Will I ever be seen as truly British?

My family immigrated to the UK from Poland when I was six. I'm 20 now, speak much better English than Polish and feel like this is my land/culture. However I have a Polish first and last name, Polish passport and "unique" accent everyone picks up on, so despite this I'm usually perceived as an outsider. It makes me really sad because I don't "belong" in Poland anymore either. Everything seems so complicated especially as I've gotten older with having to get the right documentation for work and opening a bank account and etc also.... Not even sure if I can vote in the next general election even though I feel like I should be able to?

I've had a few nasty instances of being told to go back to my own country, even had a conker thrown at my head while a boy yelled Polski at me in year 11, and tbh even just been seen as a novelty and being asked to say something in Polish has gotten really old. I guess I'm just wondering if I'll ever truly fit in. For some context, I grew up in North England and now live in Wales

Nibodhika ,

It's curious, I have a similar story but with different countries, and the reactions are VERY different. I was born in Argentina, but my family emigrated to Brazil when I was 13 years old. I speak fluent Portuguese but obviously have an accent that people can't quite place, but once it's pointed out they notice it. Yet the vast majority of my interactions about it are something similar to:

  • Where are you from?
  • I was born in Argentina, but lived in Brazil over 16 years
  • Ah, so you're mostly Brazilian then

And I think that that says a lot about Brazilians and how they're very welcoming and friendly. Unfortunately the British don't seem to be the same way, at least from your experience, maybe people in larger cities are more used to immigrants so they would see you as mostly British or something.

As for the voting, for me at least the only way was to become a citizen, most countries allow you to ask for citizenship if you've been living legally long enough so you probably qualify. Just bear in mind that some countries ask you to abandon your other citizenships when you do so, so not sure if that's your case and if it's worth it just to be able to vote.

lvxferre ,
@lvxferre@mander.xyz avatar

I'm perhaps a bit biased because for me a country boils down to a government, and I'm from the new world (we tend to see immigrants differently - more like "newcomers" and less like "outsiders"), but I'd consider you British.

That doesn't say much though. At the end of the day, "you're British" or "you're Polish" seem fairly minor to me, compared with "you're human" and "you're you".

stembolts ,

Before reading, know that my response is mostly off-topic.

As an American it always seemed strange to me the perception of someone as an outsider. I know other Americans do it too so it's not like we are some special snowflake country, we have a lot of intolerance of course.

But idk, to me Americans have all sorts of accents, indian/asian, hispanic, african, australian, whatever. I never considered that someone who sounds different wouldn't be the same as every other American.

Not sure if this train of thought is shared by other countries. I have heard that Japanese people will basically never consider anyone not native to Japan as anything other than foreign. That is a strange thought to me.

I guess I'm bad at being bigoted.

CalciumDeficiency OP ,

Maybe because they're both island nations with an isolationist culture, but there are definitely parallels to be drawn between the treatment foreigners get in the UK and in Japan. Growing up, being Polish was the identity others assigned to me and how they identified me and the main way in which I was described, and people make a lot of assumptions about me based on it. I used to get asked if I was Jewish a lot growing up because I have pretty stereotypically Slavic features, for example, and one time a teacher described me as "sallow skinned" after seeing I have an ethnic name on the school register.

zephorah ,

We’re a larger melting pot. In fact, that’s kind of our schtick. In spite of the racial shit, it swings entirely the other way as well. It’s a big country. England doesn’t cover a lot of surface area. 68million vs 341.5million.

Regionally there’s dialect nuance based on immigration. We’re a country of immigrants. If we’re discussing Poland then let’s talk Wisconsin. You can’t throw a stick in any direction without hitting a “ski” last name. People actually say shit like “borrow me your car Friday” or “borrow me a pencil”, instead of “lend”. My understanding is borrow and lend are the same word in Polish, context telling you what you need to know. All without identifying as Polish, just Midwest American, as far as I can tell. Even though we’re younger as a country, we’ve had time for that to happen.

lvxferre ,
@lvxferre@mander.xyz avatar

People actually say shit like “borrow me your car Friday” or “borrow me a pencil”, instead of “lend”.

