Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 233 , Monday 17/06/2024
Geoff was a vicious bugger last night he had to be evicted from under the covers & subdued with paracodol !
Had a nice chat with the CDP 🧚♀️ until around 1am when the pain relief fully kicked in & sleep overtook me.
Up at just after 6am to get breakfast for Mrs S.
Had to spend the day elevating Geoff to new heights , which seemed to impress him to a degree. I let the pain killers wear off thru the day so that I can reduce the risk of dependance. That said will be hitting them tonight because Geoff is an unforgiving toe it seems.
So talking to a couple of peeps today & my low selfesteem / Imposter Syndrome kicked in again.
I know logically that multibillion dollar companies don’t just let anyone play with their mainframes & critical systems. I know that few folks expertise covers the full breadth of computing related areas. But still I cannot help but feel a dullard in the face of a lot of my peers.
Possibly it is because I made career critical decisions based on incomplete knowledge (ie I was autistic) that within a decade laid waste to my professional career & broke me to the point of having to retire early on health grounds.
It could also be that I am my own worst critic & still berate myself for not doing better then, & now.
I fear that all I am doing now is treading water, waiting for the inevitable alternative to taxes.
Managed to get a few hours in on NMS for the first time in a few days. Finished the first of 4(5? ) phases & got a couple achievements in a few of the others .
Final Thoughts.
How can I think about moving into social circles where I can stress about whether a whole new group of people might judge me & find me wanting?
How do I not be like this ?
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
