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Ilovechai

@[email protected]

Sipping my chai, keeping cozy and just here to check out what the Fediverse has to offer.

Posts auto-deleted after 2 weeks, except for highly rebooted shares.
I boost a lot.
#socialworker #CultSurvivor #therapist #exmo late self realized #audhd #parentofteens #deconstructioncommunity #humanist #CarlSagan fan, #psychology #cognitivescience #somatic #ifstherapy #yoga #mountains #nature #hsp #singing #mindfulness #humanrights #freepalestine #feminism

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Ilovechai , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

I don't have the spoons to explain why I feel my neurodivergence is making this worse, but I need feedback or insight from other ND people on a unique experience. This will be a long thread (added in replies) but I'm hopeful there will be a few kind readers who either relate or have something supportive to share.
Here goes:
1/
@actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd


Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

Not sure how to describe it, but I'm feeling frustrated that despite the fact that my faith deconstruction began in 2015, and I officially left the religion in 2016; I still miss the closeness and belonging I once had. I'm Hella triggered by organized retreats or post religion gatherings... it seems to have the same flavor as church.. I get that people are wanting connection. Obviously so do I..
2/

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

but so far, online spaces seem to feel the safest. I think being in a high demand religion with insta-friends masked some of my limits in socializing or maintaining friendships. Literally 4 to 5 in person 'friend groups' I attempted to engage in over the post faith years, all imploded 1-2 yrs later. I'm starting to fear I'll never have connections that survive beyond that now
3/

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

but so far, online spaces seem to feel the safest. I think being in a high demand religion with insta-friends masked some of my limits in socializing or maintaining friendships. Literally 4 to 5 in person 'friend groups' I attempted to engage in over the post faith years, all imploded 1-2 yrs later. I'm starting to fear I'll never have connections that survive beyond that now
3/

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

(despite having 15-20 yr friendships before leaving.)
When you lose your entire support system, and you see red flags of manipulation or non-reciprocation miles away.... somedays it feels like I just have to accept that freedom of mind has to be enough, cuz trusting relationships was the price...
4/

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

but here I am, trying to have spaces to find connection and ASD or post religion spaces seems to be the safest 🤔 (every time I decide to leave exreligious spaces from deconstruction topic burnout, I find my way back because its the place I find like minded people) I guess I'm just here to vent about how f*cking terribly cruel shunning is.
5/

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

🤨 And how utterly burnt out I feel trying to rebuild a support system. Thanks to anyone who shared their energy to read this. 🥹🙏🏻

5/end

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

Thanks again for all those who have been so considerate and responded to this thread. It makes me curious if there's a discord space where you hang out? Those who offered DMs ...I'd be open to it, and it's also more comfortable for me to respond than initiate, or to chat in a more private space regularly before doing one-on-one (at least for me). So, if such a server exists, do share (either in DM or comments) 😉🙏🏻

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@filmfreak75 @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd
🤩🥰 ty 🙏🏻

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@arisummerland @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd 🙏🏻🥰 ty

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@JoBlakely @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd
I'm glad you're finding benefit and connections that way ✨️🙏🏻I'll be curious about this idea.

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@CynAq @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd
100% relatable.
I'm truly hoping to land in a place of more contentment and acceptance as you have... I'm a strange mix of needing a lot of downtime and deep connections.. it's a complex balance I am still navigating and working to identify for myself.

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@Tooden @CynAq @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

Nod. My partner seems to be the only reciprocal source so far and I'm so grateful 🙏🏻 I also know I'm my best when there's at least one other social anchor in my life since I have more need to connect.

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@seanwithwords @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

That's a healthy approach. One step at a time.

Ilovechai OP ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@janisf @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

🤩👏🏻🌈💓

f1337 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@f1337@hachyderm.io avatar

🤔 Is pathological demand avoidance a form, or derivative, of the freeze response to trauma?

@actuallyautistic

Ilovechai ,
@Ilovechai@sciences.social avatar

@f1337 @actuallyautistic

I prefer: "Persistent Drive for Autonomy" to describe PDA. 😌

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