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faithisleaping

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Welcome to my therapy journal! 😂 My name is Faith. I'm just a #trans girl who's here to process her trauma and make some friends.

I'm also #ActuallyAutistic and have #ADHD. I'm a deconstructing, homeschooled, ex-vangelical Christian (still, I think?) with all the trauma weirdness that comes along with that. Professionally, I work in the code mines, deep in the heart of Mt. Linux. Oh, and I have a Ph.D. in #Math.

I accept most follow requests as long as your profile is clearly queer/furry coded and/or you're a good ally. If I reject, it's nothing personal, I'm just pretty protective of my space here.

Boosts are always okay as long as the post is public.

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LehtoriTuomo , to ActuallyAutistic group
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

"It might not feel like it's an active step toward self-acceptance or authenticity, but coming to understand yourself as disabled is a pretty dramatic reframing of your life."

  • Devon Price in Unmasking Autism

This sentence hits me hard. Haven't thought it using that wording. My internalized ableism screams. "I'm not disabled!" But I am. I need to digest this.

@actuallyautistic

faithisleaping ,
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@LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic There's so much stigma in the word "disabled". We learn early on that being disabled makes you less, that it's bad, that is something you don't want to be.

That's so harmful!

There's actually an incredible freedom in understanding and accepting your limits. There are things that other people do easily that I will never be able to do thanks to my combination of autism, ADHD, and dyslexia. Coming to accept that has brought me so much freedom! Instead of beating myself up and burning endless mental and emotional energy trying to do the things I'm "supposed" to be able to do.

faithisleaping ,
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@bananamangodog @LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic No argument here. Though I think there is a hair to split. There are definitely things I am not able to do. I'm not able to read a novel. I struggle to manage a schedule. There are things I'm not able to do and in that sense "disabled" is accurate.

But...

It's not my fault that society has decided to shame people who watch the movie instead of reading the book. It's not my fault that society has decided that keeping a schedule is necessary to get money with which to buy food. That's on society, not me.

faithisleaping ,
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@wilbr Yes, and that's why I prefer to think of it in terms of knowing and accepting your limitations. That's not a bad thing. We all have limitations. Some people are very limited when it comes to mathematics from my perspective. 😅

And I'm not really trying to make a point or grind an axe here. My original thesis was that accepting ones limitations can be very freeing and I stand by that. Just because society values one thing over another doesn't mean I'm any worse of a person or should feel bad about it. It's just a thing I can't do. That's fine. There are plenty of things I can do so I try to lean into my strengths.

@bananamangodog @LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic

LehtoriTuomo , to ActuallyAutistic group
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Mentioned to a coworker that I'm getting some books, for example on autism, and as they showed interest in the topic, proceeded to lightly info dump. Did give some space so that it was a true conversation. However, it reminded me of a thing I've been pondering.

As I present male, I've always been overly cautious of not mansplaining -- or at least ever since I learned about the term. Now that I know I'm autistic, I understand it's entangled with having learned that NTs don't like infodumping.

Whatever the cause, I have a tendency to stay silent even if I know about the topic at hand but aren't 100% certain that it's appropriate to talk about it. Sometimes it makes me sad.

@actuallyautistic

faithisleaping ,
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@LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic Yeah, mansplaining and infodumping can look pretty similar. This is still something I'm figuring out.

I feel like a lot of it comes down to motivation and awareness.

To me, mansplaining is largely about ego. The mansplainer may be somewhat knowledgeable or not but the core desire and objective of the dump is to demonstrate how knowledgeable they are, even if they aren't. There's no actual conversation to be had because the moment the other person tries to engage, the mansplainer feels threatened and mansplains harder because it's fundamentally a competition. Maybe they're trying to impress a girl or maybe they're trying to convince their coworkers of their competence. In either case, again, it comes down to competition and ego.

Infodumping, on the other hand, is because the infodumper is genuinely interested in the subject. Maybe it's Japanese history or the Star Wars canon or the anatomy and behaviors of penguins. Whatever it is, it's a subject you love and just can't stop talking about it once you start.

Infodumping can be non-consensual and that can cause friction. Sometimes someone just made a comment about how they think penguins are cool and they really weren't prepared for a 3 hour lecture on penguins. 😅 It's also very possible for the infodumper to get lost in their dumping and not notice that the other person's eyes glazed over 30 minutes ago. But it can also be a great source of genuinely interesting and engaging conversation if both parties intentionally make room for the other person.

To me, the biggest thing, and the thing I'm really intentional about, is to watch the other person and try to gauge whether or not they're still interested. That can be a hard thing for autists to do but I think it is possible for many. (Probably not all!) When other person appears done with the conversation, I try to take the hint and move on. You can also try to help make space for the other person by stopping every so often and giving them a chance to speak, even if they change the subject.

Okay, enough infodumping about infodumping. 😂

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