AnAutieAtUni

AnAutieAtUni , 19 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

I am so HAPPY I have a virus! And I know most of you won’t understand why straight away…

I thought my chronic illness was showing a new longer-term pattern of decline. But it isn’t! It was a virus that is only now showing up and being obvious. It means my chronic illness “decline” was actually it just flaring up alongside the virus, like it usually does when I get a virus.

I’m so “happy”!! Haha!! I mean… technically, I’m just relieved, but the relief is MASSIVE so I’m actually happy. Which is weird! I guess my happiness-ometer works differently to most?!

@mecfs @actuallyautistic

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I shared the above because I want to share some ‘positive’ news. If you’re cool with that - thank you! If you’re still confused, here is more context that a few people will benefit from:

[Someone will feel compelled to educate me about how viruses are not harmless. If they do, here’s what you’ve got to know: and all this is said in a light-hearted jest-ful tone, but also with seriousness. I have ME/CFS which is very likely a post-viral syndrome just like long covid, except there’s no way of knowing which virus did it. I do not WANT viruses; that is not the point of the above statement. It’s that I used to be literally housebound for years but have maintained ‘mild’ ME/CFS for years since and was terrified of going BACK to that. Yes, I’ve had covid and vaccines and thankfully I’ve recovered from them all and know not everyone does… catching viruses is NOT a sport I took up 😜 I don’t go out mingling trying to attract viruses like swiping right on a dating app… I’m careful, in my own way, and in all honesty I barely go out, especially compared to people who commute to work daily. No, masks aren’t 100% effective but they’re damn good! No, I won’t be going out mingling to pass on this virus. Hoping I have covered everything that an internet “educator” might say.]

AnAutieAtUni OP , 19 days ago

@wakame @mecfs @actuallyautistic OMG yes you nailed it!

pathfinder , 21 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic

I often describe myself as a minimal speaker. It's because whilst I can speak, unless seriously overwhelmed, I vastly prefer not to. In large part, this is because the effort of speaking, and it is, more often than not, a real effort for me, rarely seems worth it. Since realising I am autistic, I have come to realise why this could be and also why communicating on here is so much easier and not just because it's text, because I struggle with that elsewhere too.

Language, whether text or verbal, is communication. Whether that be communicating thoughts, or feelings. Expressing emotions, or ideas. It is the medium and not the source. The source is where these things are coming from and it is what shapes our use of the medium and therefore in large part the assumptions we make about how others are using it and therefore the likely success of any communication.

Enter the double-empathy theory and the general acknowledgement that autism is a fundamental difference in the ways in which our brains work, often exampled by describing it as a different operating system. It means that whilst I am using the same language to talk with allistics, how we're both using it, the ends and purpose, even the nature of the information being transmitted, can often be fundamentally different.

An example I have used, is to compare it to a foreign language speaker with a reasonable understanding of the local language, but having to work incredibly hard to keep up with a conversation and having to constantly check their translations and whether or not they were making the right replies and not offending anyone. But to be truly accurate, you would also have to add in a cultural divide, a root level difference in the expectation and assumptions they are making about life and how this was also shaping their communication.

This, I think, is why speaking has always been so hard for me. Why it's always been so much of an effort and often without point. It's not that I am speaking a foreign language, or that my words themselves can't be understood. But that the information I am attempting to convey and the intended purpose of that information, is so far out of phase with the expectations of those around me, that miscommunication, confusion and the all too familiar fallout becomes almost inevitable. It's also why speaking here is so much easier.

Effective communication is more than just using the right words, it's about realising the intent and purpose behind those words. About understanding where someone is coming from as much as what they are trying to say. And that, as the saying goes, takes two to tango.

#Autism
#ActuallyAutistic

AnAutieAtUni , 20 days ago

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic I totally hear you on this. I suspect my dad was very similar, too. One reason I suspect I might have ADHD is I have impulses to speak when I absolutely don’t want to and have even decided on that beforehand. It can be exhausting. I really enjoy the act of listening, too. Even that needs its limits, but it’s much more sustainable for me.

AnAutieAtUni , 20 days ago

@Zumbador @pathfinder @actuallyautistic Omg yes, I know those situations! I can blurt out silly endings to what people are saying when they have taken a brief pause. I’m not as funny as my brain thinks I am… has got me into trouble too!

I also hate when I’m impulsive-chatty because it gives me no room to say the truth like “actually I’m damn exhausted and need to leave in about 30 seconds”. It makes it seem like I’m moody or just got angry etc.

@actuallyadhd

AnAutieAtUni , 22 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

One major grade being released today. Except the professor who said she’d release it this morning is unreliable and doesn’t always do what she says or when she says she’ll do it.

