@hellomiakoda@pdx.social cover
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

hellomiakoda

@[email protected]

I'm an autistic nerdy gamer and computer enthusist, drowning in burnout.
Resisting the urge to slam things on the floor till the chaos stops.

Current obsessions:
Sentient robots
Playstation
Open Source Software

WARNING: Subtext language pack not installed

#fedi22 #gaming #photograpgy #feminism #linux #anime #pdx #playstation #ActuallyAutistic #ADHD #AuDHD

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theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Autistic humans have more trouble staying asleep and falling asleep than our allistic peers.

Solid and consistent sleep is essential for our regulation.

What’s your relationship with sleep like?

@actuallyautistic

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic

I sleep great! ...just not if I'm forced to keep a steady, diurnal schedule. My natural sleep schedule is around sunrise to around 2, and it shifts - I'm not quite lined up with 24 hours.
When left to sleep as is natural, I end up sleeping around 4am, and that gradually moves up to about 7am, and then I miss a night, crash early, and the cycle starts over.

But, the "normals" insist this isn't acceptable.

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic

Pro tip - If you got a little money, and wondered if you should "splurge" or "treat yourself" to a new bed, DO IT! MY GOD, DO IT! This isn't a PS5 or a fancy bag, it's a bed! A comfy, supportive bed is an investment in your spoon supply!

I recently upgraded from a $100 bed to a $500 bed (I got a CRAZY good deal on it, clearance for $120!) and the difference is amazing!

Note - It's change. Expect an adjustment period to your new bed.

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic

Like, no, serious. I struggled to move when I first get up, my body just resisted movement. I thought I was "just like that". Nope!
It was the bed!

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@unabogie
@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic

Target had a discontinued line of Casper in twin. Most people who buy a nice mattress don't have a twin. WIN FOR ME!

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Special interests aren’t the “weird hobbies” or “obsessions” of autistic humans.

They’re vital for our emotional and physical regulation and well-being.

Make time for the “weird” things that make you “weird” 💙

@actuallyautistic

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic

I spent almost a full 24 hours straight admining my server yesterday!
...maybe... I really should try to remember to eat and drink... but aside from that, it was helpful!

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Neurodivergent folx can internalize Neurotypical social and behavioral norms and use them to oppress and abuse other Neurodivergent people.

There are many reasons for this.

That they have decided (by their choice or not) to perform Neurotypicality doesn't excuse their abuse.

@actuallyautistic

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic

Just.... remember to allow someone the space to be better when they stop doing that.
🫤 I'm not exactly pleased with how I used to try to fit in when I was younger.

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

I have spent my adult life stressing the need for autistics not to block out allistics from our life - promoting the idea that we don't need to live a life apart - that this world, with everyone in it, has what to offer for us.

This is becoming increasingly harder to defend.

@actuallyautistic

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic

I have a personal policy against allowing allists to get as close as autistic friends. I don't reject allists for being allistic, but I don't seek out new allist friends. Those I already have are welcome to stay, but they're not getting masked me ever again, and they can't be AS CLOSE as autistic friends.
Sorry but... not having this policy caused me a lot of pain and suffering I just didn't need to endure.

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic

That said - if someone thinks they might be autistic, gets close, and later finds out they are not autistic - no fowl. If you came off autistic enough to get that close, and were seeking the company of whom you thought were similar neurotype, you're an honorary member and welcome to remain that close to me.
If you don't stand out to me as NT, then you haven't been doing the hurtful and exhausting shit that drove me to keep them back a bit.

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic

I have a close allistic friend, that friendship got built before I knew about me. But... their behavior and statements and refusal (stated refusal) to understand sorted themself out of my closest. They're still close, but nowhere near as close as my autistic besties. It's just not possible.
I can share my innermost thoughts and views with someone who says my sensory issues are "the power of suggestion from hearing that autistic people have sensory issues".

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic

Or that NT brains can't understand that when big ideas with big emotions hit, I may spew them out - and they may be bad, impractical as stated, or sometimes wrong - but that once out there, it's to be refined. You can't take the blurt out as the end all be all of that idea.

This difference... It's just not possible to be as close to allists.

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic

Or like... close allist loves physical contact.
I do too, but I can only handle it in certain doses, and if other things have worn me out or overwhelned me, I can't handle it. ...they takes it personally. It doesn't matter how many times I've explained.
This friendship, while good and bebeficial, costs energy because of these things.

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic
Yes! I actually have a friend who RECHARGES my social energy! (as long as I had at least a little before she got here) Like, TF? I didn't know that was possible!
She used to be my roommate. That was amazing to have right here in my home! 🥰
...I get why she left (it had nothing to do with me, thank god), but I wish she'd move back.

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic

On the reverse - I have 2 autistic friends I get to see in person.
They get it. They take no offense if I can't hug, or I can't go somewhere bright and loud on a certain day. In fact, I don't even have to say it, they just pick up on it. I don't have to reexplain anything. I don't have to justify my need to be away from the light.

