snailkane

undefined_variable , 2 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

Nowadays, the silence in my ears rings extraordinarily loud. Both literally, I have tinnitus, and figuratively.

Had a dream of people from my past again. Not a nightmare, not per se, but it might as well been one. I woke up shivering. Resisting the urge not to wake up. I've been waking up like this for a long time now. A really long time. If you know the feeling, I'm sorry you've had to experience it, if you don't, I don't think I could explain it to you, I'm afraid.

I use my voice maybe once a week, and that's only because I have a peer support group once a week. And there are times I don't say much there either. And even via text, I don't converse a lot anymore. I have become disconnected. And try as I might, I can't seem to connect again. I can't find a new nexus where to connect. Where to exist.

I'm utterly alone.

@actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistc

snailkane , 2 days ago

@undefined_variable @actuallyautistic :ablobcatheart:

Feeling disconnected is not great, and I know from experience how difficult it can be to change that

Hugs 💜

LehtoriTuomo , 22 days ago to ActuallyAutistic group

I came to a fast food place I haven't visited in ages. I was delighted that my favorite spot at the far end corner was not taken. Nobody else is in the neighbor tables so I'm alone in this small area. Then it hit me: this is another autism thing. In this spot there's the minimum amount of distractions in this whole place.

#ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic

snailkane , 22 days ago

@LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic Some persons wonder why I don't want to sit on a couch in a restaurant but prefer a chair. It's because if I sit on a couch I am not facing the wall but the room full of distractions. If I'm in a restaurant with someone, I'd rather sit so that I cannot be distracted so easily if we are to have a conversation