The closest I've ever found to anything like that is just... hanging out in queer spaces. Online or in person. My experience is that they tend to be welcoming, and accepting of our difficulties and more willing to help explain things that don't make sense. I think there's also a reasonable amount of overlap between how to cope with being queer in generally bigoted areas and how to cope with being neurodivergent but surrounded by NT people who display varying levels of acceptance.
I bring that up because like... a lot of what I used to think was difficulty understanding myself was mostly caused by internalized ideas that I was lazy or useless or w/e other nonsense I've been called by people with no understanding of or sympathy for situations I find abnormally difficult. I assumed the way I am was wrong and i couldnt understand why i was more comfortable being wrong. Material in queer spaces isn't coded exactly for the negative ideas that are usually associated with ASD people, but the self affirmation messages are there
It's neat that you say that about queer spaces! When I was in high school in the late 90s, I was in the LGBTQ club, tho I've never identified as LGBTQ. I found myself there because I was part of the outcasts and fell into since they were accepting. It's like we all accepted and looked after each other.
I appreciate that you pointed out internalizing our difficulties as character deficiencies. I've definitely been affected by that and have been working to get rid those beliefs in the past year. I can see the overlap with LGBTQ. Pretty interesting. Thank you very much!
If you mean -in person- then there is quite likely an autism social society in your area, they probably have a web presence, cuz otherwise we would never find them. So search up words like that and see if you get any results nearby.
The club and social activities will generally be oriented more towards the more profoundly affected members, but it's common that the volunteers working with them will also be autistic but able to handle organisation and responsibility of the other members. So whichever you are looking for, you'll find them there.
haha, sorry if it made you uncomfortable! It's a really common cue on a lot of profiles 😅 So many people use the apps now you just get used to the idea that everyone knows
I find that asking specific, pointed, open-ended questions over time usually gets people to open up. "You said, blah-blah, can you explain that more? I'm not familiar." and just listen.
God damn, I feel you. Both my parents are autistic. One has asperger's syndrome and the other possibly ADHD-C and maybe something else too.
Both wanted to know if I was autistic, got me diagnosed and didn't bother reading the diagnosis. I was left with that I "should ask questions more often." They also just made up an answer of their own. My mother pretended I was normal, but punished me for every mistake with verbal abuse and threats of physical violence. Though not to teach me life lessons, but because she couldn't handle things not going according to what she had in mind. My dad projected his asperger's and anxieties onto me because he feels alone. Even though we don't share the same dysfunctions on the spectrum. I don't get overstimulated or meltdowns for example. He did nothing to raise me except for income. All interaction was by my initiative. He didn't want me, but was stuck in an abusive relationship with my abusive mom.
I worked my ass off despite unknown executive dysfunction and 15 consecutive years of depression. Clawed my way out of a cult (summit lighthouse) and did shitty jobs just to teach myself some responsibility regardless of the task. And now? I failed uni once, and am about to fail it twice. Blaming myself for being a lazy cunt the first time. The second time I, put my study on hold to get help. Turns out, I got an outdated unhelpful diagnosis as a kid. Now I am on a waiting list for possible ADHD-I after struggling to get taken seriously by my GP for half a year.
I'm trying to shake my gaming addiction and try to get my brain to learn to "do stuff" despite my 3 forms of neurodivergency and history of abuse. Thank fuck for mental health professionals. Dr. K. has had a major impact on my turn around. As well as some manosphere content that makes me want to beat my past enemies out of pure petty spite. Fuck those assholes.
If I had gotten a proper diagnosis, and parents that weren't so fucking autistic themselves, I probably would have been spared the developmental damages enhanced by the neglect. I'm a one trick pony, and not even good at it.
I am so angry at my folks for having made me on a whim. Then my dad wanting to abort me. My mom considering it, but not doing so because I was a girl. My mom believing girls don't "get" autism. They understand nothing about the world, and never face their problems. Now that they are old, they are struggling with loneliness and uncertainties. And it all falls on my sister and I to try and "save" them. We raised ourselves because our parents are too autistic to be functional people with functional friendships and functional life goals. And now we have to raise them. It's like we have adult children with special needs we didn't ask for.
