What are your best intrusive ads ideas?

If your job was to come up with greater enshittification for society, what would you do?

My ideas:

  1. Rental apartments where every wall has a screen with ads 24/7. You can pay cheaper rent to live with ads in every wall or you can pay a monthly subscription to turn off the ads (you don't get to use the screens for anything else tho). After people get used to it we can start adding a little bit of ads even for the subscription users, just a little less.

  2. Movie theaters. This one is obvious, why did anyone think it was ok to give people access to uninterrupted movies just because they paid a couple bucks? We should include some ads in the middle of movies in the cinema duh.

  3. Water and electricity. Private utility providers should be able to require you to watch a certain amount of ads on their apps in order to deliver their services to you every month (you still also pay normally ofc).

  4. Alarm clocks. Smartphones should delete the option to pick a custom sound for alarm and instead wake you up with loud ads. Installing any custom alarm app should require root and we should lobby government to ban devices with alarm clocks which are not smart.

  5. Unified ad-watching score. Similar to credit score, you will gain points by not skipping ads, having the selfie camera turned on while watching an ad (to make sure you looking), having the microphone on to make sure it isn't muted, etc. Every platform contributes to your score. They can use your ad-watching score to give you benefits or punish you as they please.

pastermil ,

When people start to live in space, we can ration oxygen to the occupants, force them to view ads to live or pay for subscriptiom

kayaven ,
@kayaven@lemmy.world avatar

Brain implants that steal your thought patterns, which then get fed into some artificial intelligence that can create the perfect ad for your to see, which then gets directed straight into your brain with the same implant so you're pretty much forced to buy it. Maybe they can straight up alter your thoughts directly so you want to buy something, skipping the need for ads.

Oh wait... I'm probably just describing what Elon is up to in the long run.

tetris11 ,
@tetris11@lemmy.ml avatar

Don't be silly. Elon is going to anonymize the data extraction first, categorise you into one of five badly defined groups, and then beam that shitty group product back into your brain.

letsgo ,

A transparent ad centred on your mouse cursor.

Railing5132 ,

Noah, get the boat!

Stern ,
@Stern@lemmy.world avatar

If technology wasn't an issue: Dream ads. Naked at school? Calvin Kleins got you covered.

tetris11 , (edited )
@tetris11@lemmy.ml avatar

Futurama, eh?

CorneliusTalmadge ,
@CorneliusTalmadge@lemmy.world avatar

We all had commercials in our dreams but you don’t see us running off to buy brand name merchandise at low low prices.

bstix ,

Escalator commercial break. Stops the escalator until the ad is done.

KittenBiscuits ,

"this escalator is temporarily stairs. You're welcome." -Mitch Hedberg

The real one to worry about is stopping the elevator for an ad break. You're trapped now bitches!

bstix ,

If only I had paid for quick walking.

GreatDong3000 OP ,

One ad break between each floor or pay for direct lift that is a killer idea.

Havald ,

Ads etched into glasses. Maybe tiny screens if that's possible.

NigelFrobisher ,

“This nuclear attack warning was brought to you in association with our partners at Squarespace.”

kromem , (edited )

A MLM style whisper campaign app your friends can run where it actually listens in on the conversation and allows them to make money for dropping product mentions and recommendations to you and others during hang outs and in person conversations with the recording to tag and prove they actually mentioned it.

GreatDong3000 OP ,

Cool we can turn this into a new gig work app. The uber of ads. You open up the app and pay people small amounts to name drop something in a conversation. You could pay like 50 cents per person to 200 different people in your area to name drop your small business, that shit would slap. Then we could start using this to make people say anything for 50 cents each time they say it so we can spread fake news and gossip. I like this version of the future so much.

j4k3 ,
@j4k3@lemmy.world avatar

Motion activated cemetery headstones.

tetris11 ,
@tetris11@lemmy.ml avatar

Make money for your family, after you're gone! If you get 1 million visitors, you get 1000 dollars a month! Just need to train a bird to swoop by every few minutes, and you're living the life!

AlligatorBlizzard ,

Oh, sorry, your cost of plot rent is now $1500 per month.

Mr_Fish ,

Why do we need custom backgrounds for our phones and computers? That's free space that could be ads. Especially good if clicking/tapping on the background causes a full screen, unclosable, unskippable ad. Because a misclick is definitely showing interest in the product.

Browser load times. Slow that down a bit, and you've got enough time to pop an ad in between every page load.

lemmyseizethemeans ,

Michael Scott No no No. no NO dot meme

leaky_shower_thought ,

this amber alert alert is brought to you by alerts-r-us!

...

this amber alert is brought to you by alerts-r-us!

j4k3 ,
@j4k3@lemmy.world avatar

The vast majority of amber alerts in most areas are because of abuses of government child care services. The attorneys working for these places make a hefty commission based on the amount that can justify by any means they wish really. So in a round about way it is like an ad in a few ways.

leaky_shower_thought ,

and it gets more fun if there's an alert for an impending amber alert

Bizarroland ,

You have to watch an ad to crank your car.

Every time you bring your car to a full stop while it is running, an ad plays through your audio system and displays on your radio.

You have to watch an ad to make a phone call.

When your phone rings, it plays an ad jingle, call JG Wentworth 877 cash now.

When you send a text message or write a text post to an online system, an ad is injected with your text post so that readers in order to read what you wrote also have to read the ad.

If you have Smart lights or anything smart in your home, in order to use it you have to watch an ad.

In order to pay for something with a credit card you have to watch an ad on the credit card machine and click one of the choices that are offered to you.

Smart pillows that play hypnotic ads at you in your sleep.

Your electric toothbrush requires an ad to be played the whole time it is being used, and if you brush your teeth for less than the length of the ad, then they take a dollar from you.

Some guy comes to your house and screams logos and add quotes at you all of the time. If you try to get him to shut up he murders you and your entire family.

Replace the guy with a robot.

andallthat , (edited )

The medical field is ripe for some intrusive ads to boost revenues! Possibilities are endless:

Ad-supported hearing aids ("this conversation will resume after a quick message from our sponsors!")

Pacemakers - want to watch an ad for 100 more free heartbeats?

Surgery - this will leave a visible scar, but how about we make the cut look like the Amazon logo ?

Implants - click the nipple and watch an ad to re-inflate the left breast for 10 more days

AlexanderESmith ,
@AlexanderESmith@kbin.social avatar

Nice try EA, but you're not getting my golden ideas for free.

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