Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 244 , Friday 28/06/2024
A really rough & disturbed night last night, the windows were open to keep the room cool but there was a decent wind & that was making a din. The PF in my right foot decide that it was jealous of all the attention Geoff has been getting & played up all night!
Thankfully today has been a quiet day , no dramas , or need to interact with anyone .
Spent a chunk of the day in the Fediverse chasing the elephant. 😊
Pizza & Thatchers zero for tea & a bit of a Supernatural fest.
Final Thoughts.
Peace - the most elusive of gifts for the ND mind I think .
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 243 , Thursday 27/06/2024
Up around 6am after a disturbed night.
Achieved a couple of things today managed to descale the coffee machine , I was gonna clean it but that is not one of my favourite jobs so I fixed the kitchen tap which has been sticking for a while instead.
I also managed to rearrange the appointment with Beth, the MH Practitioner.
The sock aid that the Occupational Therapist recommended arrived today, I am officially old !
It doesn’t help that I went for the one with the nice fleecy lining rather than the cheaper plastic ones 🤦♂️
Today the sock aid , next week the zimmer frame!
On the whole today has been a much better day than yesterday.
Final Thoughts.
Life is such a rollercoaster, the best we can do is hold on for dear life !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 242 , Wednesday 26/06/2024
TL:DR Occupational Therapy, socks & being geographically challenged !
Up around 5:45 , for those of you wondering about Geoff he has slunk off for now, satisfied that there are not enough puritans in my diet to trigger him!
Spent some time tidying up for the incoming visitor - shifted all the junk to my bedroom, which it turns out he needed to see 🙄🤦♂️
So had the Occupational Therapist round this morning a young chap, who was friendly & patient with my rabbiting on.
There is not a lot that he can do to help, mostly because as far as OT goes I don’t need a lot. He is going to discuss my case with the community MH team to see if they can help ( I hope Beth - who I was supposed to see today , see below, isn’t in that meeting ! ) .
He did say that he could try & help get past the agoraphobia & then help me with some of the more crippling social issues.
He also got me to order a sock aid - because I don’t have full mobility in my right leg & putting my sock on is frankly flipping annoying! So we will see how the sock aid helps. The one I ordered looks like an out sized sling shot 😆
I was due to see the Mental Health Practitioner at 15:00 today , sat at my local surgery for an hour before realising that she was sitting waiting for me 3 miles down the road at another surgery ! 🙄🤦♂️
Classic lesson in ‘read what it says in the text’ as opposed to letting autopilot run the show!
So now I have to wait to see if she will call me to book another appointment.
In my defence no-one in my local GPs surgery had the faintest clue if she was in the building or not!
If nothing else one wonders what they would have done in a fire or emergency situation 🙄🤦♂️
So now I’m stressed to buggery about missing the appointment & wasting her valuable time & her being, rightly, pissed off at me!
I’ve had time to calm down now so I’m just berating myself constantly for being a plonker!
Final Thoughts.
One of the possible co-morbidities of being Autistic is anxiety - & boy was mine triggered today.
Another on is ones mind shutting down under stress - & leading one to make really silly mistakes.
Ah well tomorrow is another day!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@Tim_McTuffty
Best just jump around on the other foot then 😉 Hihi...
Hopefully there's something that could help you with it sweets!
Yay!!! That's good! 😁
🤗 😘 @actuallyautistic
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 241 , Tuesday 25/06/2024
Up around 6am as per , house elf duties have to be done.
Once again I get to around 10am & very last drop of motivation has been driven from me.
Today is bathroom cleaning day.
I put out new towels, which herself put thru the washing machine , I really don’t know what she does with them but they end up in the airing cupboard so stiff you could use them as offensive weapons!
You would think I would be used to this after 25 years, but no, it still triggers me.
Along with all the other triggers of stuff not cleaned , stuff not put away properly & overfeeding the cats .. poof all the plans for today have been eroded away.
Still I guess I should be grateful ,we have a roof over our heads, a car to take us places & food to eat.
Many have so much less.
Just had a call from an Occupational Therapist, they wanna come round in the morning & assess me … eeek!!!
Then I have to go see Beth , the MH Practitioner who first suspected that I was ND & set me on this path.
I left frustrated last time because she failed to understand how triggering Mrs S. is.
Final Thoughts.
I don’t know what it is like for other couples , but I REALLY wish Mrs S. would treat this as OUR house not HER house.