It's hard to hide the dissappointment when trying to teach them how to overcome some of their issues. Even though I spew enough salt to defrost the roads to hell, I do understand that their problems stem from neglect and trauma too. We try to help them by trying to combat their loneliness. We try to teach them by being scrict, but with the goal to help them understand why some things are not okay, and how to communicate with us. Sticking to practical easy to understand steps. All the while we try to help ourselves navigate life because no one taught us. Teachers not giving a shit either.
All this lack of understanding and actions to meet my special needs(TM), resulted in a 28 years of mostly misery and a massive loss of potential. I was extremely observant and terrefyingly rational. Learned how to reason and bargain before I could count to 10. I conciously changed my way of thinking when observing a conflict between my internal struggles, and what my enviroment portrayed. All in favor of my religious upbringing. I was 4 or 5 at the time. I could take apart anything and put it back together in working order. I wasn't a smart kid, but man would it have helped me if those traits got stimulated.
Now I struggle to keep up with basic life and lack a part of my ability to memorize events on top my autism(s). I barely have enough fight left in me, to bother communicating with nuance. But it helps thinking about who is part of "my tribe." Those are the people I'll fight for.
When I look at my autistic friends who are doing much better, I notice that they got proper guidence since they were young.
It's awkward. You have a problem that autism brings, but at the same time, you can't really use it as an excuse either and say "oh well, can't cure autism!" It's hard to keep looking for options and methods of compensation, especially when faced with so many dead ends. It leads to a lot of self-loathing too. It's easy to think you're screwed because you had a garbage start in life. But at the same time, that belief only drags you down. We can't change our past, or revert the damages. But we can still grow as people. And maybe pave a way for the next set of sad sods struggling with a developmental disorder.
I've honestly never felt this. Any time someone is willing to help me I'm more than happy. But at the same time I try to pay it forward and help them, or at least someone else.
This was ingrained into me. When I needed some form of help but was interpreted as not needing it for whatever reason I'd get a "do you know what x person went through for you??" Style lecture, especially if I had the audacity to still be experiencing a problem after
I do, yes. Not with everything, but particularly around things like emotional support, I've always evaded. It used to bring on a flood of very overwhelming emotion that I suppose I wasn't in touch with until someone pointed out to me: "this is bad, are you sure you're okay?"
I've found that LLMs spit things out that read like bad high school essays. I'm not sure they're succeeding at sounding allistic at all. Just weirdly repetative in the way a structured high school essay is.
Others don’t like me having eye-contact with them, because I’m too intense.
When people have told me that, I think it was because I was forcing myself to maintain eye contact rather than do it naturally like NTs do, so I would do wayyy to much of it 😳, which made them feel uncomfortable. "How do you like it‽" 😆
I'm allergic to polyester and most anything made of plastic. I get painful open sores, and hideously itchy. It is difficult to find clothes at best.
Plastic is snuck in more shit than you'd think. Often unlabelled. More than one pair of pants/shorts I've had to ditch/edit because the pockets were polyester or nylon in a "100% cotton" garment. Drawstrings are bad for this, too. And waistbands.
Seems to be weirdly common to be adverse to plastic-based fabrics in autistic communities.
I most often wear:
cotton/linen/canvas/denim
rayon/bamboo (plant based, do need to be a bit careful because people fake it, very loose "swishy" fabric)
hemp
real leather ("vegan leather" is literally plastic and i will fight people greenwashing calling it "vegan" and not the awful pleather it is.) (very difficult to find coats without nylon linings though.)
Not disagreeing with your point about plastic based "vegan" leather, but if it's something you're interested in, some plant based leathers do exist, they use different leaves and fibres, fungus, and even cork (I have no personal experience with any and don't know how good they are, or if they're honest about not including any plastics, but I thought you or maybe someone else reading might like to know)..
Either way, your allergy sounds like a massive pain in the ass, you have my sympathy..
