Will I ever be seen as truly British?

My family immigrated to the UK from Poland when I was six. I'm 20 now, speak much better English than Polish and feel like this is my land/culture. However I have a Polish first and last name, Polish passport and "unique" accent everyone picks up on, so despite this I'm usually perceived as an outsider. It makes me really sad because I don't "belong" in Poland anymore either. Everything seems so complicated especially as I've gotten older with having to get the right documentation for work and opening a bank account and etc also.... Not even sure if I can vote in the next general election even though I feel like I should be able to?

I've had a few nasty instances of being told to go back to my own country, even had a conker thrown at my head while a boy yelled Polski at me in year 11, and tbh even just been seen as a novelty and being asked to say something in Polish has gotten really old. I guess I'm just wondering if I'll ever truly fit in. For some context, I grew up in North England and now live in Wales

otp ,

Whenever someone asks where you're from, just get more specific with where you grew up. Never with where your parents or ancestors are from.

Country. County. Town. District. Block. Nearest intersection or landmark. Which room of the house was yours.

If they don't get the picture or ask about your background, you could say "I thought you wanted to know about me, not my parents".

CalciumDeficiency OP ,

This is genius

volvoxvsmarla ,

That's how I handled my high school year abroad. Because I literally came from Germany, I replied to that question with "I am from Germany". Not "I am German", but "from Germany". I was born and raised there and only lived there. Only if it came up (e.g. because of my passport) or made sense in context, I mentioned that I am a Russian from Germany. So basically most people only found out about my genetics five months in. But of course that works much easier when you pass due to looks and accent.

moistclump ,

Where are you from? London. No. Where were you born? 6th Avenue.

Nibodhika ,

It's curious, I have a similar story but with different countries, and the reactions are VERY different. I was born in Argentina, but my family emigrated to Brazil when I was 13 years old. I speak fluent Portuguese but obviously have an accent that people can't quite place, but once it's pointed out they notice it. Yet the vast majority of my interactions about it are something similar to:

  • Where are you from?
  • I was born in Argentina, but lived in Brazil over 16 years
  • Ah, so you're mostly Brazilian then

And I think that that says a lot about Brazilians and how they're very welcoming and friendly. Unfortunately the British don't seem to be the same way, at least from your experience, maybe people in larger cities are more used to immigrants so they would see you as mostly British or something.

As for the voting, for me at least the only way was to become a citizen, most countries allow you to ask for citizenship if you've been living legally long enough so you probably qualify. Just bear in mind that some countries ask you to abandon your other citizenships when you do so, so not sure if that's your case and if it's worth it just to be able to vote.

Naich ,
@Naich@lemmings.world avatar

You seem like a decent thoughtful person, and I would rather have you as a fellow Brit than the knobheads that throw conkers at you.

Defining a person by their nationality is pretty stupid when you consider that we are all on the same rock hurtling through the unfathomable depths of space. My grandad always had to know where a person was from in order to put them into a specific box in his mind. I always found it utterly disgusting and just weird. I guess there will always be people like that, but it's learned behaviour. Kids don't care where someone is from until they are told it's important by an idiot adult.

I'm waffling now, but it genuinely doesn't matter where you are from. One of the few things that makes me proud to be British is the fact that we are a big melting pot of different cultures. We are enhanced by having British people with different heritages. I don't know if you are planning on applying for British nationality, but I would be delighted if you did. I, and a huge majority of Brits would welcome you with open arms, while the bigots amongst us can fuck off and go and be miserable in their own nasty little corner.

abcd ,

Being in the same situation in a different country, but a couple of years older: In my experience you never will be fully accepted by everyone. You will be the Polish guy in UK and the British guy in Poland.

You can identify yourself as what you want. You must learn that people have the right to have their own opinion even though it is wrong or opposed to yours. You have to learn not to care and live your life as a nice person. It doesn’t matter at all what others think as long as they don’t hurt you.

CalciumDeficiency OP ,

I am a woman, but other than that bang on

Rumbelows ,

Much of the North and Wales are still not very diverse Part of what you were experiencing is the fact that you really do stand out.

