Probably much more than is comfortable to admit but importantly, it was always understood that its gravy and I need to manage my affairs assuming they weren't in the picture.
Had some slipups but I take it very seriously when I borrowed and would always sweeten the deal by helping out with whatever they needed a hand on and taking care to demonstrate there is an upward trajectory (it wasn't pissing money down the gutter) and lessons were learned.
I'm really glad for the approach because financial responsibillity was not modelled by the other half and even worse, they used their irresponsibillity with money in combination with abuse to deprive me of control against them and experience in managing that crucial aspect of one's existence.
My relationships with them is much stronger because its fostered better communication and prevented anything to catastrophic from happening.
The barely hear it point is a good one I've picked up on. I would even go as far as making it so quiet you almost need to delicately strain to hear it but you'll mostly be inclined to drift in and out and soon, away
Is there a piece or work like that which makes you feel content thats also conducive to sleep in your estimate? Like something that doesnt stimulate too much but puts you at ease and gives your mind something to wear itself down with to the point its a smooth and enjoyable transition to sleep?
What music were you listening to at the most happy/content period or even just moment in your life? I know sometimes that can be dificult but just indulge me for a sec