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dweebish

@[email protected]

Empty nester, high-tech Luddite, lapsed coder, companion of cats, enjoyer of maths, science, art & music, entirely unable to make small talk, mostly content. #OpenStreetMap

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chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
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@actuallyautistic How do y’all deal with people who say that autism doesn’t even exist, and that it “suddenly” cropped up over the past few generations because people have been “mentally coddled”? Somewhat in the same vein as “there is a diagnosis epidemic” but much more extreme.

dweebish ,
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@nellie_m @chevalier26 @actuallyautistic My thoughts exactly. It's the reason I don't share much about who I am with others. I get enough grief as it is.

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@chevalier26@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic I’m in shock right now and feel like I could burst into tears…my parents and I are out at lunch, and my mom just asked me out of the blue, “what gives you joy?” And I said, “why are you asking me that?” She essentially responded by telling me that to her, I showed no evidence that I had any joy in my life, and that there is nothing that makes me happy.

I’m at a loss for words.

dweebish ,
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@chevalier26 @actuallyautistic I had to pause a bit after reading this to make sure I wasn't being inappropriately uncharitable to your mother. On one account, at least she cares enough to ask. Then I read further down thread that your parents don't seem to understand your anxiety about not knowing about your situation next semester. Seems a rather straightforward thing to understand. I have a grad student son. So, yeah.

I'm sorry your mother doesn't know you well enought to know what gives you joy. I hope she sees her knowledge deficit and tries to correct it. But, if not, please know that her choice not to know who you are is NOT a reflection on you personally. It simply isn't. There's no "but" there. Some mothers, for whatever reason, make that choice. Mine did. You may need to grieve this. Allow yourself the space to grieve if you need to. It may be a long-term thing; it's doable.

Hopefully you're getting some time before the next semester to experience some of that joy.

olena , to ActuallyAutistic group
@olena@mementomori.social avatar

I don’t have nostalgia. I don’t miss places. I may remember them vividly, and love something about them, and hold it dear in my heart, but when I leave - I don’t want to come back.
Actually, I feel rather bad if for some reason I have to. Because the place has already changed. Because I have already changed. Because we’re out of sync now(if we ever were). Because I don’t belong. And seeing that hurts actually way more than just not returning.
Maybe it has something to do with the lack of object permanence. Maybe it is more about that autistic refusal to accept the reality which differs from expectations. Inside, I feel like a kid having a meltdown in the middle of the shopping mall because the toy they got was not 100% what they imagined it was going to be. No place is what you remember when you return after leaving. Maybe that’s the reason.

Is it something other people also experience often? Do you feel nostalgic often or refuse to get back?




@actuallyautistic

dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@olena @actuallyautistic Nostalgia isn't a thing for me, either. I may remember good things about a time or place, but those memories don't exist in a vacuum. There were bad things about the time/place, too, and most of the time those bad things are sufficiently connected to the good as to not be separable. The good and the bad made me who I am today, but I can't imagine wanting to actually revisit them.

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@chevalier26@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Does it bother anyone else when someone folds your laundry for you? I do appreciate the effort and the intention, but half the time I have to go back and refold everything because it wasn’t folded the way I need it to be for me to put it away or organize it properly. I would rather just do all the folding myself lol. Idk, I know that probably seems selfish but it does irk me sometimes.

dweebish ,
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@moz @ScottSoCal @chevalier26 @actuallyautistic I roll kitchen towels, too. I have no idea why I never considered doing the same to bath towels. I must try that. Thank you!

autism101 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@autism101@mstdn.social avatar

Do you have any clothing routines? I own eight gray plain t-shirts with no tags which I love. I often will just wear them over and over again.

@actuallyautistic

dweebish ,
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@autism101 @actuallyautistic Loose fitting clothing only. Mostly plain and simple. Solid colors. I've always been in the dark on clothing trends and spend most of my life having no idea how to determine if a shirt and pants went together well. Get laughed at a lot for my clothing choices. People try to be nice, but it's obvious I still regularly fail. Have mostly stopped trying.

chevalier26 , to ActuallyAutistic group
@chevalier26@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Somehow got into an argument earlier about fractions with my parents, especially the fraction 15/16. I said that 7.5/8 is the same thing as 15/16, because they can be converted to each other by multiplying or dividing the numerator and denominator by 2.

My mom basically said, no, that's not right because it's not a "proper fraction" which doesn't make sense to me. The math checks out, and numerators can have decimal integers. Is there something I'm missing?

dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@chevalier26 @actuallyautistic

Firstly, it depends on what she means by a "proper fraction." As others have said, there is a definition.

Secondly, it depends on how much math your parents have studied. I can make an argument that if they've had only a bit or have studied advanced mathematics at uni, in either case they might object to it as a fraction (though in the latter case, they'd probably not use the term "proper fraction").

After that, although arithmetically correct, it's usually not done. It can make equation manipulation a real headache (ok, more of a headache in some situations). It's more of a best practices thing. Were a student/offspring come to me with (7.5)/8, depending on their background I'd use different ways to dissuade them from using that notation.