Also scooby based leather is a newer vegan option making progress. It is the bacterial mat from the top of kombucha and is able to be dried, tanned, and oiled until it is a very nice alternative leather, no plastics in sight. Also, my spelling may suck on scooby, maybe scoby or something else.
Cork and fungus leather sounds absolutely sick. I hope fully plant-based leather catches on, because I haven't seen any anywhere.
From looking around, it looks like a lot of current plant stuff still tends to be mixed with polyurethane or coated with plastic 8i
(Polyurethane is, ...I don't think plastic. It's dense reading trying to figure out what exactly it is! But it seems to be mixed with plastic undisclosed sometimes? Regardless it doesn't seem great for me either...)
I'm glad that "the market" is moving further and further away from plastic as a whole in the past few years.
It sounds like there are some promising, but slow, developments in trying to make more pure plant leather.
(Would plant-leather be "planter?" "Planther?" /thonk.)
From looking around, it looks like a lot of current plant stuff still tends to be mixed with polyurethane or coated with plastic
Ah, that sucks..
But I agree, it's encouraging to see the field grow and the options expand as people invent new materials (especially those made from waste from other industries!), even if they're not quite there yet..
(Would plant-leather be "planter?" "Planther?" /thonk.)
I got glasses for the first time about 5 years ago. Since I work on a computer all day, I asked them to add the blue light blocking coating to help reduce eye strain (if you're not familiar, it looks mostly clear but it has a very mild yellow tint). My frequency of getting migraines while working has dropped significantly.
Thanks for your input. This gave me the idea of changing the color temperature of my monitor. This should help for now till I get some glasses. I have opted to get a few of the safety glasses in different colors mentioned in another message to try out.
I've done a decent bit of travelling and felt great joy during those experiences, but the one moment that jumped to mind when reading this thread is from my teenage years.
My first relationship was online and after about a year of long distance we met in person. I flew over and stayed with her family for a few days. I can only describe the emotion I felt as pure euphoria, distilled and undiluted. I'd never tried any drugs but for those few days (and especially the first) it felt like I was both high and in a dream. I've tried to speak about this feeling of euphoria before but I think people always assume I'm talking about sex when that's not the case at all. It was a mixture of anxiety and elation and like a daydream had come to life.
The come down (if it can be called that?) was not quite as intense but hit hard too. For a couple days after returning home I kept questioning if it had all been a dream.
I've never had an experience like that since and I'm not sure I ever will.
I don't know if it counts as feeling "fully alive" but it's what came to mind.
Disclaimer: I do not have an official diagnosis, I just strongly suspect I may be on the moderate side of the spectrum, which has been confirmed by the tests I took so far.
Had a couple of years in Uni when I played bass in two bands - blues/rock and jazzy covers. The entire "musician" experience, for me, was the point where life made sense. I would call it the moment of feeling alive in the sense that the whole context encouraged me to be as present and as 'in the now' as I've ever been. Used to lose myself in the music and the friendships, even concert preps were engaging. Guess the whole planning, gear handling, and the set-up itself tickled me in a certain way.
Surprisingly, even my relatively pronounced agoraphobic side sort of calmed down during that period (although, admittedly, the fact that I took Theatre and acting as my Majors may have had an immense impact on that, too).
Uhm... I hate to bother you, but as a fellow "suspected autistic after testing AND agoraphobic", how does agoraphobia affect your day to day life?
I've known I was agoraphobic since I was 7, crossing large, empty, school fields to go home. The fear of that open space, even if you can see everything because there's no foliage, there's something off about it. I would deal with this by listening to music. I had a walkman that I would listen to religiously to help. I remember banging out some good Savage Garden in the high school fields. Heh..
Even now, I have issues with small bedrooms in my house, boosting anxiety when I can feel the empty space without clutter. Even sitting in larger vehicles can trigger this feeling.
