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jens

@[email protected]

Building a people centric next generation internet.

Languages: 🇩🇪 🇬🇧 🇮🇹 🇷🇴
Pronouns: your choice
IPA: jɛns ˈfɪŋkˌhɔʏzɐ
Tags: #p2p #interpeer #interpeerproject #privacy #encryption #foss #humanrights
Also: #metalmittwoch
Nazis: fuck 'em with a nail bat. :antifa:
#web3 / #nft: is toxic and must die

Mojo Jojo is my spirit animal.

All my toots are CC BY-NC-SA.

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Susan60 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Susan60@aus.social avatar

I had an ADHD event this morning. I used to explain these away or blame them on external causes or other people.

If I’d taken my meds when I woke, I would’ve been fine, but I didn’t. I tried to do too much before leaving for my appointment, jumped on the wrong tram, had to call an Uber, then got confused about the meeting point. Rang my skin guy & was able to rejigger appointment, which gave me time for a decaf & a decompress.

My oldest has always been more philosophical than me on these things, better at accepting that it is what it is and then adjusting. I used to be good at doing that when others stuffed up (but maybe less patient with my oldest) but would get very upset about my own occasional dramas, maybe because underneath my externalisation of responsibility, I knew it was me.

But this morning I just accepted I’d stuffed up, did what I had to do & accepted that I might have to rebook the appointment. Fortunately they were able to juggle. The worst part is causing other people inconvenience. I’m acutely aware of that, maybe because of RSD? (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria)

Uber driver was a lovely Manchurian who has his skin check booked. 😊Currently waiting for anaesthetic to take effect.

@actuallyautistic

jens ,
@jens@social.finkhaeuser.de avatar

@Susan60 @pathfinder @actuallyautistic It's a tough lesson to learn, to not judge oneself too harshly.

I'm pretty sure that it's mostly trauma from NT reactions to our ND moments.

Like, when our daughter has any trouble in school, it's immediately her fault for not fitting in, not the school's fault for not accommodating her needs. And of course the school takes this to us, so we have to balance appeasing them against protecting her from demands that are just not made with her in mind.

jens ,
@jens@social.finkhaeuser.de avatar

@Susan60 @pathfinder @actuallyautistic I find it so hard not to automatically side with the school, because it's the same story I heard all my life, even though I have evidence right in front of my eyes that, no, this is not the right approach for her.

It's taken me a while, but looking at this reaction of mine in terms of trauma just makes the most sense. At least that POV lets me make better decisions for our kid.

And then it becomes super obvious when I'm hard on myself, that it's the same.

dramypsyd , to ActuallyAutistic group
@dramypsyd@ohai.social avatar

Dating while autistic problems 🤣

@actuallyautistic

jens ,
@jens@social.finkhaeuser.de avatar

@arcadetoken @dramypsyd @actuallyautistic Not related to this particular phrase, I was once invited up for coffee and replied that it was way too late in the night to have coffee, but I'd come in, sure.

Needless to say, we had a nice chat, and at some point I went home.

In hindsight, both the invitation and my reaction make sense. At the time I was mostly confused by how weirdly that person acted around me the following days.

Jennifer , to bookstodon group

I need some new science fiction to read, who has some suggestions? I don't like military sci-fi. For reference, my favorite series is the Expanse, I also enjoyed Scalzi's Collapsing Empire, I love Robert Charles Wilson's books. I mostly enjoy space operas and unique stories about technology, for example I really liked the recent book Mountain in the Sea about AI and intelligent octopus. Suggestions from the awesome Bookstodon community? @bookstodon

jens ,
@jens@social.finkhaeuser.de avatar

@todwest @Jennifer @bookstodon The books are a lot better. The characters and their relationships are a lot more rounded there. And it's a series that... develops. I mean, every book there's something new (more or less), and the characters change with it. It's the development of them and the world, and how the two interact that is pretty well done.

jens ,
@jens@social.finkhaeuser.de avatar

@Jennifer @todwest @bookstodon Yeah. I watched Season 1, then read the books, then couldn't return for Season 2 because the intra-crew melodrama was too much.

My wife first watched the show, then read the books - from that perspective, the show looks fine.

jens ,
@jens@social.finkhaeuser.de avatar

@Jennifer @todwest @bookstodon Yup, I saw that while looking over my wife's shoulder. I mean, Drummer and Michio Pa are characters I had some trouble keeping apart, so the mashup makes some kind of sense to me :)

jens ,
@jens@social.finkhaeuser.de avatar

@Jennifer @todwest @bookstodon Speaking of the end, I think it's a pretty good close to the series. I remarked upon that only a few days ago, and people were saying it feels a bit deus ex machina. Which I agree with, it does... but the characters get a fitting end, each of them. So I forgive that.

jens ,
@jens@social.finkhaeuser.de avatar

@Jennifer @todwest @bookstodon No, the novellas are still on my list!

SaySimonSay , to ActuallyAutistic group
@SaySimonSay@tech.lgbt avatar

I keep going back to this situation in a previous job where the boss said that he'd invite us for a drink at the local funfair and give us the afternoon off if we joined him.

Everybody joined, so I did as well.

It was a hot summer day. The funfair was empty, but huge, noisy and overwhelming. Also, I hated the boss who egged us on to go on one of the rides. I would now say that I quickly reached my sensory threshold.

At some point, me and a coworker wandered off. We walked on until we reached the exit, then made the split-second decision to leave without saying goodbye.

The next day I was summoned by the boss and interrogated why I had left early without saying goodbye. Ashamed of myself, I mumbled some vague excuses.

I would try to handle the whole situation differently now, but back then I didn't know what was going on and I didn't have the right words. Am I still ashamed? Yeah, maybe a bit, but I'm trying to let myself off the hook. I just didn't know any better.

@actuallyautistic

jens ,
@jens@social.finkhaeuser.de avatar

@SaySimonSay @actuallyautistic wandering off without saying goodbye... I know that one.

LehtoriTuomo , to ActuallyAutistic group
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

Someone asked whether I ever played Doom. No, not really. I told that I've never liked first person shooters and then it hit me. I never liked them as there's too much going on. In fact, I've never been a big fan of any types of shooters, the only exception being Cannon Fodder. Now, with the new-found autistic perspective, it makes perfect sense. Sensory overdrive all the time equals no fun. How about my fellow autistics, any fans of shooters?

@actuallyautistic

jens ,
@jens@social.finkhaeuser.de avatar

@mcr314 @LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic I liked Wolfenstein 3D, Doom 1+2, Quake and Half-Life. I played a bit of Unreal/Tournament and Quake 3 Arena.

And then I didn't like so much what else was happening.

Of course a bunch of modern games are also kinda shooter-y, without exactly being shooters. I do play them, if there's enough to pull me. But when things get billed as a shooter, chances are good I'll hate it.

The most modern shooter I enjoyed was Borderlands.

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