirty dirt.

Life within life.

Symbiosis.

Every fear I’ve had to face alone, like we all do, all fears in mind

I can sit it a cemetery on Halloween and have no fear of ghosts or demons, I can fall 😴
I have my own ghosts that are far scarier. 👻
My memories of my own life.

The longer I live the longer I battle it doesn’t get any easier for me. Although
I am still Alive! 🫣

I’ve delved(not A bot or written by ai) into every facet of science to learn how to normalize everything.

I did this even before I realized I was autistic, I knew I was different.

Quite honestly for awhile my imposter syndrome I semi I questioned my own sanity. Was I delusional?

I guess in some ways that protected me as well.

It causes me to triple rethink every thought I think.

I stayed grounded. Conserve energy know when to use it. Timing
Action or lack of action will change the outcome.

Oh and that memory that everyone wants that recall, makes you feel like you’re crazy btw.

When everyone else remembers through thier world view.

I remember through every lens I can see it at the time and every lens I acquire as I expand my world view constantly adding to my updated schema.

Often time people use me as translator to what people mean.
More then once I’ve been asked to read people for people.

I don’t like it.

I reply I’m confident with x amount of accuracy but I could be wrong.

Do most people think in Confidence Intervals?

I am likely biased. I know
I tell people this even though i can pretty accurate about other people in my life I see.
I remain situationally aware.

I’m choose mostly to say silent and mind my own business.

I’ve grown to know myself fairly well, a work in progress I guess.

I dislike being me.

I do love life though with every ounce of my being despite the pain.

I try with what time I have left to advocate for education and acceptance of those who are marginalized and suffer because of ignorance and stigma.

I wish I could wish away my ability, I dislike the highly functional part. I dislike being viewed as better off when I’m truly not. I feel fucking cursed.

The stress and pressure and anxiety is killing me.

When people fight, grow learn and change you notice. You wonder why they didn’t get the version update.

“I didn’t change they will say”.

Debating whether they did or not is usually not worth the effort.

That isn’t the only curse, this savantish type of ability makes me feel alone in a world of billions of people.
I know I am not.
You can talk and explain until your dead yet others may fully get you.

I thought when I was younger. I wonder if I could train my brain like a computer!

I would challenge myself on accuracy of rough off the cuff calculations.

I thought if I remained situationally adaptive and objective and humble and just learned a little more, listened a little more, worked a lot more I could actually manage my own mind.
That was wishful magical thinking 🤔

Turns out I think I did become more accurate.

Again this is impossible right?

To what scale exactly?
I don’t know
To have a basic mechanistic understanding of everything I learn and how it maybe connected to every other cog through different frames.

A liquid pretending to be a solid

Then there’s the devils advocate.

There’s people who have it worse. Some people don’t have these gifts yet have the same deficits or worse than me.

Unless you live in my head you don’t know how much I suffer 😭Do you?
I know that as well and that is even more painful as I know many have it worse.

Does it make my pain less?

No, it doesn’t bring me comfort or feel better, for they seems is too many.

It brings to me compassion and humility.

I swear some people find people find comfort in knowing some have it worse.

News is classed as entertainment blown out of context for engagement.

Social media polarization? Engagement.

Did you get the update we became the product for AI training?
We are the product in a capitalistic merit based economy.
Did you get that update?

Framing is important. Don’t understand change your lens.

How does it make you feel better that there are people out there starving or being violent or mean to one another?

Does it distract you from your own life?
Not me, it compounds mine, ediditic memory.

Everytime I hear someone say , eww this isn’t good enough or too this or too that, it saddens me. I picture people dying of starvation.

Water is yucky?
I have images in my video memory of people in countries not so lucky without clean water and getting diseases and lead or shit in their drinks.

Do you still want my memory or awareness. I’m biased and flawed.
It’s far from perfect, I am human like everyone else. I don’t know much. With every fiber of my being I try to remain objective.

I realize autism adhd ptsd rsd pda hits everyone differently.

I know we have all our preferences and routines and they bring us comfort.

Nature= You and me.
a part of everything even if minuscule.

I see you out in the wild, not intentionally. I swear most of the time I don’t want to know but my brain seems to save it. Unless it’s occupied with something.

However I try to enjoy the simple things like acorns birds,cats,plants, clouds, stars art, and most importantly MUSIC.

I’ve never felt more connected to everything yet so alone. It’s so incredibly lonely.

I just want anyone to know who read this. I am not what I appear. I’m just like you.

Perhaps it will bring some soul comfort and understanding.

It’s pretty much my only hope in writing this.
Perhaps it makes it more real for me.

The funny part is I can’t force myself to memorize.

Even with this recall, I cannot seem to remember my own shit, I guess my mind is trained on the world most of the time while also trying to be present in the moment.

I will admit a knat has more of l attention span than me.

I have far too many faults to judge others.
I’ve made far far far too many mistakes.
When I was younger I thought I was invincible and had shit figured out.
I understood survival, people were a mystery.

I’m a childhood trauma survivor

I am sorry if I seemed a like an asshole.

I didn’t healthily express my displeasure at times when I was overwhelmed.

I didn’t know how and I didn’t know if anyone actually could understand. I still don’t.
•

I’m sorry for seeming like I don’t care about your problems. I do!

I’m sorry.
I truly am.

As bad as my luck may seem to me. For some reason I’m alive at the moment.
I also have tachycardia most likely from hypervigelence and my anxiety which is tough.

#Exercise

I don’t know how to solve all my own problems. I try always

#Therapy helps. Medicine helps. Less stress is the best.

#Kindness,self care. #Writing
Community.

I’m not being critical, judgemental of anyone else I’m genuinely asking, is this easy/difficult to read?

I’m explaining how my mind works.

Often people use me to remember accurately and fight their battles for them.
Why?
I can see through most masks.
I can see something even if I don’t know what it is then my mind uses some inference to give me possibilities.
Too many far too many!
Sort function sure.

Then with all this, can I even be truly loved if I can never be understood?

In the right frame.

I could be wrong. There’s too much to know. That I know for sure.
Are other people like me?

Do they not understand how it affects them?

Do they feel like they didn’t have a voice which diminished their emotional capacity or was a voice for others? Or is it Alexithima? Likely

I spent a lifetime trying to interpret human behavior. My own included.

Most of my life I was so confused litterally. I somehow emerged from the other end of the tunnel since childhood wondering why

I was audhd dx 2022.

Mostly I found out why.

Perhaps they can’t remember. . They are battling for thier life the best they can.😔 I wrote this to maybe see if anyone else knows what this is like.Maybe someone else will find this helpful. You aren’t alone!
♾️🧬❤️

catswhocode , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic I tend to overanalyze everything - it can be useful but it also gets overwhelming some days :blobfoxlaughsweat:

catswhocode , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd I know this isn't specifically an autistic/ADHD trait, but I have a lot of trouble remembering people's names. Usually I have to write down the name, take a picture of it, or make an association that sticks. Does this happen to any of you too?

pa , 1 month ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@NPR Here we go again... "treating autism". NPR, can't you do better? Or we're going back to treating homosexuality and transgender as well? 🤬
#actuallyautistic @actuallyautistic