That's correct. The distinction between lender and borrower is given by the case, so the same verb works for both.

trolololol ,

Australia is great at this. It has a crazy number of migrants, if I'm not mistaken 50% of people is either 1st Gen Australian or 0th Gen like OP and me.

lvxferre ,
@lvxferre@mander.xyz avatar

I think that the key difference is that plenty societies were built with the "immigration" mindset. It isn't just the ones in USA, but mostly the whole New World. And even if the "bulk" of the immigration in the XIX and XX centuries is over, the mindset is still here.

As opposed to the typical society in the Old World where, if you were born somewhere, odds are that your grand-grand-grand-grandparents were also born there, like Japan and UK-minus-London.

jbrains ,

You might be able to find people who accept you, even if the average Brit doesn't. People have strange ideas about whom to hate and why.

It's complicated and I can't pretend to really understand your situation, but I trust that feeling pity for them works better for your mental health than any other reaction, including trying to ignore them. Whatever you do, don't let yourself believe them.

Peace.

squid_slime ,
@squid_slime@lemm.ee avatar

No ones truly anything, nationalism is a horrid thing and sorry people have treated you as they have, its more they're own insecurity then anything to do with you.

sanguinepar ,
@sanguinepar@lemmy.world avatar

For what it's worth, if you've lived here since you were six, I'd absolutely consider you British.

British with Polish roots maybe, and perhaps officially Polish in legal terms (re your passport), but this is your home, so perception-wise I'd definitely call you British.

Re working and voting, that's where it gets more complicated and I don't know what the rules say, although it would seem hugely unfair for you not to have those rights having lived here for such a large proportion of your life. You could maybe try your local Citizen's Advice Bureau for more informed advice on those points.

Sorry you experienced the kind of abuse/patronising attitudes as you describe - some people are just arseholes unfortunately. Doesn't make them right though.

I hope that things get easier for you, and that as time passes you feel more accepted by those around you and are able to take part in regular life as much as possible.

Dreizehn ,
@Dreizehn@kbin.social avatar

The bloody Red Coats or as we call them in German, "Inselaffen." Tell them Rule Britannia sank long ago and the Polish 303 Squadron saved their asses during WW II. Keep your EU passport too, it's an excellent insurance policy in case shit goes wrong.

rimu ,
@rimu@piefed.social avatar

You might feel more comfortable in a larger city. In London every person you meet has a different accent, it's amazing.

xmunk ,

Bigots don't define labels - if you think you're British you're British enough for me.

I'm an immigrant as well (though the cultural differences between Canada and America are much less evident) and anyone who says I'm not Canadian can get fucking bent.

TOModera ,

Born Canuck here. Yes one of us, ya hoser.

xmunk ,

The moment I started saying zed by default, I knew it!

cabbage ,
@cabbage@piefed.social avatar

You'll never be anything less than what you are, but that's a strength. Just speaking two languages well already puts you at an advantage. The experiences you have of seeing the cultures in relation to each other also gives you an edge.

Sometimes it's nice to be able to just blend in, but life is all about learning and gathering experiences and impressions, and you have a head start. It might not always be easy, but you'll learn to appreciate it.

And as long as Poland is in the EU I'd much rather have a Polish passport than an English one.

TheReturnOfPEB ,

Perhaps recognize your truly cosmopolitan background as a citizen of the world ? Maybe fitting in nowhere is the beginning of fitting in everywhere ?

And grab that slur with both hands, flip it, and make it your own.

Timecircleline ,

I'm not sure if you're able to pursue citizenship, if it's something you're after, but in terms of the "unique" accent- you don't owe anybody an answer if they ask "where are you from?"

You can tell them you're English. You can tell them you grew up in England, truthfully. You can tell them English is the only language you speak. You don't owe anyone your backstory. If you're feeling petty or vindictive you can lie and say you have a speech impediment. I know their intentions are likely good but by inquiring about your accent, they are othering you. It's up to you how you'd like to respond.

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