@actuallyautistic
So, there is a support group for ND folks at my current workplace. Something I've been hearing again and again from fellow Autistic employees is how when we drop our masks (for whatever reason -- though a lot of the time it might be after we receive our official diagnoses), that all of a sudden we're considered "difficult" and "too rigid". In my case, I didn't have much of a mask to begin with (and even was described with those terms in a previous position, which I resigned from). I'm curious as to how many other Autists have had that happen to them -- especially after dropping their masks? #ActuallyAutistic#ND
@actuallyautistic#actuallyautistic Was anyone else ever made fun of/scolded as a kid because you "were not assertive enough"? I would often get in trouble for "not saying 'no'" or other 'grievous' things growing up, and I remember being very hurt by that.
Saying "no" has always been hard for me because I've always struggled with being confident/setting boundaries. Every time I have tried to set boundaries I was perceived as rude, so I decided at some point in my childhood to stop setting them.
@actuallyautistic#ActuallyAutistic what are everyone’s thoughts on signing cards (birthday, etc.) at work, where you do not really know the person, but there is an implied expectation that you do so
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 220 , Tuesday 04/06/2024
My Pavlovian response got me up at 06:30, so hobbled down to breakfast.
The meds the Doc gave me yesterday are doing the biz as far as reducing the pain goes, if not the swelling.
It’s so nice to be able to walk again , even if it is only a shuffling gait!
The meds are also messing with my digestive system, had an egg butty for lunch which grumbled its way thru me this afternoon. So rather than a some ham & a bit of salad for tea it was soup, again !
Oh I hope this speed of recovery is maintained!
Final Thoughts.
Every thought I have at the moment is directed at getting my foot back to normal & not looking like a prop front the Elephant Man !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@actuallyautistic#actuallyautistic Someone mentioned "odd" sleep schedules the other day; I think I finally experienced a good dose of the "odd."
Went to bed Sunday night around 1:30 AM, slept until 2:00 PM somehow. Tried to go to bed Monday night at 1:30 AM but was wide awake. Decided to stay up until sunrise because why not, there was no point in trying to get sleep. Still wide awake, I thought taking a shower at 5:30 AM would be productive.
@actuallyautistic#actuallyautistic Any tips on how to deal with imposter syndrome? 😅 It's really been affecting me lately, and I'm not sure why.
I feel like I can never quite be certain that the things I KNOW are true about myself are actually true, like my brain is willingly playing tricks on itself.
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 219 , Monday 03/06/2024
Another disturbed night, slightly better than last night because I had learnt some lessons on ewhat my foot would & would not tolerate.
Went to see the GP this morning, I have, in fact, got gout . So on a 4 day course of Colchicine … the GP was very specific about the 4 days - apparently 5 days = my entire digestive system liquifying & a decent stay in the local hospital !
The new meds are working a storm in association with the pain killers , this evening I am walking (well shuffling) sans crutches ! It hurts like hell, but importantly it is bearable !
I hope that this means that I will get some decent sleep tonight !
Also made an appointment to see yon GP about my ADHD assessment in a week or so , so the journey continues !
Final Thoughts.
I am so relieved to be coming out of the other side of this gout flare up , is has been one of the most painful experiences of my life !
Hopefully future episodes will be avoided via ongoing medication.
I really hope that seeing yon GP later this month will be a positive move in my ASD journey !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@actuallyautistic#ActuallyAutistic has anyone had a supervisor act so passive aggressively all the time it feels like they are goading you into a meltdown?
Here's something that causes friction between me and my family.
Someone asks me to make a decision about something I don't have a strong preference, but they want me to have a preference.
"do you want x or y? "
Saying "I don't care" comes across as rude, and even softening it as "I don't really have a preference" or turning it back to them by saying "what do you think?" isn't appreciated. They want me to care.
I understand that they want me to choose so they don't have to do that emotional labour. That's fair. But often when I do choose (at random), they try to change my mind, and then I'm back to square one because I don't really care, and I don't want to lie!
A honest answer would be "I'm depressed, I don't want to exist. Putting on a polite face is taking up all my effort, expecting me to actually care is beyond my capacity"
But that's too heavy for most interactions.
I'm not sure what I'm asking for here, just writing it out.
Travelling today. Airport security at the disabled line told me I can “just use these next time”, gesturing to the regular automated gates.
When I followed the accessible entrance, I found it was routed to come out into the general security area, with the big crowd that goes with it.
It seems the only difference is the wider gate, to fit a wheelchair.
Back at the entrance, I said to security, look I use this line because it’s usually separate. I get anxious in big crowds, and I can’t really tolerate it right now.