Bristol is not so very far away from you, and it’s a very cosmopolitan city… No one there will give a fuck I do assure you.

orcrist ,

The racists and xenophobes will never accept you. There's no fixing some people's brains. The good thing is, especially as you get older and able to do various kinds of work, you don't have to associate with those kinds of jerks very often. It's your community, it's your country, and they don't get to be the gatekeepers of who counts as local, no matter how hard they try.

brewery ,

I am born and raised in England to Indian parents so always had some internal tension. Sometimes, I don't understand my patents culture and sometimes I don't understand English culture. However, I've realised I am who I am, and can take the best bits from both. There are some bits I don't like so I'm the better for being / having that mix. I married an Irish person who moved over several years ago. Irish used to be the "other" and were screwed over, but now are sometimes considered "white", so just shows the target moves.

There has always been racism in British society and unfortunately I have felt it pick up since the Brexit vote and Trump's election (I think it empowered them). However, it is from a small minority of people. In some areas it comes from ignorance, which I can kind of forgive. Others will always see us as outsiders with our foreign names (and my brown skin) no matter what we do. I just think, screw them. I mean, can they trace themselves back before the Normans, the Romans or the Vikings etc? Where do you draw the line exactly?!? England has always been a mix of people and culture so they're the ones missing out. I'm happy driving my Korean car to a German store to buy ingredients for a Thai green curry. Oh, I'll grab a French pastry for breakfast, Chilean wine for the weekend and well, you get the idea! Let's make the most of this multicultural place and ideas, and who cares about bigots who you can guarantee, like a cheeky korma and Belgian beer...

CalciumDeficiency OP ,

Definitely relate to not quite fitting in with either culture! I'm grateful for the perspective my heritage has given me on national identity and how I view different customs as a whole, because I think it has made me more understanding of others. But I definitely feel most understood myself when with other people who are dual identity, no matter what those identities are - there are definitely common threads we all share, from trying to fit in and camouflage to the dissonance we feel when considering what it would be like to move back to our country of origin

Acamon ,

I thinknif you've lived in Britain that long most people would think of you as British, especially if you have a reasonably British accent. Where I live in Scotland, most people are happy to accept anyone who actually wants to live in Scotland as Scottish!

Hut there's always going to be racist idiots. I've been told I'm "not really British" just because I'm from Scotland (by someone who obviously doesn't understand the difference between England and Britain. And I've seem the whitest, pure Anglo-Saxon English people being called "not really British" because they wanted to stay in the EU. So, try to ignore the idiots!

Devi ,

Knowing what a conker is makes you super British.

evening_push579 ,

Please explain
/Non-British

Insig ,

It's the name/game given to chestnuts where you put a hole through the chestnut and pass some string through and tie it off.

The game is simple you try and break your opponents conker with yours. Taken turns.

The defender holds the string steady with his conker straight down

The attacker uses his conker to try and break the defenders using a sort of downwards flick.

Devi ,

Horse chestnuts, not chestnuts, chestnuts are soft and you eat them on bonfire night, horse chestnuts are hard and you can crack skulls with them.

VindictiveJudge ,
@VindictiveJudge@lemmy.world avatar

Yeah, I'm American and have no idea what a conker is unless it's having a bad fur day.

MonkderDritte ,

Will you ever be yourself?

Legend ,

Will yourself ever be you ?

GreatAlbatross ,
@GreatAlbatross@feddit.uk avatar

You will be truly British once you register on feddit.uk

In seriousness, I like to think it's a state of mind. If you find yourself generally aligning most with the more positive British attitudes, you're British. Though living in Wales, you may end up feeling more Welsh eventually!

If you want to feel more connected, try getting involved with local festivities and traditions.
Explore the countryside with the Ramblers. Do some pub quizzes. Go to a folk festival.
The sorts of things that involve you with pleasant people.

samus12345 ,
@samus12345@lemmy.world avatar

You're culturally British, therefore you're British.

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • •
  • [email protected]
  • kbinchat
  • All magazines
    •