I don't have the spoons to explain why I feel my neurodivergence is making this worse, but I need feedback or insight from other ND people on a unique experience. This will be a long thread (added in replies) but I'm hopeful there will be a few kind readers who either relate or have something supportive to share.
Here goes:
1/ @actuallyautistic@actuallyaudhd #recoveringfromreligion #LateDiagnosedAutism #actuallyautistic#neurodivergent
@JoBlakely@actuallyautistic@actuallyaudhd Gorgeous! I'm coming to similar spaces but from the opposite end of things. I overextended myself, masked in a very extroverted way & have learned how to check inward before extending myself; instead of the codependent, people pleasing, happy face coping I did for so long. It's still uncomfortable, but in a new way. Before, I got a lot of attention but was never known. Now it's a little lonelier, special few know me well & I'm at home in my own skin.
I know people with estrogen have said their ADHD gets worse during perimenopause/menopause, but I'm wondering if people with testosterone 50+ also notice their Autism/ADHD symptoms getting worse. Especially more "inattentive"/stuck in their thoughts.
I feel like we really need more research on all of this.
@pathfinder@randomgeek@actuallyautistic@neurodiversity Thank you! That's exactly what it feels like as his spouse. (It very much DOES NOT feel like what my mother dealt with, for example.) I will share this with him and see if it resonates.
@Ilovechai@autisticadvocacy@actuallyautistic@actuallyaudhd NAS are not always helpful as they are primarily a parents and carers of autistics organisation. But this seems reasonably thorough. I'd like some views or resources from people who have more substantial sensory issues than me though.
The point about clumsiness often being a result of sensory issues is interesting, I just assumed comorbidity with dyspraxia.
Certainly office noise can be an issue. The usual answer is of course to wear headphones and listen to music, but of course I accuse myself of reducing my productivity by doing that, and it still leads to awkward social situations. Calibrating the amount of interaction in offices is a pain.
Restricted diets aren't necessarily all that bad, unless you also have to restrict them for other reasons, e.g. worrying about your health, having to get food on the run, veganism, allergies, reflux (also a common comorbidity), other medical conditions... In other words, while it's not necessarily the most important thing, it can still be a major pain in practice. It can also be a significant problem socially, whether dating or group socials.
My relationship with touch has changed over the years. I do have issues with wool, but the main thing is hugs. For many years I would reject hugs. Sometime in my 30s I figured out that I actually enjoy hugs. Then Covid happened. đ
What some people donât seem to be able to understand is that for the ones with executive disfunction number of steps matters a lot.
I just put away all my dried laundry aside of duvet cover.
Why? Because for all the other things itâs easy one-step task: grab all the knickers and shove them into the drawer, get the home clothes and put it into home clothes cube box(that cubed Ikea shelf is such a helper for people like me, I just have a cube for every thing).
But the linen shelf is at the top of the bathroom closet, and itâs almost full. So I need a stepladder to be able to put the duvet cover there(I can try to shove it there without, I kinda reach the shelf itself, but in its current state the cover is likely to fall from there, and probably with some other things, so that would upset me which I am not ready to deal with now).
But the stepladder is now occupied by my winter shoes which were drying there before I put them away for summer.
But to put them away I need to get two big boxes from under my bed, empty one by putting everything that is there into the other one, put all the shoes there, put the boxes back under the bad, ensure all the boxes there are arranged in a way that is allowing my cat to play in that labyrinth, and probably clean up after that as I suppose thereâs going to be a few dust bunnies.
Gosh, I got tired by just typing all that.
Going through all those steps may bot take too much time(if I donât get distracted by something, including the urge to sort everything perfectly), but the very thought of going through all those steps just discourages me so much that I canât find energy to start. âItâs just one duvet cover!â - they say. âItâs a shitton of steps!â - I answer.
Well, the cover is drying in a way that obscures a view from my bed which irritates me enough to maybe develop enough anger to put it away in the weekend.
@olena@actuallyautistic Today, I asked my SO to do the second half of a task, because it were too many steps and I felt overwhelmed. After doing the first half (about 5 steps, maybe), it didn't feel overwhelming anymore to do the last 4 steps. It's sooo strange how our brains work.
Very likely. I find it also has a lot to do with environment, like work is the place I go to get stuff done, home is the place I play games and chill. So when it's time to get stuff done at home, the wires get crossed a bit.
ADD/ADHD is an executive function failure related to feedback and itâs relationship to motivation. Normies never experience that on anything approaching a regular basis. As such, trying to explain that to them is like trying to explain what the colour of the number seven smells like. Theyâll be all, âwell, just do it. How hard could it be?â
Theyâll be all, âwell, just do it. How hard could it be?â
Though sometimes thatâs exactly what I need someone to tell me. To the point that I do this with some of my other ADHD friends. âDo it right now. Iâll wait.â
Only Here, Only Now by Tom Newlands review â growing up with ADHD
âThe prose in Tom Newlandsâ debut novel is glorious, managing the feat of being both muscular and airy at the same time. But it is first and foremost the landscape that he stakes out that grabs you by the throatâ
âTom Newlandsâ ONLY HERE, ONLY NOW is the Guardianâs Book of the Day