I am really stressed about tomorrow, a stranger in the house judging me, judging the fact that I have not been able to do so many things around the house that should have been done!
Roast Squirrel anyone ?
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 240 , Monday 24/06/2024
TL:DR
Up around 6am having slept fairly well.
Sorted out the bins & various other chores & then settled down to catch up on Fediverse frolics!
So two things drifted across my mind today:
Firstly I was preparing salad yesterday & as is my occasional wont I mistook the tip of the ring finger on my left hand for a radish & merrily sliced into it with a very sharp knife!
Understand that this was not a deep or in any way heath threatening cut, it was a tiny cut that , after about 12 hours with a plaster round it is more or less healed.
My point is this , it hurt like buggery & bled like I’d hit an artery! What is it about ones fingers that this should be? I mean I know that I’m on blood thinners for the old Ectasia but really you see folks on ER with their limbs hanging off who don’t bleed as much as a when you cut the tip of your finger! Also I know that that ones finger tips are full of nerves but come on - a little sense of proportion wouldn’t go amiss !
Secondly Brits , like my good self, are renowned the world over for our favourite topic of conversation , namely the weather! Hey we live (currently) in a temperate climate & have a lot of weather!!
I say we converse, lets be honest here what we do generally is complain about it , we have mastered the art of chronic bitching in fact ! It’s either too cold , too wet , too foggy & rarely too hot!
For the last 2 days the country was nearly silent (apart from the footy fans , but let’s not go there!) why - because for 2 days we passed thru the eye of the storm (pun intended) & hit 20ºc , with sunny weather !
This is pretty much the ideal temperature for your average Brit, so we were, temporarily stumped! How could one complain?
Today the temperature continued up so normal service was resumed & we explored the unusual concept of hot , dry (if muggy) weather!
Struggling to concentrate on pastimes today again, I need to get back in there on the gaming front, the ‘Adrift’ NMS expedition needs completing before I run out of time !
Final Thoughts.
Summer is finally here, warm weather, salads & the sounds of the local brass band practicing in the background. Still there’s bound to be something to complain about 😆.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 239 , Sunday 23/06/2024
Got a decent nights sleep last night Geoff behaved himself which was nice.
Up initially around 4am , had a chat with a dear friend & then managed another hour or so snoozing , finally getting up around 8.
On the whole not a bad day.
So I get loads of notifications on Mastodon because I like to interact with as many folk as I can, it can take hours to catch up sometimes. I have the time most days so this is not a problem. Sometimes though it is hard for me to do more than just answer with a hug or a smile because it is hard for me to formulate answers that will not offend or seem glib or cutting.
My autistic mind makes me blunt, it makes me say things that lack social subtleties , it makes me see over familiar or too distant. So when I cannot come up with response that I feel will be acceptable I fall back onto smiles & hugs to show I care hopefully.
Also there are only so many hours in a day , when one has 200 toots to respond to then sometimes brevity is required.
I was criticised for being too brief today, all I can say is I’m sorry ,I’m only a small squirrel of Pooh bear like intelligence & I try my best.
Final Thoughts.
I was playing around with Mona (the Mastodon app I use ) today & have managed to lose all my user notes that I used to keep track of time offsets & nicknames , birthdays etc. Very frustrating because they were crucial;l aids for one such as I with the memory of a concussed goldfish!
Hey ho.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@Tim_McTuffty
You're very welcome 🌸
Glad you like it, I need some new ones soon to use for my toots. 😊
Fankoos 🫶🏻 I had a good night, just got woken by an ambulance in our street. But it was 18 minutes till the alarm, so not too bad. 😊 @actuallyautistic
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 237 , Friday 21/06/2024
Geoff was a good lad last night , the fact that he was medicated into oblivion might explain why 😆
Up at around 6am to find Friday was a glorious day !
Loads of sunshine today had the patio doors open right up to the moment when Mrs S. decided she was going to bed at 8pm (her usual time) & closed them. Seems my enjoyment of the sounds of nature and the lovely evening air are not a factor. 🙄🤦♂️
Finished the migration of MAJ1 to Beige.Party by shipping across the followers list , this all worked fine & there are just some pending follows outstanding.
I did a few little tasks today nothing too extravagant. Made best use of the bright sunshine by running the clothes washer thru a maintenance wash amongst other things.
Final Thoughts.
