I don’t have nostalgia. I don’t miss places. I may remember them vividly, and love something about them, and hold it dear in my heart, but when I leave - I don’t want to come back.
Actually, I feel rather bad if for some reason I have to. Because the place has already changed. Because I have already changed. Because we’re out of sync now(if we ever were). Because I don’t belong. And seeing that hurts actually way more than just not returning.
Maybe it has something to do with the lack of object permanence. Maybe it is more about that autistic refusal to accept the reality which differs from expectations. Inside, I feel like a kid having a meltdown in the middle of the shopping mall because the toy they got was not 100% what they imagined it was going to be. No place is what you remember when you return after leaving. Maybe that’s the reason.
Is it something other #neurodivergent people also experience often? Do you feel nostalgic often or refuse to get back?
@olena@actuallyautistic Nostalgia isn't a thing for me, either. I may remember good things about a time or place, but those memories don't exist in a vacuum. There were bad things about the time/place, too, and most of the time those bad things are sufficiently connected to the good as to not be separable. The good and the bad made me who I am today, but I can't imagine wanting to actually revisit them.
@dweebish@olena@actuallyautistic Exactly. I do feel nostalgia, but it is always accompanied by the memories of bad things that happened alongside the good. I had a pretty good childhood that I am grateful for, but I do not ever want to teleport back to my childhood to live that way again. Too many things happened in my childhood that I DON’T want to relive either…
@olena@actuallyautistic
I'm like you. The past is the past, there is no going back, because nothing ever stays the same. Trying to return and recreate that past, beyond being pointless, is only ever going to be a reminder of what was, which in its own way can sometimes be sad, but which ultimately is never going to be satisfactory.
@olena@actuallyautistic I think if more of my experiences as a child and growing up were more pleasant, I could see why it would be enjoyable; honestly it sounds like a privelage.
@flatchulancelot@actuallyautistic not necessarily talking about childhood here, but I get what you’re talking about. I also don’t miss my childhood at all, and never wanted to be a child again: I wanted my agency, I got my agency, I am not giving away my agency by any means!
@olena@actuallyautistic I forgot it can mean a time past that doesn't involve childhood; I usually come across someone saying that word when they see something they remember as a kid. But yes, even for other effects I agree I generally don't feel nostalgic about it even if it was enjoyable.