@actuallyautistic
Continuing my question about negotiations with family, since I got such useful answers.
(Ironically given my earlier post about ask vs guess culture, I think this is a guess culture thing)
This is a pattern I see in my family. This is not a Neurotypical vs Neurodivergent thing since everyone is some version of ND.
1 - Everyone avoids saying what they want directly, because they don't want to override what everyone else wants.
2 - Everyone knows everyone else is doing 1. So they don't believe what people are saying, they think there's a hidden level of "what you really think" and that their guess about this is accurate.
3 - People get annoyed with one another for either stating, or appearing to have needs, either real or assumed. They feel they can't say no, and everyone should avoid placing them in a position of being forced into saying no (because saying no is selfish!), or forced into saying yes (because they want to say no!)