I would really like to go to the coast, but herself is too busy (reading) & Geoff would object at the moment, maybe later in the summer!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@Tim_McTuffty
🤗 Sounds like a decent day! I wish we had such lovely weather. We started with some sun but it quickly got very cloudy and in the afternoon and evening, there was some rains....
Yay for medicating Geoff into oblivion... I told you about cutting him off, but you didn't seem too happy about that.... You'd probably miss the sod 😂 Hihi.... (j/k).
Yay for the chores and Booh for Mrs S who just lives in her own world, as it seems...
Have a good night sweets 😘 sweet dreams and hopefully I can catch you again tomorrow! 🤗
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 236 , Thursday 20/06/2024
Geoff was subdued with a new course of colchicine yesterday then pain killers to make sur eye behaved overnight.
Was up late last night moving MAJ1 to Beige.Party, so many folks have sound him in his new home & shared timelines with him again , very chuffed !
The CDP 🧚♀️ kept me company, for which I am grateful 😊
My foot is a lot better today, I’m still favouring it & elevating it but it is getting there!
Spent most of the day flolloping around the Fediverse (keen Hitch-hikers will argue that only live mattresses on Squornshellous Zeta can flollop but I would argue Squirrels can too!)
Had posh fish n chips for tea, smoked salmon & salad with chippy chips ! Yummy & mostly healthy .
Final Thoughts.
My brain is trying to second guess my moving MAJ1 , wondering if it was the right thing to do, wondering if it would change the experience of the Fediverse .
I stamped hard on these thoughts & looked at the positive side, that folk have reshared my MAJ1 timeline , that peeps are engaging & that I have a second account where I can wax lyrical. 😊
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Tonight’s quote describes my original copies of ‘The Colour of Magic’ & Hitch-hikers Guide to the Galaxy.
“It looked like the sort of book described in library catalogues as "slightly foxed", although it would be more honest to admit that it looked as though it had been badgered, wolved and possibly beared as well.”
--(Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)
Thank you to everyone who has tracked me down to the Beige & shared TLs again, you are all truly lovely Peeps.
Hopefully other friends will follow suite over the next few days.
Where ever you are in your day I hope you’re enjoying it! 😊🫶🐿️🖖
@MAJ1
Have a good night sweets!!!
Hope all your friends will find you again. 😊 And maybe you'll make some new ones along the way as well, with all folks sharing your newly made toots! 😁
Sweet dreams 😴
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 235 , Wednesday 19/06/2024
TL;DR Geoff hates me, misgendereation ,Mastodon moves are afoot, cats & the art of bird catching !
Geoff was a gut wrenching SoB last night, apparently standing for any length of time is a no,no. However I have his measure now & medicated his ass! (Do toes have asses ? ) so somewhere around midnight after some nice chats with a couple of lovely friends (who I how will still be friends by the end of this post🫣🤞🥰) I managed to get to sleep.
Up at just before 6am.
Started to make breakfast when yon OH opened the kitchen door to the garage & discovered Alice had brought a live present. So rather than shooing her out Mrs S. closed the door & looked expectantly at me, the vanished into the lounge closing all the doors behind her.
Turns out Alice had delivered a fledgling, which promptly vanished down the side of the washing machine! 🙄🤦♂️
As I was clearing a path to rescue the little perisher it did a 180 & vanished behind the washing machine , eschewing the more easily accessible (for me) space under the shelves next to the washer!
I pulled the washing machine out but the little sod (you’ll notice I’m becoming less enamoured with our uninvited guest) vanished behind the 6ft tall freezer next to the washing machine!
Pulling the washer out was hard enuf with 2 manky feet , especially with Geoff being all swollen , the is no chance that the freezer is coming out!
So the state of play is that I have pushed the washer back , leaving a suitable gap between it & the freezer for yon tweety pie to escape if it so desires.
Obviously I still had to make breakfast & then sort out the dishes & empty the dishwasher after all this , as Mrs S. had to get ready for work (a process that takes an hour & involves a ½ hour rest on the bed! ) so I’ve come back to bed because I’m clean out of spoons.
So here’s the thing: My voice has never broken, it got a little deeper but it has to be said my voices matches my persona as a squirrel perfectly! I wonder if it is an autistic comorbidity ?
This has meant thru out my life being misgendered on the phone ! Even when I’ve confirmed my given name, which is very obviously male, callers that don’t know me often still call me Mrs …. It’s VERY frustrating !