Security said to me, gesturing towards the hall: “look we have all these people right now, so we can’t have a separate place to keep it separate, because it would slow things down”
I told them “that’s why it’s an accommodation. Because it’s not the usual”. Security acted very put out, but did eventually help me out.
I don’t always have the spoons to fight. Many people I know never do. But that doesn’t mean they don’t have needs.
#InvisibleDisabilities are disabilities. The #sunflowerLanyard I wear isn’t for fashion, it’s to make that visible. People don’t always have the spoons to stand up.
I don’t have to convince you I have a disability. There’s more - a lot more - to accessible spaces than physical movement concerns. Your staff should be looking actively for ways to help, not waiting for people to take up a fight they might not be able to.
I’m ok. Decompressing in the bathroom because they don’t have a quiet spot.
I think one of the most disorentienting things about being autistic but also having an autistic partner is that sometimes you misread their subtle social cues that they're on edge of a meltdown and then when it finally blows up, are taken completely off guard by the fact they're melting down because they seemed fine two seconds ago and then you're struggling to not meltdown yourself because of how taken off guard you were by the meltdown.
Had one of those days yesterday. Recovering and processing today.
So, it was good. Very emotional roller coaster. I thought my son was bored but he wasn’t antsy to leave. As we were walking out, he shared that he really liked it. It certainly felt authentic.
The story is focused more on a family and inter-generational perspective, which I think will make it more acressivle and relatable to a broader audience.
@btaroli Thanks for sharing what you thought about the movie. I was very intrigued by the trailer, and it looked like it had the potential of being a very thought and emotion provoking movie.... but wanted to wait to see what others thought about it before checking it out.
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 217 , Sunday 02/06/2024
So last night was fairly awful. My foot felt like someone was trying to rip it off while hitting it with a hammer !
I think I can safely say that it was the 2nd most painful experience of my life - the first was tearing my Achilles !
Mrs S. went adventuring in the loft to find my crutches (guess when the last time I used them was ! ) because my left foot is not weight bearing at all !
I finally got some relief after sailing dangerously close to an OD level of pain killers , & eventually fell asleep.
Been depending heavily on Mrs S. for help n support today , but still having to finish jobs she starts / ½ does. I am sitting heavily on my trigger responses , she is trying to help after all .
So the meds might be holding back the very worst of the pain, & spacing me out slightly , but it is also affecting my appetite. I really don’t feel like eating at the moment.
My toe is now really badly swollen , GP will be getting a call in the morning & hopefully I’ll get an appointment!
Final Thoughts.
I’m exhausted now, lack of sleep & the fact that limping around the house is actually quite tiring !
Hopefully have a better night tonight !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@actuallyautistic#actuallyautistic Has anyone ever told you that you were “too vague”? Earlier I was talking with my mom about our plan to leave our cabin and I said “the only reason I’d need to come back after we eat lunch would be to shower” and she said “well you can do that at home” (I had already mentioned earlier how I wanted to shower at home). So I said “that’s my whole point” which started an argument about how I’m not clear in mt communication. 1/2
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 217 , Saturday 01/06/2024
Woke up in agony at around 1:30am it seems that I may have gout in my left big toe (apparently one can inherit it - thanks Dad! ) & it hurts like a barsteward !
Hit the co-codamol , pain med of last resort (I need a high dose so I only use it when totally necessary ) & once that kicked in I was able to get back to sleep
The weather picked up thru the day & this evening is lovely & sunny.
Our neighbours - 3 doors down are having a party - an all day party - with the volume cranked to 11 , it’s becoming annoying because their taste in music is questionable to say the least!
I really hope that they pack it in before it gets late , it will be hard enuf to sleep without some tit playing Dennis waterman at 200Db ! 🙄🤦♂️
Starting a Blade fest tonight , been a while , still a good ‘turn your brain off’ movie , lots of tommy sauce & toasted vampires 😆
I’m high off the back of the pain killers at the moment , one of the reasons that they are a drug of last resort , it is making the whole experience slightly surreal!
Final Thoughts.
1st day of summer - please can we have some warm weather !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
I thought I wanted to be a writer and write fiction and I’ve had all sorts of theories about why I couldn’t and didn’t, but I suppose neurotyoe settles it, what fiction is, the purpose of it, the formats and the rules, what a story is, is all Allistic.
I mean, they have their idea of conflict and conflict resolution, don’t they.
.
I’d be trying to “change the game,” or some shit and wondering why nobody bought it. 🙄😀
. #ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic