@quinze@tech.lgbt avatar

quinze

@[email protected]

#ActuallyAutistic, probably #AuDHD #NonBinary temporarily-abled folk who loves programming but struggles with the tech industry's toxicity.

Found out I'm NB in 2022 and Autistic in 2024, so still figuring out stuff and preferring to stay pseudonymous. I am here to have conversations and share support, I'll block you if you try to drag me down into the anger nexus. Posts are non-searchable and auto-deleted, #nobridge #nobot #noindex.

Will contain traces of #cats, #nailpolish & #gender :QueerCat_Enby:

Profile picture: a Star Trek commbadge (DS9-era design) colorized with the four colors of the non-binary flag (yellow, white, purple, black).

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quinze , to ActuallyAutistic group
@quinze@tech.lgbt avatar

Heya @actuallyautistic folks, do we have a Prime Directive around undiagnosed folks?

Trans folks have the Egg Prime Directive: don't tell someone they might be trans, because it's conter-intuitive in most cases (pushing people deeper into the closet).

As I disclose my diagnosis to people close to me, an unsurprising amount of them resonate with my experience and ask me whether I think they might be. I refuse to answer but share resources and offer to reply to questions about my personal experience.

shiri ,
@shiri@foggyminds.com avatar

@quinze no to both, I call it out when I see it. I've had so many conversations with people where their life changed from me just telling them they register as autistic.

I've been called out before when I was an egg and definitely will call out eggs as I see them, because so often they don't realize it's even an option for them.

Zumbador ,
@Zumbador@mefi.social avatar

@quinze @actuallyautistic

This is such a complicated topic.

One reason I don't tell people that I think they are autistic, is because that makes me and my relationship with them part of their self realisation.

Instead of simply dealing the question "am I autistic", now they have an additional tangle to unravel of "Zumbador is convinced I'm autistic, how will they react if I decide I'm not?"

Anyone with demand avoidance will be likely to dig in their heels and disagree with my opinion about their autism, simply because they don't feel safe being steered by me.

But I also don't think it's necessary to go out of your way to hide any hint that you think someone else might be autistic.

Depending on the person, you could tell someone that you wonder if they might be autistic. As long as you make it clear that you don't think you already know the answer.

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