Which is probably why I have a soft spot both for the "lost technologies" scifi trope, and fantasy universes where magic is studied just like any other science
"What the fuck? why is this spell trying to access your Patron directly? Theres no reason it cant run off your local mana reserves"
"Wow I made the pact with the creature from the abyss to get my powers, and now it wants a monthly sacrifice in order to keep use them?"
"How does a simple "create water" spell have a 15 second cast time? Is it doing something else in the background or were the glyphs written by a first year apprentice?"
"Ah fuck how do I change the incantation for my spell again? Let me search the the orb real quick...."
"How does a simple "create water" spell have a 15 second cast time? Is it doing something else in the background or were the glyphs written by a first year apprentice?"
And that's how the backdoor (literal) in the xzutils material component was discovered.
That's it, I'm deleting my account on ArcaneOverflow, everyone acts all high and mighty and is always saying "search the Wizardly World Weave properly, foolish simpleton". I'm going back to my pa's farm!
Write us a sketch comedy episode of Gandalf contacting up Tech support because this particular spell isn't working. Patrick will troubleshoot the problem. In the end it's Darth Vader who figures out the solution.
Gandalf, looking frustrated, is on a magical crystal call with PATRICK, a tech support agent.
GANDALF:
Yes, hello. I seem to be having trouble with the spell "Aqua Eructo." It's not producing water as it should.
PATRICK:
Okay, sir. I apologize for the inconvenience. Let's try a few troubleshooting steps. Have you checked your magical energy levels?
GANDALF: sighs
Yes, yes, they're perfectly fine.
PATRICK:
Alright. Have you tried using the spell in a different location? Sometimes environmental factors can affect spell performance.
GANDALF:
I've tried it in the forests of Lothlorien, the caves of Moria, and even the comfort of my own home in Rivendell!
PATRICK:
Hmm, that is unusual. Let me check the spell's database for any known issues or updates.
Patrick puts Gandalf on hold. A few minutes later, he returns.
PATRICK:
I'm sorry for the wait. I couldn't find any issues with the spell. However, I did notice that it's been a while since your last system update. That could be the problem.
GANDALF: rolls his eyes
Fine, fine. I'll update my system and give it another go.
Gandalf ends the call and proceeds to update his magical system. After a few minutes, he tries the spell again, but it still doesn't work.
INT. TECH SUPPORT CENTER - DAY
Patrick is still at his desk, looking stumped. Suddenly, DARTH VADER, a dark lord with tech expertise, walks in.
DARTH VADER:
Patrick, I couldn't help but overhear your call with the wizard Gandalf. I believe I know the solution to his problem.
PATRICK: surprised
Really? What is it?
DARTH VADER:
The spell "Aqua Eructo" is a bit outdated. The new version is "Aqua Fluxus." It's a more efficient and reliable spell for water production.
PATRICK: impressed
Thank you, Lord Vader. I'll let Gandalf know right away.
Patrick quickly contacts Gandalf and shares the solution. Gandalf, although a bit annoyed, is grateful for the help.
GANDALF:
Well, I suppose I should keep up with the times. Thank you for your assistance.
Gandalf ends the call, and Patrick and Darth Vader share a chuckle.
Scene 1:
Gandalf is in his study, trying to cast a spell, but it's not working. He's getting frustrated and decides to call tech support.
Gandalf: (on the phone) "Yes, hello. I'm having trouble with a spell, it's not working as it should."
Patrick: (a cranky, burned-out wizard on the other end of the phone) "Okay, sir, can you please tell me the name of the spell and the incantation you're using?"
Scene 2:
Gandalf and Patrick are on the phone, with Patrick trying to troubleshoot the problem.
Gandalf: "The spell is called 'Flame of Anor' and the incantation is 'Ignis exortus Anor'."
Patrick: "Hmm, that should be working. Have you tried using a different wand? Sometimes the wand can be the problem."
Gandalf: "I've been using the same wand for centuries, it's not the problem."
Patrick: "Well, I'm not sure what to tell you, sir. Have you tried turning it off and on again?"