So, yes, the arithmetic checks out. It's generally not represented in that way for reasons.

Edit to say: It may depend, too, on why you're reducing the fraction. If this is for a uni assignment, depending on the instructions/assignment professors may not accept it as a valid fraction.

dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@chevalier26 @actuallyautistic Yeah, it depends on what they mean by "understand fractions", I guess. Potential subtext and all that.

spika , to ActuallyAutistic group
@spika@neurodifferent.me avatar

How do you guys handle friends who have the sort of sense of humor where they "play fight" over trivial things for fun?

I find this sooooo triggering because I can't tell when good fun turns into abuse and controlling behavior so any hint of it even in good fun is really upsetting.

@actuallyautistic

dweebish ,
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@spika @actuallyautistic I must know the people very well to be able to do play fight for fun. It's pretty much only my partner (who generally hates verbal sparring) and offspring. I used to have very good friends where I could tell where the boundaries are but that was decades ago.

Thankfully I've not really had to deal with it for quite a while. I'm not sure how I'd respond beyond shock.

Uair , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Uair@autistics.life avatar

@actuallyautistic

Does anyone else have surging electric?

I thought somebody had changed a light bulb in my bathroom, but it was just stronger electric. It explains why my air conditioner and refrigerator intermittently grind and chug up and down.

I'm in a residential hotel, and chalking it up to extra draw from somebody earlier in the circuit. Like when the people downstairs take a shower, mine gets colder.

dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@Uair @actuallyautistic I live in a place where brown-outs are fairly common. Complete power outages, too. At times when it lasts more than just a quick moment, we unplug/turn off any motors/compressors that might be damaged by it.

Zumbador , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Zumbador@mefi.social avatar

@actuallyautistic
I'm visiting family, and wow am I deep in autistic denial territory.

Some of my younger relatives have approached me, asking about neurodivergence because I've been so open about my experience as a late realised autistic person. They're wondering about themselves and their parents.

The older people though, are unable to have that conversation. There are jokey, sidelong half acknowledgements that "there might be something going on" with them, but otherwise it's High Masking At All Times.

What I find difficult to deal with is the rather toxic judgemental attitudes.

So-and-so relative is "so picky about his food, he thinks it makes him important" or "how ridiculous, he doesn't like the too bright light in the bathroom" and all the while I can see them struggling to deal with the exact same difficulties they're judging in others.

It's so ingrained, I don't know if there's a way for them to find self acceptance.

dweebish ,
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@ScottSoCal @punishmenthurts @dpnash @Zumbador @actuallyautistic I want. Multiple copies.

dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@woozle @JoBlakely @punishmenthurts @Uair @nellie_m @axnxcamr @Zumbador @actuallyautistic I might suggest reading this: https://bibleproject.com/articles/what-jesus-meant-turn-other-cheek-matthew-539/

dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@woozle @JoBlakely @punishmenthurts @Uair @nellie_m @axnxcamr @Zumbador @actuallyautistic I'd say that well describes Jesus' modus operandi.

Richard_Littler , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Richard_Littler@mastodon.social avatar

It's summertime and, as is the tradition, all my neighbours' kids are outside screaming/shrieking relentlessly in a pitch that only dogs (and, as it turns out, autistics) can hear.
'Tis the season of the almighty noise-cancelling headphone.


@actuallyautistic

dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@BigJackBrass @Richard_Littler @actuallyautistic Nails down a blackboard is exactly what I use to describe the difference in my sound sensitivity.

Zumbador , to ActuallyAutistic group
@Zumbador@mefi.social avatar

@actuallyautistic

Here's something that causes friction between me and my family.

Someone asks me to make a decision about something I don't have a strong preference, but they want me to have a preference.

"do you want x or y? "

Saying "I don't care" comes across as rude, and even softening it as "I don't really have a preference" or turning it back to them by saying "what do you think?" isn't appreciated. They want me to care.

I understand that they want me to choose so they don't have to do that emotional labour. That's fair. But often when I do choose (at random), they try to change my mind, and then I'm back to square one because I don't really care, and I don't want to lie!

A honest answer would be "I'm depressed, I don't want to exist. Putting on a polite face is taking up all my effort, expecting me to actually care is beyond my capacity"

But that's too heavy for most interactions.

I'm not sure what I'm asking for here, just writing it out.

dweebish ,
@dweebish@neurodifferent.me avatar

@Zumbador @actuallyautistic Those three rules are eerily familiar. Not surprisingly so is the impossibility of making group decisions.

In that part of the family, if I have the energy I try to qualify my lack of preference with a reason: X might be fun, but relative Y has to get up early tomorrow morning; Z sounds interesting, but relative A isn't a big fan of crowds. At times, it starts actual conversations where relative Y is honest about their scheduling needs and relative A can express an honest opinion about whether it's a good time for being in a crowd. It fails sometimes, too, and people get defensive.

I just remembered doing this in an organization meeting once and it basically caused the person who really wanted X to get indignant and become demanding, so there's that, too.

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