It pisses me off that sometimes I use different words to describe something and people just have trouble understanding what I mean. Are most people crazy?
If you think you might be on the spectrum feel free to do some tests and/or contact a professional about it.
Its very hard to judge if you are on the spectrum from the circumstances of your birth. Also I didnt catch why it matters. There is no evidence afaik that natural birth/oxygen cut off heightens the likelyhood of being on the spectrum.
I have 2 psychiatrists --- problem is I don't know if I should because at 31, would it really matter? Especially when I have an onset condition diagnosed?
What change would it make? I heard you have to pass a 'test' to be diagnosed, which kinda sounds like those 'ICJT' tests, you know those fake tests where they assign you 4 letters? My brother was a psychology major (the kind without pills, not the medical kind) --- he died of COVID just shy of getting his bachelors. He told me these ICJT and tests like that are scams.
Now I'm not saying autism is a 'scam', because it is not, I'm saying this 'test' sounds like one. At least, and espciallly when a 31 yo shows up and says 'test me for autism'.
It may sound like 'badge-seeking' behavior to the mental health expert. If i were a totally healthy dude, who does not take Lithium, Depakote, Respridone and Ritalin, he could dismiss me as an attention-seeker. Now with this disease added, he could just tell me I am looking for trouble.
Do you guys take pills like I do? What is usually done to treat autism --- at least. the kind of autism on the 'functioning' end of spectrum?
I wanna know if someone has ever been in my shoes. Diagnosed with bipolarity or ADHD, but late in their life, wanted to know if they are on the spectrum.
Myer-Briggs tests are a grift, yes. Autism testing is nothing like that. It is assessed by a professional and partly through questionnaires.
Autism itself is not "treatable", so you get no pills or anything. Some symptoms of autism that you may struggle with may be alleviated with treatment, but it's almost all learning techniques and management.
A diagnosis at your age may make it easier to understand, accept and manage some aspects of yourself. For some, that is useful, for others not.
Getting tested and diagnosed at any age can be of extreme help.
You don't don't want to find yourself in a situation like a job where you know you are capable of fulfilling your requirements,but are unable to fully do so without accommodations. Accommodations, once established, further extend the range of your daily efforts. BUT, they take a diagnosis and time, so start sooner rather than later.
Worst comes to worst, you find out you're not autistic and can have help with your other issuers.
As to why it might be relevant at 31, according to my psychiatrist drugs may affect autistic brains differently, so that is probably relevant if you're on psychiatric drugs. Also, symptoms may need to be interpreted differently. So if you're basically fine then it's probably not a big deal, but if you're looking for improvement and you can't seem to get it you might find out the reason, and hopefully a path to get some better results.
FYI it's not black and white. You don't necessarily need to go through the formal diagnosis. If you see someone familiar with working with autistic adults, they may feel confident just meeting with you a couple times.
Autism is written about in medical terms exceedingly differently from how autistic people would explain the experience of being autistic. My best advice for you is to look up autistic adults online. Read and watch them and see if it just clicks that these are your people. We're all different, but if you find a few autistic people that just click you might want to check into it more.
Welcome! For what it's worth, Asperger's has been removed in the DSM5, the book psychologists are trained on and use to diagnose mental illnesses. In previous revisions, autism and Asperger's were separate diagnoses for what is now "Autism Spectrum Disorder". That's the "official" part of it anyway.
What makes you worried about autism? Personally, I've found that being officially diagnosed didn't matter to me, as I am the same person regardless of diagnosis. Knowing that I am on the spectrum does help me reframe some aspects of my life through a new lens, but overall, I can't say I have any space to be worried about it, since whether if I am in fact autistic or if I just have traits of it, my experience will be the same.
Here's what I do: I help. In little ways. I don't have a lot to offer to things physically or financially, but I help in ways I am able.
Foster animals. Volunteer at soup kitchens or food banks. Plant a garden. Let flowers grow on your lawn. Donate books to a "little free library". Put out video tutorials. Sign petitions. Offer to answer questions in your area of expertise. Recycle. Put out kind words & encouragement to strangers. Donate blood or plasma.
Honestly? Do what is in your power to make the spaces around you positive and beautiful. It doesn't have to be "huge" contributions, because not all of us have the power to do everything, but we certainly have the power to do something.
And don't forget: you are an important part of this world, too. So take care of yourself and do what makes you happy, as well.
This reminded me of when I was hiking in Peru once and needed to pee badly. We stopped after a while, and I went to relieve myself behind some rocks. Five minutes later, much to my despair, the guide explained that the rock formation was sacred to the Incas.
Actually, now that you mention it I get the reference as well :/ I honestly haven't thought of it at all - but now I better understand why my partner was so irritated about it. What I've done is really the absolute cliché "hey, I'm gonna cheat now on you" thing.
Several years ago I took my first trip out of the country. We started in the UK and then took the tunnel to France.