I know my nature is to be kind & show emotions easily & to expess love for anything that doesn’t get away fast enuf but that’s because I am kind by nature, I was brought up to be thoughtful of others , I am woke as it is possible to be , & also it is a defence against the horror that is me in full autistic frustration mode , my temper is like a bomb going off on the few occasions I lose it 🙄🤦♂️
I also suffer from Trichotillomania which makes hair & body hair management a trial.
All these things seem to give the impression I’m not a red blooded male. Which I am. I simply lack some of the less agreeable traits of some ‘alpha’ males ! (I still wanna fly fast jets though ! 🤣)
Really anyone bringing their dongle near me with the intention of amorous adventures or trying to stick me in a dress is not going to get far.
The really frustrating thing for me is that my natural instinct to identify as a CIS male means I cop for all the hate that is aimed at that group, despite the fact that when some folks interact with me without seeing my physical form they assume I’m something I’m really not!
I was talking to a good friend last night , no not you CDP 🧚♀️, & we were chatting about the whole hair thing … this isn’t about you ! (There’s a song in there somewhere ) Our discussion merely led me to think on this subject is all.
I wonder if I’ll be accused of being an misogynist off the back of this post 🤔
15:00 News update: the bird has left the building! The fledgling was a sparrow who about an hour ago got up the courage to fly out thru the open garage door - much to my relief!
In other news I have had a cardiology phone consult this afternoon with regards to the dizzy spells I keep getting when stressed. He is putting me on a halter monitor for 48 hours to see what is going on. He is not particularly optimistic that a resolution will be found , but he says my heart is strong so there is nothing to worry about unless the monitor shows something.
I’m quite proud of myself tonight, I actually got some stuff done this afternoon that has been waiting for a while.
Updated the router firmware & reconfigured the VPN, set up a Proton mail a/c.
I also created a new main Mastodon a/c on Beige.Party, more news of that tomorrow when I have moved stuff over from Mastodonapp.UK
Final Thoughts.
One cannot predict what will happen to make or break ones day. For most folk it’s a case of deal with it & move on, for many ND folk it buggers up the whole day !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 234 , Tuesday 18/06/2024
Geoff was headed off at the pass last night & medicated into submission so I actually got some decent sleep!
Up at 6 to sort breakfast , then elevated Geoff for the rest of the day - read my book & floated around the Fediverse for a while.
There are moves afoot to get my MAJ1 a/c moved to Beige.Party , I like the freedoms of the 11k chrs , it’s very liberating !
I messed up tonight, I made salad for tea - I like to take my time so it usually takes a good 45 minutes .
Geoff does NOT like being stood on for 45 minutes ! He’s really swollen now!
It didn’t help that he got another 20 minutes being stood on after tea because herself cannot be trusted to wash greasy dishes or heavy duty stains like beetroot. There are days when single life is very appealing!
Looks like another round of the dreaded colchicine for me - I may leave it till tomorrow , see if he settles down overnight.
Got a phone appt with the cardiologist tomorrow vis a vis my dizzy spells , I’m not really holding out a lot of hope but hey…
Final Thoughts.
This is supposed to be my ASD diary, it’s turning out to cover a multitude of things !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 233 , Monday 17/06/2024
Geoff was a vicious bugger last night he had to be evicted from under the covers & subdued with paracodol !
Had a nice chat with the CDP 🧚♀️ until around 1am when the pain relief fully kicked in & sleep overtook me.
Up at just after 6am to get breakfast for Mrs S.
Had to spend the day elevating Geoff to new heights , which seemed to impress him to a degree. I let the pain killers wear off thru the day so that I can reduce the risk of dependance. That said will be hitting them tonight because Geoff is an unforgiving toe it seems.
So talking to a couple of peeps today & my low selfesteem / Imposter Syndrome kicked in again.
I know logically that multibillion dollar companies don’t just let anyone play with their mainframes & critical systems. I know that few folks expertise covers the full breadth of computing related areas. But still I cannot help but feel a dullard in the face of a lot of my peers.
Possibly it is because I made career critical decisions based on incomplete knowledge (ie I was autistic) that within a decade laid waste to my professional career & broke me to the point of having to retire early on health grounds.
It could also be that I am my own worst critic & still berate myself for not doing better then, & now.
I fear that all I am doing now is treading water, waiting for the inevitable alternative to taxes.
