This self-discovery journey has been mostly satisfying. However, sometimes one is not really sure what to think. Overcompensating in order not to appear selfish is to be very helpful. I've thought this is an important part about me. I like to help. Now I read that this might actually be a way of masking. I guess the important part is not to OVERcompensate. And to think about my wellbeing first. Ah well.
@LehtoriTuomo@actuallyautistic
I remember when I first saw one of Monty Pythons sketches on, “How not to be seen.” I identified with it so much. I remember thinking that was my raison d’etre. Masking feels a lot like that to me.
@LehtoriTuomo@actuallyautistic With these things, I find it takes time to work through it all and figure out what parts apply to me, and how they apply.
It's worth doing the tests of "Is this masking?" and "This is masking, but I still want to do it" or "This might be masking, but overall it's positive for me and others" or "This is masking, and I shouldn't just reflexively do it, but doing it consciously can be OK at times."
Black and white thinking is a thing, and we like to find rules to help us through ambiguity. But we're all different, and different things will work for us at different times.
I first decided to stop masking COMPLETELY.. well that was a huge mistake. Then seesawed into the idea I should mask more often to FIT IN. That ended as well as could have been expected (sarcastic)
Now some 9 to 10 years after my diagnosis I'm still adjusting how I react things and how I present. You don't have to be consistent.. you just have to be happy in yourself.
This is quite a profound insight. It's easy to fall into the trap of trying to find The One Rule that applies to every situation, or to think you're being hypocritical or untrue to your "real self" if you respond differently in different contexts.
But humans just don't work like that. We ARE different people in different contexts, and that's ok.
@Zumbador@LehtoriTuomo@actuallyautistic yes, it's one of the biggest realisations I made. If someone says "you handled X fine yesterday but today you're freaking out!" It's ok to say that yesterday I has more spoons/capacity/resolve whatever and today I don't. Its not selfish to do something one day and then say you don't want to do it another.
It's ok to be mercurial as long as you're being true to yourself AT THAT MOMENT IN TIME. I still struggle with this.. I probably always will.