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sejarnold

@[email protected]

Entomologist, interested in sustainable agriculture, pollination, applied ecology, insect behaviour and natural history in general.

Working at NIAB East Malling in Kent, UK, but posting in a personal capacity.

Often wrong, but usually teachable.

#ActuallyAutistic #Neurodivergent and recovering from a higher education work environment.

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SaySimonSay , to ActuallyAutistic group
@SaySimonSay@tech.lgbt avatar

Sometimes I find myself imagining that someone calls me out on my weirdness in a small-talk context and I don't know how to respond. Does this sound familiar?

Here is an example: This morning, while I was in the shower, the thought crossed my mind that one of our neighbours might ask me out of the blue: 'When will you start dressing your child gender-appropriately?'

I'd be blindsided by such a question. In a small-talk context, it wouldn't be acceptable to say that this is an impolite question (if you don't want to risk souring the relationship). But it's not the right context either to give the real explanation by saying that we try to select beautiful and comfortable clothes for our child irrespective of gender norms. The correct response would probably be some kind of jocular remark.

Let me be clear: Nobody has asked me this, so I don't need advice on how to handle this. I'm just sharing this as an example of my anxiety of being 'found out' after years of masking.

@actuallyautistic

sejarnold ,
@sejarnold@sciencemastodon.com avatar

@SaySimonSay @actuallyautistic One of the reasons I suck at lying and could never be a spy or criminal mastermind is that I mentally go through all the ways I could be caught out by questioning or evidence and how I might be able to plan/account for that, but then think of another 6 ways I could be caught out after that. It made childhood quite stressful as I was always certain that anything I did wrong, someone would find evidence to prove it and I'd be in trouble.

Richard_Littler , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Richard_Littler@mastodon.social avatar

If you've ever wondered what it's like being autistic with ADHD, it's a bit like this for me. (I always assumed everybody thought like this).


@actuallyautistic

Them Talking (and what I hear): "Hello, Richard, I'd like you to make a note of the following very important things. Firstly, and probably the most crucial of all, is that you... (the rest of the text blurs out) MY ASD/ADHD BRAIN WHILE THEY'RE TALKING Ok, someone's talking to me now. Get ready because this is important. Here comes the first point... Point Blank. Point Break. Break Point. Point of view (point of you?) Pointillism: Developed by Seurat & Signac in 1886 and... Loud piercing door slam! Purple-blue flash! Where's my wallet? Focus! Ok, secondly. Secondhand. First hand. Short hand. "Nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands". E E Cummings. "If the rain comes, they run and hide their heads, they might as well be dead." Deadheads. Grateful Dead. Woodstock. Snoopy. Charlie Brown's teacher speaking: "wah wah wa wah wa [is that my allergy kicking off] wah wa." Ugh! The sound of that child shrieking outside is torturous! I just recalled my old sofa. "Erm. Yes. Absolutely."
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    • sejarnold ,
    @sejarnold@sciencemastodon.com avatar

    @Richard_Littler @actuallyautistic Also the bit where the right-hand panel also contains some sort of running commentary as background noise on whatever I am currently anxious about/whatever I need to do tomorrow/composing a mental blog post I will never actually write down.

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