Managed to get a few hours in on NMS for the first time in a few days. Finished the first of 4(5? ) phases & got a couple achievements in a few of the others .
Final Thoughts.
How can I think about moving into social circles where I can stress about whether a whole new group of people might judge me & find me wanting?
How do I not be like this ?
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@ketmorco@Tim_McTuffty@actuallyautistic 👍🏻 that's what I meant with my reply as well... There's always people that are "better", but there's also loads that are "less"... It's not a competion... I wanna know things so I'll research them. But I do that for me, not because someone else may already know more... If that makes sense...
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 232 , Sunday 16/06/2024
Woke to a gloriously sunny Sunday morning, with clouds lurking around the edges ready to pounce later in the day.
Got my act into gear around 8am & tumbled out of bed, made breakfast & then relaxed over my coffee until it was time to get showered & changed to cross the hills to Liverpool & visit my brother to celebrate his birthday.
The trip across was thru torrential rain that did not really ease up until we approached the NW coast. The the clouds broke & the sun came out.
We had a great day, I enjoyed it more than I expected to.
My sister was the only fly in the ointment, she is mother to my 2 autistic nephews, she herself is NT , however she started lecturing me on what I was & wasn’t capable of, saying how much more she understood about being autistic than I did …. I was good & kept my peace.
There was lots off lovely food, my Bro is a bit of a BBQ fanatic, not as enthusiastic as @kaybee335 (who is a BBQing god IMHO) but does throw together a mean spread!
I was fairly good, Geoff behaved himself most of the day & I didn’t want to aggravate him too much so just had a little bit of everything & didn’t go mad.
Had the first piece of cake since Easter! It was heaven!
Herself decided that 6:30pm was late enough & that we should go home, to be fair we did have a 2 hour drive home & tomorrow is a work day!
The drive home was ,in stark contrast to this morning’ a lovely drive, fine weather & only got stuck in traffic once. Some nutter in a white transit gave us a scare by overtaking us (me doing the speed limit was just too slow for him! ) in an extremely dubious location & nearly ploughed into the bonnet of the oncoming car for his trouble. I am not too proud to say that I was thinking my time was done for a few seconds there because we would have been intimately involved. His reward, because it was only a 2 lane highway with very few passing places , was that he stayed in the same place in front of us for the next 5 miles until our paths parted ways.
Got home & texted my Bro we had got home safe, he was a little upset to learn that we had had sunny weather all the way home & that we are enjoying a sunny evening as I write. Apparently it started raining ½ an hour after we left. 😆
Final Thoughts.
I enjoyed today a lot more than I thought I would, it does the soul good to have a laugh & joke in the company of those we love.
Why do some NT folk think that they can know more about ND folk than ND folk themselves ???
I am blessed that pretty much all the NT folk I know in the Fediverse do not do this, realising perhaps that while some experiences are very much shared , some really aren’t!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@Tim_McTuffty@kaybee335@actuallyautistic
Morning lovely 🐿️🐿️
Sounds like yesterday was a good day on balance ⚖️
We do a similar journey in reverse to Sheffield to see Ms DT, Snake Pass and Woodhead can be scary with someone sniffing at your exhaust!!
Hope today goes well for you 🥰🥰
Know both those roads well. Yes they can !
Once nearly got killed because an oncoming car overtook, I caused a decent pile up (nobody hurt but 5 or 6 cars behind me all shunted) because I had to slam on the brakes to avoid being a bonnet ornament!
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 231 , Saturday 15/06/2024
So Geoff (you remember Geoff, the Gouty Great Left Toe ) was an asshole last night, ended up with him going commando stuck out the end of the bed!
Thankfully being evicted from the bed was enough to calm him & sleep ensued.
Up around 7am, breakfast, chores & knocking around the Fediverse for most of the day.
Out of the blue my Dad rang - he very rarely calls, but like me he is polite to fault & was calling to say thank you for his Father’s Day card.
I’ll catch up with him tomorrow when we go over to Liverpool for my Bro’s birthday.
Geoff is almost certainly gonna disapprove come Monday morning!
Watching Roadhouse (the new version) this evening, a surprisingly good , turn yer brain off movie, lovin the soundtrack too, I hope it’s on one of the streaming services !
Ohhhh on Apple Music! Cool !
Final Thoughts.
I’m a bit worried that I’m missing something - not felt the urge to hit the PlayStation in like 3 days …
Hey ho.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