Mentioned to a coworker that I'm getting some books, for example on autism, and as they showed interest in the topic, proceeded to lightly info dump. Did give some space so that it was a true conversation. However, it reminded me of a thing I've been pondering.
As I present male, I've always been overly cautious of not mansplaining -- or at least ever since I learned about the term. Now that I know I'm autistic, I understand it's entangled with having learned that NTs don't like infodumping.
Whatever the cause, I have a tendency to stay silent even if I know about the topic at hand but aren't 100% certain that it's appropriate to talk about it. Sometimes it makes me sad.
I saw a post somewhere not long ago that suggested a key component of mansplaining was not being sensitive to the fact that the recipient already knows about the topic.
I too often remain silent though I'm knowledgeable and have something to contribute. I think it comes from all the failed social interactions in my past, including unwanted infodumps.
@felyashono Spot on. Example of mansplaining: Telling the author about her own publication or research programme in a condescending manner. Reply guy is just butting in with a #notall comment.
Perhaps we should say "this subject fascinates me" before infodumping? [email protected]@actuallyautistic
@Tooden@felyashono@actuallyautistic it seems to me that disclaimers showing benevolent intent make messages from strangers a bit more pleasant, a lot goes a little way
@felyashono yes, this is key I think.
Ever since I learned about 'splaining, I've been more careful to check that I'm not being patronising. "Stop me if you know this all already", "have you heard of X?", etc.
Because a 'splainer just assumes that women and minorities are ignorant of the things they know about. That's what makes them so infuriating. @LehtoriTuomo@actuallyautistic
@LehtoriTuomo@actuallyautistic Yeah, mansplaining and infodumping can look pretty similar. This is still something I'm figuring out.
I feel like a lot of it comes down to motivation and awareness.
To me, mansplaining is largely about ego. The mansplainer may be somewhat knowledgeable or not but the core desire and objective of the dump is to demonstrate how knowledgeable they are, even if they aren't. There's no actual conversation to be had because the moment the other person tries to engage, the mansplainer feels threatened and mansplains harder because it's fundamentally a competition. Maybe they're trying to impress a girl or maybe they're trying to convince their coworkers of their competence. In either case, again, it comes down to competition and ego.
Infodumping, on the other hand, is because the infodumper is genuinely interested in the subject. Maybe it's Japanese history or the Star Wars canon or the anatomy and behaviors of penguins. Whatever it is, it's a subject you love and just can't stop talking about it once you start.
Infodumping can be non-consensual and that can cause friction. Sometimes someone just made a comment about how they think penguins are cool and they really weren't prepared for a 3 hour lecture on penguins. 😅 It's also very possible for the infodumper to get lost in their dumping and not notice that the other person's eyes glazed over 30 minutes ago. But it can also be a great source of genuinely interesting and engaging conversation if both parties intentionally make room for the other person.
To me, the biggest thing, and the thing I'm really intentional about, is to watch the other person and try to gauge whether or not they're still interested. That can be a hard thing for autists to do but I think it is possible for many. (Probably not all!) When other person appears done with the conversation, I try to take the hint and move on. You can also try to help make space for the other person by stopping every so often and giving them a chance to speak, even if they change the subject.