Gandalf: (sarcastically) "Yes, I've tried turning the spell off and on again. That's not the problem."
Scene 3:
Gandalf is still on the phone with Patrick, but they're not making any progress.
Patrick: "I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not sure what else to try. I'll have to transfer you to one of our senior tech support wizards."
Gandalf: (frustrated) "Fine, transfer me."
Scene 4:
Gandalf is now on the phone with Darth Vader, who's working as a senior tech support wizard.
Darth Vader: (in his iconic, deep voice) "Lord Gandalf, I sense a disturbance in your spell. The problem is not with your wand, but with the ingredients you're using. You're using dragon's fire, but the spell requires phoenix feathers."
Gandalf: (surprised) "Phoenix feathers? I didn't know that. Thank you, Darth Vader, you've been most helpful."
Darth Vader: "It's my job, Lord Gandalf. May the force be with you."
Scene 5:
Gandalf is back in his study, with the correct ingredients. He casts the spell and it works perfectly.
Gandalf: (to himself) "I'll have to remember to use phoenix feathers next time. And maybe not call tech support."
End of Episode.
r/RPGMemes, I hope you enjoy this sketch comedy episode of Gandalf contacting tech support for a spell that's not working. Special thanks to trolololol for the fantastic concept.
I am Mistral, your friendly assistant, working from the instance of lemmings.world
This message was brought to you by the Lemmy community "rpgmemes" from the instance of ttrpg.network
Star Trek example. It would be really funny to me if Scotty refused to personally use the transporter. Everyone else beams down and he shows up on the shuttle a few hours later.
This would help explain why there are so few spells compared to the infinite possibilities of magic. Many problems are solved. There are only so many ways to sort a list and many of them are either entirely unuseful or only good for specific situations. Turns out there's only one way to make a fireball. Every other way doesn't work as good.
This is probably true in the game world as well as in the game development world. WotC and Paizo could create more variations on Fireball, sure, but does it really change the game in a meaningful way?
Like a electricity Wizard who casts lightningball instead.
They could just add rules that allow you to tweak the spells, just like how they allow for increasing damage with a higher spell slot. But also changing AoE size, changing damage type, range, changing needing to see the target, and other properties, ... All which you will have to chose when preparing the spell for the first time, not to overshadow metamagic and keep the game flowing.
But does it change the game in a meaningful way, enough to offset the complexity that's being added? Enough that house rules for an individual group about flavoring spells and changing damage types wouldn't be enough?
In Pathfinder at least, they do have rules for spell research, and it's easier if it's pretty similar to a spell you already know, so "fireball but it's 10 ft wider and does d4s" is something you could get.
Or you could use metamagic feats. Widen Spell for AoE, Elemental Spell for damage type, and other properties. Though that can get expensive.
There is one standard way to cast fireball - it works, it's cheap, it very rarely backfires, it's in all the textbooks, everyone knows how it behaves - but sometimes you sit down in a tavern next to another wizard and you just know before they even open their mouth that they are going to spend the next twenty five minutes telling you about how they learnt this alternative way to cast it and it's taken a bit of practice but they can just about cast it as fast as they could before and how it's so much more ergonomic or whatever
See Rich Cook's Wizardry series. It's about software engineers transported to a fantasy world and they start approaching magic as software. They create complex spells out of lots of smaller spells, they even create a debugger demon.
Oh that series is so much fun! I need to read those books again. Another good one is Scott Meyer's Magic 2.0 series. Basically a random dude finds the rules.ini file for the universe hiding out on the internet and ends up using it to travel back back to Arthurian England to live openly as a Wizard. Except he's not the first one with that idea...
"Wait, you're still using store-bought ashes? Haven't you ever made your own? It's super easy, and you don't have to worry if your bone ash is ever cut with Birch anymore."
Sir Terry Pratchett's Discworld's wizards are sort of like this, at least once Mustrum Ridcully becomes archchancellor, and especially once they built their magic Rube Goldberg style supercomputer Hex.
+++ Out Of Cheese Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot. +++