I did not at the time speak a single word of French. I'd had almost no exposure to the language.
On the ride between London and Paris it hit me that I had no plan for how to navigate in a place where I did not speak the language.
There was a thrill that accompanied the risk. It's hard to explain exactly what that emotion was, a, because I'm also autistic and my emotional vocabulary is stunted to put it simply, and 2, because I've never felt that exact way in any other circumstance.
It's the first thing that comes to mind when you ask about feeling fully alive. "How are we gonna do this omg what are we gonna do, what have we gotten ourselves in to???" It's not going to be the same for everyone. It's an ambitious question, probably intentionally ambiguous. It's the type of thing that autistic people, in my experience, have difficulty exploring.
Communication is a two way street. It's both about the message the sender is trying to convey, but also the way the receiver interprets it. As a (mostly) neurotypical thinker, this is even hard for many of us to get right.
An example for clarity is the response your getting in the comments to your friends comments. Various people are disagreeing and agreeing to different levels. Conversation is navigating the complicated dynamics to as the sender, sending your message in a way the receiver will get the impression you are trying to give, and as a receiver, trying to understand the intent of the message the sender is trying to show.
There aren't many hard or fast rules. In different online communities, different styles and patterns can conotate different things. There are patterns and styles I use here on Lemmy for example, I would never use in a sports online community because they would be interpreted differently there.
My advice is don't beat yourself up about it. If you're not getting the type of interactions you're expecting in a particular community, that might be the time to ask for feedback or see if your communication style is different than the local group there. But the ephemeral nature of these online conversations make it the perfect place to experiment and find a communication style that works for you and gets the response from others you are looking for.
My brother in Christ I see the spark of a good and gentle person in you, so as a fellow neurodivergent individual, please at least give this a half thought:
What you are describing is something else other than your autism. These conditions often worsen over time if left untreated, and youth trauma does not help.
People just like you and me spend 10+ years of their lives studying and conducting science to create medications that help people like us.
Please consider looking into a referral for a psychiatrist to discuss these issues further.
This doesn't feel right to me and made me feel uncomfortable and somewhat anxious and scared. Like I feel what I was talking about here may be getting misunderstood.
Typically any holiday is spent with your partner (if possible, exceptions can be made in advance... "I'm sorry I can't spend fourth of July with you, I need to work on that day" for example)
Discuss limits, periodically confirm limits haven't changed. Maybe hanging out at a beach with a different potential partner is a limit. Maybe having dinner alone with a different potential partner is a limit. Maybe kissing is a limit. Maybe sex is a limit. Maybe the gender matters, if your partner is same gender as the other person may increase the limit(if your partner is a girl, she may not be ok with your kissing a girl but if fine with you kissing a guy for example). All these vary by partner.
Communicate... Why is she upset? Was it timing? Would what you did be ok next weekend for example? Was it the activity? If you saw a movie with your friend would that be ok?
I don't mean to be offensive about this one. Why did you leave your partner to spend time with another person? Did you not like spending time with your girlfriend? Did you prefer to be around your friend? Did you just need a break of the party but it's awkward to return to the party afterwards? Do you just not like that type of party and that's why you left?
All of these will influence your relationship. The biggest is going to be 3.... Communicate communicate communicate. Discuss these questions with your partner and you should have a better idea of what is acceptable and what isnt going forward.
Got it - that is an amazing rule for me to use. I'll keep in mind to reserve and spend holidays with my partner (unless agrees otherwise) and periodically discuss limits. We actually communicate quite a lot, which I think is a strong point of our relationship; while we aren't perfect here, I'm pretty proud of our communication rules.
I think the reasons I left is because the party was a bit stressful to me, I wanted a small break from my gf (already prior in the day I was at hers to fix my phone) and I wanted to get groceries. I'm not sure how to communicate appropriately to my gf that I might need a break from her though.
I avoid sooo many topics out of fear that people will not only misunderstand me, but then make permanent judgements of my character and even punish me. Like, I'm not allowed to say that sometimes my dog drives me so insane that I wish I never got her in the moment because that would make me a terrible dog owner and a horrible person. Yeah right! All I'm saying is that I have thought that at times. I haven't beaten or neglected her. I'm not planning on dropping her off at the dog pound. I'm just being honest with a thought I had. A lot of people have even thought that about their own human kids.
When it comes to cis-women, I hold back a lot because they often think I'm trying to hit on them. Apparently, sharing an interest or wanting to hear them talk about their interest is considered flirting to NTs. Meanwhile, I'm just treating them the same way I would like to be treated. It would make my day if someone, regardless of gender, wanted to hear me talk about the Golden Age of Piracy. I would not think they're trying to get in my pants because that's not a romantic or sexy topic, just like hearing about your unhealthy eating habits isn't romantic or sexy, Karen! And asking if you're okay when you're clearly distraught doesn't mean I want to sleep with you either. I'm only trying to be nice.
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