These friendships don't cost. One costs so little it doesn't even register, the other is actually a recharging presence!

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

When NTs talk about themselves all day long and we try to empathize with them we are told we are self-centered.

When we mention one tiny part of our life to NTs, we are told we are self-centered.

When we voice a need to an NT, we are told we are self-centered.

Interesting.

@actuallyautistic

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic

Another reason I don't seek friendships with allists.
I need friends who correctly interpret my relating to their struggle with a similar one of my own as a display of "Here is how closely I can understand your situation". (And my autistic friends, on occasion, have used that to realize I didn't quite grasp it! Makes it a lot easier to be helpful when I clearly know what they're struggling with)

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Yes, masking is about taking on identities of those around us. Masking is harmful.

We also create our masks and imbue them with prices of our true selves, like any author.

The challenge isn’t simply to “unmask”, but reveal the true piece of ourselves in our masks too.

@actuallyautistic

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic

I hate masked me. She was full of empty, insincere facial expressions and emotion. She was a facade. I never want to wear that mask ever again.
I've lost friends over this and I don't care. I got over it.

I'm still learning what I'm like.
I thought I sucked at masking cause of what still got through. Turns out, there is just so much it couldn't all be masked away.
I'm pretty obviously autistic most the time now. I'm still learning to truly accept that now

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

how do my autistic comrades combat loneliness?

@actuallyautistic

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic

I made some autistic friends!
Not literally made, I'm not Dr Frankenstein, or a roboticist. Though making an android friend would be cool AF!

I only needed a few!
😁

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

From toe walking to heavy bag carrying, autistic humans find unique ways to connect with our bodies.

Let’s appreciate and understand these strategies - not stigmatize and pathologise them.

@actuallyautistic

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic

Heavy bag carrying? Mine's heavy just cause I need a bunch of stuff.

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

“Want to prove your life is worth living?”, they say.

“Go get yourself a job and be better than everyone else!”.

The disabled person does just that. Fights and suffers.

“See, you’re not really disabled!”, they reply with a sly smile.

@disabilityjustice @actuallyautistic

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach

@disabilityjustice @actuallyautistic

Ow.

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Do my comrades like to eat standing up or walking?

@actuallyautistic

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach

@actuallyautistic

I often eat leaning against a kitchen counter. Not always, but often enough to be a noticable pattern

DoomsdaysCW , to ActuallyAutistic group
@DoomsdaysCW@kolektiva.social avatar

@actuallyautistic
So, there is a support group for ND folks at my current workplace. Something I've been hearing again and again from fellow Autistic employees is how when we drop our masks (for whatever reason -- though a lot of the time it might be after we receive our official diagnoses), that all of a sudden we're considered "difficult" and "too rigid". In my case, I didn't have much of a mask to begin with (and even was described with those terms in a previous position, which I resigned from). I'm curious as to how many other Autists have had that happen to them -- especially after dropping their masks?

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@DoomsdaysCW
@actuallyautistic

The changes from the pandemic were the final straw. The masking that had been killing me the whole time finally fell apart. I was fired after a big ugly meltdown. I just can't handle it anymore, and I can't mask much anymore even if I wanted to. I got approved for SSDI, thank the gods.

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@chevalier26@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Was anyone else ever made fun of/scolded as a kid because you "were not assertive enough"? I would often get in trouble for "not saying 'no'" or other 'grievous' things growing up, and I remember being very hurt by that.

Saying "no" has always been hard for me because I've always struggled with being confident/setting boundaries. Every time I have tried to set boundaries I was perceived as rude, so I decided at some point in my childhood to stop setting them.

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@chevalier26
@actuallyautistic

I feel that one!

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

What is "Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria", really?

What does it mean in the context of lives?

https://www.theautisticcoach.com/autism-blog/what-is-rsd-rejection-sensitivity-dysphoria-autism

@actuallyautistic

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic

My own experience with RSD is why I have a rule with friends, since many of them experience it too.
If I have said I can't talk to them for a bit - be it an extended isolation time, or even if I AM that angry with them - there is an exception in place for them to periodically check if we are still friends. If I'm not angry enough to end the friendship, then I'm not too angry to accommodate RSD, no matter what happened.

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic

When a friend stops responding for a bit, no matter how much the logic part of my brain knows they're busy, or driving, or fell asleep, or got distracted, the other part of my brain is sure I said something wrong and I will never hear from them again.

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

What effect has bullying had on my comrades?

You’re not alone.

@actuallyautistic

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic

I find it difficult to just be me.
To stim as needed.
To use whatever helps me.
To enjoy things I enjoy.
To express joy.

And there's still some left over internalized ablism... A twinge when I or another act too autistic/weird. At least I can refrain from speaking it, and it's lessened with time. I do hate that part of me.