So, I am waiting for a grade that represents the entire of a compulsory module (=need to pass it in order to graduate next month!) but it was just one piece of work that went into it in a format I have never done before (highly unpredictable outcome)… and there is no predicting when the grade will be released.

Arrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhjdjejdkwkwndkwndkenekendkdnekek🤪🫠

Send cake please. And puppies. And giant gentle horses. Kthnx.

@actuallyautistic

AnAutieAtUni OP , 22 days ago

@pathfinder @actuallyautistic Thank you!! I may need to brace for the possibility she may release the grade tomorrow… or even later in the week! Noooooooo

AnAutieAtUni , 25 days ago to actuallyadhd group

Does anyone have any tips for how to prepare for an ADHD assessment?!

I truly don’t know if I have ADHD or not and want to do what I can to put forward whatever information might be useful for the clinician to get a full picture and come to an accurate conclusion.

I’m really worried that I don’t remember a lot from my childhood, though, especially due to major events in childhood, and that I’m a very heavy masker, even to myself.

I seem to fit AuDHD types the best, which makes sense since I know am autistic. But I don’t really know how to identify the ADHD part of me. I keep thinking about stereotypes which are based on males that aren’t usually autistic as well.

I will be happy whatever the conclusion is from my assessment, whether I have ADHD or not, but ONLY if I’ve done my best to give important information. I would hate it if I came away remembering important things after the assessment is done, especially if it swayed the conclusion one way or another.

@actuallyadhd #ADHD

AnAutieAtUni OP , 24 days ago

@Uselessgeneration That’s great you had those! I don’t have my school reports - got rid of them. They mostly said I should raise my hand and interact more in class… but I was always so overwhelmed (autistic overstimulation type stuff) or dealing with events at home, bullying at school… so… 🤷

At university now, my tutor called me “hugely enthusiastic” before he even met me… seems like a potential hyperfocus ADHD trait in me being seen! I DO get so excited about stuff I’m interested in!

I did have a loved one full something in but he hasn’t known me for that long, and not sure it helped to be honest. He is a classic male ADHD type who doesn’t really think there’s a need for labels. He didn’t see many traits in me, and I agree that I’m not the same as him. But I’m cis female and autistic (he isn’t autistic). I notice we have some similar traits that could be ADHD but he thinks are “normal” human traits (I know they’re technically both, but…)… and I’m learning more and more that AuDHD (autism + ADHD) is quite different to ADHD only. AND there’s a difference between genders. (Don’t even get me started on masking… haha!)

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

Zumbador , 29 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

@actuallyautistic

Here's something that causes friction between me and my family.

Someone asks me to make a decision about something I don't have a strong preference, but they want me to have a preference.

"do you want x or y? "

Saying "I don't care" comes across as rude, and even softening it as "I don't really have a preference" or turning it back to them by saying "what do you think?" isn't appreciated. They want me to care.

I understand that they want me to choose so they don't have to do that emotional labour. That's fair. But often when I do choose (at random), they try to change my mind, and then I'm back to square one because I don't really care, and I don't want to lie!

A honest answer would be "I'm depressed, I don't want to exist. Putting on a polite face is taking up all my effort, expecting me to actually care is beyond my capacity"

But that's too heavy for most interactions.

I'm not sure what I'm asking for here, just writing it out.

#ActuallyAutistic

AnAutieAtUni , 29 days ago

@Zumbador @actuallyautistic Agreeing with your post and so many other commenters experiences too!

I am frequently on either side of this.

Sometimes I’ll say “I don’t mind which. You choose.” And that can cause a problem for another person, depending on who they are. I think I’ve figured out why, though, for one person: they are so worried about picking the “wrong” thing themselves. They are actually a heavy masker and people-pleaser, both of which are about doing what others would prefer they do. So to make them choose for me is a VERY scary proposition. There is never enough reassurance that I could give them that could help them past that. On the outside it could look like a battle of “no, you choose! I don’t mind!” To each other. This person cannot tell me that they cannot choose, because that is too scary for them and would also be perceived as “wrong” for them, but I am trying to encourage them to do that and feel safe saying it… BUT it isn’t actually that they “don’t mind”. I’m not sure they even know what they want when they’re around anyone human being…

When I’m on the other side, I am either:

• Genuinely cannot choose. My mind is in paralysis between choices and I need help. If I recognise this is the case then I’ll state it plainly, so it’s a request for help, not asking for someone’s preferences. But I might not realise, especially if I’ve got brain fog. This usually happens when I’m making trivial decisions.

• Or I could be like the person I mentioned above and terrified of making the “wrong” choice for someone else. Especially because I might choose something that they didn’t realise was part of the options… a very ‘divergent’ choice, that could surprise them and cause problems for us both.