Yes, I am. Thanks for asking, but you should already know this, alter ego.
"I'm not a dunce, but I play one in your dialogues. :derpface: "
Cut it out with that face. For once, I was not calling for myself or for someone else.
"That does not leave a lot of people. Who were you calling for?"
A traffic light.
"A traffic light?"
Yes, as I was coming back from getting groceries, a traffic light was stuck. It was stuck on red in my direction and green in the other. At first, I was shaking my head and muttering at all the folks who were ignoring the "no right on red" sign, but I looked at the pedestrian signal, and it was not showing anything. That's when I figured the lights were stuck.
"What did you do?"
To get out of my immediate predicament? Unspeakable things. I drove back home thinking about the problem. I figured it should be reported, and that the problem was urgent enough to contact 911.
I texted them. The exchange was mostly painless. The first line I got from them was asking where my emergency was, but I had already told them in my initial message. I pointed this out, and they got my point immediately. They realized the problem was in DC and they transferred me to DC's 911. They said they'd notify the department responsible for the lights.
I hope 911 has a direct line with them because I wouldn't want to know someone crashed because they dragged their feet. There wasn't a ton of traffic at the time I was there (7:30-ish am), but I know that traffic can increase dramatically at that intersection.