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic

I constantly worry my friends are not my friends... That they're friends out of pity and eventually I'll be too much and they'll leave.
A few have gotten past this ceiling, and I love them more than I have words to tell them with. 🥹

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic

I constantly fear people will realize how worthless I am and throw me out - be it out of my home, out of a friend group, or out of an activity.

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Having meltdowns doesn’t make you a failure.

It makes you an autistic human.

@actuallyautistic

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic

I needed to hear that. 🥹

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

The problem with saying "autism is my superpower and it's not a disability" is:

  1. it devalues people who don't have "superpowers"

  2. it helps take away our disability accommodations when people LOUDLY scream that autism isn't a disability

  3. Helps the Autism Industry's narrative that we can be used to help companies profit

@actuallyautistic

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic

For my own logic and sake of mind, I reworded it...
Being autistic in a society built for allists is a disabilily.

Not being able to walk isn't a disability for a fish, but it sure AF would be if he was forced to live on land.

There's a lot more depth to my view, I'm just a bit low on explanation energy. I can revisit the topic when I have more.

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Not all autistic humans are low-supports needs.

Not all autistic humans are "high masking".

Not all autistic humans produce Tik-Tok videos and social media content.

@actuallyautistic

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic

My whole life, long before I knew it was autism...
My needs kept getting dismissed because I'm "so brilliant".
Sort of ties in to your question on bullying too - I get very angry with myself for not being able to IQ my way through things I can't do.
I beat myself up for ages for not being able to just IQ my way through holding a job, dealing with x, y, or z, etc.
If I'm so brilliant, why do I struggle so much.
I do accept I'm intelligent, there is evidence

MnemosyneSinger , to ActuallyAutistic group
@MnemosyneSinger@kolektiva.social avatar

Can't do kitchen stuff.
"Fragrances" overwhelming.
What am I to do?

@dailyhaikuprompt @actuallyautistic

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@MnemosyneSinger @dailyhaikuprompt @actuallyautistic
Fire is the great cleanser!

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

What do my comrades do to practice self-care when there is no way whatsoever to have your needs met or triggers removed?

@actuallyautistic

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic
I fail miserably at this

theautisticcoach , to ActuallyAutistic group
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

What’s the biggest myth about autism that my comrades have come across in the course of their self-advocacy?

@actuallyautistic

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic

That there is some sort of way autistic people look.
Why yes, I do look autistic. So do all the other autists, no matter how much they look nothing like me. 🤷‍♀️

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@GreenRoc
@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic

My interactions with you have proven you are plenty smart. 😊

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@BitteNichtSchuettelnDanke
@roknrol @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic

I can tell!
eats the sugar
0! See, I'm right again! 🤣

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@theautisticcoach
@actuallyautistic

That "high functioning" or low support needs means they're no support needs.

Or that appearing "high functioning" in a particular settling for a small amount of time means they aren't struggling immensely.

pathfinder , to ActuallyAutistic group
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@actuallyautistic

Autistic brains be stupid. Well, obviously not stupid, they just seem to work, or not work, in mysterious ways.

The main one that has always got me, about mine, is that I have no memory for sound, absolutely none. I can't remember a song, or a sound. I can't remember what my parents sounded like and none of my memories carry, for want of a better word, a soundtrack. I can remember what I was thinking and what others were saying, but not hearing them say it, nor any other sound. I also don't dream in sound, at least as far as I know. All my dreams are silent.

And yet, and it's a big yet. I have an excellent memory for voices and sounds. Like many autistics I have near perfect pitch, at least when I'm hearing others sing, or music playing. Just don't ask me to reproduce it, because I can't. If I meet someone I haven't met for a while, then I will almost certainly not recognise their face, or remember their name, but there is a very good chance that I will recognise them from their voice. I am also very good at detecting accents. Even the slightest hint of one in, say, an actor pretending to be an american, will get me searching Wikipedian to see if I am right about their actual nationality.

So, if I can tell the sound of a Honda CBR engine two blocks away, or a voice, or an accent buried deep, I must have the memories to compare against. And yet... nope.

So, as I said, autistic brains be stupid.


hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@pathfinder
@actuallyautistic

"Autistic brains be stupid. Well, obviously not stupid, they just seem to work, or not work, in mysterious ways."

I think of it this way...
If I put my laptop out in the blazing sun, slammed in it's keyboard repeated, forced it to connect to the internet through twisted up strips of tinfoil, and shot a microwave gun at it...
My laptop would not work in "mysterious ways" too.

My brain is said laptop, and allist society is the rest of that analogy.

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@pathfinder
@actuallyautistic

Your dreams be like -
https://youtu.be/Xd6ddOlbKp8

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@pathfinder
@actuallyautistic

I'm very curious if I have an accent you can detect and place.

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@pathfinder
@actuallyautistic

I do not know how flat or not-flat my affect is at this point. I know it's definitely FLATTER than when I was masking, and I like it that way. I just have no idea how flat compared to others.

hellomiakoda ,
@hellomiakoda@pdx.social avatar

@angiebaby

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic

That sounds delightful

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