Honestly, acting has helped me with this, therapy by exposure really pays off for agoraphobia - we used to have classes in large, tall, unfurnished rooms, with ash-grey padding on all of the walls (would've quit then and there were it not for the large windows...), about 6 hours per day. In the evening, full-on neon lighting. Also, the increased awareness of self gained through physical exercises and acting itself takes a lot of the edge off, for some reason. It helped me reach a point where I still feel the anxiety, I still feel my body going into prep mode, but I can push through it and everything subsides fairly quickly after that. Also went through a hefty amount of therapy to solve various childhood and contemporary traumas, which regained me my confidence.
Other than that, in more practical terms, I find grounding exercises help bring everything back into focus. I constantly listen to music when out and about, so I generally focus on that and try to get into the groove, just as yourself. Other than that, identifying random visual elements, feeling my body's movement, focusing on my steps, on my breathing, the whole kit and kaboodle. Mine mostly manifests through physiological reflexes, like a burst of adrenaline, senses going into hyperalertness, and also through paying a lot of attention specifically to what others are doing around me. When tired and unfocused, overthinking, catastrophising, intrusive thoughts, and even hypertension come into play, so I try to get my beauty sleep as much as possible. I think I understand what you mean about something feeling off about certain spaces/situations, although I've honestly never identified the cause beyond an acute awareness of being overexposed, even when standing in the middle of a room, and it makes me really jumpy - this I attenuate through a sort of mapping of my space, I try to visualise where everything is and focus on the physicality of the space itself. I do go through prolonged periods of self-isolation out of a feeling of fatigue from having to face the symptoms, although I enjoy solitude, so there's that.
My advice would be to not force it in unreasonable amounts, just like working out. Key is consistency, not volume, so keep safe spaces close and there is no abuse as long as you keep at it. I keep my space relatively cluttered, too - furniture or decorations/stuff, I think it has to do with visual noise in my case- to aid with this, I've also replaced all lighting with smart lights and I use those to hone in on a mood which feels relaxing in the moment. I also use my smartwatch to monitor my vitals just in case everything takes me by surprise, I've had sort-of "silent" full-blown anxiety attacks, in that my body and system go haywire, while my awareness has tunnel vision, so I'm not aware that my heart is pounding, stuff like that. Then, I go into grounding mode, breathing exercises are especially useful for the silent ones.
As a final note, I've found that several somewhat philosophical points have also affected my relationship with agoraphobia. I've learnt to appreciate the beauty of liminality, to the point where it turned into a minor fascination. Being aware of the universe's scale helps me detach through reduction of dimensions, stuff like that. These are shots in the dark, but hey! Ya' never know, brain's weird!:))
I can definitely see a few parallels as well. I drifted into role playing as well, which helped with a bit of my anxiety and autism. It helped me role play myself out of weird situations and help allow me to behave better in some social cues.
The clutter is interesting, because despite the fact it exists and may be an eyesore to others, I know exactly where things are. Maybe some of the agoraphobia is caused by not knowing where or what things are around you. I get flustered when I don't create the mess. Heh.
I had a Fitbit watch for a while, but all the data it was offering me felt overwhelming.
I appreciate all the tips and descriptions about yours. :) Thank you!
My pleasure, really hope something out of that wall of text makes something click on your end!:D
To be honest, it was quite counterintuitive, I'd say acting actually helped me get in touch with myself more than anything, actually dropped a lot of the "etiquette" I'd adopted in day-to-day life and just started being myself. There was a slight shift in others' perception of me, but it only went to "eccentric and mostly harmless":)) Did, indeed, help with the conversing aspect, helped me get rid of awkward pauses and be more attuned to the conversation.
Exactly! It's an orderly kind of chaos, and that's a very good point about levels of familiarity, could explain my tendency to mentally map out environments as well! Huh, my turn to thank you!
I own a Garmin watch and their interface is pretty straightforward on the watch itself. Gives you in-depth statistics in-app, but the stress level monitor, heart rate monitor, and BloodOx read-out are all readily available. Even has some in-built breathing exercise routines.
Again, my pleasure!:D It's genuinely satisfying discussing about these things, not a lot of opportunities...
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